sense of self

So I was thinking about John Hunger...

Honestly?
He’s probably one of Griffin’s greatest creations. Griffin basically made this living manifestation of depression, anger, and nihilism then made him the villain. The main villain of taz is some sad pretentious dick with a hyper-inflated sense of self-worth who doesn’t know how to have fun and not take himself seriously.
Ipre is basically fighting off depression and pretense. Nihilism and vore are the main villains of the adventure zone and I think that’s beautiful

Shockwave didn’t like taking on the form of these organics, which claimed to be the dominant species here, but something had been going on in the crime undergrounds in the interwebs. Something humans by all logic shouldn’t be able to do yet. They had taken control of old defunct cybertronian comm frequencies and had started using them to their benefit. There was something foul at play here, the rate of technological advancement alarming even for the scientist.

And so the investigation began.

i also cannot stress enough how unhealthy and weirdly silencing the body pos/fat pos community was for me and how its rhetoric which is like, at face value fine, enabled me to ignore serious and growing health issues and worsen my already terrible relationship with food in the name of self care.

i don’t think the intention of the community and its vocabulary is to do that but its so easy for that to happen esp because of how contentious conversations about intentional weight loss end up being!

it ALSO had a really weird up and down relationship to my willingness to perform femininity—when i first got really into it i swerved harder into Performing Gender than i ever had and then once i got more unhealthy and my relationship with food and my body worsened i kind of stopped and now i’m… both back into it and not in ways that are still really hard to parse out. 

i have a much better sense of self, relationship to food, and real understanding of self care now than i ever did as a part of that community and while im sure my experience isn’t everyones i don’t really think i can be completely alone in that and its not really anything i’ve heard talked about, so!

all touch eradicates into pure code for me now

into a digital abyss we’re falling
lost amongst the white noise of our lives
i fuck with the periphery of my existence
moments of sobriety smashed to fuckin nothing
core lit up senses at the spontaneous
filter incoherence to plain fuckin sense
caught up like we’re existing between
tv snow screams give the top layer no question
blasted out perceptions

take a breath
let yourself digitize into the soil
data distortion against the morning dew
nylon rotting alongside the worms until
another sun takes its turn
overflooded paranoia needling under the
stone

i hold my phone out to snapchat
a dead coyote corpse on its 8th day
feeding the cornfield on the town outskirts
caption reading: SO YOU THINK YOU CAN
CONDENSE LIVES DOWN TO MERE PHOTONS
sense of self stripping as i try to rip something
poetic out of from my own mind vomit

terrified daily of the daylight bleeding past
my blackout curtains i cower trying to
mind suffocate to shut out the shroud casting
a halo around our sun that’s flipping between
channels 3 and 17 turning it all to muted red
and black nonsense my eyes closed i cant stop
the visions - towering gears shifting along
unmovable levers not bear to the naked eye
as i realize im operating as a machine with no creator

psycho shutdown too much to bear and i open
my eyes to five hours past walking out to air now
glittering in binary rips that smile through the
cracks between the hydro bonds
i let the cogs punch my feet into the concrete
resting myself fetal against a wall as my vision
begins to focus robotically between the strings
of 1’s and 0’s drifting past autumn leaves

comfortably numb as i feel my body shiver and
bright nothingness begins to tear at the edges of
my vision - all clarity squeezed down to to an ethereal
tone blaring out like a radio between frequencies
a howl buried beneath the newly born realities

anonymous asked:

in psychology, traits like arrogance and narcissism are described as misjudgements of value, meaning you're confusing your sense of self-worth with competence, talents, skills or some other external measure and try to overcompensate for your insecurities by becoming very competent or knowledgeable. do you agree? if so, what is the best way to break this deep-seated and powerful illusion/coping mechanism that many people have been unconsciously practising since early childhood?

I think that insecurities are very difficult to live with and people will do all they can to create a sense of security. I think arrogance and narcissism are degrees of self absorption, which run the psychological spectrum from healthy to harmful.

