self you only have yourself to blame

1 | Freak

BTS X READER [COLLEGE!AU | THRILLER!AU]

WORD COUNT: 4,967

series warnings: mature themes, violence, blood and gore, murder, emotional manipulation, bullying, mental health deterioration, eventual smut and substance abuse. this chapter contains strong language. 

Originally posted by cuteguk

masterlist | ask | next


Admired, beautiful, sophisticated and elite. Undeniably the most popular girl at university, girls wanted to be you and guys wanted to be with you. There was no doubt that being at the top of the social hierarchy came with it’s premium advantages; you were always dressed head-to-toe in the most luxurious designer fabrics, you had enough money in the bank to buy yourself a small country and your family were one of the richest in Maplebank; an affluent suburb of Princeton, New Jersey; situated a short forty minute drive from Princeton University, the Ivy League school you and your high society friends attended.

As an aspiring columnist you were in your final year of your English degree, working two days a week at the local and somewhat infamous magazine and online gossip forum, The Exhibit. Friends joked about you being twenty-one and living with your parents, but you couldn’t bare the thought of staying in those filthy dorms again, during your first year you had to share a room with Kim Taehyung, a lowly scholar student who always had his head buried in a textbook. Admittedly he wasn’t the problem, Taehyung was such a kind and considerate person, but the thick limescale build up inside the plumbing and the cracked windows deterred you from returning the following school year.

Living with your parents didn’t bother you as they spent most of their time away from home on business; often travelling to different countries for long periods of time, leaving you and your older brother Yoongi alone inside the modern Georgian house that they had purchased six years ago. Yoongi was rarely in the house as he owned a music production company and the AGUSTD recording studios were a few miles out so you were mostly home alone. Both you and your brother drove Range Rover Sport Evoque’s; his being matte black and yours brilliant white as they patiently sat on the driveway until your next commute.

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Reasons to be kind to yourself

Aries- You are protective, spirited and full of light. Reacting to things as they happen with full force can show vulnerability, but this is refreshing in a way, authentic. You can pick yourself back up again, and have the spirit of a reckless warrior. 

Taurus-You know the meaning of value, even if materialism tries to lead you astray. You are devoted to the people you care for, your own sense of self and your principles. You can be present with yourself even when others have flit and flown elsewhere.

Gemini- You can distract, enlighten and brighten people in heavy situations. You have a mind that switches and changes, which can be exhausting. You have the talent of conversing well with people of all walks of life.

Cancer- Because the world isn’t black and white or linear, but rather an ever shifting place, like you. You understand what it means to nurture and to empathise, even if this can make you feel heavy. You can feel hurt from those around you, and you need to be a place of refuge.

Leo- Lead in this lesson and others will follow. You are loyal, loving and care for the innocent, even if you are the vulnerable figure many times. Kindness leads to just rulership over egoism resulting from insecurity, reassure yourself like a mother would.

Virgo- You are often kind to everyone else. This may encourage needs of perfectionism to soften slightly, or at least give yourself credit for what you have already done. Your know the meaning of duty, even the grueling fatigue of it, and everyone deserves kindness after helpfulness.

Libra- You flourish creatively in balanced and harmonious environments. You may manage loneliness better when the only person you are with has some self gratitude, and this is likely to reflect in partners and friends anyway. It is a magnetic aura to have, enchanting others.

Scorpio- You have powerful knowledge that can feel like a burden, knowing the wants and motives of others. You are tenacious and take a moral stance against betrayal. You know that self-blame/hatred only leads down paths best left alone, so other ways are beneficial. 

Sagittarius- Snap decisions may be softened should you give yourself time to use your magic intuition and self trust. You are warm, humorous and full of intelligent, pondering thought. At your brightest moments, you tend to manifest your hopes and dreams.

Capricorn- You bear much without one word spoken. The world can feel heavy, without your own worries being placed on top of it. You are determined, supportive and full of wisdom, and this radiates to others from someone that has mastered something so difficult at times.

