self help crap

The Dean Winchester Starters Pack;

Mix of angst, humor and various other emotions.

❝ It’s a treasure. ❞
❝ Next time someone asks me if I’m okay, I’m gonna start throwing punches! ❞
❝ I know what you’re thinking. Why’d it have to be clowns? ❞
❝ Why do you think I drive everywhere? ❞
❝ Dude, you fugly. ❞
❝ It’s like I finally see a light at the end of this ugly ass tunnel. ❞
❝ I wish I couldn’t feel a damn thing. ❞
❝ You know I love the guy, but I swear he writes like freaking Yoda. ❞ 
❝ You stink like sex. ❞
❝ I owe you the biggest “I told you so” ever. ❞
❝ Yeah, MySpace, what the hell is that? ❞
❝ Everybody keeps asking me that, but… no. ❞
❝ I think I’m adorable. ❞
❝ I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot. ❞
❝ Dude, he/she wants me to meet his/her parents. I don’t do parents. ❞
❝ This weight on my shoulders. Man, I’m tired of it. ❞
❝ You mean “protection against a demon” salt or “oops, I spilled the popcorn” salt? ❞
❝ We know a little about a lot of things. Just enough to make us dangerous. ❞
❝ Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole. ❞
❝ First I’m gonna find that handsome devil and kick the holy crap outta him. ❞
❝ Say you’ll take care of yourself. ❞
❝ You can take your peace and shove it up your lily-white ass. ❞
❝ You are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. ❞
❝ You’re serious? You’re gonna walk in there and tell him the truth? ❞
❝ We’ve talked about this. Personal space? ❞
❝ Hey, look! A monster broke my leg. ❞
❝ Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon? ❞
❝ Dude, could you be more gay? ❞
❝ You fudging touch me again, I’ll fudging kill you! ❞
❝ Gimme the baby, or I’ll stab you in your throat. ❞
❝ I bet it’s not even sharp. ❞
❝ You don’t stop being a soldier because you got wounded in battle. ❞
❝ Don’t make me lose you, too. ❞
❝ Dude, stow the touchy-feely-self-help yoga crap! ❞
❝ No chick flick moments. ❞
❝ What, are you allergic to straight answers, you son of a bitch?! ❞
❝ Pretend he has boobs. ❞
❝ If you walk out that door, don’t ever come back. ❞
❝ I like to think it’s because of my perky nipples. ❞
❝ Don’t ever change. ❞
❝ I’m proud of us.  ❞
❝ Not for nothing, last time someone looked at me like that… I got laid. ❞

Fire and Ashes: a ficlet for ask-tiny!cas

This fic takes place before this post. I felt inspired by what Jenna had said in her tags and had to run with it. Hope you enjoy! Follow ask-tinycas if you don’t already.

Ashes rained down like leaves as twisting fingers of flame clawed upwards. Part of the ceiling collapsed, a great boom rising above the noise of the fire. Dean threw an arm up to shield himself, but the heat still burned his face as the fingers of flame reached for him.

“Cas!” he cried out, his voice hoarse and lost in the sound of another part of the room falling. He coughed, choking on the smoke that was filling his lungs. “Cas!”

The flames were dancing higher, and he knew he only had a few precious moments. His mind began to shut down. All reasoning was cast aside and was replaced with an animalistic drive. He had to save Cas. He had to save Cas. Save Cas. Save Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas. The name beat like a drum in his head and fell in rhythm with his beating heart. Cas. Cas. Cas.

He sprang into the flames.

As soon as he did, the flames began to take shape. They twisted and contorted themselves into wicked faces. They bared their pointed teeth at him and laughed. Arms of flames shot forward and grabbed onto his body, holding him in place. He struggled against their grip, but he could not move. Suddenly, the flames in front of him parted, revealing a small, crumpled form in front of him on the ground. It was charred and half buried in ashes. Its raven wings were singed and tattered, and one was bent at an unnatural angle.

