“In modern civilization everything tends to suffocate the heroic sense of life. Everything is more or less mechanized, spiritually impoverished, and reduced to a prudent and regulated association of beings who are needy and have lost their self-suffiency. The contact between man’s deep and free powers and the powers of things and of nature has been cut off; metropolitan life petrifies everything, syncopates every breath, and contaminates every spiritual "well.” As if that weren’t enough, faint-hearted ideologies foster contempt for those values that in other times were the foundation of more rational and bright social organizations. In ancient societies the peak of the hierarchy was occupied by the caste of warrior aristocracy, whereas today, in the pacifist-humanitarian Utopias (especially in the Anglo-Saxon ones), attempts are made to portray the warrior as some kind of anachronism, and as a dangerous and harmful entity that one day will be conveniently disposed of in the name of progress.“
— Julius Evola, Meditations on the Peaks, 1930-1955
Okay. So. People who aren’t single: it’s time for me to talk to you about something.
You really need to learn a few things about self-suffiency, and to think more about how much shit you’re actually shoveling onto other people.
The angriest I’ve ever been at one of my bosses was after I came over to do a round of troubleshooting for her, again, about things I wasn’t any more trained in than she was, but which I’d had to figure out on my own. Needless to say, she then expected me to train her on it. And she told me to my face that she actually envied me for being single, because it meant I had to get good at puzzling technical things out by myself. “I just ask my husband to do it,” she said.
It still staggers me on how many levels that that was an utterly fucked up thing to say. She was my superior; she was getting paid more; she’d been rewarded with an FTE position and all the company perks while I was still a contractor with no benefits, set to get kicked out the door in a couple months. She was supposedly the one smart enough and competent enough for the position she’d been granted. Yet here she was, leaning on me to fix everything for her, just like she leaned on her husband, just like she’d made this habit in apparently every situation to just pick someone else to make the effort for her. It was lazy. It was regressive. It was personally hurtful for how oblivious it was about my own situation and stresses. It was offensively anti-feminist, from someone who claimed to be otherwise. An incredibly spiteful part of me wanted to ask her, “So is this how you teach your daughter to fix problems? Tell her, or at least model for her, not to even bother trying to figure out solutions, and just ask a man to do it?”
Of course, I couldn’t say this. Of course, I’d be the one getting fired.
Men have been just as shitty to me about this in their own way, but it’s amazing how many women have pulled this crap on me. Like, I’ll be in the middle of a problem that’s big enough or unfamiliar enough that I do need help, and I’ll go to someone for advice, and what’s the first thing I’m likely to hear? “Well, when that happened to me, my husband did (X).” Right off the bat. First of all: good grief, have enough pride in your own skills to at least try. And try having enough common courtesy not to tell the single girl that you just had someone else fix it for you. Unless your husband is willing to help me out, too, reframe your answer or shut the fuck up.
And really, on that topic, you all have GOT to start thinking past the ends of your own noses, and outside of your own experiences. The second angriest I’ve ever gotten at my coworkers was the time one of them had her husband go out of town for a couple weeks, and so suddenly the entiiiire team was all, “Oh, we have to take her out to dinner! We have to do something special for her! Don’t want her to get lonely!”
Needless to say, they’d never thought once about doing anything similar for me. Never even crossed their minds. No, the single girl was clearly just fine taking care of everything else on her own. It’s the married person who can’t possibly cope and needs to be coddled.
Protip: learn to fucking cope.
Because oddly enough, the behavior you’re all exhibiting is, at the core, incredibly selfish.
And it’s funny how many of you say that that’s what single people are.
(In related news, it’s also interesting how many of these same people expected me to fill in for them on work projects because oh, I’m doing this thing with my husband or oh, it’s my kids or – my favorite – oh, I have to take care of my dog, and I guess the perpetual solution for that is “ask the single girl to fill in.” In a word: staaaaaahhhhhp.)
What's it like being a rancher? I've always dreamt of it but coming from NJ I got no clue
To say it’s a lot of work is an understatement. It’s both emotionally and physically demanding. I’m at the mercy of mother nature. It’s a shit ton of responsibility. Oftentimes, I need to find resolutions on the fly and I must always be several steps ahead. I’m on my own majority of the time so self suffiency is mandatory. All of it, good and bad, plays a part in the reward.
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