sell him

update on my eel wizard (Eeli) DnD campaign: 

I got stuck under a dock after trying to find some secret eel facts, and since I couldn’t get back up to the dock myself, I just squatted on my tiny patch of sand and insulted everyone who walked above me until some soldiers came to try and get me out (spoiler: I insulted them as well) 

LEARN TO COUNT. ITS YOUR JOB.

So I worked at a gas station for only 4 months.
I had gotten the job because I moved in with my sister, and one of her friends was one of the two managers.
Now let me tell you about this gas station.
It’s TINY.
Two people can’t be behind the counter at once, if you sit in the office you have to walk in and close the door to sit down, otherwise you can’t close the door, and only 5 customers are able to fit in the actual building at a time. Basically personal space is a commodity.
Now, for the staffing. It was me and 2 other cashiers, S & B.
S was a nice guy, very friendly and we got along, but his training was shite and i had witnessed him selling drugs during a shift more than once. B was a nice woman, 42 years old and had two kids over 20, but she had helium for brains. And I don’t really have the tolerance for stupidity.
So I had just finished a really solid morning shift with my manager, and B comes in to do a shift change. Because I had my manager there, we got through our morning routine pretty easily, and I was all ready for B to come in and for me to run numbers. I had done her drawer, counted everything out. Now if you don’t know, a standard starting shift drawer has exactly $100. Everything was exact. Down to the 2 rolls of pennies, nothing higher than a $10. So B is doing her shift change, and I’m already in the office rolling numbers with my manager. B knocks on the door like she’s the police.
She starts freaking out and asking if I pre-counted her drawer, and filled out her paperwork. I told her yes. Sometimes we do it for the next shift if the manager is there to supervise as a nice way to help out the next person, and to make sure nothing sus is happening with money. But B doesn’t like that. She looses her mind. Starts yelling about how she doesn’t know me and that I could’ve stolen stuff from her drawer and she was gonna take the fall for me being a thief. At this point my manager can see me starting to boil over. Like I said before, she’s a friend of the family, so she knows how crazy I can get. Her and my sister both watched me try to fight an old lady and her two dogs in the street after I witnessed her calling an 11 year old boy a faggot. Anyways, she sees me getting red and is like, “B you need to stop. Count your drawer and move on”
So the situation is temporary diffused and I go back to doing my numbers. Not even 5 minutes pass and B comes back over looking smug as fuck, and waiving her stack of $5’s in my face. “ you forgot a bill. I knew you were gonna fuck up. You’re shorting my drawer.”
I lost it. I snatched the money out of her hand and counted the bills. They were exact. I got so angry I slammed them on the counter, got up close to her face and yelled “Wow B, for someone so insistent on counting the damn drawer, don’t you think it would help if you actually knew how to count???”
My manager had to pull me away from her and the customers, and told me to go outside for a cigarette. I felt bad honestly. She was really shaken up over it. The customers on the other hand, looked like they were trying HARD to stifle back some laughs.
Funny enough, I didn’t get fired. Instead I worked another two month before ultimately leaving because I moved to another town.

Tldr: older coworker is dense as shit, accuses me of stealing, is shocked when she’s proven wrong and I loose my shit.

I watched the Jodi interview and heard that the first 20 minutes of his callback for Stingy was basically Maggi trying to sell him on the part. Jodi says that he’s very charismatic so he probably used his entrepreneur words to convince him that this was a good deal but all I can imagine is Maggi for 20 minutes going

Y’all seriously need to learn to fact check things you see on here.

1.) it wasn’t Disney who turned down Coco but DREAMWORKS. 
and to those who STILL erroneously insist that Disney/Pixar turned down The Book of Life

2.) People getting mad at this:

Marigolds are traditional to our culture as well as to the holiday, ESPECIALLY in petal form. Not the best example but that’s like getting mad at different Christmas movies for using mistletoe.

