seek therapy

anonymous asked:

I'm not sure if you remember me, but a long time ago I asked about therapy, and how I wanted to make things right. I ended up not going, because after I said I wanted to, my mom told me "then you're not ill. Mentally unstable people do not want to get help." But your ask helped a lot, and I have a screenshot of it saved on my phone and highlighted. I may be one of the many anons you've helped, but your advice gave me so much hope. Thank you so much. Can I call you mom? You're very sister like.

I’d prefer to just say “Iris” because “mom” makes me feel old and responsible for others, and I’m definitely not either.

Mentally stable AND unstable people seek help from therapy all the time. I’m alarmed by this ask and I’m going to say something triggering so I’m placing a cut here.

Keep reading

this is a masterpost on how to deal with all of your schoolwork during a shitty mental health week. it is important to note that mental illness is a finnicky animal, and that not everyone has the same experiences as far as symptoms and adverse affects are concerned. however, these are all tips/resources that have worked well for me in the past, and i hope that there are at least a few that will work for you as well.

i. look at your schedule for the next day. rally all of your energy do all of the assignments and readings that absolutely must be done by tomorrow. disregard everything else. it can be done another day.

some portion of the stress will be lifted off your shoulders, and you will be able to relax a little bit and focus on things that are more important. If it can be delayed by 24 hours, it is not worth doing the night you are on the verge of a real crisis. i’m not advertising procrastination, but the reality is that we all do it. and i would argue that sometimes it is justified. if you are having a bad enough night where it takes all of your emotional and physical energy just to get through 30 pages of reading, you need to put nonessential things aside for a time when you are feeling more mentally available. your work will be higher quality if you do it this way.

ii. take a shower.

showers (especially hot ones) will help clear your mind, open your sinuses, and relax your muscles. stand/sit under the spray until you feel less tense. even if you’ll be heading straight back to your room to work, you will be more relaxed and levelheaded to tackle the assignments in front of you.

iii. tackle your essential assignments in smaller chunks.

slow down your routine by a few minutes. study in 10-15 minute bursts instead of your usual 20-30. study in your room instead of the library. make a small change that could help boost your focus. however your study schedule may look, slowing everything down can help you accomplish your essential tasks without causing you to burn out before everything is done. it may seem impossible to slow down your already fast paced schedule, but trust me, even making small adjustments can do a lot of positive work.

iv. seek help and support from outside sources if you need it.

study with a group of friends or classmates if you are feeling up to it. this will help with your comprehension of the material, and might help boost your motivation to get through those essential assignments so you can go back to your room and wind down. call your family if that will help you feel better about where you are. if necessary, seek counseling/wellness services on your campus. this information is often posted somewhere on your university’s website. remember that there is absolutely no shame in seeking out therapy and counseling related services! there are also many online resources for mental health you can access as well, if in person counseling is not a viable option for you.

v. remember that you are not a bad student because this is happening. you are not a failure. this is not your fault.

mental illness sucks. it sucks all of your energy and motivation right out of your system. it is brutal. sometimes you will need to take a night off. let yourself do this without punishment. your mental health is important. repeat this mantra to yourself until you believe it. above all, remember that your feelings and struggles will always be valid. keep fighting, i believe in you!

Okay so there’s a lot of talk about how BPD tumblr encourages abusive behaviour and stuff so I thought I’d say share my thoughts.

  • Most of the posts used as examples are about splitting.
  • Splitting is NOT inherently abusive.
  • Splitting is something that many borderlines struggle with, and it’s not their fault.
  • Splitting on someone does not automatically mean you are being abusive. How you FEEL is not abusive. How you ACT is.
  • You are NOT a bad person for splitting.

However,

  • You should think critically about how you act and what you post - there ARE some people who joke about behaviours that are abusive.
  • Abusive behaviours I’ve seen joked about include: intentionally hurting someone when you split on them, punishing people when they upset you.
  • Other unhealthy things include being unwilling to work on your disorder and being unwilling to acknowledge that some of your past or current behaviours are toxic.

But also,

  • You shouldn’t feel bad for making jokes about your negative symptoms as long as they are not encouraging anything unhealthy.
  • For many people, including myself, BPD tumblr is the only community where it is safe to talk openly about the symptoms of this disorder, and have other people understand you.

It really upsets me to see people painting all of us with the same brush, especially considering that BPD can display itself in a number of different ways. Not to mention that most of us are actively seeking help (therapy, meds, etc.)

Christianity must change its views on mental illness before more people suffer.

Mental Illness is not a part of “God’s Plan”.

Christianity isn’t the cure all for illness nor does it protect us from it.

Reading verses might be a way of self care and help some, but it is not a cure on its own and neither is prayer.

DO NOT DISCOURAGE PEOPLE FROM GETTING MEDICATION.