Dean’s heart stopped.


He let out a roar and tore himself from the clutches of the flames. He fell to his knees in front of his fallen angel and gently scooped him into his hands. The angel was so frail and fragile that he was afraid that even the smallest touch would shatter him like glass. His fingers ghosted over Cas’s wings and his hair.

“Cas?” he whispered, his voice as gentle as his touch. “Cas, buddy, are you alright? Come on, man, give me a sign. Don’t do this to me.”

Slowly, the angel lifted his head. Blood and ashes caked his face, and one of his eyes was swollen shut. He did not say anything, but only stared vacantly at Dean. A soft sigh escaped his lips and he lowered his head again. Slowly, his body began to turn into ashes, starting from his wings and eventually spreading to the rest of his body. Dean tried to clutch onto Cas as he slowly disappeared, but no matter how much he tried, he could not save his angel. The ashes fluttered upwards and into the flames until there was nothing left in his hands.

“No…” Dean whispered, staring at his empty hands. “No! Cas!” He whipped around and faced the flames behind him. “Cas! Come back! Cas!”

He lunged forward, but another hand of flame lashed forward and grabbed his right wrist. Another reached out and wrapped itself around his left wrist. Two more shot forward and grabbed his ankles. Dean struggled against his restraints, gnashing his teeth and shouting senseless profanity at his captors. As he struggled, the flames in front of him began to shift again. This time, they formed a person. As the person walked towards him, it began to take on sharper detail. It came to halt directly in front of Dean in its true form: Cas.

“You did this, Dean,” The flame-Cas hissed, embers falling out of its mouth as it spoke. “You failed.”

“No…I didn’t mean for this to happen!” Dean cried, fighting against his restraints again. The heat from the flame-Cas burned his face, and he tried to turn away. “I didn’t want this to happen. I am so sorry, Cas. I…”

“You what, Dean? You wanted to protect me? Wanted to save me from the fate of every person who gets too close to you?” Flame-Cas sneered and shook its head. “No, Dean Winchester. This is what happens to everyone you love, isn’t it? They become flames, ashes.”

“Please, don’t…”

“You didn’t deserve to be saved.”

Dean’s blood felt like it had become ice. “Cas…”

Flame-Cas frowned. “I will send you back to Hell myself.” He suddenly shot his arm forward and pierced it through Dean’s chest.

The pain was unbelievable. Every cell in Dean’s body screamed and fire burned him from the inside out. The flames around him rose higher as the hands grabbing him began to pull downwards…downwards…downwards…

He awoke with a gasp, his heart thumping in his chest and his breathing heavy. A thin layer of sweat covered his body and his hands shook. It had just been a nightmare. He turned to his right to the pillow next to his head, but it was empty.

Cas really was dead. The dream had been real.

No, Cas wasn’t dead. Cas was alive.

A wave of relief washed over Dean, but it was quickly overcome with sadness and isolation. Cas wasn’t there. Although his nightmares had been few and far between lately, Cas was always there to soothe him. He would sit next to his face and lovingly rub his forehead, or kiss his freckles and tell him that everything was alright. Sometimes, Dean would simply hold him in his hand, as if the tiny angel was the only thing anchoring him to reality and letting go of him would make him lose that grip.

But tonight, Dean was alone.

His fingers dug into the empty pillow next to his head. He had been an idiot and now he was alone. Of course Cas wasn’t useless. Of course Cas wasn’t weak. Cas was sometimes his only grip on reality. Cas was more than Dean would ever be able to put into words.

But Cas was so fragile. He couldn’t lose him.

A few tears ran down his cheeks of their own accord. He would talk to Cas in the morning. He would apologize. He would try to put into words what he felt. He would fix things.

But tonight, he was alone. Flames danced behind his closed eyelids. He could feel ashes fall gently on his face like snow. He could feel the weight of a broken angel in his hands. He could feel his mistakes crush his heart that continued to beat its mantra: Cas…Cas…Cas…

Sleep did not come again that night.

