see-I-have-friends

anonymous asked:

Would you be willing to change the settings of your Facebook group so anyone can see the group but can’t see who’s in it? I’d like to join but I don’t want the people in my life to know about it or see it. I have some homophobic friends, coworkers, and people who don’t know I’m bi on it.

It’s a private group. Nobody can see the group, only if you get personally invited or click the link and join. So nobody outside the group can even see it, let alone its members. It’s all been taken care of. Don’t worry, it’s a safe space, we keep all our ladies safe! ☺️💕

How to help someone when they’re hallucinating

Disclaimer: I am not every schizophrenic person ever. I am just one person. I’m writing this using my own personal experiences with my hallucinations and what others can do to help. Feel free to add your own suggestions. 

-Move the person to a different location. It should be relatively quiet without sensory overload or crowds of people. Sometimes the person will refuse to leave their hallucinations, in which case you have to find a way to make them. If they are refusing to leave but clearly very agitated, they are entering psychosis and need to get out. 

-Stay with the person. Sometimes my hallucinations give me intense fear and anxiety in which case I’d rather not be on my own to hallucinate terrifying things. Also, spoiler alert, but sometimes psychotic people hurt themselves. Sometimes they don’t even know they’re doing it. If you leave them completely alone, there’s a chance self harm will occur.

-Reassure the person. Tell them that what they’re experiencing is not real. Tell them you’re staying with them. Tell them it will be over soon. Be calm and kind. 

-If the person is having auditory hallucinations, the best thing you can do is to actually get them away from noise. Don’t try to make them listen to music or bring them into loud areas. That will likely cause them to hallucinate more. Take them somewhere quiet and wait for it to pass on its own.

-If the person is having visual hallucinations, likely they will be looking up, at least in my experience anyway. When I hallucinate, it’s usually something I need to raise my head to see. I have a friend who will notice when I’m staring up at something she can’t see and will raise her hands to block it. That way, I see her hands which distract me, and then I look down at her instead of at whatever I’m hallucinating. Distractions are great for visual hallucinations.

-Touch the person (if they’re okay with it). Touching me when I’m hallucinating helps in two different ways. It helps to ground me. If I can feel you touching me, I know that I’m still in reality. It is also calming. If I’m very agitated or fearful, it’s nice to have a reassuring hand touch my shoulder to calm me down.

-Often when people are hallucinating, they get very antsy. Try giving them something they can fidget with, or ask if they want to squeeze your hand. 

-Don’t let the person focus on their hallucinations. Even if it’s terrifying, my natural urge is to look at or listen to the hallucination. I once was having quite a disturbing hallucination and every time I turned my head to look at it, a friend of mine would gently guide my head away from it and make me focus back on her. 

-Ask them if there’s anything they specifically need. Everyone is different. Don’t bombard the person with questions, just ask them what they need. A question I’m often asked is if food or water will help, to which I reply, no, it doesn’t. (Except if the hallucination is causing me to panic, in which a case drinking water will help calm me down. Some people like to chew gum or suck on a candy to help ground them but I haven’t really personally found that helpful for me.)

-Don’t panic. You’re not the one hallucinating. You have nothing to fear. Psychotic does not mean violent. A hallucinating person is not going to hurt you. The person likely will be quite fearful themselves, so you need to do your best to remain calm for them. Panicking will just make the situation worse.

4

Panic! At The Disco - Pretty. Odd. songs as eyeshadows.