3.) “Oh it’s the same plot.” Has anyone looked up the plot for this movie other than outright bashing it from the trailer? 
“The footage, raw though it may be, spun a compelling story about Miguel, a sweet kid who loves music despite the fact that his abuelita banned music long ago, thanks to an ancient drama involving Miguel’s great-great-grandfather—a dashing musician—who walked out on the family. That musician, Miguel discovers at the start of the film, is his town’s most famous son: deceased film star and music supernova Ernesto de la Cruz. On the eve of Día de Muertos, Miguel breaks into de la Cruz’s mausoleum in order to borrow the famous skull guitar that hangs there so that he can enter a talent competition and convince his family to embrace music again. Once Miguel touches the guitar, he becomes something of a living ghost. His family can no longer see him, but Miguel can now see all of his dead ancestors—who look like fantastically decorative skeletons—crossing over a bright bridge made of marigold flower petals from the Land of the Dead. Looking for help and answers, Miguel travels to the Land of the Dead—a dazzlingly vibrant, stacked metropolis inspired by the Mexican city of Guanajuato—himself and sets off an adventure with trickster skeletal companion Hector to find the rest of his family, de la Cruz, and the answer to how he can fix this curse.”  
You know how insistent Pixar is on always making original films. So don’t you think that they would continue that?

4.) “But the white director who thinks he knows everything because he’s been to Mexico.” That’s right, a white person who is not of Mexican/Latinx culture can not truly KNOW our culture simply by visiting it. And Lee Unkrich knows this fact. Which why he assembled a group for the sake of making sure the movie is culturally accurate, rather than him taking on that role

you know, a team of actual latinx. Including someone who was a huge critic of Coco, and is a critic of Disney, Lalo Alcaraz. He is most famously known for his response to the action of Disney attempting to trademark Dia de los Meurtos (which will be our next point). It’s not Alcaraz selling out. It’s him working together with the movie so it’s not just Disney trying to bring in more Latinx fans but rather creating what Unkrich’s true mission: “a love letter to Mexico.” This team along with many other Latinx creatives (like Adrian Molina who was originally just a writer and then promoted to co-director) and a fully latinx cast (again, as insisted by Unkrich), are working together to make it a Latinx piece of media. ( http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2016/12/pixar-coco-gael-garcia-bernal-dia-de-los-muertos-miguel )

5.) We all know and got rightfully angry at Disney for attempting to trademark Dia de los Muertos. This was due to the similar original name the movie had. As expected, it received intense backlash to which Disney quickly revoked the request to trademark. Unkrich was the first to vocalize that this was a mistake. This even leading to that point most likely has to do with him being a white man not of our culture, but this humbling experience is what really knocked that message into him and he began recruiting people like the ones in the above point to make sure that the movie itself is true to the people, culture, and holiday, in ways he himself could never fully grasp.

6.) It’s about the Day of the Dead like The Book of Life. My response to this is easy: look at how many movies are there about Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Valentine’s day, Saint Patrick’s day, etc.

7.) Gutierrez himself doesn’t want it to be a competition but as two wonderful films about one aspect of Latinx that will hopefully lead to more in the future.

I love The Book of Life, and is one of my favorite movies if I’m being honest. When it first came out I was filled with such pride and joy for many reasons. One of course for it being a gorgeously rendered film, but for it being such a positive and beautiful representation and celebration of Mexico. As someone who grew up only seeing white main characters, with people like my family and I as only side characters, it brings me such joy to see more media being produced in which Mexicans are the focus along with our culture (which is agreeably much more diverse than what is being tapped into). We still got a long way to go as Mexico is still only one group of Latinx culture, but we are witnessing the stepping stones of Hollywood beginning to reach out and representing this community by working with people of those cultures. The Book of Life will always have a special place in my heart, but I’m not letting my love of that movie keep me from supporting Latinx creators that are putting out Coco. I’m finally getting the representation that I craved as a kid and loving it.