Aquarius- You are the guardian of the collective, not an easy task. You can be chaotic and unruly, yet often remain principled in your own way. Objective insight comes more clearly when you are without niggling doubts. You redefine what it means to stay true to yourself.

Pisces- When you are kind to yourself, you are kind to everyone else. An unstable sense of self means that you are receptive to the people around you, which can be a wonderful trait. Loathing makes you heavy, fills you to the brim, whereas acceptance makes you lighter.

Life's Perception

After a breakup, you’re fortunate when you take a step back & realize how much you messed up & subsequently change your ways. You take another step back & immediately see that not only does your ex not face the realization of their wrongs, they choose not to. Imagine what they succumbed to: their conscious self-derogation, self-depreciation, or put simply, willful blindness. Imagine feeling not having changed, not having bettered or improved yourself for half a year; insurmountable is the feeling for choice is to blame. That’s called a sheer waste of life & time. Don’t be like that person. Don’t waste your life.

Source: Dj Roberts

Stop Blaming Yourself for Being Abused Once and for All.

One of the most helpful and startling things a therapist has said to me was, “In a way, in spite of having low self esteem you’re a narcissist. Narcissism says that you’re so special that you live by a different set of rules than anyone else. You judge yourself by standards you would never judge others by. Do you really think you’re so special and unique that you and only you should have individual standards no one else shares?”

I remember being offended and annoyed by the assertion that applying unique standards to myself was a narcissistic behavior. (the therapist was by no means diagnosing me, only pointing out that specific behavior’s unhealthy nature). As bothered as I was, I went home and thought about their words. At dinner when I judged myself for how much I ate I knew I would not judge anyone else by the same standards and wondered why I thought I was different. I had flashbacks and judged myself for not being over my past yet. I judged myself for how many triggers I still had reminding me of the abuse. I realized I was applying my own standards to many areas of my life and wondered when I had decided I was such a unique human I should have standards I did not think anyone else on earth should have applied to them. 

1. Identify the topics where you have standards you only judge yourself by. Write each one down and add, as close as you can remember, when that standard started and what was happening in your life and mind at the time. Figure out what the areas have in common. Ask yourself what their original purposes were. Some might have been meant to motivate you to work harder on recovery or toughen up. What were you hoping to gain from them?

2. Think of other abuse survivors and identify what you admire about them. Do you aspire to be able to openly discuss your past like they do? Do you admire that they do not judge themselves, that they have found self love again? 

3. Create emotional goals for yourself. Do you dream of being able to honestly say you did not deserve to be abused? Do you want to truly feel you deserve happiness? Do you want to allow yourself better self care? Imagine you won the emotional lottery and write everything that would entail in relation to deal with having been abused. Then ask yourself if your current self blame is getting you closer to that goal. 

4. Break down the rationality of your self-blame. I think every person blaming themselves for being abused truly believes that it is a rational conclusion to come to, and can even feel frustrated when other people refuse to acknowledge that they deserved it. Imagine you are in the jury and your abuse case is being presented. Picture it being presented by someone the age you were when it happened to you. Imagine the events are exactly the same- the only difference is it happened to another person. What conclusion would you come to?

5. Imagine any of your abuse happening to a child you love. Imagine your own child, a niece, nephew, cousin, little sibling, someone else you care for experiencing even a small part of what you did. Does it make your blood boil or are you harsh towards that child like you are towards yourself? Can you imagine ever being alright with an adult doing that to someone who is not you?

6. When you speak against victim blaming remember that includes you. You are not the exception to every act of kindness and compassion. 

7. Remember that when you are blaming yourself you are defending your abuser and defending their actions. Saying that someone can do something to deserve or bring on abuse is saying that abusers sometimes have a legitimate reason for hurting others. You being the victim does not make defending an abuser any more acceptable. 

8. Know that if you would not apply your harsh standards to anyone else you do not have a single rational reason to apply them to yourself. You did not do something in the course of being abused that only you have done and made only you deserving of mistreatment. You were not born any different or worth any less than other humans. 

