self reckoning

Under Orion*

I hold these conversations with my young self,
Reckonings and recallings, all
Beckoning to the relegation of pure sound, the
Amber-rhythms of just how the words resound //

My younger-self acknowledges my presence
Warmly smiles the distance before the sun
In the waves of his own remembrance,
Like facing two mirrors with self Knowledge

The light from that time has not hit him yet
So the insights are all incomplete, merely images
Reduced to recollections. This bounty which is
Catastrophically unknown.  And so it goes, a

Duvet of soft folly sprained across the cantle of
Our mount, this beast of burden weighing softly,
Strong as the ripstop applied to our waste - in
The same flawless patina is our face in the stars


© K. James Ribble

*Inspired by the song of the same name from the album, Moonwater, by Rudy Adrian

The sages of the Talmud insist upon the necessity of cheshbon hanefesh, self-reckoning. The Jewish ethical treatises of medieval times recommend that one regularly withdraw from society to engage in such self-reckoning. Chassidim, and most particularly the followers of Rabbi Nachman of Breslav, daily engage in periods of hitbodedut, solitary contemplation. The secular writers quoted above are helpful in that they make it clear that solitude need not entail mystical practices or spiritual techniques. Rather, solitude provides an opportunity for thinking on one’s own and for concentrating deeply without the undue influences of one’s social surround. I personally am convinced that occasional solitude would be a healthy antidote to the blind conformity which is imposed upon all of us by our contemporary world. 
—  Rabbi Dr. Tzvi Hersh Weinreb
3

death, i reckon, isn’t much of a foe   .  .  .   it’s  a  friend  you  l  o  n  g  to  meet  but  dread  to  bring  home.  so  bury  me  honest  and  bury  me  true  ——  i’ve  dropped  my  armor,  i’ve  left  my  bones. i  don’t  ask  for  flowers  to  my  ROTTING  grave         .       JUST  A  KISS  TO  MY  STARVING  SOUL. 


                                             REMEMBER ME WHEN I’M GONE.

“busy man” for whom busyness is a way of avoiding an honest self-reckoning. You might wake up in the night and realize that you’re lonely in your marriage, or that you need to think about what your carbon footprint is doing to the planet, but the next day you have a million little things to do, and the day after that you have another million things. As long as there’s no end of little things, you never have to stop and confront the bigger questions.

Jonathan Franzen

Seventeen Mtl: To Date a Tall Girl

Anon said: “Mtl to date a tall girl (five foot nine God help me)”
(I’m assuming this is for svt? Send another ask if I’m wrong and you want another group, babe)

Most: -Mingyu!!! (It’d save him the back pain, so that means not much complaining from either of you. Its a win-win!)
-Wonwoo (same with Gyu, it’d just be of better convenience with his tall ass self)
-Hoshi (reckon he’s about 5'10? It’d be easy to kiss each others’ foreheads. Cuties.)
-Jun (he’d love the legsssss)
-Vernon (high-key doesn’t really care)
-Seungkwan (same with hansol)
-Dk (big or small, he’d always look at the bright side. Meaning you can get what’s on the top shelf with ease so he doesn’t have to move when he gets lazy)
-The8 (same with Dk where he’d find the perks)
-Dino (he’s about 5'7 but he’s pretty mature so it wouldn’t bother him too much)
-Joshua (he probably pictures himself with someone shorter, but he likes you and you’d be about the same height so that’s good)
Least: -S.coups (he really wants to be a protective figure, your height wouldn’t allow him to baby you too much if you were really tall)
-Woozi (sigh, he just wants someone around his height but if you both had mutual feelings, then at least let him be the big spoon)
-Jeonghan (he said once his ideal type is 165cm which is about 5'3 I believe? So there’s that.)

~marsbin

❤️ FIC REC FRIDAY ❤️

Yes that’s right fic rec Friday is back better than ever! Now I am collabing with teenytinytomlinson! This is a round-up of the best fics we have read this week. ENJOY!

It’s hard to look right at you, baby 15k

Coffee Shop AU where Louis is going through a dry spell, Zayn wants to be a good friend and help Louis find someone, and Harry ends up finding him instead.

[or the one where louis is ‘hella fucking gay and desperately single’ and harry wants to change that last part.]


