see you at home mr heartbreaker

suicidal || alex standall

prompt: You should do an Alex imagine where his gf is on one of the tapes and is suicdal. + Can you do an Alex imagine with suicidal reader + Can you do a Alex imagine where you guys are really close and you are on the tapes and you become super distant and suicidal

warnings: suicidal!reader, swearing, reader is on the tapes

a/n: this took a while to post bc i had to think of a reason to why the reader is on the tapes. italics mean hannah speaking , and as always feedback is appreciated and requests are open ALSO reader is tape number 14 and lets pretend clay recorded bryce’s confession on something else.


Girls will be girls and boys will be boys they say. But sometimes their actions can affect lives. They affected mine, see I went through some dark times and when I needed you most, you backed out. Why did you leave when i needed you most? But hey, girls will be girls right? This one’s for you Y/N Y/L/N.

You were lying in bed, listening to tape Hannah speak, while you felt your heart sink. After sitting through a long night, listening to each tape, you finally got to yours. You never knew you were one of these reasons Hannah killed herself until you walked home from school one day and saw a horribly wrapped package addressed to you. You had used a walkman your parents had to listen to the numbered tapes. And hearing Hannah speak and introduce the tapes, you couldn’t believe you were one of the reasons.

You and Alex Standall were dating so once you go to his tape, you couldn’t believe what Hannah was saying, but you carried on, and listened to each heartbreaking tape. So once you got the last tape you knew it was about you.

You see Y/N, even though you are my 14th tape, Mr Porter is still my last reason. You were such a nice person, you became my friend after Alex and Jess left. But after my reputation had changed for the worse and I was ‘Hannah The Slut’ you started hanging out with me less. You still always gave me a smile when we passed in the halls but you never stopped to ask how I was or anything really. Were you ashamed to hang out with me? Was I a burden to you?

At this point you were in tears, your nose was stuffed and your eyes were red and puffy. “I’m so sorry Hannah, I didn’t mean to leave you.” You spoke, turning to your side on your bed. You had your headphones in so you didn’t hear your door open. You felt arms wrap around your crying figure. You removed one earbud and turned to face your hugger. “It’s okay Y/N.” Alex spoke and kissed your forehead. You turn to face Alex, your head in his chest “I didn’t mean to hurt Hannah.” You spoke into his chest, your tears staining his shirt, but Alex didn’t mind. He hated seeing like this.

Alex moved to stop the tape and move the god damn thing away from you, since you already finished your tape. “It’s okay Y/N.” Alex said once again, and you calmed down and slowed your breathing, listening to Alex’s heartbeat. Then the two of you fell asleep.

Since you were the last person to receive the tapes, you held on to them. Even though they caused you emotional pain, it was the only thing you had left from Hannah. You kept the shoebox under your bed, and rarely touched it. You carried on with your life as per usual. You started to notice how everyone who was on the tapes looked more stressed and freaked. They knew what you had done and you know what they did. But you and Alex were still happy, and that’s what matters. But after a week since listening to the tapes, you’ve had a total shift of behavior.

You had been more tired that usual, you ate less, rarely spoke and would get agitated easily. Alex noticed your shift in behavior, but thought it wouldn’t be a big deal. But then your behavior continued for 2 months. Then one day you weren’t at school. Alex had started freaking out, but you sat at home, emotionally drained. Why am I still alive? This question would echo in your mind. Why were you still alive? You had contributed to make a girl commit suicide and she was your friend.

You hated yourself and the guilt was eating you alive. “I shouldn’t have left her.” You mumble to yourself. Your whole body felt sore and weak, you’ve been eating less, your face was a sickly color and bags formed under your eyes. Alex went straight to your house that afternoon, panic was rushing through him. “Hey Ms. Y/L/N, is Y/N home?” Alex asked your mom who opened the door and greeted him. “She’s in her room. Alex, do you know why she’s been acting so strangely? She’s not acting like the Y/N we know.” Your mom spoke, her voice quiet. Alex shook his head, knowing better than to let his girlfriend’s mom know about the tapes.

She gave Alex a smile and let him in, the platinum blonde hair boy rushing to your room. He found you laying in bed and staring at your ceiling. “Why am I still alive Alex?” You asked, your voice calm and soft. “Y/N, no, please don’t think like that.” Alex spoke, immediately sitting next to you and pulling you close to him. “But it’s true Alex, I killed Hannah Baker.” You cried softly. “We all did, but you shouldn’t take your life because it. Hannah’s death affected a bunch of people and yours would too. Please don’t do it.” You laid your forehead on Alex’s shoulder, tears falling from your eyes.