9. You cannot progress when after your abuser gone you made sure the abuse continued by adopting the abuse into your own mind. You get to control when this abuse ends. It can stop once you decide to try gentleness and kindness instead of harshness and judgment to heal yourself. 

10. You give your abuser victory if you let yourself have an abusive relationship with yourself forever. Your harsh standards for your coping and reactions to abuse are thoughts you learned from your abuser. The idea that you do not deserve happiness, self love, forgiveness, kindness, recovery, etc sounds like something an abuser would say. Pull those thoughts out of your head by refuting them and acting the opposite when they come up. 

He Knows

Simon x Reader

Read Part 2

Request: “hey would you be doing requests by any chance?? If so, would you please be able to write a Simon one based off the song ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’ - Shawn Mendes ft. Camilla Cabello. So basically the reader has been on a holiday recently and Simon has a feeling/thinks she’s cheated & there’s tension, endings up to you. I love your writing so much!! Thank you xxxx”

Note: This did not turn out the way I expected it to at all. Whelp. You brought this upon yourselves lol. 2950 words. [master list]

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It is the responsibility of the black communities and black lives matter to start breaking this vicious cycle of broken families, poverty, crime, gang culture, homicide and the complete disregard for life and education. They have no one else to blame if they continue to refuse to take it upon themselves to begin this non-violent, honest, self-reflecting revolution. It’s the only way we are going to lower police presence and action in black communities and lower crime rates, homicide rates, incarceration rates, dropout rates and unemployment rates. You cannot just sit there and expect affirmative action, reparations and withdrawal of police to fix these deeply ingrained black issues. You can only make white people feel guilty so much before you have to start being honest with yourself and taking responsibility for your own future. 

Protégé [Part 3] (M)

Originally posted by hugtae

[Part 1] - [Part 2]

Jungkook crawled over you as you lay flat against your bed, waking you up with the ends of his hair tickling your forehead. He barely gave you a second to take in his face before he was pressing his lips against yours in a chaste kiss, and then tugging the blankets over his head. You could feel the smooth pads of his fingers running down your legs and back up again, wasting no time in teasing before he was pushing up the hem of the oversized t-shirt you wore as makeshift pajamas. Warm tufts of breath fanned against your stomach as he lowered himself to hover his mouth over your core. You could hear the way he warned you in a gruff voice that he wasn’t going to be finished with you until he had driven you insane.

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anonymous asked:

Hey Squigg! I really love your art and I have a question. Is it Ok to hate? I know this doesn't depend on you or anyone else other than myself but sometimes I feel like I'm not supposed to hate anything since hate brings more hate

I’m gonna be honest with you, dude, this is by far the strangest question I’ve ever received.

Number one, it’s a moral question.  While I do admire the intent of being self-aware with your morals, like you said, you’re really the only one who can answer this kind of question for yourself.

My answer, though, since you asked, is… no, it’s really not okay to hate.  It’s perfectly fine to dislike, disdain, turn up your nose, what have you – you don’t have to like everything, and it’d be absurd for people to expect that of you.

But the thing about hatred is that, much like its counterpart love, hatred is a focused, deliberate, and semi-obsessive emotion.  You have to actively think about the thing you dislike in order to hate it, and you have to actively think about how MUCH you dislike it. 

That’s just plain unhealthy.  And it’s not pleasant either for the person who’s on the receiving end of that hate (if it is indeed a person) or for the person doing the hating, since you’re spending so much time thinking about something that makes you mad or upset instead of about something that makes you happy.

Seriously, morals aside, don’t hate.  It’s a lot of work, and it’s not worth your time.  Plus, you don’t really ever get anything good out of it – just more hate, like you said.  It’s a plain nuisance.

Go ahead and dislike things.  But don’t hate things, bro, it’s not worth it.

Something Special

I posted this on AO3 but I thought I would post it here, too…

Single mom!Kimberly


Trini wasn’t the best at human interactions. She was kind of a loner, she didn’t tend to engage with her friends all that often, she was very standoffish and rarely ever smiled.