All I need is you 5k

harry is a makeup artist and louis is a french underwear model with soft lips and a pretty accent.


I don’t wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your neck 20k


Harry has been in love with Louis Tomlinson for four years, five months, and thirteen days.

Harry had fallen in love with Louis Tomlinson like how he’d seen in movies, and how he’d read in all the books he’d stolen from Gemma, headfirst and shameless.

The only problem was, that in films and books, love was always either returned instantly, or else it took time for unrequited love to lose the first two letters, and since the first option was obviously not true, Harry decided he would wait for the second to become reality.

And so Harry waited, three years, eight months, and four days, before his heart had been broken by a gentle rejection and a misplaced blowjob, before Louis and Gemma had packed up and gone to Manchester for university.

(Harry is a hopelessly romantic omega and Louis is his sister’s best friend)


A trace of innocence 3k

“How far…how far is too far?” Harry asks his older self. “Is this normal?”

“Don’t think it’s really normal to even be talking to your older self, so, I reckon none of this is normal,” Older Harry laughs as his hands fall from Harry’s cheeks and down to his thighs. “Doesn’t mean it’s not okay,” he adds a moment later.

Name from “No Control” — for obvious reasons.

Leave It Up To Me 9k

“They didn’t have the scent I wanted, but I did get the milk,” a deep voice says and Louis startles, turning to find someone who is very decidedly not Zayn in his car. He’s frowning and bending forward to put his bag on the floor by his feet and Louis slowly unbuckles his seatbelt just in case he’s about to be murdered and needs to make a run for it.

“The fuck are you doing?” Louis asks, eyebrows raised and voice high in confusion.

The guy jumps then, sitting back up and looking at Louis with wide, wide green eyes. He looks around in shock and then back at Louis and blushes. “Uhm,” he draws out slowly and then continues politely with, “I’m very sorry. I got in the wrong car.”

Or the one where Harry has a bad habit of popping in places he’s not allowed and Louis just wants to kiss him.

My English Love Affair 19k

The thing about sleeping with a member of a famous indie band is that the inevitability of having a song written about you is most likely a hundred percent. The second thing is that in the end, nobody’s supposed to find out it’s about you.

The one where Harry writes a song about his English love affair and Louis sleeps with someone in White Eskimo and all he gets is a stupid song written about him.

Feels Like We’re Falling In Love 14k

Louis knows he’s in trouble as soon as their lips meet. He had known from the second he laid eyes on Harry that he was different, that they were different. He had felt a deeper connection with him, within minutes, than he felt with people he’d known all his life. Kissing him just seems to solidify that what he feels is right. It makes Louis believe in all the things he’s never believed in, like soul mates and destiny.

Louis reluctantly accompanies Eleanor to the Bahamas for a One Direction concert, only to stumble across a curly haired boy that turns his world upside down.

The Sweat on Our Skin 11k

Louis is certain there’s no better way to come down from a post-gym high than a naked romp in the bed with his favorite workout partner.

it ain’t trickin if ya got it 11k

Louis raises an eyebrow and smirks. “You have to ask nicely, Harry.”

They’ve never really played like this before, and Louis is a little out of his element but he finds that they’re both falling effortlessly into their roles (and not just because Louis is good at acting).

Harry’s too overwhelmed, though, to say anything without first gasping, “I c-can’t - god, I can’t believe you - please, Daddy, please put it inside?”

… or, 28-year-old blockbuster actor Louis Tomlinson rushes home to give his 20-year-old model boyfriend Harry a good seeing-to after a particularly provocative Instagram post and, in his excitement, alerts the entire world. Featuring daddy kink, anal beads, and feelings.

Take Everything: Calum Hood Smut


Your name: submit What is this?

“It says that it’s not supposed to be all that painful.” You informed Calum. You lay sprawled on the opposite side of Calum, who was too into his FIFA game to know what you were talking about.

“Oh yeah?” He hummed absentmindedly tongue hanging out of his mouth in concentration.

“Are you even listening Calum!” You shouted kicking your best friend’s thigh in annoyance.

“Sure.” Calum scoffed. “Childbirth right? Or menostop?” He shrugged pausing the game and looking at you with that stupid grin plastered on his face. Shooting him your deadliest glare didn’t exactly work when you burst into a giant grin at his stupidity.


“Menopause.” You corrected with a roll of your eyes. “I wasn’t talking about either by the way.”

