Kenshin was afraid. Afraid, afraid, afraid. Terror slipped into his life on whispering cat feet. It skirted the edge of his bed with held breath. Fear waited until he was almost comfortable, almost asleep, almost safe, and then it made itself known again. And it wasn’t the yawning grave that paralyzed him. The haunted whispers of dead men didn’t follow him. No.
He was afraid he would never be loved again.
It seemed such a silly thing. On a long enough timeline, he supposed, all things were possible. Besides! He had larger concerns. There was a whole city to run, wars to plan, men to command–
Still he couldn’t shake it.
That he’d ever loved at all felt like a disgusting farce. He’d loved and he’d lost, as they said–and in his experience, only the victorious lived to tell the tale. Every touch, every whisper, every proclamation of love was etched into his heart like the veins in his skin. Those were memories he couldn’t tear out. They lived on.
(Too close to the surface. Too tender. Too essential. Too fragile to look at, too treacherous to ignore, too ingrained to will away.)
Heartbreak, Arthur Morgan x Reader (Gender neutral)
A different take on Arthur’s diagnosis
Warnings: Lots of angsty angst
Word count: 1,230
Requests are always welcome
“I don’t know Arthur, Dutch’s been acting strange lately” You spoke as you and Arthur were walking through Saint Denis. You asked him to come along with you to shop for some supplies for back at the camp, or well, what was left of the camp.
“I know Y/N, I just don’t know what to do about it, the gang is falling apart right in front of my-“ Arthur interrupted himself as he burst into another coughing fit, leaning against the wall as he slammed his fist on his chest.
“I think we should go see a doctor Arthur, I’m- I’m real worried about you” You spoke as he regained his breath, but quickly waved it off. “No, no. I’m fine” He replied but only ended up coughing even louder this time.
You placed a hand on his back as you noticed some folk staring at him, quickly averting their gazes when you shot them a nasty look.
You turned your attention back to Arthur but your breath hitched in your throat when you noticed the blood on his hand, making him groan as he leaned back against the wall. “We’re going to a doctor, now.” You told him, grabbing his arm but he was already following you, finally seeming to realize the bad way he was in.
You tried to stay calm as you rounded the corner to the doctor’s office, pleading to god it wasn’t what you feared, but anyone knew coughing up blood was a bad sign.
“Ma’am can you please let us see a doctor right away? He’s in a real bad way” You asked the woman behind the desk in a shaking voice, making her stand up but she quickly called the doctor as soon as she laid eyes on Arthur.
“Come in son” The doctor calmly told him, holding open the door to let you into his office as well. He signed for Arthur to sit down in a nearby chair, grabbing a stool for you as you sat down next to Arthur, intertwining your fingers with his.
“What seems to be the problem?” “As ya can see, my coughing” Arthur groaned, wiping away some blood around his lips. “How long have you been coughing up blood?” “A few days now” “What? Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked in surprise, making Arthur sigh, “I didn’t want to worry you”
You were already wondering why he seemed more distant the past few days, the reason of which was quite obvious now. You could barely hear the doctor’s words over your heart beat bonking in your ears.
“Can you open your mouth for me?” The doctor asked, placing a wooden spatula on Arthur’s tongue before letting out a deep sigh.
“What is it” Arthur coughed, sitting slightly more upright as the doctor rolled his chair towards the sink. “Tuberculosis, it’s one hell of a thing, I’m real sorry for ya son”
You felt as if your world had fallen apart right there, on the dirty blood covered floor of the doctor’s office. “There-There ain’t nothing to do about it?” You asked, the doctor shaking his head with a grim expression set on his face.
“It gets transferred to one another through air particles, so if I may ask, are you two together?” “S-Sort of” You stuttered, coming to the realization of what he was actually saying, the look on Arthur’s face informing you he knew as well. “I think I don’t have to explain any further” “No you don’t..” You replied, letting go of Arthur’s hand as you folded your arms over your stomach.
“I’ll give you a shot which will have you feel a bit better, I’d suggest you both take it easy and go someplace warm and dry” The doctor continued, but you were in too much of a shock to even hear what he was saying.
The two of you walked out of the office without saying another word, the sunlight hitting your skin almost making you ill. “Let’s head to the park” You softly spoke, Arthur following you with his eyes glued to the floor, unable to look into your eyes from the amount of guilt sinking through his body.
