I’ve lost my appetite.
Binging for so long
Makes you full.
And after a while you
Can’t mindfully process
Good taste from bad.
Now everything is bland.
Not black or white.
A cold grey that you cannot
Desire or push away at all.
You don’t take at all anymore.
You starve yourself from
Every taste imaginable.
Because the entire sense has gone
And I don’t want to suffer.
I don’t want to chase after
A craving anymore.
gryffindor:alcohol burning in the back of your throat, s'mores, lightning bugs at dusk, biting your nails, the smell of gasoline in the heat,linking fingers, crunching leaves beneath your feet, music that pounds in your chest polaroids, thunderstorms, driving with the windows down, hot tears running down your cheeks.
hufflepuff:dust floating in the sunshine, twirling in a new dress, wind chimes, the stickiness of melted ice cream, pricking your fingertips, walking barefoot in cool grass, hugs that sweep you off your feet, coin jars, honey in your tea, hand-stitched quilts, blood rushing in your ears.
ravenclaw:footprints in fresh snow, velvet, whispers in the dark, clothes lines billowing in the wind, snow globes, a hand on the small of your back, tiny paper cuts, raindrops that remain on window panes long after the storm, inky fingers, record players, cursing to the wind,
slytherin:a string of pearls, feet sinking in wet sand, gliding on fresh ice, a static shock, black coffee, the stillness after the lights go out, skipping stones, fingers in your hair, the crunch of an apple, dragonfly wings, the bitter taste of harsh words.
There is quite a discussion going on in one of my online course forums about synesthesia. Synesthesia is the “blending” of senses. A person may “taste” colors, or “see” sounds, etc… Most synesthesiates are born with this multiple sensory wiring, or this can result from a brain injury. Psychotropic drugs can induce temporary synesthesia.
Many are curious if synesthesia can be conditioned or learned, such as associating words with colors from an early age. I am highly skeptical about this, but do know that the brain is highly plastic, especially the brain of children.
I am wondering if there are any experts out there, people knowledgeable with synesthesia, or with firsthand experience (may be synesthesiates themselves); can synesthesia be learned?
P.s. If you haven’t been officially diagnosed by a professional psychologist, or you aren’t an expert in the field, hold your comments. Also, there is a post explaining synesthesia further in my blog. Check it out.
Recently we’ve experienced the last of seven Pluto-Uranus squares. It was quite a ride since the first square of this series occurred in 2012. Personally, it felt like my life was being taken apart, spit out and reassembled, diving into the shadow and bringing it into the light of awareness, integrating unconscious aspects as they were being mirrored back to me in everyday life situations. Something seems to be accelerating in the “field”, I can feel it in my body.
A big shift has happened within myself, which is something that is very hard to put into words – perhaps some of you can relate to this? It’s akin to a new frequency/vibration which has anchored itself, forcing me towards a new approach, encouraging me to let go of outdated belief systems/views, trusting myself more, and engaging with my intuition as I go beyond the limits of the rational/logical mind.
This is not to say that I dismiss logic and critical thinking, but that I understand both the limits of left brain-focused activity and the importance of not getting distracted by narrow-focus 3D linear thinking and constant over-analyzing. There is, within me currently, a sense of grounded calmness and a deeper embodiment of compassion, for both myself and others as well. I feel less and less concerned about 3D world issues – yet of course, not going as far as to deny their existence, since that would be ignorance. I remain aware of them, but am not focusing all of my consciousness on these “issues”. I will still speak out about them, but there is really nothing new out there that I haven’t said or written about before; the same old shadows on the wall, just wearing different disguises.
However, constantly focusing on 3D issues regarding the world (and how screwed up it is) starts to sound like a never ending flushing toilet of problem-prioritizing. If we keep approaching the world’s concerns from that level alone, nothing will change, and we’ll actually miss out on the bigger picture of what is happening, because we are stuck in that frequency of reactivity. In the end, it comes down to activating the evolution of consciousness; and while it is necessary to make the darkness conscious, we can easily get caught there in that abyss of problem-analysis, as there is always more to come to light.
At some, point, we come to the realization that it is about transcendence and adopting “4D thinking” – a place where the logical/analytical mind cannot go. It means recognizing the holistic nature of the universe and our own multidimensional selves (which are capable of going beyond our physical bodies and five senses) and tuning into our intuition and inner knowing. In short, our connection to “God”, the higher self, the divine, or whatever you may want to call it. It’s nothing that is external to ourselves, either – it isn’t some disembodied “authority”. ‘Transcendence’, in that spiritual sense of liberation, also doesn’t mean denying or ignoring what is going on – it’s not about focusing on the “positive” and ignoring the “negative”. It’s merely a shift in consciousness that is still aware of the darkness, yet creates outcomes based on being ‘anchored’ in some way into a higher vibration/frequency that affects reality in powerful ways.