10

Dylan’s journal

1: Fact: People are so unaware…. well, ignorance is bliss I guess…. that would explain my depression. - Dylan
A Virtual Book
EXISTENCES
By: Dylan
Properties: This book cannot be opened by anyone except Dylan (some supernatural force blocks common people from entering).
<<-VoDkA->>
<<-Dylan->> 
2: The 4 stages from within: most, few, some, none
Me is place outside all the boxes. 
3: El Thoughtzos
Ah yes, this is me writing … just writing, nobody technically did anything, just I felt like throwing out my thoughts - this is a weird time, weird life, weird existence. As I sit here (partially drunk with a screwdriver) I think a lot. Think … think … that’s all my life is, just shitloads of thinking … all the time … my mind never stops … music runs 24/7 (except for sleep), just songs I hear, not necessarily good or bad, & thinking … about the asshole - in gym class, how he worries me, about driving, & my family, about friends & doings with them, about girls I know (mainly - & -) how I know I can never have them, yet I can still dream … I do shit to supposedly ‘cleanse’ myself in a spiritual, moral sort of way (deleting the wads on my computer, not getting drunk for periods of time, trying not to ridicule/make fun of people (-) at school), yet it does nothing to help my life morally. My existence is shit to me - how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities. Yet these realities are fake - artificial, induced (?) by thought, how everything connects, yet it’s all so far apart … & I sit & think … science is the way to find solutions to everything, right? I still think that, yet I see different views of shit now - like the mind - yet if the mind is viewed scientifically … hmm
I dwell in the past … thinking of good & bad memories. 
4: A lot on the past though … I’ve always had a thing for the past - how it reacts to the present & the future - or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when I got so fucked up w my mind, existence, problem - when Dylan Bennet Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan’s body … as I see the people at school - some good, some bad - I see how different I am (aren’t we all you’ll say) yet I’m on such a greater scale of difference than everyone else (as far as I know, or guess). I see jocks having fun, friends, women, LIVEZ. 
Or rather shallow existences compared to mine (maybe) like ignorance = bliss. They don’t know beyond this world (how I do in my mind or in reality or in this existence) yet we each are lacking something that the other possesses - I lack the true human nature that Dylan owned & they lack the overdeveloped mind/imagination/knowledge tool. I don’t fit in here thinking of suicide gives me hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life … that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe - my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE in me - my soul (existence). & the routine is still monotonous, go to school, be scared & nervous, hoping that people can accept me … that I can accept them … the NIN (Nine Inch Nails) song Piggy is good for thought writing … The Lost Highway sounds like a movie about me … I’m gonna write later, bye   <<-VoDkA->>
5: Da ThoughtZ Jeah
Well well, back at it, yes (you say) whoever the fuck ‘you’ is, but yea. My life is still fucked, in case you care … maybe, … (not?) I have just lost fuckin 45$, & before that I lost my zippo & knife (I did get those back) Why the fuck is he being such an ASSHOLE??? (god I guess, whoever is the being which controls shit). He’s fucking me over big time & it pisses me off. Oooh god I HATE my life, I want to die really bad right now - let’s see what I have that’s good: A nice family, a good house, food, a couple of good friends, & possessions. What’s bad - no girls (friends or girlfriends), no other friends except a few, nobody accepting me even though I want to be accepted, me doing badly & being intimidated in any & all sports, me looking weird & acting shy - BIG problem, me getting bad grades, having no ambition of life, that’s the big shit. Anyway … I was Mr. Cutter tonight - I have 11 depressioners on my right hand now, & my favorite contrasting symbol, because it is so true & means so much. The battle between good & bad never ends … OK enough bitchin … well I’m not done yet. OK go … I don’t know  why I do wrong with people (mainly women) - it’s like they are set out to hate & ignore me, I never know what to say or do. - is soo fuckin lucky he has no idea how I suffer. 
6: Okay here’s some poetry … this is a display of one man in search of answers, never finding them, yet in hopelessness understands things …
Existence … what a strange word. He set out by determination & curiosity, knows no existence, knows nothing relevant to himself. The pretty declarations of others & everything on this world, in this world, he knows the answers to. Yet they have no purpose to him. He seeks knowledge of the unthinkable, of the undefinable, of the unknown. He explores the everything … using his mind, the most powerful tool known to him. Not a physical barrier blocking the limits of exploration, time thru thought thru dimensions … the everything is his realm. Yet, the more he thinks, hoping to find answers to his questions, the more come up. Amazingly, the petty things mean much to him at this time, how he wants to be normal, not this transceiver of the everything. Then occurring to him, the answer. How everything is connected yet separate. By experiencing the petty others actions, reactions, emotions, doings and thoughts, he gets a mental picture of what, in his mind, is a cycle. Existence is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing thru the doors, & the ever existent compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, thru the doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall. Questions make answers, answers conceive questions, and at long last he is content. TTYL  <<-VoDkA->>