5

I saw a pic with Mishima in his full gym clothes and he was so cute this monster happened

anyway I feel like someone as tiny as Mishima playing sports would be so cute to watch? I like to think he’s pretty decent at it since he was in a sports club (I assume to stand out, but well things didn’t work out.… .)

i also like to think of Ryuji as the Tired Best Friend who knows Akira has a crush on Mishima but has to watch Mishima unknowingly side-step all the damn time (gdi ryuji, blocking me at the school fest too)

Last pic is kinda a sad thought :’)

The Reason I Don’t Do Cold Readings Anymore…

by reddit user Skarjo

I don’t do ‘Cold Readings’ anymore. I don’t tell fortunes. I don’t read tea leaves.

And I do not do contact ‘the other side’.

Look, don’t judge me alright? It was an easy gig. I mean, the first time I did it, it was a joke. I did it just to impress a girl. You’ve been there right? It was something I’d read about online and I thought I’d give it a go.

Keep reading

[The half-elf bard with a criminal background decides to look for marshmallows for their campfire while in a forest. This is our second session.]
DM: Roll for perception.
Bard: 14?
DM: Well, you definitely find something. Your character stumbles into a field of fluffy white plants and they sure LOOK like marshmallows.
Bard: Can I roll to inspect them?
DM: Sure.
Bard: 17.
DM: They’re drugs.
Bard: …. I call my underground contact and ask how much I can sell each plant for.
DM: *rolls* Okay. He says he’ll take them for two gold apiece.
Bard: How many can I sell him?
DM: *rolls a perfect 100* I… he. He’ll take the whole field. Unbelievable.
Bard: I sell him all of them.
DM: This is… in a few days your character will receive 17,000 gold.
Bard, returning to the camp: Guess who just become everybody’s sugar daddy.

how fan girls/boys see Ink:

Ink is so precious and I absolutely adore how innocent he is #sopure

how Ink actually is:

I would sell you to satan for one- what was I saying.

mate, do u ever think about how Iconic River Song was??

  • trashed her husbands ride so bad that the universe exploded
  • lurked around at her parent’s wedding for The Lolz
  • faked being surprised at shit for 100 years??
  • basically threatened 2 let the universe die if the doctor didn’t marry her??
  • one time she and the doctor had a fight that was so bad he went and lived with some otters for a month
  • shoots everything (including hats) and it turns the doctor on
  • poisoned a dude so she could sell him the antidote 
  • probably had sex with cleopatra???
  • went back in time and became her mum’s best friend so she could kill her future husband in the future
  • asked some sontarans if they were on a hens night 
  • jumped offed things such as a building and also the empty vacum of space so the doctor would catch her
  • hung out with her parents and husband and did really crazy shit before they knew who she was
  • made constant jokes about how much sex her and her husband have while she doin said crazy shit 
  • also when they finally knew who she was, she didn’t let up on the inuendos at all
  • hair that expanded like the universe 
  • even tho she constantly breaks out of prison, she always goes back 2 be polite 2 the guards 
  • became an archaeologist to stalk her man and get paid 4 it
  • had sex with the doctor for 24 years straight lmao A Legend 
Sheriff Knows Best

Stiles/Derek, G, 2K words, Sheriff POV, Coffeeshop AU, matchmaker!Sheriff

(Credit for the title to @cobrilee!)

This is an expansion of the following idea, written by the lovely @artemis69:

the coffee!AU, where John goes to the same coffee shop every day, and there is this very grumpy, quiet barista that always makes him amazing coffee and keep the best pastries for him. And one day the Sheriff learns that Derek is the one to bake them all, so he decides: this will be my son in law, I need a reason to have this man in my family for at least forty to fifty years. Then he matchmakes with no subtility whatsoever, basically offering his only son on a silver plate, Stiles spluttering all the way (but he takes Derek’s number anyway because the guy is just amazingly cute)

John’s on his regular morning stroll when he stops in his tracks and takes in the brand-new coffee shop, complete with a banner advertising their opening day. The little corner space has been boarded up for over a year, and John had no idea it was opening today.

Any new businesses are a boon for Beacon Hills, especially family-run ones like this one is rumored to be, so John ducks inside. It’s warm and homey, and there’s a pair of young dark-haired people behind the counter, close enough in features that they’re probably siblings. The quiet bickering points that direction, too.

