If you’re just barely holding yourself together and you’re delicate right now, that’s okay. Great job on keeping yourself together, and keep going. Things will get brighter.

Self-Esteem

May apply to Ascendant or sun as well. Aspects to the sun & Venus matter.


ARIES VENUS

Self-esteem is generally fragile. They seem confident and self-assured, but on the inside, their opinion of themselves fluctuates wildly, ranging from sheer conceit to self-loathing. They need validation from others, and if they’re deprived of that, there can be a lot of anxiety surrounding their value. They judge themselves harshly and it’s difficult to recover from embarrassment.

Self-esteem is increased by victory; coming in first place or being the best; encouragement; feelings of strength, bravery, and capability; independence; proving themselves (especially to themselves); learning from mistakes/defeat.


TAURUS VENUS

Self-esteem is generally steady. They’re humble and down-to-earth about themselves, with a very realistic opinion of their worth. They can have difficulty with feeling secure inside in the beginning of their lives, but once they have a solid grasp on what makes them unique and valuable, nothing can shake their confidence, and they’ll seldom depend on others to define them.

Self-esteem is increased by self-acceptance; surrounding themselves with pleasant possessions & people; being spoiled/pampered; taking time to relax & replenish their energy; low stress; aesthetic beauty; feeling natural/elegant.


GEMINI VENUS

Self-esteem is generally erratic. Their opinion of themselves fluctuates with their mood & the context. They easily become dissatisfied with the state of themselves due to their many various interests, which leads to inconsistent admiration and consequentially inconsistent aspirations. Their confidence relies on the “facts” about their beauty, accomplishments, etc.

Self-esteem is increased by satisfying details; being able to keep up with themselves; freedom to develop & change; variety & constant stimulation; having options; engaging people; being able to express their thoughts.


CANCER VENUS

Self-esteem is generally introspective. Their confidence can be unstable and inhibited, particularly when they’re young, but they tend to be more secure in themselves once they have a good awareness of their nature/identity. Their value must be discovered before they can feel or appreciate it, and it may take a long time for them to do so if they’re on their own in that endeavor.

Self-esteem is increased by support; sympathetic people; reassurance; emotional openness, catharsis; close loved ones, people who are interested in being intimate with them; positive reactions; healthy expression of self.


LEO VENUS

Self-esteem is generally glowy. They radiate confidence and pride; they’re typically secure within themselves, knowing their value & easily sharing it with others. If they doubt themselves, it’s because something external is obscuring their inner light – true self-value shines boundlessly from inside them and it’s invincible once they claim it and learn how to own it intrinsically.

Self-esteem is increased by validation; praise; attention; compliments; popularity; affection; positive, enjoyable experiences; creativity; inspiration; being received well; self-expression; grand gestures of love & adoration.


VIRGO VENUS

Self-esteem is generally weary. They can be extremely insecure, lacking confidence due to trying too hard to be worthy of it. They’re harshly critical of themselves and constantly strive to be beautiful and valuable, which takes its toll on their very essence – they tend to shrink further into themselves the more distance they feel stands in the way of what they intend to be.

Self-esteem is increased by making progress, noticing positive results of their efforts; good health & hygiene; appreciation; acknowledgement; feeling able, organized, and useful; being thanked; admiration; being understood.


LIBRA VENUS

Self-esteem is generally buoyant. Their confidence fluctuates erratically, yet gracefully; the lows are taken in stride and the highs are positively elating. They reflect the opinions of others and tend to take things very personally but they typically convince themselves that their insecurities are silly, and return to airy self-acceptance, which can easily turn into oblivious vanity.

Self-esteem is increased by acceptance; integration; inclusion; positive social interaction; peaceful bonds; being well-liked; having fashionable interests & friends; being talked about; attracting & being interesting to others; romance.


SCORPIO VENUS

Self-esteem is generally all or nothing. They’re very cutthroat in the inner competition to be better than they used to be and they can sink into terrifying depths of self-hatred if they fail themselves. If they achieve what they aspire for, they can become obnoxiously conceited. There is rarely a balance – it goes from one extreme to the other very easily (but it’s not exactly unstable).

Self-esteem is increased by distance or extreme closeness; knowing other people intimately; being mysterious; having an impact on others; loyalty; deep connections; intensity; becoming stronger after being hurt; being guarded.


SAGITTARIUS VENUS

Self-esteem is generally carefree. They always try to let go of their insecurities. This often leads to arrogance and vanity, since they sometimes their desperate aversion to being weighed down by negative feelings can result in being carried away by positive ones. They tell themselves a lot of things “don’t matter” because they don’t want to face the discomfort of low self-value.

Self-esteem is increased by enjoyable distractions; trying new things; adventure; discovery; realizations; feeling wise and untamed; being free to do what they wish & make their own decisions; getting away with bad behavior.


CAPRICORN VENUS

Self-esteem is generally brutal. They lack self-compassion and they’re critical of themselves, but they’re also down-to-earth and pragmatic about their value. Self-hatred motivates them. They use their insecurities to their own advantage, to improve themselves, even if it’s unhealthy or painful. Sometimes it works too well & they become conceited. Other times, they end up hurting themselves.