7: Thoughtz                                                                                                          Yo … whassup … heheheheh … know what’s weird? Everyone knows everyone. I swear - like I’m an outcast, & everyone is conspiring against me … Check it … (this isn’t good, but I need to write, so here ….                                             Within the known limits of time … within the conceived boundaries of space … the average human thinks those are the settings of existence … yet the ponderer, the outcast, the believer, helps out the human. “Think not of 2 dimensions”, says the ponderer, “but of 3, as your world is conceived of 3 dimensions, so is mine. While you explore the immediate physical boundaries of your body, you see in your 3 dimensions - L, W, & H, yet I, who is more mentally open to anything, see my 3 dimensions. My realm of thought - Time, Space, & THOUGHT. Thought is the most powerful thing that exists - anything conceivable can be produced, anything & everything is possible, even in your physical world.” After this so called “lecture” the common man feels confused, empty, & unaware. Yet those are the best emotions of a ponderer. The real difference is, a true ponderer will explore these emotions & what caused them. Another … a dream.                                                                                         Miles & miles of never ending grass, like a wheat. A farm, sunshine, a happy feeling in the presence, Absolutely nothing wrong, nothing ever is, contrary 180 (degrees) to normal life. No awareness, just pure bliss, unexplainable bliss, The only challenges are no challenge, & then … BAM!!! realization sets in, the world is the greatest punishment. Life.                                                            8: Hypnosis place - It is a sky - with one large cloud, & sort of cloud-made chair - the sun is at the head of the chair … 10 o’clock up into the sky … Below, I sometimes see mist, & the green (forest green) earth - sorta a city, yet I hear nothing. I relax on this chair - actually like a chaise - & I am talking … to what? I don’t know - it’s just there, I have the feeling that I know him, even though I consciously don’t … & we talk like we are the same person - like he’s my soul … The everlasting contrast …                                                                              Dark. Light. God. Lucifer. Heaven. Hell. GOOD. BAD. Yes, the everlasting-contrast. Since existence has known the ‘fight’ between good & evil has continued. Obviously, this fight can never end. Good things turn bad, bad things become good, the ‘people’ on the earth see it as a battle they can win. HA fuckin morons. If people looked at History, they would see what happens. I think, too much, I understand, I am GOD compared to some of those un-existable brainless zombies. Yet, the actions of them interest me, like a kid with a new toy. Another contrast, more of a paradox, actually, like the advanced go for the undevelopeds realm, while some of the morons become everything dwellers - but exceptions to every rule, & this is a BIG exception - most morons never change, they never decide to live in the ‘everything’ frame of mind!              Laterz           <<-VoDkA->>                                                                                   9: <<-VoDkA->>’s Thoughts                                                                                   The - Situation                                                                                                             It is not good for me right now (like it ever is) … but anyway … My best friend ever: the friend who shared, experimented, laughed, took chances with & appreciated me more than any friend ever did has been ordained … “passed on” … in my book. Ever since - (who I wouldn’t mind killing) has loved him … that’s the only place he’s been with her … if anyone had any idea how sad I am … I mean we were the TEAM. When him & I first were friends, well I finally found someone who was like me: who appreciated me & shared very common interests. Ever since 7th grade, I’ve felt lonely … when - came around, I finally felt happiness (sometimes) we did cigars, drinking, sabotage to houses, EVERYTHING for the first time together & now that he’s “moved on” I feel so lonely, without a friend. Oh well, maybe he’ll come around -> … I hope.               That’s all - for this topic - maybe I’ll never see this again. (-> ô=-   -=ô)                 <<-VoDkA->>                                                                                                                10: My 1st Love????                                                                                               OH my God … I am almost sure I am in love … with -. Hehehe … such a strange name, like mine … yet everything about her I love. From her good body to her almost perfect face, her charm, her wit & cunning, her NOT being popular. Her friends (who I know) - some - I just hope she likes me as much as I LOVE her. I think of her every second of every day. I want to be with her. I imagine me & her doing things together, the sound of her laugh, I picture her face, I love her. If - soulmates exist, then I think I’ve found mine. I hope she likes Techno … :-)             -, I love you                                                                                                             - Dylan