DO NOT DISCOURAGE PEOPLE FROM SEEKING THERAPY OR OTHER HELP AND ACT LIKE THE CHURCH THAT IS FAILING TO UNDERSTAND THEM IS BETTER THAN A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL.

Mental illness will not go away with Bible study and prayer alone.

Do not turn this into some possession by the devil.

Do not try to guilt those suffering with “well do you think God wants you to suffer like this? He doesn’t.” Because you’re too busy worried about them blaming God than helping them.

This is not the result of a lack of faith.

This is not the result of moral failing.

Churches should speak openly about mental illnesses.

Mental illness is not a spiritual issue.

It is not a punishment.

Scripture and medication are not enemies and can go hand in hand.

If a church never speaks openly about mental illness or real support then why should anyone feel going to church will help them?

I really do want Steven to see a therapist after everything is said and done. 

The kid has some beyond serious issues weighing on his shoulders and he needs someone other than the gems, or Greg, or Connie to vent to. I want the show to say that and validate how it’s okay to seek therapy, there’s nothing weak about it – you’re actually really strong for realizing you have problems and needing to do something about them. 

10

Depression is a serious mental illness, if you are going through something like this or know someone else, please seek therapy and/or try medication. And it’s important to make sincere Dua and to put your trust in Allah.

anonymous asked:

how can the most well-meaning advice can be dangerous?

because you cannot give advice on subjects you know nothing about, no matter how well-intentioned you might be. you don’t know the details, you don’t know the full context, and you have no idea what might be best for a person. plus, you might be wrong. you might accidentally give someone dangerous, incorrect, or incompatible advice without realising.

to illustrate what I mean, here are some examples of “well-meaning advice” I have received from people who genuinely wanted to help but had no fucking clue what they were talking about, that could have resulted in my mental or physical help being in danger had I followed it:

  • on one occasion I received serious second-degree burns. among the well-meaning advice I received was “put some butter over it to cool the burn”. put dairy products on an open burn. putting creams or cream-like substances on fresh burns goes against all medical advice, and putting diary products on an open burn goes against medical advice and common sense. I was also told in the same incident to “pop the blister to let the pus out”. there is no pus in a burn blister. it’s fluid that your body creates to prevent infection. had I followed either of these pieces of advice, I would have ended up with a severe infection and even more serious scarring.
  • I was working a lot and on top of other commitments had to go several days without sleep. someone, meaning well, told me to energise myself with green tea. I am allergic to green tea. of course I knew not to follow the advice, but this illustrates how you cannot give even simple advice without knowing a lot about a person, and no matter how well meaning it is, you could just be straight up wrong.
  • during rough patches of mental health countless people have told me to seek out therapy, meaning well. I have negative associations of the psychiatric community and being involved with any aspect of it would have severely worsened my illnesses and set back the progress I was making privately. still, these people talked over me and insisted it was for my own good, they wanted me to get better, etc. yet what they were suggested would have done the opposite.

do you see what I mean? all of these people genuinely meant well and genuinely wanted to give me advice, but their advice was all wrong. it wasn’t compatible with me at best, and at worst it was dangerous and a threat to my well-being. sixpenceee could give out the most well-intentioned, sincere advice in the world, but she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, she doesn’t know the people who would be messaging her, and you can’t learn the intricate details you need to give sensitive advice, through an email survey.

please do not fall into the trap of believing that just because you have good intentions, the outcome of your actions will also be good. good deeds can cause harm. just because you act out of kindness does not make you immune to hurting others. believing otherwise makes you a dangerous person. 

Arguing the Case For Dennis Reynolds’ Return

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is not known for being a kind show to its characters. We’re supposed to derive enjoyment, or at least a sense of schadenfreude, from seeing how miserable the Gang’s lives are and how rarely they achieve happiness. That said, making Dennis leave now, after the events of this season, seems needlessly cruel to me–and not just to the characters, but to the show’s audience, as well.

Dennis Reynolds is a rarity among television characters. To see a mentally ill character depicted so boldly, his disorder named and his characterization consistently written to match that diagnosis, is a very unusual thing to see in television. And for that diagnosis to be borderline personality disorder, instead of the more commonly-seen depression and anxiety, makes it all the more meaningful, especially to mentally ill viewers who don’t often get to see themselves depicted so honestly on television.

It’s been so wonderfully gratifying to see the arc of Dennis’ mental health throughout the show, culminating in him going on meds this season and making real progress in dealing with his emotions. It sends a message of hope and recovery to other people suffering from mental illness and disorders. After all, if a person as “irredeemable” as Dennis Reynolds can seek medication and therapy to improve his mental health, surely the rest of us can as well.

On a narrative level, it seems a shame to ditch Dennis permanently now that he does have this more profound level of emotional depth. His outburst about his “big feelings” in The Gang Tends Bar was an incredibly touching thing, and very faithful to the experiences of real people who have BPD. With so much more depth and room for Dennis to grow now that he’s able to admit and talk about his feelings, sending him away the way he left tonight feels like a cheap ending to one of the most satisfying character arcs I’ve ever seen on television.