The two of you sat down on an empty park bench looking over the pond, it normally would’ve made you happy, but it only seemed to ruin your mood even more. The world just continued on as if nothing has happened, while your own merely existed anymore.
“I’ve truly gotten what I deserved for everything I’ve done, killed myself by beating up an innocent man and at the same time laid the same death sentence on the only person I’ve ever truly loved” “Don’t you dare say that” You told him, tears welling up in your eyes which soon made their way down your face.
“Why? It’s the truth. Who am I, other than a goddamned outlaw who only kills and robs other people for his own good” “You did it for all of us, and you truly break my heart if you think that’s all you are”
“Mister Downes, on his deathbed with tuberculosis, and what does he spend his last moments doing? Collecting money for the poor, and working on his farm to provide for his family. Well, until of course I come by and practically murder the man right then and there, and what for? Because he owned us some fucking money, a hundred dollars to be precise, my goddamned boots are almost worth more” Arthur spoke through gritted teeth, “You only did so because Strauss told you to” “Stop making excuses”
“And you stop talking about yourself in that way. Or have you forgotten that time you and Charles saved that german family when it would’ve been easier to shoot them? Or when you helped that woman who had broken her foot because her horse collapsed on her when we were riding to Valentine? Or all those other fuckin’ times you put all of our lives in front of your own. You don’t know any other way of living than to blindly follow what Dutch is telling you, and Dutch knows that better than anyone. And that is exactly why you are always doing the dirty work Arthur, Dutch doesn’t give a shit about what that does to you, as long as it brings him money” You spoke in tears, your breath hitching every few seconds, the truth of your words seeming to come down on him.
“I guess.. I guess I’m just afraid of what I have coming for me when I die, Y/N” “You still have plenty of time to do good, but don’t do it to impress me, Dutch or anyone, do it so you can see for yourself that you are a good man”
Arthur wrapped his arms around your waist and practically pulled you onto him, burying his head in your neck as you felt tears now staining his face as well. “I’m so sorry” He softly cried, making your heart break even more, your fingers slowly combing through his hair. “Don’t be, please”
Arthur let go of you to sit upright again, his hands still on your waist as his forehead rested against yours. “I don’t deserve ya, truly” “Oh shut it already” You laughed through your tears, making Arthur do the same.
Alright I know this isn't going to happen...but for the World Tour what if they send Camus to Canada and we find out that is where "Permafrost" is! I know that's odd as all hell but its something I was thinking about and wanted to share that with you
hfdsljflfdjfsl if the permafrost was in canada this whole time I’d lose my mind. @aifisterr look out mike he’s coming for you because you called him a bitch
Imagine lying in bed with your F/O(s), trying to prepare yourself for tomorrow before going to bed. They give you a small kiss before pulling you closer to cuddle with them, telling you that they believe tomorrow will be a good day. Even if it’s not, you still have cuddles and lots of love to receive from your F/O(s). ❤️
Zayn meets a beautiful yet untamed horse who has been deemed too wild to be ridden. The grumpy old farmer who owns her tells him that he can try to train her at his own risk but if they don’t win the next big race in town he’ll send her off to work in a glue factory. Despite everyone telling him it’s impossible, Zayn and the horse come in first place and he receives a big shiny trophy while a large wreath of flowers is gently placed around the horse’s neck.
You, Sadie and Javier head out to rob a stagecoach, but things don’t go according to plan. You and Arthur have a talk about what he told you the night before
Word count: 1,045
Requests for one-shots are always welcome~
“Mornin’ prince charming” You laughed as Arthur joined you and Sadie at the campfire, Arthur groaning in response as he shielded his eyes from the rising sun. “I’m sorry about being so loud last night” “We all know how you get when you’re drunk, don’t worry ‘bout it” Sadie chuckled in response. “I don’t know if that’s a consolation or an insult” “Both”
“What are you two up to?” Arthur questioned as he noticed the two of you had rifles slung around your shoulders. “Robbin’ a coach with Javier” “You sure about-..?” “I can handle myself just as well as any of ya Arthur” Sadie told him, making Arthur lift a hand in defense. “Just making sure”
“You doing anything special today?” “Throwing up the remainder of alcohol left in my stomach, like I need to right now, good luck with the robbery” Arthur told you before walking off after giving you a pained smile, you laughing at him as you shook your head.