They stop, though, when they see the Sheriff—the uniform tends to have that effect—and he pastes on his public servant smile. “Hi there. I saw this place was open and wanted to come on in and introduce myself. Sheriff John Stilinski.”

“Oh, it’s so nice to meet you,” the woman says, holding out her hand for a shake. A nice strong grip—John likes this girl already. “I’m Laura Hale, and I own this place with my brother Derek, our resident grumpy barista-slash-baker.”

Derek rolls his eyes at Laura, but his smile to John is genuine, if small. “Hi, Sheriff. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, son,” he says, perusing the case full of tempting sugary treats. “You made these?”

He nods. “Can I get you anything?”

John hums. “A medium coffee, and…any one of these delicious-looking goodies. You pick. Just don’t tell my son,” he adds, and Derek looks up at him.

“Your son?”

“I have slightly elevated cholesterol,” he says, stressing the word. “Nothing to worry about, honestly. But he polices my diet. I don’t think he knows about this place yet, though, so this is great.”

Derek hums. His tongs hover over a muffin—lemon poppyseed, it looks like—before moving to another one. Raspberry-almond, according to the sign, and well, John isn’t picky. Derek drops it into a little bag and hands it over.

“Happy to help,” he says.

John thanks him and opens the bag. Laura’s still pouring his coffee, but it smells so damn good that he can’t resist.

“Wow,” he says, his mouth full. “This is delicious.”

Derek looks quietly proud, and Laura claps him on the shoulder as she reaches over to hand John his coffee. “On the house, today, Sheriff,” she says. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he promises.


“Thanks, Nina,” John says dryly, leaning back so she can put his plate in front of him.

“You’re welcome, Sheriff,” she says with a friendly smile, ignoring his stink eye.

Stiles just grins at both of them and digs into his French toast. He insists on having their weekly father-son breakfast at Paulie’s Diner because no matter what John orders, Nina will only bring him an egg-white omelet with a dry English muffin. Stiles must have some serious blackmail or be paying her off somehow, and John is, he has to admit, grudgingly impressed.

“Don’t look so bummed out, Pops,” Stiles says, around a mouthful of what’s surely syrup-drenched deliciousness. “At least I let you have turkey bacon.”

“It’s not the same,” he says grumpily, poking at it. “But at least I’m getting a steady stream of baked goods now.”

Stiles glares at him. “Are you serious? From where? I thought I had paid everyone off.”

He knew it. “I’m not telling you,” he says, a little displeased with how childish he sounds.

“Fine,” Stiles says, sniffing. “I’ll figure it out, you know I will.”

He will, John knows. Goddamn, he loves his kid, even if his life goal seems to be depriving John from any and all delicious food. “And speaking of, I met someone the other day,” he starts, and Stiles gasps theatrically, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.

“Is this you crapping all over my dream of having Melissa as my stepmom?”

John sighs at the reminder. Melissa is…well, she seems happy with that Argent guy. Whatever. He’s not bitter.

“Not for me, Jesus,” he says, shaking his head. “For you.”

“Oh my god,” Stiles says, slumping back in the booth. “Eye roll” is too mild, John thinks. It’s more of a whole head roll. “Seriously, Dad, I’m only 25. You don’t have to marry me off quite yet. You’ll get your grandchildren someday, I promise. Stop trying to set me up with people.”

“I’m just trying to be helpful!” John protests. “He seems nice.”

And makes really good treats, he adds in his head. That’ll be a good trait for a son-in-law.

“And who exactly is he?”

John pauses. “I met him at the aforementioned undisclosed location.” 

Stiles snorts. “Find out if he actually likes dudes, then get back to me.”

“Okay,” he says seriously, and Stiles grimaces.

“No, Dad, don’t actually—”

Keep reading

4

Peter Cushing + That sexy neck thing he always does after getting choked out

Katsuki Yuuri is 22 and in college and disgustingly in love with Viktor Nikiforov, his boyfriend of two years.

They have a one-year-old puppy named Makkachin, whom they got from the breeder as soon as he was fully weaned. 