Calum laughed kicking your thigh playfully.

“Then what were you talking about Y/N?” Calum asked pushing you to the other side of the bed aggressively so he could rest his head on your stomach. You groaned as your head hit the headboard

“Fucking bastard.” You grumbled grabbing the book he threw. “I was talking about losing your virginity.” You explained opening the health care book to where you left off. Calum snorted closing his eyes peacefully as you combed your hands through his coarse hair.

“I thought you were planning on screwing what’s his face?”

“I was.” You shrugged. “I still am. I’m just trying to figure out how to lessen the pain. Make it less obvious you know?”

“Why try to hide it?” Calum hummed throwing his arm over his eyes. “It’s something special.” You smiled, though he was a goof, he could be sweet one sometimes. “And he’s getting laid who the hell cares.”

“I guess I’m doing this more for me than anything.” You assured. “But I think I should be good. It’s says that the hymen should already be worn enough, from periods, tampons and stuff.”

“Ew. The what?” Calum’s nose wrinkled in obvious disgust.

“Its a membrane that all girls are born with, in their vagina’s.”  

“And you just rip it apart with a tampon when you’re like twelve?!” Calum near screamed obviously in shock, thinking back to year 6 when you got your first period during school and you forced him to go get a tampon from the nurse’s office. That was one hell of a conversation.

“Or a dick.” You snorted obviously amused with Calum’s lack of knowledge. “Haven’t you ever taken anyone’s virginity?”

“No. I’ve always been the second.” Calum shrugged. You bolted up causing Calum to fall off the couch.

“Oh my God, what the fuck?” He questioned rubbing the back of his head, which landed on the floor with a loud thud.

“Cal! Do you want to be my first?”

“What?” Calum’s face went from pained to utterly shocked. “Be your first what?” He shouted, as if it was obvious enough.

“My first time Calum!” You rolled your eyes hopping off the bed and crawling towards him. “Please Calum please!”

“I know we have this freakish level of trust Y/N but, isn’t that taking it to a whole new level?” Calum placed a fist on his temple trying to wrap his mind around this.

“Cal think about it. You’ve never been special enough to be someone’s first.”

“Gee thanks.”  

“But I’m serious Calum, I don’t think that Freddy is special enough to take my virginity.’ You blushed heavily before continuing. “And I think that you are.”

Before you could say anything else Calum’s lips were on yours. Eyes wide you didn’t react as quickly as you had first thought you would. Calum pulled away before peppering kisses along your cheeks and down, across your jaw before swooping down and taking your neck biting gently as his hands rubbed circles on your stomach, the flimsy material of your shirt riding up with every swipe.

“Calum.” You whimper, and he shivers at the raw sound of your voice, which is shredded with all sorts of emotions that he has to pause pull away and just, look at you.

And suddenly you see Calum in a different light, a light that you know you’ll never forget. He looks down at you with those soft, dark eyes of his and pulls you into his arms again. For a mere moment, you remain in innocent bliss. But the moment passes quickly because there are other, less innocent things on your minds and Calum has already lost any form self control. But, you reckon, he’s got enough of it to make things as you planned them, painless.

You watch as he pulls his hands from your warm body and instead turns his attention to his shirt. His eyes never leave yours as he he makes a show of pulling off, slowly, gently, and then slips the fabric off his body entirely. You swallow thickly at the passion that burns through you, you nearly burst when he sends you a lazy, all too-casual smile that sends you into a haze.

“You’re turn,” he tells you cheekily. It gives a playful side to the  serious situation you found yourself in, and you just have to smile.

You love him.

You love him so much that you feel entirely comfortable around him.

It’s a realization that hits you like a bag of bricks.

And that is why you go along with his stupid game, you lift your hands to pull your shirt up and over your head. His eyes flicker over your skin. Goosebumps explode over your skin and a shiver tears down your spine. You already feel your body pounding for him and you have hardly begun. Calum’s gaze locks with yours and he sends you another one of those delicious half-smiles.

That smile shared for the years. The smile that has encouraged you through many first, even before this.  

You expect him to do many things during the next few moments. The mysterious way his smile edges over his lips makes you think that he’s planning something. It is often impossible to guess what, exactly, Calum comes up with. What you don’t expect is for him to suddenly grab the belt loops of your jeans and tug you forward, bumping his hips with yours and exerting a rather delightful dominance at the same time.

