You sometimes forget your value, you sometimes forget how beautiful you are. You sometimes settle for less because you do not want to be alone and you would be okay. You sometimes forget what your smile does to people. You sometimes forget how much you deserve to be confident.
I want you to always always remember you are beautiful and you deserve the best. Before you fall in love with yourself, you will keep giving everyone a ticket to hurt you.
Physically, things are well. I’m using a polka dot cane, so now it’s not as obnoxious in public. I still occasionally get “the eye” for using a motorized wheelchair in Wal-Mart. (Listen….before my legs got all jacked up, I walked my obesity-infested body all over Wal-Mart. I’m sorry if you’re fat, but I need this cart now more than you do. In a few months, you can have it back because walking through five aisles gets you winded. /end mean rant)
I did purchase a wig. I’m not usually one who does things for the purpose of vanity. I try to look put together, but I’ve only dyed my hair twice and had my nails done a couple times. However, they had to shave my head to do medical things - not the whole thing, just part of it. Currently, my hair isn’t growing back even. While long on the sides, the top and back are still short. I’ve said once it gets to chin length, I’m going to even out my hair. So I bought a wig in case I go out for dinner with my boyfriend or get coffee with friends. It doesn’t look that gaudy, I was pleased. It takes a lot to admit that one’s self-confidence has taken a nosedive. I had just gotten to a decent place in my life where I wasn’t hating what I saw in the mirror, and then it came screeching to a halt (NOTE: puns will ALWAYS be completely intended in this blog.) I barely wore sweatpants to class in college; I attempt to look put together in order to feel put together. If that means occasionally I wear fake hair, then so be it.
Also, if I look good, I’ll feel less like a disaster. Of course I don’t want to go out because I’m 25 years old with a polka dotted cane. Young people with canes are not a common sight. I have never been one who wanted to be seen in public to begin with; a cane/a walker/a wheelchair just adds a bright spotlight to it all. If I can not worry about my appearance, then I can focus on my constant fear of traveling by vehicle. I hate that I still worry and I know I’ll worry for years (let’s be real,) but a ptsd-esque worry is more important than a “my hair is uneven in the back when I wear it down, but maybe I don’t want to look like Pippi Longstocking for the fifth month in a row” worry.
If you have any body image issues, feel free to talk about them with me. I’ve been fighting those issues even prior to using walking assistance tools and a fake weave. I can help you out!
Just remember, y'all are beautiful. You do you.💙
Grateful today that I was happy within and with myself, I looked in the mirror and I didn’t nitpick, I smiled at my shape, I thought yes girl look at yourself in a vest, those short legs are cute and yoga postures they suit.
“Being played does horrible things to your self esteem because not only you and the significant other are involved, rather you, them, and someone you didn’t even know had that type of relationship.
And so you start to think, ‘Was I not good enough?’ ‘Was what we had all a joke?’ 'Does he find the other person better than me?’
And I started to realize that that bastard knows EXACTLY what to say and do, how to act and what things he should do in order to get a girl to become completely head over heels for him. It’s all an act. He never actually cared about me and he never actually wanted to be my friend. I’m just another check mark on his list to make HIMSELF feel better.
And I guess that’s what hurt the most, that after all of this, he was so special to me, that I was willing to still be friends. I definitely still wanted his friendship-but for him, my presence meant NOTHING.”
-a little part of my diary: looking back a few years
Restorative Bath Ritual for Healing and Self Esteem
*Prepare to do this ritual bath on a new moon. This bath is meant to physically soak and restore skin, so no soap or shampoos are needed.*
- Rose (or your favorite floral) body oil
- Lavender flowers tea bag
- Peppermint tea bag
- Fresh rosemary herbs
- Dried rose petals
- White candle
- Rose or Lavender incense
- Sea salt (Himalayan Pink Sea salt if you have it)
Rose: beauty (self esteem)
Lavender: relaxation (drawing out impurity)
Peppermint: renewal (healing)
Rosemary: grounding (balance and new beginnings)
This Ritual Bath needs to be done in the evening, when all of the day’s events are completed, preferably before you go to sleep. Meditation and deep visualizations within the mind are required for this ritual to be effective. Doing ~this~ Ritual Bath on a new moon allows the following intentions to be drawn into you.
Banishment of negativity
And self esteem
Using the above listed herbs, oils, and incense enhances the strength of these energies. The white candle is symbolically used for purity and healing. Elements of earth (salt and herbs) water (bath) fire (candle) and wind/air (incense smoke) connect the physical body closer to your inner self, to nature, and to the universe, therefore allowing your mind to make a deep meditative connection. All the senses are at work here, eyes will see the flowers herbs and candle light, ears will hear running water, background music, or nothing but yourself. You will feel your body submerged into warm water. And aromas are wonderful to smell. Full use of the bodies senses should be in work here.