They live together in a gorgeous 2-bedroom apartment - with huge bay windows and what is technically a guest room, but which they’ve been calling “Phichit’s room” for as long as they’ve been living there, for how often the Thai boy stays over. Sometimes, Chris stays there too, when he’s in the country, and Phichit will complain for weeks afterwards that nothing is where he left it and someone has been rummaging in his personal belongings. (Yuuri and Viktor have long since given up questioning why he even keeps his personal belongings in their guestroom).

Viktor is a successful, best-selling author who insists on travelling to the places his books are set in the interest of accuracy even when the setting has next to nothing to do with the plot, because he’s just extra like that.

Yuuri and Makkachin travel with him whenever they can, but being a college student doesn’t give you that much free time, so most often Yuuri has to stay at home, or come home early. He doesn’t mind too much. He’s never actually alone for more than a few days at a time anyways (again, Phichit crashes at their place a lot).

They’re happy and disgustingly adorable and #couplegoals for literally everyone.

And then…they break up. And neither of them will say why. All anyone knows is that it started with a tiny little argument, and spiralled quickly into something monstrous and devastating.

And within the month, Yuuri moves out of his gorgeous 2-bedroom apartment with the huge bay windows and the guest room that they used to call Phichit’s room.

He leaves behind the boyfriend he was disgustingly in love with, and the puppy that whines pitifully after him, scratching at the door and begging to be let out.

He’s done uni by then, and so is Phichit. They have nothing left to tie them to that city, and because Phichit is beautiful and perfect and a way better best friend than Yuuri deserves, he convinces Yuuri to move with him across the country, to sunny beaches and towering palms, to a place as far away from home as they can possibly get, while staying in the same country.

And Viktor? He’s left behind in a too big apartment, with a heartbroken puppy that lies listlessly on Yuuri’s side of the bed and can only fall asleep when listening to Yuuri’s breathless laughter through old vacation videos on Viktor’s laptop.

Once their lease is up, Viktor decides to move back home to Russia, to parents who hug him tightly when they see him standing miserable and tired on their doorstep, and a little brother who barely recognizes him without his ex boyfriend attached to his hip.

He keeps writing his books (tragedies now, instead of the romance his fans have grown to expect from him), even sells his movie rights to some of them, and Makkachin starts running and playing again, tongue lolling happily out of his mouth and bouncing with excitement whenever Yura mentions the beloved “w” word. These days, Viktor always takes him travelling with him, ever since Makkachin got sick with anxiety the first time Viktor left him behind at his parents’ home for a week.

And meanwhile, Yuuri learns to live with a gaping hole in his chest where his heart used to be, so painful some days he can barely breathe.

Phichit is with him every step of the way, his partner-in-crime, his brother in all but blood, his platonic soulmate. (It’s a warm and sticky summer night when they lie on a sandy beach and listen to the waves lapping quietly at their bare toes, and they promise each other that if neither of them are married by forty, they’ll just marry each other. It’s not exactly what Yuuri had wanted from his future, but it still makes him clutch at his stomach in breathless laughter when Phichit suggests it.)

Viktor had always been the author out of the two of them, the one that knew how to string words in just the right order to paint a vivid picture in the minds of his readers.

But Yuuri isn’t too bad at it himself, he thinks. He decides to give it a try.

He paints a story of a clumsy couple, charmingly naive, so in love, so perfectly imperfect. He paints a story of a couple that bickers and banters, fights and then makes up with whispered apologies and warm cuddles. He writes about a couple that fights and makes up, fights and makes up, fights and makes up until…quite suddenly…they don’t.

He writes about the couple that goes their separate ways. A couple that is too young, too inexperienced for this thing they have between them, this thing that’s so huge, so important, so beautiful, they’re both afraid to lose it, so they throw it away themselves.

And then, just because he wants to give them the one thing he’d long given up hope for, he ends their story with a question.

(Can we give this a second chance?)


Katsuki Yuuri is 26, and disgustingly in love with Viktor Nikiforov, the boy he broke up with three and a half years ago.