Which was why Kimberly was surprised to come home from work, groceries in hand (having left Trini to look after her daughter for the day because her usual babysitter had taken ill and everyone else was busy) to find Trini and Cleo, both with sheets wrapped around their necks, throwing a pair of rolled up socks at empty water bottles set up in a messy triangle.

Trini apparently hated adults but just loved kids. Who would’ve guessed?

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#MondayMotivation

What’s Stopping You?

 Is there something that’s actually physically stopping you - or is it a belief? Consider why you haven’t started yet and honestly assess whether or not there is something preventing you from moving forward. 

In other words: What’s your excuse? 

The problem with excuses is that they sound best to those who are making them. I used to say “I can’t because I’m not good enough” without even trying - hence the excuse allowed me to stay where I was and not take the risk of putting myself out there and failing.

The comfort zone is an amazing place, but nothing grows there. Nothing in the comfort zone is challenging - so we remain stagnant. Comfort is the enemy of progress - stop making excuses for why you haven’t started yet and check yourself on the real reason.

It took me a long time to start the new season of my journey because I was too comfortable with my previous way of life. This comfort breeds familiarity - which leads to boredom and contempt. I didn’t like where I was, but it was comfortable and instead of taking action I just complained.

Only you will know the reasons behind why you are where you are. It’s not anyone else’s place to tell you what to do - you need to be honest with yourself and understand what is actually stopping you from getting to where you want to be. 

When you don’t have the life you want - the only person to blame is yourself. It’s easy to point the finger at society, religion, the weather and many other external factors. But to take responsibility for your own life takes a great deal of self-awareness - which will allow you to start making some radical changes.

Drop your excuses and start being honest with yourself.

Peace & positive vibes.

The Usual | coffeeshop!au

Originally posted by franttastic

Summary: You’re a long-suffering college student who develops a crush on a barista whose name tag proclaims her name to be Wendy, and oh god, you are so, so, so fucked.

Word Count: 5,731

You were pissed.

Understandably so, of course. You’re a creature of habit, and it annoys you like hell whenever you’re forced to deviate from your usual routines. Add that the fact that you got approximately four hours of sleep the previous night trying to finish an essay and, well, nobody can blame you for your grouchy demeanor and general irritability today.

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Check in: are you thinking kindly towards yourself right now? Are you blaming yourself for something that wasn’t your fault? Are you picking apart perceived flaws in your body? Are you angry at yourself for mistakes you would forgive in anyone else? Are you being a perfectionist about something?

Be mindful of those thoughts and challenge them when they come up. Be a guard at the gate of your mind. Ask the thoughts if they will make you more productive, bring you comfort, spark inspiration, or improve your self awareness. If they only have negative things to offer send them away. Acknowledge their existence and identify where they came from, then let them go. You do not need them. They serve no purpose except to tell you that something else is wrong to be driving them. 

anonymous asked:

Hi Bee! I was wondering if I could get some reactions from some of the Lost Light crew (possibly Rodimus, Ultra Magnus, Megatron, and possibly Drift?) hearing their s/o sing 'You are my Sunshine' to them. Thank you!

ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO DO THIS TO ME. THIS HURTS. SO MUCH.

Rodimus, Ultra Magnus, Megatron, Drift (MTMTE) (Mass-displaced)

  • Rodimus, at first, is just excited to hear you singing. However, as you end the little tune, his smile drops visibly and he gets a little bit confused. “I… wow. That took a turn I wasn’t expecting,” he admits, and you can’t help but agree. You can see his optics get a little clouded with tears of cleanser and he curls in on himself a little bit more. It’s not hard to tell that he’s got some self-hate and blame going on inside, and yet you seem to have trouble trying to soothe him out of that mindset. You have to content yourself with holding him close and telling him that he’s doing his best and that it’s alright.

  • Ultra Magnus would be a little more embarrassed but he’s not sure how to respond. He hangs onto the “you’ll never know dear / how much I love you,” part, and he takes a deep, steadying breath. The song only serves to remind him that he will vastly outlive you, and the time you two share together is very, very limited. It hurts him, hurts him a lot more than he thought it would. He’s trying not to think about it, if the pained expression on his faceplates is anything to go by. He’s about to suggest some time apart from you just so you don’t have to see him like this, but… time apart from you is exactly what he’s fearing, so he holds you close and is silent for a long time.

