self-pity

Are you stressed? Are you so busy getting to the future that the present is reduced to a means of getting there? Stress is caused by being “here” but wanting to be “there,” or being in the present but wanting to be in the future. It’s a split that tears you apart inside. To create and live with such an inner split is insane. The fact that everyone else is doing it doesn’t make it any less insane. If you have to, you can move fast, work fast, or even run, without projecting yourself into the future and without resisting the present.

As you move, work, run—do it totally. Enjoy the flow of energy, the high energy of that moment. Now you are no longer stressed, no longer splitting yourself in two. Just moving, running, working—and enjoying it. Or you can drop the whole thing and sit on a park bench. But when you do, watch your mind. It may say: “You should be working. You are wasting time.” Observe the mind. Smile at it.

Does the past take up a great deal of your attention? Do you frequently talk and think about it, either positively or negatively? The great things that you have achieved, your adventures or experiences, or your victim story and the dreadful things that were done to you, or maybe what you did to someone else? Are your thought processes creating guilt, pride, resentment, anger, regret, or self-pity? Then you are not only reinforcing a false sense of self but also helping to accelerate your body’s aging process by creating an accumulation of past in your psyche. Verify this for yourself by observing those around you who have a strong tendency to hold on to the past.

Die to the past every moment. You don’t need it. Only refer to it when it is absolutely relevant to the present. Feel the power of this moment and the fullness of Being. Feel your presence.

—  Eckhart Tolle
Certainly the most destructive vice, if you like, that a person can have—more than pride, which is supposedly the number one of the cardinal sins—is self pity. Self pity is the worst possible emotion anyone can have. And the most destructive. It is, to slightly paraphrase what Wilde said about hatred, and I think actually hatred’s a subset of self pity and not the other way around, ‘It destroys everything around it, except itself.’
—  Stephen Fry

Most of the INFJs I know are prone to annoying amounts self-pity, worry, and self-doubt. If you know someone that knows exactly what they want to do but isn’t doing it because ‘wah I’m not good enough’ or 'wah I don’t know where to start’ or 'wah I’ll do it someday wah’ they might be an INFJ. I’m being candid here because I really hate this aspect of myself and my fellow INFJs. It is beyond frustrating when your best friend tells you they want to be a writer but they won’t start writing, or that they want to be a singer but they won’t audition for any musicals, or they want to make YouTube videos but STOPPED MAKING THEM FOR NO REAL GOOD REASON SARAH GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHERRRRRRR AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- *insert self-hatred/doubt/worry/pity*

sorry for yelling. I should get this post together too because this is quickly turning into more of a text post rant than advice. Okay, okay, hold on, lemme try to fix this….

INFJs are prone to this type of thinking because of our Introverted Intuition being a natural self-analytic tool more than an action tool. Our way of thinking is made for thinking about what we are supposed to do more than doing it. If we were 'doers’ we’d have lead Extroverted Sensing. But luckily INFJs have a secret weapon that kicks them into action every time: Inspiration. INFJs’ Ni may drown us in self-analysis to the point where we find it difficult to move but it also has the ability to give us ground-shaking epiphanies that jolt us out of our seat and convince us to get going. INFJs may seem indecisive at times because we take a very very long time to make decisions but the reason for that is that we are waiting for that 'ah-ha’ moment to guide us, and until we have it, our internal compass can’t decide on a direction. But once our mind has been made up however, there’s no changing it. We seemingly make up for the lost time where we were indecisive by being overly stubborn. Once an INFJ has had an insight, you can’t take it away from them. They can’t unfeel what they’ve felt.

So there is absolutely no use for our worry, self-pity, and self-doubt. I still can’t quite advise on how exactly to overcome those things because I’m still working on them myself but I do know that you can trust your intuition to guide you to a place where everything feels right. There will be times where everything feels right, you just have to follow your intuition. And it helps to know that everything you worry about now will all be sorted out.

And another tip, focus your attention on making something special instead of trying to be something special. Focus on learning something new or making something new based on what you feel inspired to do. Inspiration comes and goes but if you put the focus on simply trying to create something little everyday based on that thing speaking to you instead of what it means for you, then the focus moves away from your self-esteem and therefore, away from the crippling self-doubt. Let your creation feel independent of you. Creating isn’t about becoming who you want to be, it’s about that thing. Make it about the thing or someone else, not about you, and it’ll be easier to get started.

Welp that was long but I think I recovered successfully.

Make something special,

Stay Awesome

Self pity will destroy relationships, it’ll destroy anything that’s good, it will fulfill all the prophecies it makes and leave only itself. And it’s so simple to imagine that one is hard done by, and that things are unfair, and that one is under appreciated, and that if only one had had a chance at this, only one had had a chance at that, things would have gone better, you would be happier if only this, that one is unlucky. All those things. And some of them may well even be true. But, to pity oneself as a result of them is to do oneself an enormous disservice.
—  Stephen Fry, Ultimate Self-Help Book

Skin deep - Some songs hit a little too close for comfort… and then you have them on repeat for days. A playlist for kicking myself when I’m down.

1. NO - The long haul 2. Deptford Goth - Feel real 3. VAST - Can’t say no (to you) 4. Blue Öyster Cult - Don’t fear the Reaper 5. Nathan Asher and the Infantry - Turn up the faders 6. Dessa - 551 7. Stabilo - Flawed design 8. Grouplove - Colours 9. Rammstein - Ohne dich 10. Placebo - Special needs 11. Widowspeak - Harsh realm 12. Johnny Hollow - Stranger 13. Kat Frankie - Born clever