He has a cute little 2-year-old toy poodle named Vicchan, whom his roommate, his platonic soulmate (his potential fiancé?) had given to him as a present to get over his broken heart.

They live together in a cozy little 1-bedroom apartment just ten minutes away from the beach, with a sofa-bed that their friends, Guang-Hong and Leo, like to crash on sometimes when they’re in the middle of another lovers’ quarrel.

Yuuri is a best-selling author, with his one-hit wonder, On My Love, garnering international attention and countless desperate requests for a sequel.

Yuuri likes to take Vicchan for walks along the beach early in the morning, just as the sun is beginning to peek above the horizon and paint the sky in soft pinks and dazzling oranges.

They’re taking a break one day, with Vicchan splashing in the shallows a few feet away, when Yuuri is suddenly bowled over by a whining, panting, standard sized poodle, all soft brown fur and sloppy kisses.

He can barely breathe around the desperate affection, and not even Vicchan’s excited, curious yapping is enough to distract the ecstatic giant furball from his reunion with his long-lost and sorely missed human.

As soon as Yuuri can breathe again, fingers curled into his beautiful older puppy’s fur, he looks up, and his heart clenches at the sight of the Russian man standing a few feet away, a familiar paperback clutched to his chest with white-knuckled hands.

He still wears his heart on his sleeve.

A question tumbles out of his mouth.

And in that moment, Yuuri knows to start his next book with an answer.

(“Of course.”)

monsta x stans: a summary

shownu stans- hoes, would kill some1 to touch his arms, die everytime he smiles, either thinks hes a boring grandpa or will say he’s the king of humor and variety, camera roll is legit just pics of him, are hoes for that shirt he wore during all in era, love his english, “is this shownu” *insert pic of that buff bear*

wonho stans- either soft or a big hoeTM theres no in between, want him to be loved and appreciated, cri evertime he laughs or smiles, want to hold him when he crys, is a hoe for his muscles but also wants starship to stop sexualizing him, would sell their soul to get his black hair back

minhyuk stans- soft, 40% love blonde minhyuk/ 30% love dark haired minhyuk and/10% nut over red haired minhyuk, nut everytime they think about his bad girl good girl stage, claim hes a innocent puppy but deep down they know he’s a fucking hoe, most of them h8 screaming but stan this smoke alarm, want him to get more lines

kihyun stans- he could burp and they would nut, “um hes not that small lol” also “MY TINY BABY BOY”, the perfect girl cam killed them, the saltiest stans, would fight him but would also protect him w/ their lives

hyungwon stans- are blessed by his visuals, have way too many pics of him, love his meme faces, that vid of him sipping coffee destroyed them, want him to get more lines, screamed when they saw the vid of him cursing

jooheon stans- soft bbies, live for his aegyo, “jOOHEON”, die a lil everytime he dabs, love his cute lil dimples, most likely call him honey bear or something cute like that, he could rap about lasagna and they would still hype him up, “lets get it”

changkyun stans- seem soft but dont be fooled they’re as memey as him, “i aM WHO I AM MAN”, have a lot of appreciation for his nose, def cried when watching no.mercy, his ppap killed most of his stans so theres only like 7 ½ left, lov his meme face, die when he raps, die twice when he sings

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is a film about navigating family trauma. It’s why the characters are so relatable. Most of us have been there.

  • Peter has never dealt with the loss of his mother or an absent biological father who is as deluded (and controlling) as he is deranged.
  • Gamora and Nebula are navigating the impacts of an abusive father on sisterhood, with unlearning the dynamics of abusive relationships.
  • Drax is coping with the loss of his family by building chosen family with the rest of the team (chosen family is a huge theme).
  • Rocket deploys defense mechanisms at every opportunity to hide the pain of being abused and discarded by his creators.
  • Yondu continues to grapple with his parents selling him into slavery, with similar feelings of abandonment mirrored in Rocket.
  • Groot, just like in real life, is a child bearing witness to a family trying to cope with their pain in the midst of survival.

As children, how many of us have lived the stories we see in the film’s characters? How many are still trying to heal?