“You said gentle isn’t exactly needed. Right? Just a hell of a lot of foreplay?”

It is all you need to really slip into the moment, that stupid, cheeky line. Your lips immediately find his in the dim light, provided by the tv which is still emitting cheers from a fake crowd, moving suddenly and rather furiously as your hands tumble over each other’s body. Calum begins forcing your pants down, past your hips, catching your panties at the same time. You find yourself once again surprised by this but don’t move to stop him. Clothes are unwanted now. Useless.

“That tv is ruining the mood,” you whisper against his needy lips, he smirks a little into your shared kiss. Calum throws your pants away and moves his fingers to his own, feeling rather restricted in the tight fabric.

“Just ignore it,” Calum tells you, flashing a grin that suddenly makes you swoon. You giggle a little and then let out a laugh as he picks you up, swinging you towards the bed.You land on your back, you sit up, reaching behind you to deal with your bra. When it’s thrown across the room, you look up to find Calum just watching you, standing in all his bare glory with a loving expression on his face. Another thing you will never forget, even if you both end up going in separate directions.

With a soft smile, you open your arms to him and tell him, “Come here.”

The invitation is accepted almost immediately. He crawls to you slowly, kissing you as deeply as he can. Your legs wrap around his hips and pull his core against yours and both of you moan, moan at the feeling of your arousals grinding against one another so intimately. But this moment is also intimate in another way, a more emotional way. Calum rests his forehead against yours as you both take a second to soak in the utter adoration that basically radiates off the two of you.

“I love you,” he tells you, eyes serious and honest. It makes your heartbeat increase to what feels like a deadly pace. All you can do is a breathy

“I love you too,” that makes the light in Calum’s eyes shine like the flashes that suddenly follow him everywhere he goes.

You kiss with such excitement that only exists in that sort of new and exciting love, in the kind of devotion that is all too often impossible to find. You kiss because you know that you  are lucky to have found it. You kiss because, in that moment, you know that you are truly blessed.And then the passion starts up again.

You kiss again and then Calum moves his mouth down, down, down until he catches your nipple in his mouth, your back arches, and a moan rips through you.The depth of your affection is so obvious even he, the emotionally clueless teen boy, senses it. His tongue dips over the soft skin of your nipple. He rolls his teeth against you in the gentlest manner. He massages your other breast with his free hand before growing tired and instead moving further down to press against the delicious heat of your core.

You moan.

And Calum shivers because that moan is something that will probably come back to haunt him in the worst moment, he shivers because the sound is so erotic is causes his abdomen to tense. You grip onto his hair and moan.His lips follow his hand, using his tongue in other, more delicious ways. A long lick sends you into a fit of ecstasy that makes you moan his name again. This time, in warning. A warning which Calum pays no attention to.

“Calum,” you moan again, breathlessly, and rather loudly. You gasp a little when his thumb brushes over your sensitive nub and for a moment you see stars. But then you are working up the energy to say more than just his name. “Calum, please…please…”

It is a not exactly a huge effort, but you really can’t help it. When Calum has you pinned down like this, working his mouth on you in the delicious way that he is, you cannot say anything else. It takes too much effort, too much strength that you don’t currently have.

But luckily Calum listens.

He listens because he wants you just as badly as you want him. He listens because there isn’t really any other way he wants to spend his evening, especially that stupid game behind him doesn’t seem worth any time at all right now. Sinking himself in and around you, being one with you, of course he’s craved it before, but this, this is finally reality. So he gives you one last, delightful lick before kissing his way back up your form. He presses open-mouthed kisses over the curve of your stomach, your soft, breasts, your collarbone.

Then he nestles himself between your legs and looks down at you, studying, discovering, memorizing. Calum’s stare makes you shift, whimper.

You move your hands over his chest and question, “What the hell are you thinking about Cal?”

He smiles suddenly and leans in to kiss you. His hips push against hers just as gently, you kiss him back with more force, silently telling him that you need this to just happen. He just grins.

“I think you’re beautiful,” he admits, and it takes you a moment to understand him because you are so desperate you really aren’t paying complete attention. But when you do you find yourself smiling, find your heartbeat accelerating simply because of the words. And then you giggle when Calum kisses your face, here and there in a wicked manner, just like when this whole thing started.