Self-esteem is increased by success; accomplishments; respect; having influence and authority; being self-sufficient; solving their own problems; having answers; leading; control; wealth; being considered important.


AQUARIUS VENUS

Self-esteem is generally contrary. They’re very concerned with what they’re not and this is how they discover their value – by resisting insecurity & criticism of all kinds and trying to prove the opposite. They do this to positive things too sometimes; they’re essentially playing devil’s advocate when it comes to their value, and that’s where they find equilibrium between the inner & the outer.

Self-esteem is increased by breaking rules; being unpredictable; challenging standards & assumptions; being given the space to openly express & define themselves; changing the minds of others; inspiring others; being a role model.


PISCES VENUS

Self-esteem is generally amorphous. They vaguely absorb both positive and negative perspectives on who they are, and the result is fluid confidence that relies on their emotional state (and the emotional states of those who surround them). They’re typically unaware of the “truth” about themselves so they never feel secure in any opinion they form about their worth/beauty/etc.

Self-esteem is increased by fantasy; absorbing positivity; devotion; sacrifice; powerful emotional experiences & connections; artistic expression; mutual reflection of beauty; being explained; poetic love, “magical” relationships.

Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
—  Veronica A. Shoffstall

There is this boy at my school who I think is the most attractive boy in the whole universe. He has tan skin that just seems to maintain its color no matter what time of year it is. His hair is a chocolate curly brown, that he runs his hands through at least 200 times a day. His eyes are a caramel-brownish shade that I truly melt into and am lost for words when ever I look into them. But he also has this laugh that is literally one of a kind, and not in a cute way, its high pitched and almost girly but its still music to my ears and always brings a smile to my face. When he talks to his friends, he always makes the funniest jokes and, when he needs to be, nice/helpful to them.

All my friends say that he isn’t attractive and has no like able qualities, and they just cant understand why I like him. I can never seem to figure out why they don’t think he is attractive or funny, it literally blows my mind.

But to be completely honest, I’ve never even had a conversation with him. Im not even friends with the people he’s friends with. I dont think I will ever be able to work up the courage to talk to him and tell him all the things I love about him.

So he will never know that while his friends are mocking his laugh, I’m falling for it. Or when he is smiling, I want nothing more than to be the one making him smile. Never will he know that when he runs his hands through his hair, its my dream to run mine through it too .

But, he will never know any of these things.

So if you are ever thinking that nobody will ever love you because you haven’t been asked out on a date or a stupid boy in high school hasn’t confessed his undying love for you, don’t think that someone doesn’t think of you as an amazing attractive person.

While you’re sitting in class laughing with your friends, someone may be falling in love with the sound of your laugh(even if its a funny one), or the way your eyes light up when your truly happy, or even the way you run your hands through your hair.

Don’t ever think your not good enough just because some boy/girl hasn’t told you how amazing you are.

Fall in love with yourself more and more with each passing day. Have so much respect for yourself that you automatically reject anyone that doesn’t.

A plus sized girl finding genuine love for herself is not just some inspirational story.

It’s not “omg that poor fat girl can somehow love herself even with her burden of fatness”.

Please stop talking about fat women like their bodies are a tragedy and it’s so inspirational for them to be able to love their “horrible” body. Their bodies are beautiful. Every body is beautiful. No body is a tragedy.

Be mindful of the way you speak to yourself. You can lift yourself up or bring yourself down just as much as anyone else can.

Please, love your body. It does so much for you – it carries you from place to place, it lets you make your thoughts into actions, it lets you laugh and dance and hug and have fun. Give your body the right food, drink plenty of water, exercise, but if your body tells you it needs a break, give it one. And please, don’t hate your body for the way it looks – it allows you to do so much, please give it nothing but gratitude, as its beauty warrants.

reminders

You are gorgeous

You are enough

You are going to be alright

You are loved 

You are never truly alone

You are needed on this earth

You are stronger than you know

You have survived 100% of your worst days, and you are going to survive this one, too

How to Turn off Negative Thoughts

1. Notice when you are slipping into negative, absolutist ways of thinking where you think the worst of yourself, your life and your future.

2. Recognise that these are habitual ways of thinking. It’s what you always think when you start to feel bad.

3. Be aware of triggers. Often certain people and situations trigger painful, negative self-destructive thoughts. Try and distance yourself from these, or completely avoid them, if you possibly can.

4. Deliberately look for the counter arguments. For example, when have things been a bit better, when have you done something right, when has someone been kind and understanding?

5. Visualise positive things that make you happy, such as curling up with a book in bed, listening to your favourite music, and so on. Often changing our thinking to things that make us happy changes our negative feelings and thoughts.

6. Get into the habit of building yourself up, so you notice and affirm your successes, strengths, good intentions and positive traits.

Be patient and allow yourself to grow at a pace that’s right for you. Progress takes time; don’t rush it.