“It’s hard, the guilt is eating me alive.” You said. Alex cupped your face and made you look at him, “It’s okay, we’ll get through this. I’ll help you.” He kissed your forehead. “Thank you, I love you.” You spoke, and Alex gave you a smile, “I love you too.”


damn this was rlly long and im not too proud of it but i posted so :)) ALSO this is such a serious topic like please if you ever feel suicidal get help or even call a hotline, its better to get help then go through it alone

Here's a fun question: If there was a Karaoke Night in the Freshman, what would be everyone's go to song?

My Choices:
MC: Shape of You (it’d be fun, fill a few drinks in her and it’ll go with either person she’s dating (or hooking up with)
Kaitlyn: Gravel To Tempo (i just wanna see her sing some Hayley Kiyoko)
Chris: Take me Home Tonight (everyone is drunk)
James: Classic Man (get him drunk and it’ll be amazing)
Abbie: Doo-Wop (That Thing) (such a bop even years later)
Tyler: Mr Roboto (I don’t know why but I can see it)
Zack/Brandon: they’d duet for sure, but I have no idea what.
Becca: How to be a Heartbreaker (or Glamorous but I am more into the first one)
Madison: Hit me Baby One More Time (someone has to do Britney)
Zig: Paradise City (he looks like he could be a Guns n Roses fan)
Trip: Treat You Better (since he isn’t dating Madison in my story)
Logan: Bohemian Rhapsody (everyone needs it)
Darren: Can’t Stop the Feeling (he has to liven up the party)

AND the Fab 3 (MC, Kaitlyn, Abbie) please do Work From Home because that song still gets me hype.

@niasusanto @hollyashton what you think? Got any ideas?

Kian Lawley/Jack Gilinsky Imagine (PART 19)

PART 18

It’s been exactly 5 days since the accident happened and Jack wasn’t waking up. I’ve been in the hospital, by his side, since the first day as well as Johnson and Jack’s parents. I felt so helpless watching him asleep with all those machines attached to him. It was so heartbreaking to see him like that and all we could do was just pray for him and wait for him to open his eyes. And the wait was killing us. 

‘Honey, you should take a break. Go home and get rest, get some sleep. You’re exhausted.’ Mrs Katherine, Jack’s mom, said moving my hair from my face. ‘I don’t want to leave his side.’ I said looking at him. ‘I know sweetie, but that’s for your own good. David and I are going to be here and you and Johnson go home. At least for a day.’ She said. ‘Please don’t make me leave. I really don’t want to. To be with him is the least I can do right now.’ I said tearing up a little. ‘Oh, honey..’ She said pulling me into a hug. 
The door opened and closed as Johnson walked in. ‘Hey’ He said. ‘Hey, Johnson.’ ‘Everything the same?’ He asked. ‘Yeah..’ I said. ‘Well, I’m going to get some coffee and find David. I’ll be back later.’  Katherine said leaving Johnson and me alone in the room. ‘Y/n?’ ‘Yeah?’ ‘Kian’s here.’ He said. ‘Really?’ ‘Yeah.’ 

I got out and found Kian sitting on a chair in front of the room. As soon as he saw me he got up. ‘Hey.’ He said. ‘Hey.’ ‘How are you?’ He asked and I shrugged. ‘What are you doing here?’ ‘I came to see how are you and if you need anything..How’s Jack?’ ‘He’s still the same, still not waking up.’ Every time I mention it, I can’t hold my tears back. ‘Come here.’ Kian said pulling me to him. His tight hug was exactly what I needed in these past few days. I wrapped my arms tighty around him and leaned my head against his chest and he kissed my head saying ‘He’s gonna be alright.’ Just when he said that, Johnson quickly opened the door of Jack’s room. ‘Y/n, Jack is waking up!’ He said. I looked at Kian and ran into the room with Johnson. 
As we entered the room, both of us came closer to him. ‘Jack?’ I said quietly as he opened his eyes. ‘Hey, G.’ Johnson smiled at him. ‘W-where am I?’ Jack asked looking at Johnson. ‘You’re in the hospital, you had an accident. How are you feeling?’ He asked him. ‘My head hurts.’ Jack said putting his hand on his forehead. ‘Are you alright? Did you get hurt?’ He asked Johnson completely ignoring me. ‘I-I wasn’t with you in the car. It was just you.’ ‘Oh..and who are you?’ He asked referring to me and I looked at Johnson. ‘What..? Jack, it’s me, y/n.’ I said in complete shock. Why doesn’t he remember me?! ‘Let me ask you something..What-what’s the last thing you remember before the accident happened?’ Johnson asked him. ‘We were at Cam’s party, he was celebrating his 19th birthday, and then, you and I got into the car and headed home.’ He said and the tears ran down my cheeks. ‘Jack, that was two years ago..’ Johnson said quietly closing his eyes. 