3

thank you guys so much, this ask was fucking amazing @pipermcleansed @roro-roh picket, niffler, no-face, the occamy babies, and sootballs you guys made for me have been joined by the totoro you made me last year, the bird tina made me, the rabbit my grandparents gave me, the eagle david got me(actually there were two attatched together but it broke) and the bear (i think?) sean (it might have been david) got me

they’re getting along well

also the sadies definition is just lovely, when i showed david, he stared at the unopen box for a solid minute and a half before beginning to squeal and jump up and down, then when i opened it, the sadies thing was the first thing he noticed and got really excited that he recognized the reference

he was also really surprised you guys made everything inside, especially picket, and he thought the sootballs were adorable, and he was the one that pointed out to me that no-face had the gold in his hands, and then began mimicking him which was funny

also how did you guys know i like boxes? of small items, i love clocks most, and boxes second, and i don’t talk about boxes often

i love you guys so much

oh and if i forgot to say, yeah ill go with you guys

March 31, 1997 - 20 years ago Dylan began his journal

<<-VoDkA->>
3-31-97
Life existence

EL THOUGHTZO’S

AH yes, this is me writing… just writing, nobody technically did anything, just i felt like throwing out my thoughts - this is a wierd time, wierd life, wierd existence. As i sit here (partially drunk w. a screwdriver) i think a lot. Think… Think… that’s all my life is, just shitloads of thinking… all the time… my mind never stops… music runs 24/7 (xpt for sleep), just songs i hear, not necessarily good or bad, & thinking… about the asshole [edited] in Gym class, how he worries me, about driving, & my family, about friends & doings with them, about girls i kno (mainly [edited] & [edited]), how i kno i can never have them, yet i can still dream… I do shit to supposedly ‘cleanse’ myself in a spiritual, moral sort of way (deleting the 'limits’ on my comp, not getting drunk for periods of time, trying not to ridicule/make fun of people ([edited]) at school, yet it does nothing to help my life - moraly. My existence is shit. To me - how i feel that i am in eternal suffering. in infinite directions in infinite realities - yet these [Dylan scribble] realities are fake- artificial, induced by thought, how everything connects, yet it’s all so far apart…. & i sit & think… Science is the way to find solutions to everything, right? I still think that, yet i see different views of shit now like the mind - yet if the mind is viewed scientifically… HMM I dwell in the past… thinking of good & bad movies

a lot on the past though… ive always had a thing for the past - how it reacts to the present & the future - or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when i got so fucked up… my mind, existence, problem - when Dylan Benet Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan’s body… as i see the people at school - some good, some bad - I see how different i am (aren’t we all you’ll say) yet i’m on such a greater scale of difference (as far as I kno, or guess) I see jocks having fun, friends, woman, LIVEZ
[two drawn arrows pointing down to the text below]
or rather shallow existences compared to mine (maybe). Like ignorance = bliss - they don’t know this world (how I do in my mind or in reality, or in this existence) yet we each are lacking something that the other possesses – i lack the true human nature that Dylan owned, & they lack the overdeveloped mind/ imagination/ knowledge tool I don’t sit in here thinking of suicide gives me hope, that i’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life. that ill finally not be at war w. myself, the world, the universe - my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE… me- my soul (existence). & the rotine - is still monotonous, go to school, be scared & nervous, somewhat hoping that people can accept me… that i can accept them… the NIN song Piggy is good for thought writing… The lost Highway sounds like a movie about me… im gonna write later, bye - <<-VoDkA->>

small memory – jeongguk

Originally posted by marshminllow

genre: angst, fluff. 
word count: 3.7k

who would have known a simple conversation about who will be taking the window seat would lead to such a heartbreaking turn?

first week of school. he was timid, especially when you sat next to him at the school bus. he was so awkward, it made you feel awkward too. you spent mondays to fridays sitting next to him, and it was awfully quiet.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I have a friend outside of tumblr that wasn't very convinced about Jack, but I decided to tell her a little bit about what I read in your meta about how he is a TFW parallel and he is not necessarily evil, and then we watched the episode and she said that she now knows that he is going to bring interesting dynamics to the show :) (Just wanted to share)

IKR! I’m so happy. Thanks for sharing :)

We’re one episode in and Jack has already confirmed that through teaching him we will see the protagonists express themselves and grow, that he is a fantastic exposition, mirror and plot device for TFW to develop emotionally:

Originally posted by itsokaysammy

Whilst also already being a Cas mirror

Originally posted by shirtlesssammy

A Dean mirror

A Sam mirror

x

And an exposition of a new character’s journey regarding the human experience

Originally posted by maplecas

I’m so excited for this season :)

I had a fun birthday this year.