This isn’t the only reason I ask the writers to consider bringing Dennis back, however. There is another reason having him leave now is unnecessarily cruel to the audience, especially the (surprisingly large!) LGBTQ following that Sunny has attracted.

As early as season 3, subtext has been laid that, not only is Mac gay, but that he’s in love with Dennis. What started as a simple, joking “I love you” in The Gang Gets Held Hostage has become so much more.

We all thought it was doomed to staying in the realm of subtext forever, though; one of the main conceits of Sunny is that the characters will never develop and improve. Thus, it would be impossible for Mac to ever truly accept himself and come out of the closet as the series wore on, made evident by his false coming out in the season 11 finale.

But then, something incredible happened. We complained about how cruel it was to out a character and then force him back into the closet when that’s a narrative that’s all too common in real life. Sunny is cruel, but it shouldn’t be needlessly so, and in a year that went on to bring so much worry and strife into the lives of LGBTQ people, putting Mac back in the closet felt like salt in the wound.

The incredible part about our complaining is that the writers listened. Charlie Day recently said in an interview that bringing Mac back out of the closet in season 12–permanently, this time–was the right thing to do, considering the social climate we’re living in right now. Furthermore, he said that they did it partially because of the feedback they received after the season 11 finale. They defied the show’s main conceit to do right by the LGBTQ community.

As momentous as Mac’s staying out is on its own, it brought with it an exciting new possibility: the possibility to confront his feelings for Dennis head-on. His closeted status was the only thing ever really stopping the writers from really delving into it before. And, as we’ve seen from the second half of season 12, they’re not at all afraid to explore the topic in a more indepth way, as Mac’s PTSDee dream sequence and his heartfelt gift to Dennis in The Gang Tends Bar showed. More interesting than even that, though, was the possibility that Dennis might return those feelings.

More than once, we’ve seen that Dennis does care about Mac much more than he usually lets on. And we know that Dennis is probably bisexual, both from statements made by the showrunners at ComicCon and from Dennis’ behavior within the show itself. Since Mac came out in Hero or Hate Crime?, the possibility of Mac and Dennis’ relationship existing in a more romantic context has been explored, culminating in the two of them actually pretending to be together in tonight’s season finale, and all-but open confirmation that Mac is in love with Dennis.

This is why, I believe, it’s so needlessly cruel to permanently remove Dennis from the equation now. I do not mean to imply that I want to see Mac and Dennis in a happy, committed relationship–that’s never been the Sunny way. But it seems unfair to me that Dee and Charlie got their moment of romance in The Gang Misses the Boat, when Mac and Dennis have it torn away from them just as it becomes possible for them to have it in the first place. At the risk of sounding like an impassioned young gay man, it hurts to see a romantic relationship between two men dangled in front of me and then torn away like this. More than painful, it’s practically queerbaiting, an incredibly harmful practice that’s sadly all too common in today’s television landscape.

On the off chance that anyone involved with the writing of Always Sunny reads this: firstly, thank you for getting this far. Secondly, I urge you to consider, again, the social implications of making Dennis leave forever just as he makes a huge breakthrough in his mental health and just as it becomes possible for his relationship with Mac to be explored in a more romantic context. Dangling Mac and Dennis in a relationship (literally) before viewers, only to yank that away, is incredibly painful to watch, especially for us young LGBTQ viewers who often struggle enough with staying positive just living our daily lives. And I personally know a great many people with BPD who have found themselves in Dennis– which isn’t something they can say about many other TV show characters.

I know that, as young LGBTQ people and as young mentally ill people (and oftentimes, both), we are not the core demographic for Sunny, and I know that we never will be. However, I also know that the showrunners do want to do right by us, and that they do have our best interests at heart as allies. It is with this knowledge that I ask, if any of you are reading this, to consider bringing Dennis back in season 13, whenever that may be.

I know that Sunny will not have a happy ending; it completely goes against the show’s thesis. But Mac coming out for good in season 12 has proven that the show’s thesis can be defied in special circumstances, especially when it’s for the greater societal good. I am not asking for Mac and Dennis to get married, but I am asking you to consider the cruelty of resolving more than a decade of Mac’s romantic feelings for Dennis in this way, just as it became possible for them to become something more. And more than that, I am asking you to consider the impact Dennis Reynolds has had on the lives of so many mentally ill people, who almost never get to see themselves represented on television as accurately as they have with Dennis.

I trust all of you as artists and writers, and as well-meaning and thoughtful people in general, to consider my words as you move forward with planning for season 13. Again, if you made it this far, thank you for listening, and I look forward to seeing what the future holds, whatever that may be.