As David and Katherine ran into the room with a doctor and a nurse, I slowly got out. I was totally distraught. Jack didn’t know who I am. He didn’t remember me, he didn’t remember us.. 
‘Y/n? What happened? W-why are you crying?’ Kian asked. I looked up at him and opened my mouth to say something, but not a word could leave my mouth.

PART 20

The Ultimate Workout Playlist (Will upload later)

Running
The Jig is Up - Kendrick Lamar
I be on that - childish gambino
Bonfire - cg
Just What I Am - kid Cudi
Pursuit of Happiness Remix - kc
Memories - kc
Power - Kanye west
Shabba Remix - ASAP ferg
Wild For the Night - ASAP rocky
terrorist threats - ab soul
Worldstar - cg
Earth: the oldest computer - cg
Crawl - cg
Sunrise - cg
Eat Your Vegetables - cg
Freaks & Geeks - cg
Heartbeat Treasure Fingers rmx - cg
Thank You - Busta Rhymes
Shake Weight - Captain Murphy
Sale - Hodgy Beats
Yes - cg
The Rocker - cg
Toxic - Cg
One Up - cg
Boomshakalaka - chip tha ripper
Be A model - chip tha ripper
Ol Girl - chip tha ripper
Telegraph Ave Ta-Ku Remix - cg
Whatever U Want - consequence
Embrace the Martian - kc
Gladiator - common
Kush Coma - Danny brown
Dubstep - Danny brown
Dip - Danny brown
Dope Fiend Rental - Danny brown 
Pac Blood - Danny brown
Bruiser Brigade - db
Memories Extended - kc
Rolling papers - doom genesis
Burgundy - earl sweatshirt
banana clipper - killer mike
camera day - flying lotus
pyramids - frank ocean
novacane - fo
clique - kw
mercy - kw
cold - kw
creepers - kc
don’t like - kw
old school caddy - hit boy
option - hit boy
tom ford - jay z
fuckwitmeyouknowigotit - jz
niggas in paris - kw/jz
why i love you - kw/jz
who gon stop me - kw/jz
on to the next one - jz
can’t tell me nothing - kw
champion - kw
touch the sky - kw
Monster - kw
runaway - kw
who will survive in america - kw
hell of a life - kw
black skinhead - kw
im in it - kw 
backseat freestyle - kl
maad city - kl
ronald reagan era - kl
rigamortus - kl
dose of dopeness - kc
day n nite crookers remix - kc
the ruler & the killer - kc
immortal - kc
new york city rage fest - kc
lord of the sad & lonely - kc
girls - kc
cold blooded - kc
red eye - kc
london girls - kc
did you get it - kc
maniac - kc
scott mescudi vs the world - kc
can’t stop me - kc
helpless - kc
hottest in the hood freestyle - kc
tim westwood freestyle - kc
enter galactic - kc
make her say - kc
up up & away - kc
cudi zone - kc
maui wowie - kc
cudi spazzin - kc
around my way - lupe fiasco
lamborghini angels - lf
little weapon - lf
go go gadget flow - lf
watching movies - Mac miller
matches - mac miller
extinguisher - mellowhigh
get n drunk - mellowhigh
f666 the police - mellowhype
hannah montana - Migos
party people - nerd
orange juice - odd future
spaz - nerd
everyone nose - nerd
anti matter - nerd
king push - pusha t
happy - pharrell
sexting - schoolboy q
street knock - ar
higher ground - tnght
upper echelon - Travis Scott
dance on the moon - Travis Scott
au79 - Tyler the creator
yonkers - tc
domo23 - tc
jamba - tc
tamale - tc
parking lot - tc
cudi the kid third party remix - kc