Thank you so mucheveryone for wishing me a good birthday! I appreciate them all and I wanna show you guys my favorite/best gift of all.


I have 2 good friends of mine who plays minecraft with me all the time. Their names are Artist and Bo. Bo was the most busy out of all of us but he made time yesterday to just play minecraft with me and Artist.


Artist is just a sweetheart. I love this boiyo cause he stayed up ALL night in his timezones just to play minecraft with me yesterday. I’m so happy to see that I have a good friend that stays by my side like these two.


And when me and Artist were on a server called “Skytonia”.(Unfortunately Bo was AFK) I wanted our moment to be memorable so we teleported to a balloon and took this little screenshot with a mod and shaders on.


This was so beautiful and I decided to..uhmm..make a little “adjustments” and did this. His skin was his OC Arthur and me and my Female skin I call Nixen.

(did this in 30 minutes)

I wanna thank these two so much for spending time with me yesterday. I love you boys so much. Can’t wait for next year :3


- Nixen

Dylan Klebold Birthday Profile: Part 1

Originally posted by kleboldqueen

A numerology, astrology and tarot profile of Dylan Bennet Klebold. Profile for a September 11 birthday taken from The Secret Language of Birthdays, by Gary Goldschneider and Joost Elffers. (Gif credit to @kleboldqueen)

THE DAY OF DRAMATIC CHOICE

The lives of September 11 people usually pivot around certain vital and dramatic decisions which they are forced to make. These decisions may be thrust on them when they are still quite young, perhaps before their sixteenth year. Later, when their career or private life seems to be doing smoothly, when they are well established on their path, they will be met with repeated, often unexpected, crossroads. Within a society’s limits on freedom, the power to effect choice may be an individual’s greatest right. This fact is not at all lost on September 11 people who know how to wield great power through the choices they make.

There is no denying that people born on this day enjoy shocking others. They pride themselves on daring to risk and also enjoy recounting their exploits later. Everything that is boring, middle-class and mundane is rejected by them in thought and deed. Yet at the same time they have a tremendous need for the kind of stability that can only be found in a warm, loving family situation. Consequently, there is conflict between what they like to think they are (highly unconventional) and what they all too often may be (highly conventional).

“He’d make jokes about things that a lot of people don’t make jokes about – like death, and about really dark things.” – Devon Adams

I see how different i am (aren’t we all you’ll say) yet i’m on such a greater scale of difference (as far as I kno, or guess) I see jocks having fun, friends, woman, LIVEZ… or rather shallow existences compared to mine (maybe)” – Dylan Klebold

Keep reading

i feel so lost. everyone is so happy and their lives are getting better and better and im just stuck here. its only gotten worse throughout the years. i honestly feel like things will never get better for me. im angry when i see other people being happy and i hate to be filled with that jealousy but when i see people having friends or being in a relationship and succeeding in life i just want to end it all because i will never achieve that. i just want to know what its like to have everything go right for you and have everything just come to you so naturally because i try and try to just keep myself alive but every fucking day it gets harder to not take all the pills in my cabinet or jump in front of a truck

So it’s been a while since we had a Bughead Fam Love!Fest Post but you see - I have this amazing Reylo friend ( @corariley ) who is JUST getting into Bughead - and she asked me for blogs to follow.

I have nearly 1000 followers and at least 475 Bughead followers and there are SO MANY of you that I love love love (so it’s hard to choose which to tag - I’d be here for hours) - so maybe it’s time to share the love in the whole Bughead!Fam yet again. 

I’m not gonna list ALL of you - but please reblog this post with other blogs that you feel are essential for a new Buggie to follow. Love all you, fam!

