I admit I have very many flaws. I admit I make & have made very many mistakes. I am not perfect, nor am I close. But I wake up everyday & I keep moving. I admit lately, I’ve had more bad days than good & I allow it to succumb me. I allow it to break down my walls until I have no other choice but to cave in & I know that has caused lack of motivation, lack of emotion, of feeling… Of spirit. It leaves me crawling, scrambling to pick up the pieces & it’s so hard because they’re all over, and I have to find them again and figure out what went where… I will admit I am not all put together, I’m very broken in ways. I admit that but I will not give up, I cannot. I cannot stop picking the pieces up, because one day, maybe not anytime soon, or maybe in a few hours, who knows? But some day, I will solve the puzzle, the pieces will fit together, the wounds will mend. I will find a way to the brighter days, ones where the number of good outweigh the bad. I will beat it. I will be motivated, emotional, and bright again. I won’t forget my struggles but instead learn from them & grow with them. Things will get better all in due course. trip-e-hip-e
Thank you times a million, dear. That tidbit of advice was extremely reassuring. <3
Not at all, love. ♥
I am always here for you if necessary. I have been following your beautiful blog for quite a while now and I understand how you feel.
I know how hard it might be to hear critique from both sides of the spectrum; on one side, you receive that concerned pester coming from your family, friends and others who care for you and look out for your best interest, and on the other side, that silent comparative judgement your mind perceives whilst surveying perfect figures in magazines, images on the internet, on the street, etc.
Although, what our loved ones do to reassure us- point out our bones, our impossibly tiny double-zero size tags, our empty plates, etc. -sometimes translates to encouragement or at worst, prevention from becoming svelte.
Just remember this when you feel vulnerably criticised into an emotional tug-of-war: your loved ones really do care for more than those thin incentives will ever be aware of.
And in times when you had enough of all the critique, just know I’m here to listen. Not to criticise because you may be too skinny; not to judge you if you are not thin enough. But, to listen to you.
You are not the number on the scale. You are an individual. An individual with a beautiful soul, if I may add. EDs do not end with a girl becoming plumper but, with a girl realising that she is beautiful no matter what size she fits.
And most of all, You are not alone.
I apologise if this is too conspicuous or cliché. I have a lot of bottled up emotions pertaining to this disorder, but we can do it.
“…You don’t have to do this all by yourself, mate.” :)