I don’t want to be angry anymore. I want to be calm. I want to stop hurting people and blowing up all the time. I hate myself for it. It’s straining my relationship. It’s made my mom cry. I just lose it and blow up on anyone that’s near me when I’m mad and I know it isn’t fair but I feel like I can’t control it, and every time I go off I just get more angry at myself and it makes it worse. My anger is out of control and I don’t know how to fix it. I feel like the worst piece of shit.
—  Posted by Anonymous
Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - April 7th, 2017

Originally posted by mariechapuis

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! Click on the titles to get the links! They are posted in the order I read them. 

What She Had To Do by @wherethereissmoak - Post-5x18 fic. I wanted to explore what Felicity was thinking a bit in the episode and why she wasn’t there with Digg when he talked to Oliver. And then of course, I couldn’t leave it at a sad point so I had to add some future spec. :)

Olicity 5x19 Drabble by @laurabelle2930 - Oliver and Felicity have a very important conversation 

Hold Me Closer by @jsevick - A lovely 4x09 moment

Time Will Wait for No One multi-chapter by @sentence-fragments Oliver and Felicity are blissfully happy together until a cruel twist of fate sinks the Queen’s Gambit while Oliver and his father are on their way to China for business. Oliver miraculously survives, fighting every day to make his way back to her. He learns about some things that have happened in his absence and decides to stay away. Until he doesn’t have a choice.

Time for a Story multi-chapter by @smkkbert - This fic shows Olicity and their life as a (married) couple with family. Although Olicity (and their kids) are the protagonists, other characters of Arrow and Flash make appearances. Totally catching up - I’m on Ch 126!

Therapy by @geneshaven Oliver seeks therapy post 3x23

Every Step of the Way by longlivefelicitythequeen - Things get heated when Oliver tries to stop Felicity. Based on the promo for 5.19.

The White Queen by @felicityollies - How do you break a man that is already so very broken? You break the love of his life, of course. Very Dark.  

In Another Life (I Could be Your Man) multi-chapter by @angelicmisskitty - Their lives couldn’t be more different - and yet Oliver can’t take his eyes off the beautiful blonde woman that leaves the subway every morning at 7.43am. There is something about her that makes him look up every morning - something that also makes him aware he’ll never be good enough for her, or that she’d even notice him. He had no idea how much his life would change the day he rushed over to help her…Olicity AU - no Lian Yu, no saving the city (at least not in the way we know from Arrow :D ) LOVE LOVE, LOVE!

A Touch Unlike Any Other multi-chapter by @mel-loves-all Olicity Regency - The Earl of Archer out for the first time in a long time - LOVE THIS.

Those Eyes by @mr-and-mrs-queen - Olicity scene once Oliver returns from being tortured

A Little One Shot by @ruwithmeguys - Olicity face off with Chase

Autumn Dreams multi-chapter by @sadfangirl05 - What happens when recent college graduate Oliver Queen meets Goth Felicity Smoak? They fall in love, because of course they do. After a rushed elopement they’re quickly separated, but the paperwork was never filed.It’s 10 years later and they need to get divorced right away, as Felicity’s getting married…

Untitled by @dettiot - Felicity meets the star baseball player

Untitled by @dettiot - College AU. Oliver is on the baseball team and needs Felicity to tutor him to stay on the team.

Hidden Alleys by @adiwriting for Olicity Valentine’s Day Smut-a-Thon - Prompt: “I’d be more than happy to show you a good time, if you’re looking for one.”

Exposure Therapy multi-chapter by lilbluednacer - Oliver comes up with a creative solution to help Felicity with a problem. Falling in love with her wasn’t part of the plan.

Another Entry from Oliver’s Journal by @geneshaven - Oliver’s thoughts as written in his journal

Untitled by @dettiot - Oliver is a baseball star who thinks too much of himself and Felicity is the agent who has to rein him in.                                                    

Red Pens and Rescues by @tdgal1 - Picking up where 5x18 ends a look at what could happen

Pacing at Night multi-chapter by @walker-oliciter - The problem didn’t start when she first had a one-night stand with Oliver Queen. It didn’t start when she found out he was a ruthless Bratva Captain, nor did it start when her affair with him continued. It didn’t start when she realized she had a crush on him. No, it started when two tiny pink lines appeared on a pregnancy test.

Untitled by @dettiot - Oliver works in a sports bar and has a crush on one of his customers

To Sacrifice the Sun multi-chapter by @emmilynestill - Oliver and Felicity are ARGUS agents working on a mission in Mexico, the two share some very important history. LOVE THIS

Keep it Professional multi-chapter by @mogirl97 - Oliver is assigned to be Felicity’s bodyguard

Untitled by @dettiot - First meeting, Oliver hits Felicity in the head with a baseball with a throw or popfly gone wrong                                                        

Trust Me multi-chapter by @felicityollies - When a prostitute meets the perfect client, she has to remind herself that there’s no room for getting close to someone in her line of work.

