self hating gay

Y’know, the double standard whereby bisexual men are presumed to be self-hating gay dudes and bisexual women are presumed to be straight trendsters totally makes sense if you’re starting with the premise that the most important thing about a person is whether they’re attracted to men.

just a few things straight* people need to never do again

since i’m feeling extra bitter tonight!

  • don’t call ppl gay as a joke/insult, this is 101 level shit friends!

  • DEFINITELY don’t call homophobes gay as a joke/insult. this goes TRIPLE for homophobic politicians etc who deliberately torture, or endanger/end the lives of, LGBT+ people. fuck your putin memes!!!

  • don’t suggest that violent homophobes are just closeted self-hating gay ppl or that “the worst ones are always secretly gay”. that places the blame on us for our own oppression which is a cruel move

  • don’t bring up the fact that “LGBT+ people aren’t all perfect, they can be abusers too!!” because we know, you paint us all that way in order to justify our oppression, and you literally cannot handle that conversation with nuance because of that history - so leave those discussions to us.

  • don’t say making a butch-coded character a lesbian would be “a stereotype” so it’s somehow more Progressive™ to have yet another straight character who just happens to take all her fashion cues from lesbian culture. we need rep more than you do, straight girls with short hair!

  • don’t insist that it’s somehow wrong to be LGBT+ and fulfil stereotypes, as though the negativity in those stereotypes doesn’t nearly always come directly from straight people being uncomfortable with people being visibly LGBT+ and having our own cultures and ways of identifying ourselves to each other

  • don’t act all offended when someone mistakes you for one of us. take some time to think about why you think they should know you’re straight, and why you think it’s so bad to be seen as one of us.

  • don’t make AIDS jokes. what the literal fuck. it was a fucking genocide you monster.

  • don’t defend the way we die on screen all the time. don’t write stories where we can’t be alive and happy and LGBT+ all at the same time without being punished for it by the narrative.

  • don’t go making or joining in on our jokes about how straight people are the worst. that’s you too, buddy, no matter how big your rainbow backpack is.

  • don’t talk about how there are straight people and Straight People™ and you’re better than those other Straight People™. that’s not your fucking call and if you think it is you’re definitely Straight People™

  • don’t assume that everyone in your life is straight. odds are a lot of people just aren’t out to you. it’s your job to learn to be a person they can feel safe being honest with, and to act like that person even when you think you’re only interacting w straight ppl.

  • don’t assume that all LGBT+ people are adults who always knew. be aware that in most groups of children, some will be lgbt+, and be respectful of that possibility in how you talk to them

  • don’t out us. don’t speculate on whether someone you know is lgbt+. don’t mention us in conversation purely to get Cool Credit for knowing A Gay, that’s weird and uncomfortable even if it’s not to someone we know/will ever meet. other lgbt+ ppl see u doing that and we are creeped out.

  • don’t pretend you can be privately creeped out by/uncomfortable w/disapproving of our existence without being a homophobe. you’re a homophobe. you don’t have to stay that way.

  • don’t fetishize relationships between ppl of the gender you’re attracted to. our sexuality and our relationships are not for your consumption and us loving/fucking each other is explicitly not about you at all!

  • stop talking about same gender relationships like they’re dirtier or more sinful than yours. stop pretending gay fanfiction is dirtier than straight fanfiction.

  • shipping isn’t activism, porn isn’t activism, and it’s homophobic to pretend voyeuristic fetishization of our existence is remotely supportive. especially if you’re still uncomfortable w gay & bi people of your own gender.

  • like it’s 100% ok to ship gay relationships but it doesn’t make u an activist or exempt from homophobia, and u do need to examine how u interact w those stories to make sure you’re not objectifying oppressed ppl for ur own pleasure - we’re not fetish objects, we’re people

  • stop showing up to gay bars uninvited. stop having your bachelor/ette parties at gay bars. stop treating our only places to meet each other like your personal zoos.

  • don’t hit on gay men or lesbians, in earnest or as a joke. This includes hitting on gay ppl of your own gender bc you think it’s funny or bc you want to turn on your partner. don’t fucking ask us if you can watch us having sex. stop asking for sexual interaction altogether from people you know aren’t attracted to your gender. you will not be an exception.