@ficmuse @bughead4days @believe-that-you-can-my-friend @gellbellshead @raptorlily @jugandbettsdetectiveagency@bugheadotp @bugheadjonesiii @musingmola @juggiecooperr @quirkyanya @zumpie @bugheadjones-the-third @jennimisk @camelotskingz @peacelovebughead @your-girl-thursday @birdlovesafish @librarian-chic @thedeadsea33 @lessoleilscouchants @fulloflittlewhitelies @lostinafictionaluniverse  @lusterrdust  @youreapunk @betsforsythetrash @xobughead  @it-happened-one-starry-night @malmo722 @leaalda @jugheadnoir @heytherejones @wordsonpages1 @zombiekittez @booitsbetty @createandconstruct @juggydunes

Some of these friends are writers - some graphics makers - some full of meta goodness - some keeping the pulse on the Sproushart side of the fandom. I love all of them - and there are SO many more. 

Asche: “I- I mean-”

“I’m not saying it didn’t take a lot of effort for you!”

“Is just that- I’m not exactly a social butterfly.“

“You see, I have my friends, they’ve been with me since a long time, so I think our bond is pretty strong- a product of many years of trust and convivence.”

“But it seems like it’s not enough. I need more! Making many friends is- is somewhat difficult, but I think I can do it! But- but being close to all of them in less than, let’s say, ten years…”

Asche: “Y-You evolved quickly because not only you put effort on it, but also because y-you’re cool and you talk to people and you’re friendly and- and-”

“…Ah- s-sorry, I sound like a brat now, don’t I? I- I don’t mean to be rude!”

“It’s just- I’d like to how people do it! Being so social and nice without so much trouble!”

Asche: “P-Please?”

“Advices are really helpful! Specially if they’re from someone experienced like you! You’re like my superior in life! uh… How did my friend call it…? Oh, right! My ‘seenpie’! Or something like that…”

@rioludaily

My thanks to Vox Machina

I learned from Pike the kind of person I want to be, the kind of morals I want to have and how I want to treat others and see others. I learned that patience with even the worst kind of people isn’t a reflection of them, but of you. I learned that you choose what kind of person you want to be.

I learned from Scanlan that it’s ok to let loose. To be crude or wild or sexual or silly in serious situations, cuz hey life’s short and we could die tomorrow. I learned that it’s ok to be let down by your friends, and it’s ok if u let your friends down, because friends work through things and no ones perfect. You cannot be perfect, and that is ok.

I learned from Percy the kind of strength I want to have. To ensure so much hard shit in life, and still have a life worth living. To get to the rainbow at the end of the road even when your mental illness tells you that it doesn’t exist. Keep walking, it does. And let others help you get there.

I learned from Grog the kind of life outlook I want. It’s ok to love simple things. It’s ok to not be good at something. Because you are powerful in other things. And you can surround yourself with people so different from you that you will love and lean on when your strength isn’t enough.

I learned from Vex how to be vulnerable. She puts on her face of confidence, and everyone believes it, but somewhere in her was always that little kid who wanted her mom and was hurt by her dad. Who couldn’t trust anyone but her brother - and yet look at her now. Look at her with Percy, and Kiki, and all of vox machina. Look at her find strength in accepting and sharing her vulnerabilities.

I learned from Kiki that even those of us who are the most awkward when it comes to love, and those of us so scared by life, and by our future, and by how others see us - even those of us with all of these things - will be loved. Will be surrounded by amazing people who will see us like we walk on water (which Kiki could do) and feel grateful for being around us.

And finally, I learned from Vax how I wish to love and be loved. I learned that yes, cute emotional boyz can make my heart twinge and can make me believe that love is real even when my anxiety and depression have insisted that is not. I learned how to love people with all my being, and just how gods damn imortant it is to express that love - to kiss those people, to tell them that we love them, to tell them not to go far from us or to call them all mine. To cherish those people. To love with my whole gods damn heart and to accept that same kind of love in return.

I’ve also learned from Matt the kind of creativity I strive to curate in myself - he has inspired me not to let that spark in my soul go unkindled, to be weird and go to burning man and to geek out and to be kind.

In fact I’ve learned from the whole cast. I’ve learned that I am hopeful, and that I see myself having friends like these and adventures like these and beautiful lives like these. I’ve learned so so much and I will never be able to express just how grateful I am.

Thank you Vox Machina. Thank you so gods damn much

4

Letters to Ben (Reylo One-Shot Part 2)

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The world stopped moving, all Rey could do was stare at him in awe. This was Ben? Ben her Ben?  Could it be possible? Excitement swirled within her, her throat shut and tears threatened to betray her. She couldn’t bring herself to respond. The only thing she could do was stare.