Zen can be extreme on the subject of self as it promotes the concept of no-self and recognizes the self as an idea that is at the root of suffering. From that perspective narcissism and arrogance are different expressions of the same illusion of a real and separate self. That is specifically what is known as ignorance in Buddhism.

The best remedy I know to break up long-held, socially reinforced unconscious assumptions  is mediation and group practice. Having a skilled teacher is also essential to help each person confront their own unique and ingenious ways of protecting their unconscious beliefs. Meditation helps you to see your mind and how you interpret the world without getting carried away by your interpretations. Group practice creates a framework to support your practice and reinforces the idea of an interconnected life experience. It is hard to break a selfish habit by yourself.

Faith in basic goodness, in the idea that you self-worth is not based on accomplishments or specific traits can break up the habit of always checking and comparing yourself to others to see if you are good or not. Because of our habit of relying on external markers to determine if we are good or good enough, having a simple test such as asking yourself if you would you rather suffer or not demonstrates a basic level of goodness. If you would rather not suffer, that shows that you care something for yourself and you are good.

Of course we all want to be good and kind and smart and pretty and rich and liked so just being good often doesn’t feel good enough. Wherever we compare ourselves we create insecurities. The Zen remedy is to stop comparing. When we come to see ourselves as interconnected our left foot doesn’t need to compete with our right foot as we walk.

anonymous asked:

I honestly really want Theo and Sept to get together again after they come to a point where they both figure out who they are and have a sense of self-love. I think Rowan might have his own book next if Rotty decides to write another book. I don't get RowanxTheo vibes at this point. I'm also biased because I'm in love with Theo and Sept together.

THIS. Me too. The recent chapter really gave us the hint that TheoxRowan was not going to happen. But I mean, who knows, it’s Rotty we’re talking about. xD

i’m going to the psychiatrist today and honestly can i just say…. i Love That so much more than therapy like i just get so confused and disoriented and like i lose my sense of self when it’s like mindfulness exercises this coping strategies that like what bitch… whereas the actual doctors are just like. are you sleeping? are you hallucinating? are you suicidal? and they just take ur answers at face value and don’t give u dumb acronym lists of things to do to make ur miserable life worth living and as long as you don’t literally have a concrete plan to kill urself they just give u meds and let u get on with ur life. love that

i really REALLY wish the body positive movement had been “you don’t have to look good or be beautiful or pretty to be worth something and to make things happen for yourself and to be happy” rather than “everyone is beautiful!! don’t worry you’re still hot even if you’re not ‘conventionally attractive!!” bc that still puts this superficial idea of ‘hotness’ and ‘beauty’ on a pedestal when really it shouldn’t matter at all it’s literally just our outer meat sack it means nothing it’s going to rot anyway

The Melody You Never Heard - bananasandboots

Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson | Alternate Universe, Enemies to Lovers, Camping | 30k

It’s one last adventure. One last chance to be young and carefree. One final weekend before they take up their internships, their corporate positions, before they enter the real world, fresh out of university. Niall’s his best mate. Liam’s been there for him since they were lost, little freshmen, trying to find their ways through an overwhelming first year. Harry can’t disappoint them, even if it means enduring four days with Louis.

Louis, who he does share a history with, a history he’s never told anyone about, not even Niall, a history he hasn’t brought up in three years because it’s stupid and embarrassing and confusing.

Or, the one where Harry gets roped into a four-day camping trip with the boy who kissed him and never called back.

4

Legends of Tomorrow | 2.11

We’ve been all over time.

you may have lost yourself for a little while
but darling
you can find yourself again
one day
someday
but you see
the thing is
people are not machines
you cannot turn us off
then back on again
in the hopes of everything being like it was before
maybe even better this time around
all you can really do
is be patient with yourself
and remember
that for what it’s worth
(and it’s worth the world)
you’re trying.
—  Anonymous said: Could you write about a rebecoming of who you were?
(cc, 2017)