And then, he kisses the corner of your mouth and whispers, still anything but serious, “I’m going to break the rest of that membrane.”

You swallow thickly because the emotions of the room change so suddenly, so strangely, even with a line as ridiculous as that. But it is delicious, and the look in Calum’s eyes are anything but childish. You nod watching with half lidded eyes as he lines himself up, pushes past your barriers, and then sinks into your heat with a deep, satisfied sigh. You blink in discomfort, but not in pain, you tug at his hair to let him know to wait, just for a moment. When the slight pinch is gone and all you feel is pleasure you buck your hips against his. Calum moves almost immediately, shifting his hips a little until he falls into a rhythm. And then, you are left gasping, hurtling toward something unidentifiable and most obviously new but so, so delicious. The ache that had been pounding through you is gone, replaced by the feeling of completeness, desires fulfilled.

Your back arches back, eyes closed and a load moan rips through you. Above you, Calum kisses your cheek, your neck, your jaw, before resting his forehead against yours.

He picks up his pace naturally, and soon the gentleness that had been perfectly acceptable is now something hazardous, much more… animalistic, he takes you back to the pure, primal basics of sex. His thrusts shift into tight, ramming pushes, pinning your hips to the mattress as he forces a darker sort of dominance over you. And you bask in the glory of it, delight in the way he takes you, harshly and yet gently.

“Calum…” you moan again, feeling him hit you perfectly, deeply, nearly to your womb. It feels so damn good. You gasp silently when he lowers his mouth to your breasts and sucks.The intensity heightens like thunder, singing through your veins, bodies and minds. His tongue flicks over your nipple and you moan loudly, crying out a little when he bites you. His other hand forms a tight grasp around your waist, probably bruising. He moans and the mere sound of it makes you want to come, so fiercely and so deeply that you won’t be able to even breathe. But you don’t, wouldn’t it disappoint Calum? Is it too soon?

”Don’t worry,” he suddenly speaks, his voice husky, raw and overpowering. He draws back to your face, pressing a kiss to your mouth. Your body snaps into yours and you moan. “Come,” he says, feeling the way you tense.

Calum wants to watch you come for him, wants to know that he is the cause of it, wants to confirm the fact that he is the first to take you, and he’s suddenly dead set on being the last too. It is a primal wish that clouds and takes hold of his entire being. You want to hold out longer, want to wait for him. But you just can’t. You can already feel your orgasm tear through you. You can’t hold on any longer and so you moan, trying to warn him. Your eyes widen and you stare at Calum as he drives you to your end, digging his hardened member deep into you again, and again and again.

You come with a loud cry that sounds like his name and you tighten around him. Calum delves in the tightness, driving himself faster, harder into you. He wants to come too, wants to finish, wants to spill himself inside you like an adolescent boy during his first  sexual encounter. He buries his face in the crook of your neck and moans, voice low, deep and passionate as he stumbles into an orgasm. It tears through him so mightily that he can’t even breathe, can’t see or hear except for the moans of his lover. He pants, tilts his head to kiss your cheek, slows down his quick thrusts and replaces them with slow movements that make the pleasure positively rush through them. And then Calum pulls back just a little to look into your eyes, and together you breathe. And together you smile. He draws out of you and gathers you up in his arms and pulls a sheet over both of you.

“You moan like a fucking porn star.” Calum all but giggles. “Its fucking amazing.”

“You’re fucking amazing.”