  • Megatron would seem very distant at first, also focusing on the “how much I love you,” part and would look away from you as he quietly mutters, “I find that very hard to believe, considering my track record.” He’s clearly shaken up the same way Magnus was, reminded of the so extremely short lives of humans compared to Cybertronians. Megatron sits down with you, sad and tired optics holding your gaze, and only when you pull him in to your arms does he seem to relax a little bit. He’s the most emotional you’ve ever seen him, mostly because no one’s ever told him that they’ve loved him before. And why should they, knowing what he’s done?

  • Drift would be the most emotional of all of them, whose optics go wide with shock as the impact of the last few lines of the song finally hit him. His optics surge with emotion and cleanser streaks down his face, and you can almost see the memories of a ruined life in memories fading away just as Drift himself was fading away back in the Dead End of Rodion. You catch him in your arms and he takes a stuttering vent in, choking out the words “Don’t leave me,” as you stroke your hands up and down his shuddering plating. Worst of all, Drift looks scared, the lonely Autobot, the violent ex-Con, the worthless leaker kneeling at your feet and pleading you to stay. He doesn’t mean to be this way. He’s terrified.
A few things I learned as an INFJ*

* an unhealthy one, but hopefully all INFJs can take something from my experiences.

Before I say more,

A note to INFJs (and all types too but especially INFJs): you should not be fitting the stereotype

INFJ stereotypes. We all know what they are. Psychic. Just ~knowing~ what’s wrong with you. Amazing analytical skillz. Staring into your soul, you are defenseless before me. Amazing selfless love. BASICALLY JESUS. And I don’t know about you but I’m feeling 22 it was one of the scariest things about being an INFJ when I first took the (terrible) online test. It took me years to accept the fact that I was an INFJ, and I constantly second-guessed myself every step of the way. Because, let’s be honest. Not all of us have amazing selfless love and the urge to show up at your house with ice-cream when you’re sad (but it’s there, in our Fe — we probably haven’t uncovered it/tried it out yet. Or, y’know, you could just consult our enneagram for more on what drives us to do what we do). 

So what makes one an INFJ? Simple. Ni-Fe-Ti-Se. Don’t come at me with your Introvert-iNtuitive-Feeling-Judging theories, please. By doing that, you are saying that “Feelers” can’t be “Thinkers”, “Judgers” can’t be “Perceivers”, etc. and you don’t want that, do you? Because there’s no such thing. Every human is a complex mix of intuition, sensing, thinking, and feeling — it’s just how their functions are stacked (by order of which ones each type uses more) and whether they’re introverted and extroverted. 

So no, an INFJ may not be outwardly caring and huggy. But they probably forcefully defend you when people talk about you behind your back. They may not gush about how great you are constantly. But it’s very likely that they care very much that you feel loved, in a quieter way that does nothing to affect the intensity of their Ni-Fe. If you know an INFJ who’s constantly snapping at others, consider what they’re snapping about. Is the other person being a self-righteous prick who dismisses others without taking time to understand them? There you have it. 

In short, abandon the stereotypes and ask yourself, “Do I use dominant Ni, auxiliary Fe, tertiary Ti, and inferior Se?” That way, you can be a selfish INFJ and still be one. Because even if you’re not using your functions in the healthy way, you’re still using them. EPIPHANY! (Yeah, I know.)

This point is long enough without me going deeper into the functions, so please read up on your own in order to understand the following points (I highly recommend funkymbtifiction, sillymbti, and mbtireallife for relatively easy-to-understand posts explaining the basics).

1. Please, please utilise your Se

INFJs, don’t fear the Se. It’s like the best friend that holds your hair back for you when you’re nauseous and hungover, and if you work with it, it could even prevent you from getting drunk in the first place. What I mean is, don’t get too stuck in your head. There’s a real world outside, and sometimes it’s not as complex and broken as you think it is! (At least, not in the moment you’re in.)

