have you ever been in love? would you feel comfortable telling a story?
I am in love. I am madly and deeply in love.
It hurts. It is amazing. It is terrifying. But I know it is worth it.
The girl I love has a difficult time with the distance the Earth has put between us. We struggle everyday, and I must tell you, we aren’t official in this moment. But I know she loves me, because she tells me she does. The distance is killing her, so we are taking a few steps back for just a little while. I’m trying to get to her soon, and I am hoping and praying that I do.
Love is scary. It can build you up, or tear you down; but my friend, love is beautiful too.
I met the girl I love February 5th, 2012 and fell in love with her the moment I saw her. We got together February 9th, 2012 because we just couldn’t deny it. I know many don’t believe in love at first sight… but this was it. The moment I heard her voice and the moment I saw her smile, something inside of me sparked; I knew something big was about to happen, and boy did it.
I fell head first into something I had never experienced before. I fell in love with this beautiful, beautiful girl. She’s amazing in every way possible. Her thoughts, her laugh, her stories, her obsessions, and the way her hair falls all enamor me. Oh gosh, I will do anything for this girl.
December 14th, 2012, she and I had a bad day. I was sad all day because of the Sandy Hook school shooting.Later that evening my heart broke for the first time when I heard her tell me that we needed to go on a break. I cannot begin to explain to the devastation and betrayal I felt. I lost weight faster than ever before; I began to have stabbing pains in my chest; I even developed an acid disorder in my stomach.
For three months I ached, as I watched her with another girl. I told her, “go be happy. All I want is for you to be happy.” But with this other girl, she wasn’t happy. She wasn’t. This other girl treated her like I never would. But she was there. She was at the same school, and in the same town. But that didn’t make her happy because in the end I was there more than the girl that was in the same city. I cared more. I talked to her more. I comforted her and told her sweet things.
After the three months, I began to think about her again because I was finally healing from my pain. I knew that I shouldn’t like her. I knew that I should be angry… I was hurt, yeah of course, but I still loved her. I have always loved her. And so I became myself again… for I had lost myself a few months before we broke up, and I made her smile and I told her the things that I believe she should be told everyday.
I slept on the phone with her when she felt alone; I played video games with her when her girlfriend wouldn’t reply. I was there, and when she realized she couldn’t keep doing what she was doing, she came back to me; and I kept my promise and I opened my arms up to her. I welcomed her back and I held her in the best way I could being 700 miles away.
And, on October 4th, 2013, my heart broke again. But not as severely because right now I feel okay.
She’s as beautiful as ever; We don’t quite know what she’s doing or what she is looking for right now… but I still love the daylights out of her. Nothing could ever change that. Maybe I am naive for continuing on, but honestly I don’t care because she is the love of my life and I will travel through anything to get to her. Come rain or hell I will get to her.
We’re doing amazing. We’re not official right now, but we’re doing amazing; and the odd thing is… I love her more than ever.
She has my heart, what can I say? No matter what happens, I always will love her.
Love is hard.
So, incredibly hard.
But, if you find a girl like mine; one so beautiful and smart, and though things may not work out like they are planned that adds to the experience of everything. Though we can fight like cats and dogs sometimes, I still love her for who she is - the stunning, sassy, funny, creative, sexy, warm, and open-minded woman that I fell flat on my face for February 5th, 2012.
No matter the anger, no matter the sadness, no matter the pain, no matter the hardships, and no matter the space between us I swore to always be here for her and always wait for her and always help her and that’s what I am doing; and honestly, I don’t want to do anything else, or do it for anyone else.
She’s my one. My one and only. I am so grateful to have found her.