Calum Smut

-Calum-

”It says that its not supposed to be all that painful.” You informed Calum. You lay sprawled on the opposite side of Calum, who was too into his FIFA game to know what you were talking about. 
”Oh yeah?” He hummed absentmindedly tongue hanging out of his mouth in concentration. 
”Are you even listening Calum!” You shouted kicking your best friend’s thigh in annoyance. 
“Sure.” Calum scoffed. “Child birth right? Or menostop?” He shrugged pausing the game and looking at you with that stupid grin plastered on his face. Shooting him your deadliest glare didn’t exactly work when you burst into a giant grin at his stupidity. 
”Menopause.” You corrected with a roll of your E/C eyes. “I wasn’t talking about either by the way.” Calum laughed kicking your thigh 
playfully. 
“Then what were you talking about Y/N?” Calum asked pushing you to the other side of the bed aggressively so he could rest his head 
on your stomach. You groaned as your head hit the head board 
”Fucking bastard.” You grumbled grabbing the book he threw. “I was talking about loosing your virginity.” You explained opening the health care book to where you left off. Calum snorted closing his eyes peacefully as you combed your hands through his course hair. 
”I thought you were planning on screwing what’s his face?” 
”I was.” You shrugged. “I still am. I’m just trying to figure out how to lessen the pain. Make it less obvious you know?” 
”Why try to hide it?” Calum hummed throwing his arm over his eyes. “Its something special.” You smiled, though he was a goof, he could be sweet one sometimes. “And he’s getting laid who the hell cares.” And he’s back. 
”I guess I’m doing this more for me than anything.” You assured. “But I think I should be good. Its says that the hymen should already be worn enough, from periods, tampons and stuff.” 
”Ew. The what?” Calum’s nose wrinkled in obvious disgust. 
”Its a membrane that all girls are born with, in their vagina’s.” 
”And you just rip it apart with a tampon when you’re like twelve?!” Calum near screamed obviously in shock going back to year 6 when you got your first period during school and you forced him to go get a tampon from the nurses’ office. That was one hell of a conversation with Miss. Bleakley.
”Or a dick.” You snorted obviously amused with Calum’s lack of knowledge. “Haven’t you ever taken anyone’s virginity?” 
”No. I’ve always been the second.” Calum shrugged. You bolted up causing Calum to fall off the couch. ”Oh my God what the fuck?” He questioned rubbing the back of his head, which landed on the floor with a loud thud. 
”Cal! Do you want to be my first?” 
”What?” Calum’s face went from pained to utterly shocked. “Be your first what?” He shouted, as if it was obvious enough. 
”My first time Calum!” You rolled your eyes hopping off the bed and crawling towards him. “Please Calum please!” 
”I know we have this certain level of trust Y/N but, isn’t that taking it to a whole new level?” Calum placed a fist on his temple trying to wrap his mind around this. 
”Cal think about it. You’ve never been special enough to be someone’s first.” 
“Gee thanks.” 
”But I’m serious Calum, I don’t think that Jon is special enough to take my virginity.’ You blushed heavily before continuing. “And I think that you are.” Before you could say anything else Calum’s lips were on yours. Eyes wide you didn’t react as quickly as you had first thought you would. Calum pulled away before peppering kisses along your cheeks and down, across your jaw before swooping down and taking your neck biting gently as his hands rubbed circles on your stomach, the flimsy material of your shirt riding up with every swipe. 
 ”Calum.” You whimper, and he shivers at the raw sound of your voice, which is shredded with all sorts of emotions that he has to pause pull away and just, look at you. And suddenly you see Calum in a different light, a light that you know you’ll never forget. He looks down at you with those soft, dark eyes of his and pulls you into his arms again. For a mere moment, you remain in innocent bliss. But the moment passes quickly because there are other, less innocent things on your minds and Calum has already lost any form self control. But, you reckon, he’s got enough of it to make things as you planned them, painless. You watch as he pulls his hands from your warm body and instead turns his attention to his shirt. His eyes never leave yours as he he makes a show of pulling off, slowly, gently, and then slips the fabric off his body entirely. You swallow thickly at the passion that burns through you, you nearly burst when he sends you a lazy, all too-casual smile that sends you into a haze.