Whenever I feel overwhelmed from too much thinking, I go into the kitchen and wipe the dishes dry. These are my rules: no distractions, no music, no talking to anybody, nothing that can prompt me to start analysing, abstracting, or empathising. Just wipe each plate, feel the fibres of the cloth on the pads of your fingertips, focus on getting the water off thoroughly, stack everything neatly, bring it to the cupboard, and put it in. Breathe in, breathe out. Feel your chest expand with each breath. Be in the moment and use all your senses. I chose something completely mundane to remind myself that I can’t be focusing on abstract humanitarian goals every second of the day.

Eating something? Focus on the taste, the texture. Don’t think about how “this is a waste of time” and that you could be doing something “more profitable.” Taking care of your body is IMPORTANT. Don’t tell yourself to “make up for lost time” by Ti-ing during meals too. Talk to whoever you’re eating with. Savour the food. Take some goddamn photos of it. Don’t edit those photos/post them on Instagram until later when you know you’ve used enough healthy Se to balance out your Ni. (Because thinking about aesthetics, trying to find a filter that looks like [insert artistic term here] and [artistic term here] while achieving [unique way of evoking emotion], and inwardly debating the benefits and downfalls of Instagram aka The App That Shows Skewed Realities is NOT going to help you enjoy your food and you’re probably going to eat too fast and end up with indigestion later. And no, don’t brush that off as a small thing. You need to respect your body, not mistreat it.)

Taking a shower? Enjoy the water on your skin. Running errands? Savour the fresh air in between stops and the fact that you can walk. (Walking is so cool. Think about it. Walking. Taking steps with your feet. Amazing!)

3. Watch out for the dangerous Ni-Ti function loop

Awhile ago I felt myself entering that spiral of forever analysing and shooting down my intuition and thought that it wasn’t a big deal and that I could pull myself out whenever I wanted. I now spend most of my days depressed and my nights crying in a corner of my room because there are too many huge questions I’ve dug up and don’t know how to answer. If this is a door you can close and step away from, for your own sake, do it. But if it’s a gaping hole you couldn’t avoid and are now falling through, please don’t blame yourself. We’re all human and we’ve all got bruised knees (and much worse) from falling too many times to count. Breathe, it’s okay. Don’t even think about getting yourself out yet. Just accept that this is a part of you and that that’s alright. Self-hate only makes the pit deeper.

4. It’s okay to not like something someone else made

Recognise it’s your Fe and tell yourself that you can and must have your own opinion, regardless of how hard it is to imagine that person hurt that you didn’t actually like what they did. (And for all you know, it might be your Ni coming to wrong conclusions about that person’s reaction. It’s possible they may not mind. Poke your head out of your dominant function, use your Se, and judge — carefully and delicately, of course — accordingly. But don’t be so quick to assume everyone is super fragile and very easily hurt, because I’ve found this a foolproof trigger for activating my function loop. Some people, believe it or not, aren’t so easily hurt. I know, it took me forever to accept that.)

As an INFJ, I know the urge to forever be just the right type of kind and supportive to everyone who crosses my path, but I learned the hard way that sometimes I do actually have an opinion that differs and that is OKAY. To disregard that is the equivalent of stepping on yourself again and again. It’s okay to respect yourself. You should respect yourself. Don’t hate yourself for feeling something other than what you think you should feel, because you are a human, not a robot programmed to be just the right sort of caring (basically, you are not Baymax).

5. It’s okay to like something just because you like it

Not everything you like has to be deep and meaningful. I know, we INFJs do this unconsciously because we’re constantly, genuinely searching for meaning and not because we want to appear ~pretentious~ and ~deep~. But some things in life are meant to be enjoyed simply and not so thoughtfully. Because if you don’t see that, you’ll be severely limiting yourself and seeing life as full of gigantic problems and suffering people —  when it is possible for little things like ice cream on a windy day and dancing to a song with four chords to exist in the same world (and they do).