Darling, kiss me slow (your heart is all your own) by @smoakingskye - A short drabble set sometime after the end of season 5 (probably) after Oliver and Felicity finally reconnect.

Untitled @eilowyn1 - Scene with Olicity shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond - BECAUSE it can be done brilliantly as seen here

Pieces of Always multi-chapter by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34 - Life continues after Forever is Composed of Nows. Ongoing non-linear collection of family moments for the Queens.

Picture Perfect multi-chapter by @thebookjumper - She’s not really sure what prompted her to do it.   Okay, that might be a bit of a lie.  Sure, she’s not completely positive of her reasoning, but she would bet Oliver’s fortune that it had quite a bit to do with the four empty bottles of wine littering her countertop and the three other women lounging around her apartment in various states of undress.She doesn’t want to be cute anymore.  She’s sexy and she’s going to prove it. SO AWESOME!

In My Daughter’s Eyes multi-chapter by @smkkbert - Oliver and Felicity are parents following a teenage pregnancy, they balance family life with school and I love it!

As Easy As Falling multi-chapter by @charlinert - Felicity has just received tragic news when she meets Oliver, I believe there is hope, highly recommend but you will cry but not every chapter!

Return to Me multi-chapter by @diggo26 - What would you do if you woke up tomorrow with the last 5 years of your memories gone? After an unfortunate accident, Oliver Queen must figure out his place in a life he has no memory of whilst his wife, Felicity, does everything she can to support him. With emotions, secrets and relationships pushed to the limits; will love and friendship be enough to turn back the hands of time?

Can Hell Be Heaven multi-chapter by @marytagus Felicity uses her hacker skills to protect Oliver from Prometheus and gets caught - Excellent!

Married by @geneshaven What would have happened, I wonder, if Cutter never showed up at the fake wedding?

Bound to You multi-chapter by @bindy417 - Felicity is an ARGUS agent and Oliver with the Bratva but they met long before that! This story gives the past and the present.  

Return to the Den of Snakes multi-chapter by @dmichellewrites - Team Arrow and Flash’s joint mission marked their second trip to Markovia. Dimitrij Lazarov Jr., the brother of a foe these heroes had faced once before was seeking revenge not on solely Oliver, but all who chose to help him. It was a vendetta against both Oliver and Barry, three years in the making. They return to the den of snakes, which leads them back to Castle Wallenstein. Love is in the air for Oliver and Felicity. Friendships are stronger than ever, but which two will fall off course from their groups?

The Story Writes Itself  by @geneshaven - How an episode of Arrow is created

A Cure for the Cold by @it-was-a-red-heeler - A glimpse into Season 6

Falling for an Angel multi-chapter by @missafairy - What happens if an angel falls from the sky? Oliver Queen is a respected club owner in his hometown - Starling City. His life abruptly changes when one night he finds a beautiful girl claiming to have fallen from heaven. With her wings tucked into a jacket he helps her navigate her now human life while trying not to fall in love. Nothing can go wrong even if she drinks all of his coffee and cries in the shower, right?

Teddy Bears and Lullabies by @emmilynestill - John Diggle was not ready to forgive Oliver for what he had done to his family.  He didn’t care how many incredibly thoughtful gifts with accompanying heartwarming notes arrived for his daughter every Monday afternoon.  In fact, the whole thing was starting to make him rather grumpy. But this, this last gift might push Digg right over the edge.Set between Arrow Season 3-4, but now Season 4 Cannon Compliant

Keep reading

Unwind

Summary: AOS Star Trek fic. Friendship between McCoy, Kirk and Reader. Helping the crew with their problems can sometimes leave you strung out. You tinker to unwind, no one knows where all the suddenly fixed PADDS keep coming from until…

Word Count: 1713

Warnings: None I think. Mentions of death but nothing too strong… I don’t even think I swore… Points for me

A/N: This is my first Star Trek Fic, so please let me know what you think! Thanks to @writingwithadinosaur for helping me out! Drea, thank you love!

Not my GIF


Originally posted by mcshipit

You didn’t have too many secrets from your crewmates; it was hard to keep anything secret in such a close knit group, especially since you were all stuck together on a multi-year mission in space. You didn’t even really mean to keep this a secret, it just never came up, so now, you just sorta kept it hidden by default. It wasn’t like it was embarrassing really, just not something you felt like explaining.

Keep reading

roasteddoge  asked:

Why dont you make Pay??????

Eh… I don’t want to.

But for real. You got a seat and some snacks?

I love Pay. I really do. I’m a sucker for secret twin/sibling stuff. And @trashpandaballs did an amazing job when he created him. He’s complex and well rounded enough that a lot of people can relate to him in someway.

And being such a great fandom character, many use his character go over addictions, mental issues, and emotions in general. As well as play out humor, practice cute outfits, and think about sibling bonding.

But some of those reasons why he’s relatable is also why I’m hesitant to draw him. Mostly, I end up changing him from his original design.