Lifting
4 loko remix
seven - tc
blow - tc
where u been - 2 chainz
partyisntover - tc
tron cat - tc
she- tc
teleport 2 me jamie - wzrd
upper room - wzrd
hate it or love it - 50 cent/game
blessed - schoolboy q
there he go - sq
sweet serenade - pusha t
trouble on my mind - pt
nosetalgia - pt
numbers on the board - pt
sam is dead - of
sooner or later - nerd
hypnotize u - nerd
its in the air - nerd
hot n fun - nerd
aquarium - mm
ok - mac miller
streets on fire - lf
superstar - lf
reagan - killer mike
cleveland is the reason - kc
pursuit of happiness - kc
soundtrack 2 my life - kc
super boo - kc
trippy - kc
mr rager - kc
revofev - kc
on my own - kc
to da top - kc
infinite dreams - kc
brothers - kc
bigger than you - kc
blow my high - kl
adhd - kl
hol up - kl
real- kl
money trees - kl
love lockdown - kw
robocop - kw
welcome to heartbreak - kw
new slaves - kw
send it up - kw
see me now - kw
gorgeous - kw
heard em say - kw
drive slow - kw
crack music -kw
gold digger - kw
i wonder - kw
flashing lights - kw
stronger - kw
already home - jz/kc
us placers - crs
thinking bout you - fo
Super rich kids - fo
crack rock - fo
forrest gump - fo
Hive - es
Molasses - es
Whoa - es
Knight - es
Lie4 - db
Radio Song - db
Adderral Admiral - db
DNA - db
Wonderbread - db
Lincoln Continental - db
My Type of Party - Dom Kennedy
Symphonies - kc
Grown Up - db
Yaphet Kotto - cg
Low Key - chip
Ride 4 U - chip/kc
Good Evening - chip
GloryUs - chip/kc
Rollin in the Deep - CG 
Unnecessary - cg
Black faces - cg
We Aint Them - cg
Nostalgia - chance the rapper
Fuck U Tahm Bout - cr
Thats Love - cr
Favorite Song - Chance the Rapper
Centipede - cg
Backpackers - cg
You see me - cg
Telegraph ave - cg
The Worst Guys - cg
the Race - wiz khalifa
Angels - ar
Sweatpants - cg

Imagine: Hands

Harry: Maybe it was a spur of the moment…maybe it was a crazy idea. But above all, it wasn’t a regret. You and Harry had been friends for so long, and you’d just broken the barrier of that. Friends, more than friends, you didn’t know what to call it…but here you were, lying in bed next to him. You both just stared at the ceiling, your legs curled together as you listened to the other person’s breathing. “Y/N?” he said, breaking the silence. You closed your eyes, relishing in your last moments before he’d tell you “let’s just stay friends…” You turned to him and raised your eyebrows. “Do you…did you mean it? When you said you…” “Loved you?” “Yeah…” “Yes. I did,” you said, still readying your wall against the rejection to come. “I love you too.” You stayed quiet, unsure if it was real, and stayed wordless as you wrapped your fingers around his. He closed his hand around yours and you both seemed to sigh…the unsaid had resolved itself.

 

Liam: “Will you stop with the foot tapping?” you asked him. Liam put his foot down, planting it to the ground, but didn’t look over at you. “Liam?” “Hmm? What?” he asked in a daze. “Liam, don’t worry…I think…I think it’ll work out this time.” You’d spent almost two years trying to have a baby with Liam, but nothing’s worked. It was heartbreaking, every visit to the doctor and going home with “no” every time. But now it was time to see if your patience, your hopes and your anticipation would finally come together. “Mrs. Payne?” The door opened, revealing your doctor in a white coat. “I have your results.” “Yes?” you asked, swallowing a lump in your throat you didn’t recognize was even there. Liam held out his hand, and you instinctively slipped your fingers between his and held on. “Our tests show that you are indeed pregnant Mrs. Payne.” “W…what? Really?” you asked. You and Liam’s eyes both lit up; he squeezed your hand so hard. But you didn’t mind…you were going to have a baby. His baby.

