my life got 100% better when I started dressing how I wanted to dress and not how I thought I should dress. I stopped caring if stripes were unflattering, I just wore them. I started wearing bold prints because they made me happy. I ordered huge shirts, pink trainers, heart shaped sunglasses. I started to let myself look on the outside how I felt on the inside, and let me tell you, I have never felt freer in my entire life
How to feel like a princess getting ready for a politically important ball
*Use a sugar scrub or make one with ¼ cup of sugar + ¼ cup of oil (like coconut or olive or avocado) + a splash of vanilla extract + a few drops of lavender EO—pat dry when you come out of the water so the oil will stay behind to nourish your skin
*Soak in a bath of honey, milk, and flower petals
*Brush out your lightly dried and detangled hair with a wooden comb that has been oiled with a hair oil (may I suggest camellia oil—it is a light oil that sinks in beautifully)
*If you have acne prone skin, wash your face after oiling your hair
*Remember, “presentation is manipulation”—this is a time for you to shine
*Listen to music that makes you feel powerful and confident—sing along to enhance the effect
*Wear a perfume that you love (vanilla is near universally pleasing if you care about how other people will respond to the scent)
*Dark lipstick is more intimidating—it will make people listen
*Natural lips suggest a friendly, easy-to-get-along-with personality
*If you wear heels, walk confidently
*If you wear flats, walk confidently
*Remember you own the space you exist in
*Wear colors that make you feel powerful—screw advice that would tell you that you can’t wear whatever color you want
*Don’t let others speak over you—your voice is worthy of being heard and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
The key to being a boss hoe is loving yourself, and reminding yourself that you👏are👏the👏shit👏. I know this is easier said than done sometimes, so here are some tips to change your self perspective, and honestly to change your life.
1. I know this is going to sound cliche, but eating healthy and exercising does WONDERS. Taking care of yourself
physically is a huge aspect of taking care of yourself mentally, as it balances out hormones, produces endorphins, and makes you generally look and feel better.
2. For body confidence: take selfies. Take several. Try out different filters, angles, and lighting and see what you look best in. If you’re comfortable, even take some nudes or lingerie pics to boost your ego. Snapchat has a feature called My Eyes Only where you can passcode protect any pictures you don’t want people seeing to keep all of your selfies and nudes.
3. Cut off people who treat you like shit. Cut off people who aren’t important to you. Cut off people that contribute nothing to geting you where you want to be. Delete numbers, block social media accounts, whatever you have to do. Be civil if you interact with them, but do not let them suck you in.
4. Learn to say no. Say no to things that make you uncomfortable, or things that hurt you, or things that may put the things you work hard for at risk. You are not obligated to do anything that you don’t want to do. Say no, and don’t apologize, because it is your RIGHT to say no.
5. Take yourself on a date. Go for a walk, see a movie, eat at your favorite restaurant/cafe. I like to make a habit of doing this once at least every couple of weeks, for some alone time.
6. If you’re comfortable, or at least willing to try, masturbate. Invest in a sex toy, or rely on your fingers, and go to town. Physical pleasure can do *wonders* for your mood and your self confidence.
7. Do your hair/makeup/wardrobe the👏way👏you👏want👏. Pick out looks that you KNOW flatter you, and invest in more items and styles like it. Toss/donate clothes or items you don’t like, and make sure that the only things in your vanity/closet are things that you know you slay in.
8. Make playlists that make you feel like a boss ass bitch. Beyonce, Rihanna, 5H, Nicki, and Ciara are some personal faves of mine, but any songs that make you feel sexy or in charge will do. Listen to them in the car, during your workout, just laying around, etc.
9. Every month, reserve a day to treat yourself; do some yoga or workout, take an epsom salt bath instead of a shower, soak your feet (warm water+baking soda in a little bucket=super duper soft feet), paint your nails, do your eyebrows, do a face mask, meditate, read a book, knit, draw, paint, go for a walk, get a massage. Develop a monthly routine to have a day for yourself and do whatever it is that makes you feel best.
10. Invest in a freakum dress; everybody needs one outfit (doesn’t even have to be a dress) that you know DAMN well you look fine in. Mine is a black bodycon dress with ribbed sides and black heels, I look and feel like a bad bitch in it. When you feel down, put on ya freakum dress. Look in the mirror, examine your angles, hype yourself tf up because you fuckin slayyy boo
11. Educate yourself. Pick a topic that you want to learn more about (it can be anything, from an artist to a particular science to a sport) and research it. Do one topic per week, and be amazed with how much you learn and absorb. Treating your brain is too often neglected, and being rich in knowledge is the best kind of rich you can be.
12. Keep a journal. Write out what you feel about yourself, what moves you have made to take care of yourself, and what situations you can work on. This will help you keep track of your self love progress, and you can look back at certain steps for motivation.
13. Give yourself something to look forward to each day. Pack a delicious lunch before you go to bed, make plans with a loved one, reserve an hour for your favorite show, lay out your favorite clothes the night before, plan a nap, whatever motivates you to wake up a little happier the next day.
14. Watch ASMR videos or podcasts (you can find them on YouTube). These are videos that focus solely on sounds (wrappers being crinkled, nails being tapped, whispering, etc.), and stimulating your senses. Some get a tingly feeling from listening to specific sounds, others find it easier to relax/focus. It sounds stupid, but it genuinelt changed my life.
15. If you genuinely feel that you need more than just self-help tutorials on Tumblr, do NOT be afraid to seek professional help. There are plenty of affordable, helpful therapists, hotlines, and counselors to assist you in any emotional conflicts that you may be having. It is nothing to be ashamed of, and it is not something to give up on if the first try at therapy doesn’t work out for you. If you feel you need it, please please please, seek help.
16. Quit drinking/smoking/doing drugs if you do any of them. This one should go without saying.
17. Make a bucket list; list places you want to go, things you want to do, concerts you want to see, and start doing them one by one.
18. When you make minor mistakes (a bad grade, a missed play in a sport, an embarrassing moment, etc), use the two minute rule; take two minutes to be upset, assess the situation, establish what you could’ve done differently, and move on. After two minutes, take the issue as a lesson, instead of as a mistake. Learning that you are human, and furthermore mentally establishing how to be a better one, is a HUGE aspect in self love.
19. Know your worth. You are a human being, capable of endless things. You have your own flaws, and your own talents, and your own assets that are unique and individual to YOU. You can wear whatever, sleep with whoever, date whoever, eat whatever, do whatever, as long as you 1) respect legal values and the values of others, and 2) remember your own value. Do not let anyone demean you, because you are more than someone’s critique of you.
That’s all I can think of for now. Love yourselves, babies. I know from personal experience that it’s hard to go from rock bottom to the throne, but I swear with patience and resilience, it can be done. My messages are open for anyone who needs to talk or has any questions. Stay safe, queens💞