“I have dated here and there but nothing serious. I blame my genetics for not being able to hold on to a relationship. I have a face only a mother could love, sometimes I wonder just how closely related my parents were…”

Rey couldn’t seem to see anything wrong with her Ben. He had gorgeous flowing locks and pale skin that was decorated with freckles and moles. A long nose that suited his large features, and pink full lips. She couldn’t stop starring, couldn’t draw her eyes from such a unique yet striking face.

And then the flood gate of tears opened. The universe was teasing her, bullying her for being so stupid! She could never bring herself to say anything. On the inside she was screaming, Ben it’s me! It’s Rey! Excitement, sadness, and heart ache blended into one as she held her suit case tighter to her chest. When he glanced in her direction it was only then that Rey turned towards the window in hopes of hiding her tears from him.

“Hey it’s okay, I’m sure everything will work itself out. I actually help out at the shelter from time to time. I have a friend there who will be able to help you out.” He said in hopes of easing her pain.

“Thanks, I really do appreciate it. I’m Kira.” She managed to reply.

“Where are you from, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Peckham, London.” She lied.

A smile slipped from his serious pout, and her stomach knotted to see the gesture. She had always dreamt of seeing him smile.

“I have a friend that’s from the U.K.” He replied.

“H-how did you guys meet?” She asked. Wiping her tears away Rey held her breath for a response.

“By accident, she was looking for her family and instead found me. It’s a long story, I don’t want to bore you with details.” He replied.

Rey felt her lips tug into a smile as well. He was trying to comfort a weeping stranger in his car. But she was certain that had Ben met her on different circumstances he wouldn’t have paid her any attention. She wasn’t much to look at in all honesty. Rey had never paid much attention to her looks for the soul reason that she had spend her time working two jobs and squeezing her studies in between that small wedge.

Now she could only image what she looked like. No doubt she had bags under her eyes and her skin was a sickly pale with hair that was flat against her scalp. She had no volume to it, no waves or curls just straight brown hair that reached her shoulders.

Feeling self conscious she ran her fingers through her hair and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes in hopes of looking less like a sobbing mess. As much as she wanted to shout out in joy that it was in fact her, a little fear and panic made her keep her mouth shut.

What if he grew angry? What if the only reason Ben had been so open to her about his parents divorce and their lack of parental affection was because she was miles away? He had poured his heart and soul into those letters and maybe it was because they had come to the understanding that neither would ever meet. They would just keep it going until one grew tired of the other.

“I can assure you Miss Kenobi, that you will be the first to tire of me. You’re still young and have much to learn. I’m positive a distraction will waltz in one day and steal you from me.”

As a battle began to wage inside her mind she grew lost in her own thoughts never knowing that Ben had been eyeing her from the corner of his eye. When they arrived at the shelt/r she was almost overwhelmed to cry again, it was exactly how he had described it. From the trees that adorned the front lawn, to the fire hydrant leaning awkwardly more to the left.

“Come on, let me introduce you to Maz.” He said.

She stiffly got off the car and for the life of her she could not seem to stop gripping her suit case. It was the only thing keeping her from becoming a trembling mess. He stayed in front of her, never touching her or making eye contact.

The weather was hot yet Ben sported a dark blazer with a gray shit and black slacks. She on the other hand wore a purple dress with tiny little daisy’s printed on it, tube socks folded around her ankles and a pair of old white faded shoes she had bought at a bargain store.

Out of all the clothes Rey had managed to buy with the little money she had this was her best dress. She had wanted to look presentable to Ben but now she regretted ever spending those fifty dollars on it.

Heaven help her, she was slowly falling deeper into the abyss and because of her foolish heart she was now officially homeless, with no job, and no way of going back home.

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Part 3 will be uploaded 09/17/2017

Author’s Note:

Thank you guys for the support! There will be more to come!

anonymous asked:

Is it strange that whenever I see my friends having good relationships with their parents I'm somewhat jealous? I've always dreamed ever since I was a child to have supportive parents who didn't insult me and loved me even when I made mistakes. So it's always seemed so dreamlike and almost surreal to see real caring parents.

no it’s not strange at all. i still feel that way. it’s natural to want a normal family that loves you.