Begin the ritual by running the bath water to the temperature of your liking. Once the water is filling the tub, disrobe, and light the white candle and the incense. Take the rose body oil (or floral) and anoint your body while looking into the mirror. Put a single drop of this oil on your finger tip and press to your forehead, heart, just below your belly button, and on the tops of your feet. Mentally, out loud, or written in a letter to yourself, tell yourself your intentions of doing this ritual bath and what you are looking to gain from doing it.
Ex: “I need to heal myself after this bad break-up/losing a job/being depressed and I need to relax and forgive myself. I am beautiful inside and outside and it’s time I start to believe it”
Any kind of self motivation like a pep talk is great for this ritual. Your intentions can be as long or short as you like and can be just a list of words to describe what your intentions are, it can be a poem, a letter, a chant, an internal mantra, any way you feel is right will work.
Add a spoonful of sea salt to the bath water, sprinkled over your legs, next add the lavender and peppermint tea bags to the bath water, then add a cup of the dried rose petals. Lastly use the sprigs of fresh rosemary herbs to lightly stir the water and blend all the ingredients. While doing these steps, focus on your intentions of performing this ritual, relaxation, purification, mental healing, enhancing self esteem, etcetera… This is the beginning of your meditation. You must see yourself manifesting these things in your mind. You see yourself following through with your goals. You now can enter the bath water. Submerge yourself into a comfortable position. Let the scents, sights, and feelings fill you with energy from the new moon. The herbs and tea are pulling toxins out through your skin and body. In your mind see those toxins as the energy you are getting rid of to make room for new beginnings through continued meditation. You can chant a mantra to keep from getting distracted, also adding verbal power to this ritual. The chant can be very simple…
Ex: “By fire, sky, land, and sea, my ailments are leaving me”
This mantra does not have to be long, or even rhyme. You can sing it to a song you like, hum, or just think to accomplish meditation and manifestation.
Once the bath water has become cool, and the incense is finished burning, all the negativity and bad energies have been pulled from your body.
Once finished with the ritual meditation inside the bath, remove the dried rose petals and the tea bags and place them on a platter or dish and let them sit on your bedside table or near you while you sleep to dry out, this will ensure that you have a peacefully deep sleep, and that the strength of the energy from your ritual follows you beyond the bath tub. Use the bath water to snuff the candle out. Anoint your body again after you leave the bath (or right before you go to sleep)
Record the nights dreams/memories/recollections/visions/feelings the following morning before leaving the bed.
You should see your intentions begin to manifest within 3 days of this ritual bath. Look for small signs that it is working, a compliment if you were looking for self esteem and confidence, the opportunity to try something new, a conversation with someone can be very enlightening.
If you do not see a manifestation of your intentions from the ritual bath, do a full body purification ritual, and a chakra healing ritual, and try this same bath ritual again on the next new moon.
This is my own personal favorite ritual bath, ritual baths can be done in many different ways, with many other herbs, or objects like crystals, this is just how I do this bath when I’m feeling a little less of myself, or when I need to clear my head of negative things that bring down my mood. I hope this ritual at least inspires someone else to make their own ritual bath or that my eclectic ways of doing things helps someone somewhere. Feel free to ask me any questions.
I’ve been getting a lot of emails lately from women of different ages telling me they suffer from low self esteem and they want to either lose weight or build muscles to have a body they think is going to be more beautiful. The lack of confidence and the disconnection from your own body is something you can take control of. I think that attraction and confidence is not about your weight, or the shape of your body. It’s about how you carry yourself and how you feel as a woman. In my opinion the first step to accepting your body is to experience it fully. My daily training and high intensity workouts is one way of doing that, but there’s more sensual and liberating side of physical exercise that allows for a full immersion in your own body, which I believe could be your cure for low self esteem. Have you ever tried to free yourself when doing yoga moves or stretching? Have you tried to sway your hips or whip your hair while listening to your favourite music? Maybe you haven’t, but before you start to judge that these type of moves are disrespectful to women, and have no place in the fitness world, let me say this: I think that the female body is beautiful and being strong as a woman means accepting and expressing your feminine, and sensual side as well - not suppressing it.
I hope your week is off to a good start!
#women #confidence #selfesteem #motivation #zgym #fitness #stretching #zuzkalight