What if i told you, self-hatred doesn’t make you a better person, and only plays into narcissism by giving you the impression that you deserve a “reward” for being the “good one”, thereby placing others’ commitments on you?
1. Recognise the importance of forgiving yourself. Not forgiving yourself will deplete your energy, and leave you feeling all chewed up inside. It keeps you living in the past instead of living in the present – so it’s hard to make the most of what’s happening today.
2. Recognise the effects of not forgiving yourself. Those negative emotions like shame and regret are also bad for our long term health – as they undermine and damage a healthy immune system.
3. Name the emotions you are struggling with. Simply naming your emotions can help reduce their power. It brings some order and control into our lives again when we’re hit by overwhelming and negative emotions.
4. Reflect on the fact that we all make mistakes, make foolish decisions and act badly at times. It’s part of being human – you’re an imperfect person. We all do stupid things, and say some things that we regret.
5. Try to let go of other people’s expectations. We can’t please everyone – it’s not going to happen. Decide on your own standards, then try to live by them. Also, if you’re looking for approval you’ll never measure up as you’ll always meet someone who will criticise and judge.
6. Practise self-forgiveness. It’s healthy to acknowledge the regrets that you have – but then you need to be willing to let go of the past – and decide to move forwards - and live life differently.