  • don’t pressure ur bi partner to engage in a threesome they haven’t said they actually want. definitely do not hit on LGB+ ppl on behalf of your bi partner. wtf dude.

  • straight women, please stop calling your platonic female friends “girlfriends” or people you admire as “woman crushes”. Take some time to think about why you think just indicating she’s a girl is supposed to make it clear that your feelings toward someone are actually platonic, and how that makes lbpq women you know feel.

  • when someone comes out to you, don’t act like they’re suddenly a predatory pervert w no self control. don’t stop inviting them to events or start acting differently around them. we interact w ppl of our own gender all the fucking time w/o making it sexual, stop interpreting every interaction w a gay person as sexual in our minds, it’s almost certainly not. ur not that irresistible, stop making it weird.

  • don’t pretend our existence is 100% about how we have sex. that means stop making excuses to not tell children about us! don’t act like we shouldn’t be gay in public! don’t act like your weird kinks make your experience remotely equivalent to ours! (stop ‘coming out’ as kinky you creeps!)

  • don’t demand we present a desexualized and platonic image of our existence and relationships at all times. we have wildly varying sex lives and levels of complexity in our relationships to sex, just like you do.

  • don’t ever EVER use the word h*m*sexual, it’s considered a slur bc it was used for medicalized justifications for our torture. there’s a reason 99% of the usage of that word today is by anti-gay groups.

*tbh this is really just @ straight cis ppl even tho it’s abt gayness since honestly most of these do not apply to straight trans ppl, bc straight trans ppl are an integral part of the same communities/face many of the same issues - and almost always have better fucking manners.

anonymous asked:

Your partner can't be gay, they're dating you. Which means they're not gay. They can't be. Duh.

We have GAY KISSES in our GAY RELATIONSHIP and hold GAY HANDS and we GAY CUDDLE and go on GAY DATES and I’d say that’s pretty homosexual if you ask me, what more do you want

Straight popular comedians (such as Alec Baldwin and Stephen Colbert) just adore the idea of portraying disgusting, violent political figures as closeted gay men. It’s so funny, isn’t it, painting people who wish death and pain to us gays as being gay themselves? It’s almost as if straights didn’t want to deal with the concept of homophobia being still very much a thing that exists, and and tried to pin the fault of the horrible, horrible things that happen to us to gay people themselves. So much fun!!

8

Acotar AU where Morrigan is Feyre’s mate

“I would have waited five hundred more years for you. A thousand years. And if this was all the time we were allowed to have… the wait was worth it.”

I want to die
but I can’t tell you why
because you’ll disown me
—  my nan told me i have been quiet recently; confessions of a gay kid // A.S

i finally got into watching it’s always sunny in philadelphia, and i have to say - i’m kind of shocked that i never see it on lists of lgbt tv shows to watch. maybe it’s because of the dark humor of it, but quite frankly, that’s what i enjoy so much about it?? the majority of lgbt representation i’ve seen on television before this are always one dimensional, stereotypical gay characters that are recycled and added into the series most likely for representation value - rather than actual story development. there’s the fashionable/high maintenance gay guy, the slutty bisexual, the “free spirit” lesbian (which usually just entails wearing flannels and having tattoos but i digress)… the conflicted gay. the guilty gay. the self-hating gay with a heart of gold. the list goes on and on.

with iasip and mac, it’s just super refreshing to see a different take on things. it shows that there’s more to lgbt characters than their sexuality - his entire storyline doesn’t need to revolve around it, because they’ve created an three dimensional character who happens to just be gay. more than that, rcg also managed to create a character that has his flaws, and though coming out as gay has definitely made him happier and more loving - it hasn’t changed his overall character and personality?? 

and after years and years of being subjected to some of the flattest lgbt characters (here’s to looking at you, glee/anything by ryan murphy), it makes me happy to see that it’s possible for tv show writers to actually see that lgbt characters are really no different than hetero characters?? just because a character might be gay or lesbian or whatever - doesn’t mean that their ENTIRE character development needs to revolve around their sexuality. lgbt characters can be soft and mean and loving and hateful and religious and gay and everything all wrapped up into one.

idk. i just have a lot of thoughts on this, and clearly these writers deserve a lot more credit than they’re being given.