Getting into your body
In the context of transmitting felt experience, words are so limiting; sometimes, it’s simply our presence which can affect others positively via the frequency/vibration we emit from the toroidal field of our hearts. I experience that sensation more and more, especially in my bodywork practice – working with up to 15 people a week (on average), I have seen that just a basic, nurturing, supportive touch can help a person more than a thousand words of therapy. This is especially true in this digital age that has disconnected us from our bodies – and there is so much wisdom in our body; it is the mechanism through which we access our intuition.
The more we feel into our subtle bodily sensations, the more we can access our “inner knowing” without relying on constant outside information or authoritarian ‘proclamations’, and then we can make the right decisions that guide us to our unique calling. But this also seems like a natural process that is different for each individual, as we are all at different stages of our own personal evolution. Having a consistent yoga, Qi Gong, Tai Qi practice, or any other conscious movement practices, as well as getting into our bodies via meditating, dancing or receiving bodywork can help us to tune into the wisdom of the body.
The rational mind is a beautiful tool that shouldn’t be dismissed, obviously. We need critical thinking, but not at the expense of our intuition and those deeper emotions which guide our choices when the mind cannot help us. It’s easy to rationalize anything away, and we can trick ourselves in that sense – cutting ourselves off from the body and its intuitive insights for which we have no rational explanation, and are even hard to describe in language. Then there is the struggle of “shadow ego”, either inflated with its sense of entitlement, righteousness, judgment, superiority, or the opposite end of this gloomy spectrum: feeling victimized, depressed, diminished and less-then-everyone-else. And so the struggle remains within the individual, as always, and we all do battle with it constantly.
Learning to trust yourself
For the longest time, I had trouble trusting myself. My intuition was always there, but the rational mind was over-riding it at times, coming up with all kinds of excuses as to why I couldn’t trust myself – looking outside of myself instead for guidance and wisdom about what I ‘should’ be doing. Life has taught me the hard way to listen more to the subtle cues buried deep in the body and emotional centers.
Recently, I’ve had an increasing number of stupendous synchronicites occur in my life, which guided me to the right people who, in turn, provided insight and information that were in perfect alignment with where I’m at in this Moment. We also do that on behalf of others: helping them in ways that were not consciously planned by either party beforehand, and sometimes we don’t even know how deeply we’ve helped others with little things that seem insignificant at the time, but made somebody else’s day more bearable.
We all have our individual journeys and purpose-for-Being. Some people struggle with not knowing their purpose or what they “should” be doing with their lives. But even a positive concept like “finding your purpose” can be over-analyzed and loaded with cultural programming, thereby disconnecting us from what we always knew – or from that which is right in front of our eyes, but we are simply too distracted to tune into its presence. Some people mistake occupation for “purpose”, as if purpose is that huge big thing which we need to “do” or define ourselves by – a “career” identification – when it is simply about how we show up every day, wherever we are, under whatever circumstances, whatever job we have, and it’s about how we relate to others.
Seeking truth and gaining knowledge – no matter if it involves topics which lie outside of our current comprehension, especially with regards to self-understanding – is an individual journey. Never take what anyone else says as “gospel”. Emotional maturity, embodiment, compassion and empathy are just as important as intellectual insight, if not more-so. In this day and age, it’s easy to lose the connection to our bodies, which houses our intuition and deeper emotions as well as our inner knowing, our ‘compass’. It’s hard to stay grounded within ourselves when we are glued to the computer screens and plasma TVs.
I’ve seen many “great minds” – people who do amazing work in their particular field – engage in clever intellectual sophistry, cut off from their bodies; even though they appear wise, something feels very off – oftentimes this was due to the fact that the emotional intelligence was missing. In the past, I would frequently ignore this intuitive download because I assumed they must know better, putting them onto a pedestal due to my authoritarian programming.
Comparing ourselves to others
Comparing ourselves to others is the worst thing we can do to our sense of well-being. It actually cuts us off from who we truly are – our own unique voice and purpose – and replaces that harmonic with the relentless distortion of self-judgment and impossible standards we put on ourselves, alongside the pressure to “do”, to “become” something. The negative introspection can result in shame and guilt (“not good enough”), at which point, the neurotic ego becomes our “life coach”, with all its analysis paralysis regarding ourselves and others, keeping us in a scarcity state of anxiety and “fight or flight”.
Looking back at my life now, I know that the major decisions along the way which aligned me with my “purpose” or path did not come from a rational series of thought processes, but rather, they stemmed from an embodied inner knowing – where there was no doubt whatsoever about the next choice, not ever was there a pre-existing “plan”, nor did I have any clue where it was all leading me to. Reminiscent of the saying, “tell god your plans and S/he will laugh at you”, there was no I should do this commandment coming from the mind (or someone else, for that matter); nor was I making a ‘manifestation’ list in my head about pros, cons or possible outcomes. There was no anxiety, pressure, or hurry. I felt like I was being pushed and guided along by something far bigger than my mind could ever grasp, involving unexpected synchronicites which paved the way to where I’m at in the here and now. If you’d have told me ten years ago that I would be living where I live now and doing what I do now, I’d have laughed at you in disbelief!