The Signs under Supernatural Quotes
  • Aries: I'm gonna go stop the Big Bad Wolf. Which is the weirdest thing I've ever said.
  • Taurus: Zombie-ghost orgy, huh? Well, that's it. I'm torching everybody.
  • Gemini: A bloody, violent monster... and you wanna be Facebook friends with him? Nice, Sammy.
  • Cancer: Dude, stow the touchy-feely, self-help yoga crap.
  • Leo: I like to think it's because of my perky nipples.
  • Virgo: Details are everything. You don’t want to go fighting ghosts without any health insurance.
  • Libra: I am calmed down. Somebody stole my c... :(starts to hyperventilate)
  • Scorpio: Dean, this is a very serious investigation. We don't have any time for any of your blah blah blah blah.
  • Sagittarius: I found a liquor store. And I drank it.
  • Capricorn: Today, you're my little bitch.
  • Aquarius: Last time, I wanted to be normal. This time... I know I'm a freak.
  • Pisces: Wait, there's no such thing as unicorns?

I’m doing a lot better in a lot of ways but I still absolutely feel like that friend who just annoys the crap out of literally everyone but y'all are too nice to say anything

Triple Threat Challenge (SPN Challenge)

Hey guys! So I have another challenge for ya’ll! This is called the Triple Threat Challenge because there will be 3 different prompts to pick from. They will all be from SPN. You can pick from a song that’s been played in episodes, a title of an episode, or a quote said in an episode! I am teaming up with @riversong-sam to do this challenge! I have some rules before you start so please read the rules!

Keep reading


“We know a little about a lot of things; just enough to make us dangerous.”
“I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.”
“What do you wanna do, poke her with a stick? Dude! You’re not gonna poke her with a stick!”
“Wait, there’s no such thing as unicorns?”
“They were just doing their job.”
“No, they were doing our job, only they don’t know it so they suck at it.”
“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”
“Dude, stow the touchy-feely, self-help yoga crap.”
“I hope your apple pie is freakin’ worth it!”
“I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.”
“I miss conversations that didn’t start with ‘this killer truck.’”
“People believe in Santa Claus. How come I’m not getting hooked up every Christmas?”
“What kind of a house doesn’t have salt? Low sodium freaks!”
“MySpace, what the hell is that? Seriously, is that like, some sort of porn site?”
“Of course, the most troubling question is why do these people assume we’re gay?”
“___, this is a very serious investigation. We don’t have any time for any of your blah blah blah blah.”
“I lost my shoe.”
“I’m Batman!”
“Snow White? I saw that movie. The porn version anyway. There was this wicked Stepmother. Woo, she was wicked.”
“You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.”
“You fudgin’ touch me again, I’ll fudgin’ kill ya!”
“These tacos taste funny to you?”
“I shot the sheriff.”
“On Thursdays, we’re teddy bear doctors.”
“The whistle makes me their god.”
“Last time you zapped me someplace, I didn’t poop for a week.”
“Check it out. Four score and seven years ago … I had a funny hat.”
“Calm down?? I am wearing sunglasses at night! You know who does that? No-talent douchebags!”
“I found a liquor store. And I drank it.”

anonymous asked:

Hi, I love your blog and I really admire your sense of style and personality. Things have been hard on me for a very long time, and I was wondering what you do (or would do) personally if you were in the same situation. How do you keep your hope that things will get better? Or how do you make yourself happy when you don't feel like it? Thank you for your time.

Well, I can’t guarantee how helpful I can be, as I don’t know you, your personality or the severity of the situation…. but when I’ve been in a shitty place, there’s a few little, manageable things you can try.

One: look at the sunset. It sounds kind of stupid, but when the sun is going down, really properly look at it for a few minutes. Not think, just look, and kind of let your mind drift a little; that’s one of the “cheats” I learned when I started meditating. Just take a minute to breathe and appreciate that that really pretty thing happens every day.

