There was a time, where I loved.
I loved a person

with light blue eyes
and a gap between their teeth
when they smiled

That person told me they loved me
and at the time
I believe they did.

but time
as it seems
did not agree with their love for me.

So
like summer fades to fall
and fall fades to winter
their love for me
did the same.

Today, I sit here and wonder,
and I think I know why
our love faded away

When I was young
I loved my light blue eyes
I loved the gap between my teeth
and I loved everything in between

When I was young
but older
my mother sat me down
and told me
the world would not show
any love for me
she told me I was vain

When I was young
but much older
I started high school

I was much different
from the light blue eyed
gapped tooth happy little girl
I once was

My eyes
turned to gray
My teeth
straight
My happiness replaced with severe depression

and it was all because
my mother and the people around me
convinced me
the world would not like
a happy girl
who loved herself

I wish I loved myself

—  late night thoughts I often have
You made me feel like shit in 2.5 seconds; here's my response to that...

I'm sorry

I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment to you

I’m sorry I can’t be what you want me to

I’m sorry If I hurt you, I know I did, I always somehow do.

I’m sorry I’ll cry about it; I know it’ll made me look weak

I’m sorry all I can do is apologize; What more can I do when the distance is so great?

I’m sorry I can’t make it up to you

I’m sorry for being such a wimp and not telling you how I felt earlier

I’m sorry my insecurities hold me back from saying so many things; expressing so many emotions

I’m sorry you’re with me when you could do so much better, you deserve better

I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you, a small part of me held on to that small sliver of hope that I could be for 4 years now

I’m sorry I’m breaking down right now and not replying to you, it was either this or relapsing again…

I’m sorry I can’t put into words what i’m think most of the time; It’s not like you can read my mind and I don’t exactly make it easy do I ?

I’m sorry I can’t ever meet anyone’s expectations of me

I’m sorry my body is shaking right now, I’ve already made so many typos because of it

I’m sorry I had to hold back my sob when I knew you would eventually say what you did

I’m sorry I’m so dramatic

I’m sorry I’ll be at 15 percent battery soon, my legs will probably give out after crying so I can’t reach my charger

I’m sorry the silent tears will stream my face because I know what’ll probably come next

I’m sorry if you think i’m blowing you off right now; I’m not and I really do try to get to you so please don’t blame me for something I seriously can’t control

I’m sorry I can’t ever meet anyone’s expectations of me, not just yours

I’m sorry if I fucked anything up

I’m sorry i’m so far away

I’m sorry that you probably feel like you have to like me, love me, anything with me really… Please just say something if that’s the case

but most of all I’m sorry I’m me, why would anyone seriously put up with me?

4.11.15 | 9:44 p.m. 💔

Skinny bitch or just skinny?

All skinny people are apparently bitches. So I guess the starving girl that you saw on the side of the street is a “skinny bitch,” I guess the girl who has a fast metabolism is a “skinny bitch,” I guess the girl with skinny genetics is a “skinny bitch,” I guess the girl who is fit is a “skinny bitch,” I guess the girl who has anorexia/bulimia is a “skinny bitch,” I guess the girl who is self conscious about her body because she is not curvy enough is considered a “skinny bitch” too. Do not give people petty titles. Calling a thin/skinny person a “skinny bitch” is like calling a chubby/thick person a fat ass. Have respect for each other.

-TW

“I really want to go to Disneyland again because the only time I’ve ever gone was when I was 10 and overly self conscious and never allowed myself to feel the magic. I was always worried about what I looked like to other people. Now I feel like I don’t care. If I want to see the Princesses, I’m going to see them and take a picture and I will frolic happily through the park. I just wish I hadn’t wasted my first time there, as it’s supposed to be the most magical.”