6. Your Si is at the bottom of your eight functions for a reason

I’m not quite sure what to think about shadow functions yet, but they were right in calling Si an INFJ’s last, Devilish function. Constantly looking back is not going to help an INFJ in emotional crisis mode. My mum is an Si-dom, so I grew up being taught how to measure my decisions based on the results of every single past mistake. Whenever I use this function, it completely derails me. It does not go well with Ni, because how can you be intuitive and constantly second-guessing yourself from past experiences at the same time? C’mon. Don’t do this to yourself. It’s all well and good to learn from history (INFJs getting too caught up in ideals and not accessing their logic is unspeakably dangerous too), but this is not your dominant function. Heck, it’s not even in your primary function stack.

Looking ahead and not getting caught up in the past is good advice for just about any type (even Si-doms), but INFJs in particular are dominantly future oriented, so trying to use a function that goes against their very core is… questionable, at best. You could say that you’re just “trying to be prepared” in case someone asks (always having to answer to my mum made me no stranger to utilising Si), but don’t play around with this. I’m not kidding when I say it can derail you. INFJs — know when to go back to past experiences, but also know that some memories really are best left behind. If you’re not careful, you’ll get stuck in a rut of painful remembrances while your true nature struggles to turn its perspective to the future. 

Example: breakups. INFJs are known for being able to move on faster because of their Ni. If you are one of those, don’t fight it. Don’t ask yourself, “Why aren’t I remembering details about them and crying?” Get the hell out of there and don’t look back. If you try and make the Si come out, it will. And heaven help you then.

So yeah. Thanks for reading. I don’t know why I felt the need to type all this out, but I woke up this morning and realised there were some very important lessons I learned just from knowing my type and my function stack. There might be more, I don’t know. But for now, I think I’ve rambled long enough and made you guys scroll a little too many times :x

And if anything I wrote offended anyone due to my ignorance, please accept my apologies and understand that I would never want to hurt or trigger you in any way. (And please refrain from writing me angry messages, because as you can see, I’m barely picking up the pieces of my life. Please be kind. I hope it’s not too much to ask for.)

anonymous asked:

I'm not sure if cognitive functions have anything to do with this, but how do you combat bad attraction tendencies? For example, if you're always attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable or people who are controlling. Better yet, how can you become attracted to people who are a healthy influence on you if that's not your tendency?

Patterns of attraction are oftentimes directly related to the state of your own cognitive function development. Sometimes we seek to compensate for personal weaknesses through the strengths of others, or sometimes we project the aspects of ourselves that we dislike onto others and shun them. For example, some Ts are attracted to Fs for particular traits that they themselves lack, while other Ts dislike Fs because they dislike the Feeling aspects of themselves. This reminds me of a quote by Gloria Steinem: “Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person.” This is an insightful observation in terms of understanding that people often externalize their personal issues and inner conflicts, seeking resolution from other people instead of resolving them inwardly on one’s own.

For instance, lately I’ve gotten a lot of questions from people who have trust issues for whatever reason. When you have a trust issue that stems from low self-esteem and you want to avoid the shame of being judged negatively by others, then you are likely to only seek out people who seem very warm, inviting, tolerant, predictable, and patient. However, you may not realize that nobody is perfectly warm and patient all the time, so eventually there will be unpleasantness and disagreement in every relationship. When such problems arise, you may end the relationship or run away, blaming the other person for being “untrustworthy” instead of seeing that the source of the problem is yourself and your own trust issues and lack of skill in handling them. In other words, if you had the skill to handle conflict and criticism and the accompanying negative emotions, then you wouldn’t always require/expect/demand that people be continuously accommodating of your sensitivities in order for you to trust them. Going back to your example along the same lines: If you feel insecure about your own level of competence and self-control, you will likely be drawn to people who seem to exhibit great poise and competence. However, you may not realize that those people are competent/confident precisely because of their ability to control situations and disregard unwanted feelings and emotions, which can sometimes inhibit their ability to be emotionally available in intimate relationships.