You see,under all the sass and fun, Pay is a drug and alcohol addicted man, who suffers from depression, at least that’s what I’m perceiving. He also is a rent boy ( ?is that what it’s called?) so that he can make ends meat and is in some why hurt from tough dealings all the time.

And the Pay I draw, ends up being a depressed man that is seeking to get there life together, because they’re learning that they deserve to have a life and to experience happiness. And sometimes gets bruises because he knocks into furniture due to having long limbs.

I honestly don’t see Pay that way. Or at least the way he is portrayed. It doesn’t make very much sense to me. (I also doubt that Pat would ever let Pay get to that level of homelessness or starvation without doing something.)

Knowing who Pat is, the character that is, and how he acts, gives no indication of a rough up bringing. Most of the time, Pat is shown being a pretty good adult. So however Pat was brought up, Pay would have been brought up the same way. Though that’s not to say twins will be exactly the same if raised in the same environment.

Take me and my brothers for example. (not exactly twins but) We all have loving parents who taught us to be kind, generous, independent, and responsible. And yet being raised the same, taught the same, and loved the same. We could obviously not be any more different. But we have the same morals, mannerisms, humor, and some other base stuff.

So again, whatever Pat learned as a kid is what Pay would have learned too. Not to mention how loving and attentive Pat can be. If Pat were to act like my brothers or me, he would love and care for Pay through all has mental issues and help him wholeheartedly. And Pay would give the same care and love to Pat. Most siblings who have a healthy family bond, will stick together and take care of each other.

Communication is also a big thing between me and my siblings. I doubt that Pat would just drop all contact with Pay because of work. And even with the distance between them, Pat being in the Red Army, they would still find time to talk with each other. I think I should have some experience in this, especially with my brother being in the US Army now.

But yeah. To sum it all up. I just can’t think of why Pay would ever be that way. Or at least a drug addicted rentboy.

I can definitely see him being a recovering alcoholic who has depression and is finally seeking therapy for said depression. Men who are depressed tend to turn to alcohol to “get over it” Statistically, that makes the most sense to me. (especially since i know Pat would keep Pay from doing illegal substances) But with all this kinda going through my head for Pay, I hesitate to draw him because I respect for other people’s ocs and au’s.

 I love trashpandaball’s idea and concept of Pay. And if I could, I would ask if it was okay for me to do that. But with Del gone rn, I have no concrete way of asking for permission to put out my headcannons of Pay like that. I’ll still draw them, but rarely. Mostly because I wouldn’t want it to seem like I’m trying to push my interpretation of Pay over Del’s.

Then again, Pay is just a hypothetical sibling made up by the fandom for a fictional character in a cartoon to give more content and entertain us while the actual show is at a standstill. So not much of this actually is serious, it’s all for fun.

What does it matter?

If you’re not dysphoric, what does it matter if some people don’t validate your gender? What does it matter if you’re gatekept? 

You have no need to medically transition. You’ll be perfectly fine without it. Being non-dysphoric means you are completely comfortable with your sex, sex characteristics, and even living as your sex. If you can’t medically transition it won’t affect your quality of life because you’re comfortable as you are. It’ll just be like a tattoo or piercing you couldn’t get. If someone misgenders you it’s more of an annoyance, like if you had an unusual name that people pronounced wrong, than something that triggers anything from mild dysphoria and upset to major, soul crushing dysphoria. 

Other than that, there’s nothing really being kept from you. You can wear whatever clothes you want, you can change your name, you can seek therapy, you can pack and bind and use breast forms, you can request people use different pronouns, etc. All this tells me if you just really want the word trans for some reason. If it wasn’t, you’d be perfectly content creating your own terms and communities that don’t bear likeness to ours, which would make more sense since dysphoric and non-dysphoric people don’t have much in common. You’d be able to center yourselves and validate yourselves. There’d be much less grief for us all. 

And if the idea of not getting medical transition really bothers and upsets you, maybe you should reconsider how non-dysphoric you really are. 

2

Requests are OPEN

Imagine…Confessing to Tony Stark that you love him.

[x] - requested by @melizzzabeth

Gif Credit: I can’t find it, but it’s not mine :(

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Word Count: 2,654

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Panic Attack, Mentions of past abuse

A/N: Have I told you lately that Tony Stark is a beautiful and innocent cupcake who doesn’t deserve the pain of this world? No? Let me remind you. Anyway, I’ve wanted to write Tony having a panic attack for quite some time, and it just felt right to be in this. I also suffer from frequent panic attacks. I had to seek therapy for that and my depression. Know that you’re never alone in this and that there are people who are willing to help. Mental health is important. Please, take care of yourself. Also, I’m so sorry this is late. Due to a loss in the family, I haven’t been paying attention to Tumblr.