Two; try some tea. If you have a stovetop kettle, even better. (I hated tea until the end of high school when I actually found flavors I like so please don’t throw the tea-hating thing out there too soon). Boil some water, pick your flavor, let it steep, take an out-of-body moment to appreciate the ritual of it. Add honey if you like. I drink lots of tea when it’s cool weather out as a kind of time-out and check-out kind of thing; it’s a good daydreaming opportunity and destressing practice.

Three; remember that things are not permanent. Not in the holy-shit-everything-is-changing-all-the-time existential fear kind of way but in the shit-sucks-now-but-opportunities-await kind of way. Sometimes the bullshit happens before the good stuff can. Taking little steps to a goal always works better than one big unrealistic leap, and even if it sounds like some self-help crap it’s still true.

Four; when you close your eyes to go to sleep, picture your favorite book or movie scene. If it’s something you’ve seen or read a lot, you probably know it really well. Let it play out as you know, and put yourself in the scene either as a character or guess. Roll with whatever your most-likely tired brain thinks up, and drift…Everyone seems to have a book they read a few times or a movie from childhood they still watch as an adult (examples from me would be Hocus Pocus and The Spiderwick Chronicles books) and they’re kind of security blankets. So hug them close and love them a little because it’s comforting and when things get tough, loving something always helps at least a little.

Five, and this might just be me; have a staring into space or people watching time. Doesn’t have to be long. But if you spot some well-dressed person on the street or someone who looks interesting, imagine a rags-to-riches story for them. Have some time to zone out a little and let your brain rest from hamster-wheeling around bad shit.

That’s all I can think of, and sorry it took so long to get back to this. Sometimes the little things are what can reorganize your thoughts just enough to fix things, a problem at a time. And side not for people who disassociate sometimes; set 5 to 20 minute timers on the daydreaming stuff I mentioned if you can!

Phantom Traveler - Part 3

Word Count: 2392

Pairing: Eventual DeanxReader

Warnings: Plane crash, Blood, Language.

Tagging: @letsgetoutalive @aprofoundbondwithdean @pb-5minutefanfiction @desiringspnimagines @blacktithe7 @spnfanficpond

A/N: Last part! I got carried away with Jensen winning the PCA and my brain just spewing ideas out for this. Plus, I kinda want to get to Bloody Mary. Feedback please! 

Series Rewrite Masterlist

Dean took a few more deep breaths before turning to a flight attendant who was just about to pass you in the aisle. “Excuse me, are you Amanda?” he asked. 

“No, I’m sorry, I’m not.” She replied. 

“Sorry…My mistake.” Dean said. He turned to the back of the plane and saw the only other flight attendant on board. “Ok, so that must be Amanda back there. I’ll go talk to her. Get a read on her mental state.” He said. 

“You’re sure you’re up for this? I could do it.” You offered. 

“No…No I got it.” He replied. 

“What if she’s already possessed?” Sam wondered. 

“There’s ways to test that.” Dean said. Dean dug through his bag and pulled out a small bottle with the Virgin Mary on it. “I brought holy water.” He told Sam, who yanked it out of his hand. You gave him your best bitch face.

Keep reading

Sentence Starters {Supernatural Edition}
  • ”Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up—here.”
  • “Dude, stow the touchy-feely, self-help yoga crap.”
  • “This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”
  • "I found a liquor store. And I drank it."
  • "Hey, assbutt!"
  • ”Dude, you’re not gonna poke her with a stick!”
  • "Wait, there’s no such thing as unicorns?"
  • "I hope your apple pie is freakin’ worth it!"
  • "Are you joking? I just saved your life!"
  • "No, not normal. Safe."
  • "I have a confession to make."
  • "I deserve to be loved!"
  • "That was an order, was it?"
  • "I know it’s not easy, but I’m gonna die, and you can’t stop it. "
  • "I didn’t think there was anything to the story."
  • "What’s wrong with you? Are you… drunk?"
  • "I feel so dirty."
  • "That’s very complex…"
  • ”All roads lead to the same destination.”
  • "You really think it’s wise to be drinking on the job?"
  • "Oh nothing, just the end of the world!"
  • "You’re serious…?"
  • "You’re gonna suck it up, accept your responsibilities, and play the roles
  • that destiny has chosen for you!"
Lau’s AU Funny Quote Challenge

