self thoughts

Having anxiety isn’t just feeling anxious, it’s caring so much of what others think that you live in constant fear. It keeps your mind racing on small things that aren’t even a big deal. It is a battle against you and your caring mind.

This is it: this is your sign. You’re brand new, refreshed, empowered to change. Your calmer, softer times are coming. Your confidence, your happiness, your bliss, is arriving. Self acceptance is easier, and taking care of yourself is no longer a chore, but something you look forward to. You start to feel replenished - you’re *you* again - and the next chapter of your happier life begins now.

Maybe she doesn’t want to be alone but she’s tired of being lied to, used, and thrown aside when she is no longer convenient. Maybe she has suffered one too many heartbreaks from boyfriends or best friends or parents. Maybe she wants to depend on someone but there’s no one left. No one, except herself.
—  She is her own strength, her own power.
But she will
stand up again,
like a phoenix
flying from its ashes,
like a butterfly
that was once
caged on itself.
—  ma.c.a // And she will live again
Because,
I will
always hope
that someday,
you will
be brave
enough
to break
the barriers
that’s been
keeping you
away from
your dreams.
I hope
that someday,
you will be
strong enough
to fight
for your own
genuine
happiness.
—  ma.c.a // I hope you won’t give up on yourself

Things to look forward to:

  • new songs from your favorite artists or bands
  • bubble baths, sleepovers and bike rides
  • learning new things and languages
  • unexpected moments of feeling calm and happy
  • watching movies under your blanket on rainy days
  • meeting someone who is everything you’ve ever needed
  • loving yourself, forgiving your past mistakes
  • going to the library and reading new books
  • watching sunsets, especially in foreign cities
  • road trips, stargazing, coffee dates and adventures
  • having your own apartment and feeling at peace
  • letting things go and new beginnings

Types of people you deserve in your life:

- kind friends who care deeply about you, love to spend time with you, keep your secrets and don’t talk badly about you behind your back. they make you loved and worthy of love.

- compassionate people who understand your secret problems and flaws. they support you without judgement, don’t abandon you and help you get better. they stay with you until the storm is over.

- patient people who don’t get angry or frustrated easily. they teach you things, whether it’s life lessons or math problems. they aren’t tired of explaining things over and over until you understand. you aren’t afraid of making mistakes anymore.

- fun spontaneous people who are always up for an adventure, whether it’s going to a coffee shop or their house to binge watch movies. there’s less time to lock yourself in bad thoughts, and they give you days to look forward to.

- people that inspire you. you admire their qualities, whether it’s intelligence, dedication, kindness or strength. they make you want to change your life and be a better person.

- people that feel like home. you could be doing nothing and it would still be comfortable. there’s something about them that makes you feel ok again. as long as they’re there, life doesn’t seem so hard anymore.

Perfect.

When you’re on a plane and you’re listening to your favourite music and you watch all the colours of the sunset transition like a lava lamp until darkness arrives like a blanket. 
When you sleep knowing you love someone and they love you back.
When you’re with friends and you feel things you never thought existed… a fuzzy sense of belonging and meaning you didn’t know you could feel.
Watching the dust swirl in the late afternoon light. 
Climbing into a soft bed, listening to music and sleepily thinking back on good memories from the day. 
Being close to someone that feels like home…You never thought you could love anyone this much. 
Reading something and it’s so real and beautifully written that it changes something in you. 
After you do your skincare and everything feels clean and smells nice.
Laughing so much with someone and for a rare moment, every cell in your body is happy. 
Putting your face into your warm towel after a long shower. 
Seeing someone cute and you briefly fall in love with them. 
When it’s evening and you’re on the balcony looking over the city lights and the stars and the moon seem to smile at you and you feel so insignificant but in a comforting way. 
Looking at someone and thinking “this is why I love them." 
Looking at someone doing normal things and they’re so beautiful you’re lost for words. 
Falling asleep on the car ride home after a long day of adventures. 
The excitement of arriving at the airport in a new city. 
When the sunlight looks nostalgic and it feels like you’re in a happy memory. 
Looking back on cute photographs and being transported back to that day. 
Being excited to see someone and they’re excited to see you too.
Random moments you think to yourself "you have to remember this moment forever." 
When someone does or says something nice and you’re so surprised and thankful and your heart is blushing. 
When you open the curtains in the morning and it’s sunny outside and the light floods into your room.
Misty mornings where the world’s edges are soft and blurred. 
Chewing the sweet pearls in milk tea. 
Going home on a Friday. 
Feeling the breeze on your face and red leaves swirling around you while riding a bike down a boulevard. 
When a song is perfect for your mood and it understands.
Being with someone that makes your heart feel warm, and you finally know what it’s supposed to feel like. 
When you’re lying on the grass watching the clouds and seeing animal shapes in them. 
When you can’t stop thinking about someone. 
Taking the first bite of something delicious and all the flavours and textures mix perfectly.
Wearing your favourite clothes and feeling pretty when you look into the mirror. 
Hugging someone you love and feeling happy inside and safe. 

find someone who will

- make you laugh like no one else

- stay up late with you when you want to talk about things

- wipe away your tears

- surprise you with hand-picked flowers and love letters

- hug you when you need it most

- make you realise what the songs and quotes are about

- give you reasons to stay alive and be happy

You will wake up one day, realizing how tiring life is and hoping for the world to stop spinning and for people to stop talking. Wishing that you’re somewhere else but here. You will love to be out of this universe and imagine for yourself being in a different place. To be in a different situation. You will want to change things and arrange it like your own puzzle. Easily solved. And built in just one second. Things will be hard. And the waves will be stronger. You’ll wish that you don’t have to face it. You’ll try to turn around and run away. But you’ll realize that you cannot escape this—that for you to get through it, you’ll need to lift yourself just to fight it. And when that day comes, darling you’ll have all the courage you’ve been hiding in your heart. You’ll find out how brave you are. You’ll see what is more than that face who is always staring back at you in the mirror. You’ll know that you are capable of more. You’ll then realize, that life won’t give you something you can never take. That failure isn’t something that should put you down and every success is worth every—single—tear that has run out of your eyes. That you are the strongest person you’ll ever know, even if the world tried to make you believe otherwise. Someday, it’ll be all right. Someday, you’ll realize that life is still worth fighting for. That living life is still something we should dream of.
—  ma.c.a // You don’t have to believe me, you just have to believe in yourself, Positively

I just want to go somewhere. With my favorite people, right now. Just leave everything behind and be free. I want to explore old cities and sunny beaches. I want to taste new flavors of ice cream and take polaroids of coffee shops. I want to sit on a plane during sunset and feel excited about my upcoming adventure. I want to be with the people I love and have nice moments with strangers. I want to see the lights of a foreign city at night. I want to forget school, exams and other pressures and just be calm and happy. I wish I had the freedom to do that right now.

a new beginning, a fresh slate. it can seem intimidating, but it’s full of possibilities, full of memories waiting to be made, discovering that you are so much more than you thought you were. let yourself be guided by your enthusiasm, restlessness and curiosity.