Keep reading

youtube

In this video you can tell that panelists (specifically Larry Wilmore, but the others to another extent) aren’t particularly accustomed to aggressive discussion/debate.  Cued the time to the appropriate exchange, largely between Larry Wilmore and Milo Yiannopoulos.

Let’s specifically pull on the claim Milo made: transgendered people are involved more with sexual crimes than the general population.  Here’s what went wrong, so-to-speak, and basic steps for questioning or interacting with aggressive people in a discussion.

  1. Get their source.  To get this out of the way, if someone asks you for your source, you give them the source.  Saying “it isn’t a controversial statistic” is entirely dishonest when someone’s asking you for why you’re saying something.
    1. The other person might not be contesting it specifically but trying to understand what you’re saying/getting more information.  Source-checking is an important thing.
    2. Clearly it is a controversial statistic for the people you’re talking to.  So you’re just out-and-out lying to defend your point.
    3. This is much simpler digitally than in-person, as clearly people don’t walk around with legal and scientific research on them.  Even just a matter of “There was a review from the Bar Association” as an example, or “A study from psychology today a couple years ago”.  Usually answering “who” and “when” is enough of a general clue to where it can be verified simply enough after the fact.
  2. Refuse to continue until you have their source.  If you’re not working from the same data you’re never going to change minds or even come to an understanding.  If your data says Muslims make up 100% of the liars in the world and their data says Christians make up 100% of all liars in the world you two are never going to agree with them because, at that point, you have no empirical reason to believe them.
  3. Define the words used very specifically.  Trans people are more involved (Milo’s word, not mine) with sexual crimes?  Okay.  Define involved, please.  Define their relationships with sexual crimes; are they the victims or the perpetrators?  Are they more likely to be witnesses?  Are they more likely to be involved with sex-crime programs, both as patients (hence part of the subset of people actively trying seeking therapy and treatment) and administrators?  Are they more likely to be running or fundraising for these things than the general population?  In this instance “involved” is a purposefully nebulous word to both be something that can be verified by the literal meaning but only if you strip away context from it.
  4. Get specific claims.  I feel the need to stress this more clearly, but question the source and specific data more intensely.  They’re more likely to be “involved”?  Okay cool.  How much more likely?  Compared to what?  How is it a matter of 25%  vs 15%?  80% vs 14%?  Is this in absolute numbers (trans people making up 80% of all people involved in a sexual crime) or relative numbers (80% of trans people are involved in a sexual crime)?  Every good political/policy discussion starts with a specific thing being said.  The more specific the better.  If Milo was forced to change his stance from “trans people are significantly more involved in sex crimes” to “trans people are 4x more likely to be victims of sex crimes than the national average” then I don’t think Larry would’ve disagreed so vehemently.  
  5. Analyze their source.  Check their source for validity or credibility, both in terms of it being a solid piece of research (scientific controls) and the reputation of the person doing it (political leaning would go into this section), with the former being more important than the latter.  
    1. If the Bureau of Labor makes a report about the unemployment rate then that’s the gold standard.  
    2. If they then go on to make a study about sexual deviance in children under the age of 15  and their information goes directly against previous and concurrent research by the APA then you have a discussion.
  6. Provide your own sources.  
    1. This is damned critical.  Humans…don’t like being wrong.  They especially don’t like being wrong if they have no idea what being right actually is.  So give them something to review and look over, either then and at their leisure.  If seeing raw data or an article changed your mind there’s a good chance it could change theirs as well.
      1. If a person has no other information to latch onto they are just less likely to change their belief at all, preferring to know a lie than the wonder the truth.  If you want to actually change someone’s mind give them something else to know.
        1. This is largely a subconscious process and involves a whole host of other personality factors that I won’t go into here.  Just don’t judge someone too harshly if they refuse to believe what you do from a one-off conversation.
    2. You have to hold yourself to the same standards you apply to other people.  This includes providing people access to the reason you believe X over Y.  They deserve just as much of a right to question your information as you do theirs, as it’s always possible that you’re the wrong one.  This is what the Free Marketplace of Ideas is all about.
  7. Be vigorous in your own actions.  Call the other person out if they’re misrepresenting their own data to make it more powerful, or misrepresenting yours.  Disingenuous, or even just undisciplined, people will twist things either actively or passively.  Keep the claims in your head and make them clear, write them down if you need to.  Don’t let them change without a reason for why they’re changing and make sure that the both of you, explicitly, are okay with the change.
  8. You’re not in it to “win”.  This is an important rule in general, one that almost everyone on tumblr knows.  The odds of you actually getting someone to admit that they’re wrong, you’re right, and change their minds on the spot it about 0%.  But to paraphrase a line, “You’re not there for them; you’re there for everyone around them.”  Show everyone that they’re wrong, and if the conversation isn’t going anywhere then bow out and save yourself the time and frustration.  Trust in that you did a solid enough job demonstrating why your point was better than theirs, and provided at least one person was around (through followers or on facebook or a subway car) and your side will grow more popular than theirs and your message will spread, get reinforced over time, and become more persuasive.
People Don’t Change After They Die...