I hit 2,000 followers! I can’t believe it!!! Ya’ll are fucking amazing and crazy for following me. Thank you so much. It means more than you know :)

To celebrate I’m doing my first challenge. You write an AU fic using a funny quote from Supernatural! The list of quotes to choose from is below the cut.


1. You don’t have to be following me but it would be nice ;)

2. It needs to be an AU (alternate universe).

3. Reader insert only. Dean, Sam or Cas. Whoever’s quote you pick, he will be your character.

For example: If you pick a Dean quote…then your fic will be Dean x Reader.

4. Include the funny quote in your fic. It can be smut, fluff, angst, etc.

5. Minimum word count - 1,000 and maximum - 8,000.  It can be a one shot or the beginning of a new series. Please use the Keep Reading feature.

6. Fics will be due by Friday, March 24th.

- Please put Lau’s AU Funny Quote Challenge in your first few tags so I can reblog and comment.

- Please tag me and mention the challenge in your author’s note so I don’t miss it.


Send me an ASK with:

– The number of the funny quote you choose and a backup in case it’s taken.

Please no messages or comments if you want to participate. Ask only! It’s easier to keep track. Thank you :)

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The Ten Commandments: Original Translations

The ten commandments as we know them today are the result of an English translation of a Latin translation of a Hebrew translation of an early Semitic language, and due to the thousands of years and many translations, these immortal words have been a bit skewed from their original meanings. Here, according to biblical scholars here at FIJMU, are their true wordings:

  • Honor thy father and mother.

In the original text, this actually says “Honor all of your elders.”

  • Thou shalt not steal.

More accurately and fully, “Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.”

  • Thou shalt not kill.

This one was more specific in the first texts, explaining, “Never kill another human being, unless they really deserve it.”

  • Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Properly translated, this commandment says simply, “No cutting in line in front of God.”

  • Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

Oddly, this one accurately translated means, “Bears are not sufficient witnesses in court, but neighbors are.”

  • Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

Literally translated, “That’s my name, don’t wear it out.”

  • Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Often completely altered to fit the morals of the times, this commandment was originally, “Do not leave your spoons right side up in the dishwasher or they will collect water and stain with minerals.”

  • Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.

Originally, “Do not reblog God’s selfies.”

  • Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

Originally, “Thank God it’s Friday.”

  • Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, wife, or donkey.

The original list of uncovetables in the first copies of the bible was far more exhaustive, stating, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors house, nor his wife or donkey, or horses or mule, or camel, nor his chimney, roofing or tile floor, nor shalt thou covet him his money or pottery, or milk cow, or his job or parentage or even his wristwatch, though it be gold and ivory, nor shalt thou ever covet his music collection or his familiarity with Jessica the check-out lady at the Barnes and Noble even though she’s seriously hot and he doesn’t even treat her right, I mean seriously, he’s being a dick to her and you always ask how she’s doing but she still digs him more and smiles really big and what’s up with that because you see her more often, you read way more than Josh does and he only ever reads like self-help crap and she literally saw you reading Dostoyevsky after she was wearing a Brothers Karamazov shirt that one time but he’s the good looking one with his big thick mustache so she’s totally into him not to mention that he’s fucking MARRIED. Nor shall you envy his boat.”

Modern copies of the bible also generally leave off the mysterious and rarely understood eleventh commandment, “Wrap it before you tap it.”