 

Niall: You were in New York. Peacefully walking through the park, Niall wanted to stop for ice cream, so naturally you rolled your eyes and stood there waiting for him to soothe his sweet tooth. For once, cameras weren’t the problem…in fact, Niall’s recognition wasn’t the problem either. It was you. “Hey love! Darling,” the most annoying voice you’ve ever heard rung out. Some guy and his mates walked over as you stood on the path trying to enjoy the duck pond. Your view was interrupted by this stranger waving in your face; he was taller than Niall certainly, and you found yourself uncomfortable. Cowering even. “Please, go away…” “But why doll? You’re so pretty, we were ju-“ “She said go away. And if yuh want to keep all yer goddamn teeth, I suggest yuh listen t’her,” Niall growled, coming up behind you and raising his eyebrows. The guys scampered off…you found it slightly funny actually. Niall wasn’t taller than them, but he was intimidating enough to make them run. You followed him as you both started to walk. He reached out and grabbed your hand. You gripped it back, smiling as he sighed with a grin “What am I gonna do with yuh…can’t even leave yuh by yerself without worrying about my princess…”

 

Zayn: You woke up in a flurry of cream colored sheets, fluffy comforters and pillows tossed careless around. You looked over, finding your other half still asleep next to you. Well, sprawled out next to you with one of his legs on top of both of yours. You struggled to twist yourself out of his leg-lock and succeeded, but woke Zayn in the process. “Good morning love,” he said in his low sleepy voice. “Morning,” you sighed, loving the sight of Zayn. Still half asleep, tangled up in cream sheets that were bunched up at his waist…he was beautiful. “Some honeymoon eh love? Where’d my pillow go?” he chuckled. You looked over, finding all the pillows strewn on the floor. You shrugged. “We don’t need pillows. You’ve got me,” you smiled, crawling over and laying your head on his chest. “And I’ve got you.” He laughed and sat up, cradling you between his legs and held up his hands. You slipped your fingers between his…palm to palm, like you two always did. You kissed him tenderly, peacefully…as if he was still asleep.

 

Louis: You were nervous. Good god were you nervous…your first interview as the official girlfriend. The headline came out earlier this week. But now it was an exclusive interview for E! where they brought in the couples, but even with Perrie and Sophia here, you were still nervous. You’d never been on TV before…never had stylists all over you or cameras and lights in your eyes. You felt your face turn white underneath your makeup as the camera began rolling. At first it was just small talk, you and Louis on a loveseat and an attractive brunette woman in a red dress sat across from you. But it slowly went downhill. You could feel the eyes on you as the woman ridiculed your hometown, your clothes and outfits the paps had gotten pictures of, your silent nature. Louis didn’t counter the woman like you thought he would. Instead, he was worried about you over his temper…he wrapped his hand around yours and said, while the woman was mid-sentence, “We’re done. Turn the cameras off.” He stood up, and you followed him as he tugged on your hand. You were near tears, but you were smiling…he was always looking out for you. That’s why you loved him after all.

John’s heartburn over a wasted opportunity

Wasted opportunity: they missed out on something + they had an opportunity while they were wasted

In movies, at the end of a date, people will say (usually at their doorstep), ‘well, thank you for a lovely evening’, then pause, wait to make meaningful eye contact and then lean in for a kiss.  There’s a sense that one party, ‘making a move’, to kiss the other (or both parties) is drawing this goodbye out, stalling for time.

Well, at the end of the stag night, we get this, 

This has every single marker of an end of date, tentatively leaning in for a kiss situation.  John is leaning into Sherlock, his words are drawn out as if he were stalling, Sherlock avoids eye contact making him seem like he’s avoiding this moment.  

In your average heterosexual romance there can be these types of false starts where the friends have a great time, it feels like a date but neither will admit it.  At the end the guy, usually, will make an oblique move like this and if it’s not, ‘the right time’, the woman, usually, will be shy or otherwise put him off because she got nervous or was awkward.  

This is classic romantic comedy type stuff right here.  If the setting and lighting were different it’d be much more obvious but because this looks like a low-key David Fincher movie we don’t see this right away.

PS after this we see John take some medicine for his HEARTBURN.  His heart.  Burn,

Circles on the show represent feelings, water always represents feelings.  Here we have Sherlock saying, ‘what a wasted opportunity!’, and John walking into a transition with a glass of water where he is throwing in his heartburn pill.  There’s even a spoon behind his glass to add to the circular motif.

To drive the point home that this is about John’s heartbreak we will even get Mrs Hudson asking, ‘How are you feeling?’, while John stares into infinity with this intense look in his eyes.  Sure, in the surface narrative the dude in hungover but also he’s suffering: he wasted his last chance to make a move on Sherlock.

Remember Moriarty said he was going to, ‘burn the heart out of’, Sherlock, well, we certainly have John with a seriously burnt heart here.  He wasn’t going to say anything but yeah, it really was awful to have wasted the opportunity.