selfloathing

Broken and Cursed

Characters: Y/N (reader), Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Metatron (mentioned), Naomi (mentioned), Crowley (sorta).

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Warnings: Selfloathing, Self-blame, hurt!Sam, canon typical violence, s8 spoilers (but is that really spoilers anymore?)  

Word Count: 2400ish

A/N: This is a rewrite of the end of the season 8 finally. I loved the scene in the church, and I hope that I haven’t butchered it completely by inserting a reader into this moment between the brothers. I used some of the dialogue from the episode, and I do not claim to own any of that.  

This is 1 out of my 13 entries for @mamapeterson / @mrs-squirrel-chester’s Album Fanfiction Challenge where I chose the album “Smoke and Mirrors” by Imagine Dragons. The song prompt for this fic is: Shots

You clasped your hand over your mouth, staring into thin air as Cas disappeared before your eyes, and Dean called out to him to no avail. This had just gone from bad to worse, and the panic you had struggled to hold in ever since your talk with Naomi was getting harder and harder to contain.

“Goddammit!” Dean snarled, making you jump slightly. Not so much because of his reaction, but because you knew Dean tended to speak before he thought when he was angry. He said things he didn’t mean, things that Sam always ended up taking to heart. You didn’t blame Dean for it. They were brothers, and it was part of who they were. It had been part of who they were long before you had met them. Long before you had fallen in love with Sam, and long before he had pushed you away out of fear of what his love would do to you.

No matter how hard he had pushed though, no matter how much it had hurt, you hadn’t left. Not really. You had kept in touch with Dean, and the second Sam had started showing signs of being ill, Dean had told you and you had reentered the brothers’ lives completely. You had moved into their new found home with them, but you had given Sam his space because you thought that had been what he needed. Standing outside the old church with Dean yelling towards the sky, you weren’t so sure. You were terrified of losing him, and the nagging feeling you could have done something to prevent things coming to this weighed heavily on your heart.

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