I spoke with someone recently who told me that they suffered from PTSD due to childhood trauma. When I ask if they were seeking proper therapy, they replied, “Oh, she’s deceased now, I can’t talk about her that way”.
Uhh.. yes you can!
Your abuser does not become a saint just because they die. You are their legacy and they continue to abuse, even after death, if you allow it.
Don’t.
Get the help you need regardless of the situation. People don’t change after they die..

PSA for victims of sexual assault re-entering into relationships:

It is absolutely your responsibility to co-establish healthy lines of communication and to speak up when you are unhappy with something.

You are not owed sex. Your partner doesn’t owe you anything just as YOU don’t owe them anything either. Sex is about uniting as a couple, not demanding goods for your pleasure/convenience.

Examples:

“Hey honey, I’m horny. Sex later?”

“No thanks sweetie, I’m tired.”

“Ok!”

see also:

*during sex* “Ow! This way hurts.”

“Sorry! Let’s do try something else then. ;)”

or even:

“I am not sure why, but doing this reminds me of my assault.”

“It’s okay, you can talk it out if you want or do something different.”

If you feel that you are unable to do these things, then you should NOT be entering into a relationship until you can. (Or if you feel unsafe doing this with someone, you may be in a toxic/abusive relationship and should get out of it). Seek therapy, find a support group, read a book: whatever you do, learn about how to establish and maintain healthy relationships. Sexual assault can seriously damage how we view sexuality, so do NOT take this lightly

As fellow victims, @emeraldboreas and I are happily married with loving husbands who communicate with us about everything. But we only got here because we learned about how to care for a relationship and protect our integrity and that of our spouses. Being raped or assaulted doesn’t give us a free pass to avoid healing or to practice unhealthy relationships.

Dear Zindagi deserves all the fucking awards in existence. Alia was phenomenal and Shah Rukh will never understand what his taking on of Dr. Jehangir Khan’s role meant to me, as someone who is mentally ill and a humongous fan of his.

To see SRK’s face validate your mental illness and say that it’s not any less real cause it’s in your mind and to touch on fears that plague you, is an indescribable feeling.

For a Bollywood movie to touch on mental illness and normalize those of us who seek therapy is an indescribable feeling.

11/10 stars for this movie, it is a must see.

anonymous asked:

Is there any point seeking therapy for disorders and problems that have no solutions or cures.

Yes!

I’m going to use an example from my area of expertise- serious mental illness, particularly schizophrenia spectrum disorders. Historically people have thought that schizophrenia was incurable and that people diagnosed with schizophrenia would get worse over time. But that was totally, completely wrong. Although there is no schizophrenia “cure,” many people do regain significant functional ability and see huge improvements in symptoms, sometimes to the point of complete symptom remission. What we now are seeing is that early intervention, person-centered care, and integrated, whole-person treatment are huge components to success with schizophrenia treatment

So my first point is: Sometimes the psychological/psychiatric/etc community initially believes there is no “cure,” but then innovative methods of treatment are successful. I would hate for anyone to give up because we haven’t figured it out yet. 

My second point is: people respond all different kinds of ways. The variability between people with the same diagnosis or general set of mental health issues is huge. So while “schizophrenia” might be considered a chronic disorder, many people experience a single psychotic episode and then never have another, or have schizotypy but never have a psychotic episode, or have occasional psychotic episodes but are able to function the way they want to all or most of the time. Many of these people do not require treatment continuously or maybe not at all. The idea that all people with a specific diagnosis will necessarily follow the same trajectory is totally wrong. 

My third point is: Psychological issues are not the same are medical issues. We are often not looking for a “cure” in the sense of an immunization or antibiotic. We’re looking for something closer to a management strategy, like people with diabetes use. Saying “management strategy” makes it sounds very dire, and I don’t want it to come across that way. To continue with diabetes, many people with diabetes live lives that are essentially indistinguishable from people without diabetes, as long as they continue with good self-management of their illness. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard and scary and frustrating, and it doesn’t mean there are aren’t sacrifices or hard times or points with more symptoms, but it does mean that even if the illness never goes away, life can still be enjoyable and interesting and exciting and meaningful. It can be the same for people with mental health problems that are unlikely to be resolved. Management can make life way better, and I believe is worth it even if it is not a “cure.”

My third point, part 2 is: in self-management, psychology has already found a model that focuses less on symptom remission and more on quality of life- the recovery model (in this post). Recovery was born out of people being frustrated by providers telling them that they were never going to get better and to give up now, and refusing to have a life built around institutions and medications. Instead, recovery is about pursuit of personal values, empowerment, and autonomy, whether or not symptoms continue. This gives people the ability to work on symptom related goals if they choose while still being full members of their chosen communities and pursuing lives that are valuable to them.