”You’re turn,” he tells you cheekily. It gives a playful side to the serious situation you found yourself in, and you just have to smile. You love him. You love him so much that you feel entirely comfortable around him. Its a realization that hits you like a bag of bricks, And that is why you go along with his stupid game, you lift your hands to pull your shirt up and over your head. His eyes flicker over your skin. Goosebumps explode over your skin and a shiver tears down your spine. You already feel your body pounding for him and they have hardly begun. Calum’s gaze locks with yours and he sends you another one of those delicious half-smiles. That smile shared for the past eighteen years. The smile that has encouraged you through many first, even before this. You expect him to do many things during the next few moments. The mysterious way his smile edges over his lips makes you think that he’s planning something. It is often impossible to guess what, exactly, Calum comes up with. What you don’t expect is for him to suddenly grab the belt loops of your jeans and tug you forward, bumping his hips with yours and exerting a rather delightful dominance at the same time. ”You said gentle isn’t exactly needed. Right? Just a hell of a lot of foreplay?”It is all you need to really slip into the moment, that stupid, cheeky line. Your lips immediately find his in the dim light, provided by the tv which is still emitting cheers from a fake crowd, moving suddenly and rather furiously as your hands tumble over each other’s body. Calum begins forcing your pants down, past your hips, catching your panties at the same time. You find yourself once again surprised by this but don’t move to stop him. Clothes are unwanted now. Useless.
”That tv is ruining the mood,” you whisper against his needy lips, he smirks a little into your shared kiss. Calum throws your pants away and moves his fingers to his own, feeling rather restricted in the tight fabric. 
”Just ignore it,” Calum tells her, flashing a grin suddenly makes you swoon. You giggle a little and then let out a laugh as he picks you up, swinging you towards the bed.You land on your back, you sit up, reaching behind you to deal with your bra. When its thrown across the room, you look up to find Calum just watching you, standing in all his bare glory with a loving expression on his face. Another thing you will never forget, even if you both end up going in separate directions. With a soft smile, you open your arms to him and tell him, “Come here.” The invitation is accepted almost immediately. He crawls to you slowly, kissing you as deeply as he can. Your legs wrap around his hips and pull his core against yours and both of you moan, moan at the feeling of your arousals grinding against one another so intimately. But this moment is also intimate in another way, a more emotional way. For fucks sake your best friend is taking your virginity. Calum rests his forehead against yours as you both take a second to soak in the utter adoration that basically radiates off the two of you.”I love you,” he tells you, eyes serious and honest. It makes your heart increase to what feels like a deadly pace. All you can do is a breathy 
“I love you too,” that makes the light in Calum’s eyes shine like the flashes that suddenly follow him every he goes. You kiss with such excitement that only exists in that sort of new and exciting love, in the kind of devotion that is all too often impossible to find. You kiss because you know that you are lucky to have found it. You kiss because, in that moment, you know that you are truly blessed.And then the passion starts up again. You kiss again and then Calum moves his mouth down, down, down until he catches your nipple in his mouth, your back arches, and a moan rips through you.The depth of your affection is so obvious even he, the emotionally clueless, senses it. His tongue dips over the soft skin of your nipple. He rolls his teeth against you in the gentlest manner. He massages your other breast with his free hand before growing tired and instead moving further down to press against the delicious heat of your core. You moan. And Calum shivers because that moan is something that will probably come back to haunt him in the worst moment, he shivers because the sound is so erotic is causes his abdomen to tense. You grip onto his hair and moan.His lips follow his hand, using his tongue in other, more delicious ways. A long lick sends you into a fit of ecstasy that makes you moan his name again. This time, in warning. A warning which Calum pays no attention to. 
”Calum,” you moan again, breathlessly, and rather loudly. You gasp a little when his thumb brushes over your sensitive nub and for a moment you see stars. But then you are working up the energy to say more than just his name. “Calum, please…please…” It is a not exactly a huge effort, but you really can’t help it. When Calum has you pinned down like this, working his mouth on you in the delicious way that he is, you cannot say anything else. It takes too much effort, too much strength that you don’t currently have. But luckily Calum listens. He listens because he wants you just as badly as you want him. He listens because there isn’t really any other way he wants to spend his evening, especially that stupid game behind him doesn’t seem worth any time at all right now. Sinking himself in and around you, being one with you, of course he’s craved it before, but this, this is finally reality. So he gives you one last, delightful lick before kissing his way back up your form. He presses open-mouthed kisses over the curve of your stomach, your soft, breasts, you collarbone. Then he nestles himself between your legs and looks down at you, studying, discovering, memorizing. Calum’s stare makes you shift, whimper. You move your hands over his chest and question, “What the hell are you thinking about Cal?” He smiles suddenly and leans in to kiss you. His hips push against hers just as gently, you kiss him back with more force, silently telling him that you need this to just happen. He just grins. 