“Let’s find Javier and get going, Coach is supposed to pass by the spot at noon” You spoke as you stood up, Sadie following you to the horses where Javier stood brushing his own. “You ready as well?” “Always” He replied, the three of you mounting your horses as you rode to the mountain path the stage coach was supposed to pass by.
“There weren’t any guards you said? Hard to believe” You sighed as you looked through the binoculars, keeping a close watch on the road. “Supposedly so- Fuck!” Javier yelled, a shot landing in the ground besides his horse. “What the hell is this again!” You joined in, quickly dismounting your horse and smacking it’s rear so she ran off to safety. You got behind a nearby rock where Sadie kneeled next to you, grabbing the rifle from your shoulder. “Goddamn O’Driscolls!”
“How the fuck do they know we’re here Javier?!” “Let’s kill the bastards first and worry about that later yeah?” Javier yelled back to you.
You got up on one knee and let your elbows rest on the rock, aiming at the O’Driscolls running over to you and Sadie, easily taking out 2 of them, Sadie shooting the third.
“Javier! Get down!” You yelled as you looked at the last O’Driscoll sneaking up to him, Javier quickly lowering himself to the ground as you shot the O’Driscoll, sending him falling down the mountain.
“You ‘kay?” “Yeah, thanks Y/N” Javier replied, the three of you trying to catch your breaths after the initial shock.
“You’re one hell of a shot Sadie” He continued, making her let out a laugh. “I didn’t expect to have to shoot anyone today so ‘t was pure luck”
“I’ll head back to camp to tell Dutch about this, you go visit that guy who told ya about the coach job, Sadie you choose who you wanna go with” “I’ll join Javier” “Okay, see you two back at camp when you’re done” You told them before whistling for Florence, heading back to camp in a gallop.
“Bill! Where’s Dutch?” “By the lake with Micah, something wrong?” “O’Driscolls found us” “Shit” Bill grumbled, you getting off Florence and jogging down to the lake.
“Dutch!” You yelled, him and Micah both looking at you running over to them. “We’re talking, come by some other time” Micah shot at you, but you ignored him as you walked up to Dutch.
“Is something wrong?” “I think so, can we talk, alone?” You asked, Dutch looking at Micah before giving you a nod as you walked over to his tent.
“Some of Colm’s boys found us Dutch, either the man who told Javier about it ratted us out or they know we’re here” You told him, Dutch furrowing his brows at your words, a grim expression formed on his face. “You have no idea of what happened between him and I after you left do you?” He asked you, you shaking your head in response.
“You remember Annabelle right?” “You can hardly forget a girl like that” “I-I killed his brother, and he.. he tortured- murdered her in return. He never stopped looking for us after that”
“Jesus Dutch.. I figured she’d just left ya, I’m sorry” “Colm O’Driscoll will get what he has coming for him” “I’ll be right there with you”
“Hey, who’s that Micah guy anyways? He’s giving me the creeps and I noticed him harassing Mary-Beth last night, I would’ve said somethin’ ‘bout it but I was too busy babysitting Arthur” You asked as you stopped from walking away, Dutch folding his arms as he shook his head disapprovingly.
“He can be a pain in the ass, but he’s a good shot and we need all the help we can get” “I understand, but someone like him? I thought we were better than that Dutch” You told him before walking off, seeing Arthur sitting by the edge of the hilltop, staring into the water below.
You doubted for a moment before walking over to him, Arthur looking up at you as you sat down next to him. “You okay?” “Yeah, threw up some more but should be okay from now on” Arthur laughed, placing one of his hands in the grass besides you.
“Look I-, I’m sorry for what I said last night, that was way out of line” “Arthur I-… It’s fine” You sighed in response, his hand moving up to your waist to pull you against his side, the warm familiarity of the action washing over you.
“I wish everything could be the same as it was back then, but I know I’m a fool for thinkin’ so” “It won’t ever be the same, but-,” You let out a deep breath and thought for a moment before finishing your sentence, “That doesn’t mean I don’t ever wanna be with you again, I just, I need some time Arthur. You’ve really broken my heart”
Arthur let out a deep breath as he looked down into your eyes, his hand moving up into your hair before pressing a gentle kiss on your lips. “Then time is what I’ll give ya”
You dug your fingers into your legs as you looked at Arthur walking away, turning your gaze to the water as your mind wandered.