I’m not saying that these examples apply to you, I’m simply explaining some common patterns of attraction so that you can reflect on the issue for yourself. Think about the strengths and weaknesses of your personality and which functions are in need of development. Can those weaknesses or underdeveloped functions be linked to the traits that you seek/reject in others? Do you use people to compensate for your weaknesses? Do you reject people because of things you dislike about yourself? When you understand these patterns at a deeper level, you can be more aware and prevent yourself from seeking relationships that are not good for you. Improve upon your weaknesses so that you don’t need someone to compensate for you. Understand any self-loathing you possess so that you can learn to appreciate a wider variety of people. Many recurring relationship issues can be solved permanently by shifting your focus to becoming the right person rather than always seeking the right person.

Advice
  • Aries: every time you brag to your friends, you're creating hate in their hearts
  • Taurus: being too honest to your loved ones is how people are always able to hurt you
  • Gemini: nobody will ever love the true version of you if you keep up the games
  • Cancer: you can't claim to hate how everyone hurts you when you keep letting them do it
  • Leo: the attention you crave for yourself is what keeps destroying your connections with people
  • Virgo: your inability to accept blame is why everyone leaves you eventually
  • Libra: it's okay to be sad but you push everyone away with your refusal to explain why
  • Scorpio: a bad reputation will only attract the kind of people who got you it in the first place
  • Sagittarius: don't shit on the few people who have stuck around to be there for you
  • Capricorn: keep taking risks like this and you'll have no sense of self left
  • Aquarius: it's like you can steal energy with the way you constantly bring everyone down
  • Pisces: if you find someone who doesn't already love someone else, you won't have to always be the other woman alone when morning comes
Lumen (part 6/ ): True intentions

Originally posted by suicidessquad

MASTERLIST

Read up here:

Part 1: Good intentions

Part 2: Honest intentions

Part 3: Dark intentions

Part 4: Wrong intentions

Part 5: Other intentions

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Summary of part 6: Your mother decides to pay you a visit and Bucky then decides to take you sightseeing.

Warnings: Some fucks.

Word count: 1.825 (without background information).

A/N: I have been writing like crazy these past 2 days and have (for th moment) 3 more parts ready for you. I’m sorry if part 5 wasn’t all too good (so muchto do, yet so litle time), but I promise I’ll make it up to you. I have this crazy idea to write some smut, so be on the lookout for a sinful drabble/one-shot with one of your favourite Avengers. 

This is my first fan fic series, so bear with me. Feel free to tell me your thoughts on this one, constructive criticism is appreciated! Also, since this is an ongoing series, the tag list is open as we speak, so feel free to send me a message!

Background: Iona Cole is a perky, gifted and ambitious assistant to a critically acclaimed professor at a renowned university. That is, until she snaps in the middle of class, the auditorium packed with students on introduction day. Having a long family history of psychiatric diseases, her mother sends her to a private clinic to receive the best treatment. In reality, this institute for people with “special needs” is a smokescreen for the underground operation Hydra is running there.

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Tumblr says that mental disabilities are valid
Yet yells at people who probably have them but are too scared to self-diagnose or would rather wait for a professional to tell them.
Not only that, but they also blame the fucking professionals when they don’t get the results they want.
But then they also attack people who DO self-diagnose because it isn’t Official.

So which one is it, assholes?

Don’t yell at Psychologists who have studied this for years that they are Wrong just because you happen to fit the criteria of a disorder. Get more research. Study the subject. Don’t just look at one source and decide from there. Talk to other people with the disorder and talk to a psychologist. THEN determine for yourself.
As for people who don’t agree, if they have enough research, leave them alone. If they self-diagnose, does it REALLY affect you? Just because some stranger diagnosed themselves with PTSD?

tl;dr… just don’t attack people who agree/disagree with self-diagnosis. Both sides are flawed.
Understand that.
Not everything is black and white.

Not the Words - Newt Imagine

It isn’t in his words.  Not anything that he says in the every day could be seen as remarkable or romantic.  So it would come as a surprise to many, to learn just what Newton Scamander is like as a significant other.

(Well, mark this down as something I never thought I’d write.  But sometimes those little story ideas won’t leave you alone, will they?  PG-13 below the cut.)

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