”I think you’re beautiful,” he admits, and it takes you a moment to understand him because you are so desperate you really aren’t paying complete attention. But when you do you finds herself smiling, finds your heartbeat accelerating simply because of the words. And then you giggle when Calum kisses your face, here and there in a wicked manner, just like when this whole thing started. And then, he kisses the corner of your mouth and whispers, still anything but serious, “I’m going to break the rest of that membrane.” You swallow thickly because the emotions of the room change so suddenly, so strangely, even with a line as ridiculous as that. But it is delicious, and the look in Calum’s eyes are anything but childish. You nod watching with half lidded eyes as he lines himself up, pushes past your barriers, and then sinks into your heat with a deep, satisfied sigh. You blink in discomfort, but not in pain, you tug at his hair to let him know to wait, just for a moment. When the slight pinch is gone and all you fell is pleasure you buck your hips against his. Calum moves almost immediately, shifting his hips a little until he falls into a rhythm. And then, you are left gasping, hurtling toward something unidentifiable and most obviously new but so, so delicious. The ache that had been pounding through you is gone, replaced by the feeling of completeness, desires fulfilled. Your back arches back, eyes close and a load moan rips through you. Above you, Calum kisses your cheek, your neck, your jaw, before resting his forehead against yours.He picks up his pace naturally, and soon the gentleness that had been perfectly acceptable is now something hazardous, much more… animalistic, he takes you back to the pure, primal basics of sex. His thrusts shift into tight, ramming pushes, pinning your hips to the mattress as he forces a darker sort of dominance over you. And you bask in the glory of it, delight in the way he takes you, harshly and yet gently. 
”Calum…” you moan again, feeling him hit you perfectly, deeply, nearly to your womb. It feels so damn good. You gasp silently when he lowers his mouth to your breasts and sucks.The intensity heightens like thunder, singing through your veins, bodies and minds. His tongue flicks over your nipple and you moan loudly, yelping a little when he bites you. His other hand forms a tight grasp around your waist, probably bruising. He moans and the mere sound of it makes you want to come, so fiercely and so deeply that you won’t be able to even breathe. But you don’t, wouldn’t it disappoint Calum? Is it too soon?
”Don’t worry,” he suddenly speaks, his voice husky, raw and overpowering. He draws back to your face, pressing a kiss to your mouth. Your body snaps into yours and you moan. “Come,” he says, feeling the way you tense. Calum wants to watch you come for him, wants to know that he is the cause of it, wants to confirm the fact that he is the first to take you, and he’s suddenly dead set on being the last too. It is a primal wish that clouds and takes hold of his entire being. You want to hold out longer, want to wait for him. But you just can’t. You can already feel your orgasm tear through you. You can’t hold on any longer and so you moans, trying to warn him. Your eyes widen and you stare at Calum as he drives you to your end, digging his hardened member deep into you again, and again and again. You come with a loud cry that sounds like his name and you tighten around him. Calum delves in the tightness, driving himself faster, harder into you. He wants to come too, wants to finish, wants to spill himself inside you like an adolescent boy during his first time sexual encounter. He buries his face in the crook of your neck and moans, voice low, deep and passionate as he stumbles into an orgasm. It tears through him so mightily that he can’t even breathe, can’t see or hear except for the moans of his lover. He pants, tilts his head to kiss your cheek, slows down his quick thrusts and replaces them with slow movements that make the pleasure positively rush through them. And then Calum pulls back just a little to look into your eyes, and together you breathe. And together you smile. He draws out of you and gathers you up in his arms and pulls a sheet over both of you. 
”You moan like a fucking porn star.” Calum all but giggles. “Its fucking amazing.”
“You’re fucking amazing.”
Ahh, okay. Its so long. I couldn’t even start the other boys’. Please follow.

ATSI activism now

There’s lots of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander activism going on.

  • Redfern Tent Embassy
  • Grandmothers Against Removals
  • Freedom Rides happening again
  • #LeardBlockade by Gomeroi people among others
  • ATSI activists mob the #libspill live coverage

It makes sense. Closing the Gap - which 7 years on with bipartisan support - is not working. That’s enough time and enough support to say ‘we tried it your way and it ain’t the answer’. I reckon self-determination, a treaty, more active empowerment of Indigenous decision-makers is needed. And not cutting $500m from ATSI services.

anyway i just saw someone point out terezis been more dickish than usual post-retcon but while you are right im sure its just because shes slowly morphing into karkat, who generally uses equally if not more dickish insults

they both mellowed out pre-retcon but are more bitter and childish with the insults post-retcon because theyre salty about some stuff i reckon