see how this emotionally messed me up

Bangtan Boys

Rap Monster- ISTP

“I just want to say that I’m like this right now, I’m this kind of person and I’ve lived like this, but I’m having these kinds of thoughts right now. And in the future, I’ll be like this… People want to have assurance towards their existence to no end. I think the reason I do music is that while speaking of my stories through music, I’m able to confirm the reason to my existence. I don’t want to be a petty person, but someone who remains in history. Because it’s a life that you only get one chance with, I want to influence people endlessly, give hopes, and become someone who can become a dream. Until then, I plan to continue on forth. Because that will become something that confirms the worth to my existence to the world and something that can personally confirm myself as to who I am.” (Se-Ni)

Okay so I had the most trouble when typing Rap Monster because he is just so unlike the traditional descriptions of his type; or maybe I was just over analyzing everything he was saying. ISTPs are described as being very in-tune with their environment and noticing the details of their surroundings. He does have that Se look in his eyes, but due to his lack of motor coordination and how the other members say that he needs to pay more attention to his surroundings, I was a little confused.

He is constantly trying to make sense of what kind of role he plays in the world and vice versa (Ti). Saying that “youth” defines itself as being the most beautiful moment in life, writing poems about the relationship between his self-conscious and the world, etc. is his Ti shining through. 

Then it was just a matter of debating between ISTP and INTP. His thoughts are very deep and theoretical which is a typical INTP trait BUT he has no Ne. Despite the fact that he’s always lost in his own world, he does have Se in how he finds the most relaxation being out and about in nature (a typical ISxP trait), and how he gives answers questions straight-forwardly without branching out into several different ideas. 

The reason why I typed him as ISTP rather than ESTP is simply due to the fact that he describes himself as being “careful” and “timid.” The fact that he spends more time inside his head rather than out doing things and craving more sensual experiences justifies him being a Ti-dom. He also says that while he knows how to do certain things in his head, his actions don’t always follow. 

Overall I have determined that Rap Monster has developed his Ni to a good extent. You can see how much effort he has to put in order for his answers to be deep compared to Suga who’s a Ni-dom and therefore he does it effortlessly. Also he seems like a very healthy ISTP compared to his age because his inferior Fe also comes into play from time to time such as how he’s courteous and knows how to respond in given situations.


“My first child will be a daughter, and my second child will be a son. I really want my son to have an older sister. I have an ideal image of having an older sister. Most guys with an older sister told me this- that the older sister puts allowance in her little brother’s wallet. My older brother took money out of my wallet! And a long time ago, I was traumatized when my friend told me that his girlfriend went home to make her little brother food. I never realized that an older sibling could cook for their younger sibling. I will name my son Yoosun, with the common family syllable. I took the name of Yoobi’s son. I was sad when I found out that my name didn’t have the common family syllable.” (Fi-Ni)

Now I have a feeling that many people are going to disagree with me on his type simply because he’s extremely organized and a neat freak. Well being a perceiver doesn’t mean that someone can’t be organized. Those are mere stereotypes (I should know because I’m the most disorganized person out there).

The thing with Jin is that he’s always kind of just been in the background. Any interview or variety show BTS goes on, he gets the least amount of screen time (which is totally unfair btw) partly due to the fact that while the other members are goofing around to get attention, he’s just sitting there. He doesn’t necessarily look uncomfortable but it’s more due to the fact that he probably just doesn’t want to do something because other people are doing it. If he wants to answer a question or do something crazy, it’ll be because he wants to and not because it is expected of him (Fi).

He’s always said that his personality is the kind to not mind what others think of him and to do what he wants to do. He has a strong sense of personal values; you can clearly see how much his values mean to him. Everything he talks about will have some sort of meaning to him even when he’s answering questions that are supposed to be objective, he somehow brings it back to himself (”Oh so that means I’m like this” or “Yes that happened to me too”). He LOVES cooking and you can tell because his eyes just seem to light up and become animated (the way Fi users do) whenever he talks about something meaningful to him.

His Se isn’t really that hard to notice and it’s most apparent in his cooking. His attention to detail comes from his Se in that he’s focusing all of his energy externally by focusing on his five senses. This is why he seems like a perfectionist when it comes to food. The reason he’s good at cleaning is also because he’s so good at noticing his surroundings and taking in all the details.

He’s calm and relaxed and a trait that I’ve noticed in most ISFPs is that he so desperately wants to be free. J-Hope once said that when Jin gets mad he can’t see anything in front of him, this is his inferior Te coming into play.

Suga- INTJ

“I was an underground rapper for a long time. I have a goal. I want to be the bridge between main stream music and underground Hip Hop. They’re so busy slandering each other. It’s probably too soon to say I want to unite the two; I’d sound pretty bombastic, won’t I ? As long as I can make good music, it doesn’t matter if I’m an idol or an underground rapper ” (Ni)

His introversion is due to the fact that he doesn’t like loud places with lots of people and that, in his opinion, everyone deserves a time and place for them to be refreshed (for him it’s being alone).

His dreams are big (despite being unsure of whether he’ll be able to reach them or not) and elaborate (Ni). He has a clear goal of what he wants to do and where he wants to go in life (without having thought about the technicalities and the specifics). He hates repetition and sees no point in thinking about the past because “the past is the past and it’s not like I can change anything about it.”  He doesn’t linger on things and really likes what he likes and hates what he dislikes–there is no in-between.

He is willful, confident, and independent (the fact that he went up the PD to complain about the endless repetitive dance practices proves this). Not to mention his supreme title of the sassy queen of BTS.  He doesn’t worry about what others think about him and is stubborn in defending what he believes in (Te-Fi). He has a straightforward personality in which he says what he means and means what he says without sugarcoating anything for anyone (Te). Confronts people about his problems instead of talking about them behind their backs. 

According to Jin he has a variety of knowledge about various things and he has no idea where he gets it all from (typical INTJ trait). He pretends not to care when he actually does (Fi). He finds pleasure in being organized externally (Te) because it aids him in knowing which direction to go in the future (Ni). His biggest regret/weakness shows up in the form of his inferior Se in which he says that “I didn’t have time to look at my surroundings and was too focused on what was in front of me. I think I should take some time to look around me and try things that aren’t just work-related, whether it’s hobbies or sports.“

J-Hope- ENFJ

It {the set} was warm and the flowers were blooming so I thought it would be really cozy, but to be honest it was cold. I had to climb up in a tree to film and I was kind of scared. It seemed really scary so I was afraid and got tense. Something came from that solitude and fear. (Ni-Se)

I came to the conclusion that he was ENFJ because, for starters, he was given his name because he gives ope to those around him. He’s bright, kind,gentle, treas others well, and is pretty loyal. He’s sociable and has a lot of love to give to those around him.

He loves thinking about complicated things (a strong indicator of Ni). He has no Si and instead thinks about the future and remembers the past as facts rather than memories (product of having Se). The way he’s able to be spontaneous and act in the moment are his tertiary Se kicking in.

He likes to be introspective but then dark thoughts kick in (this happens a lot to xNFJs as we are naturally attracted to dark themes). His way of looking to the past and creating universal themes from them are strong indicators of Ni. 

His Fe is more obvious than Suga’s sass. No but seriously he is always smiling and reflecting the emotions of those around him. One moment that really stood out for me though, (just to make my point), is that when he cried when the members threw him a surprise birthday party, he unconsciously hugged all the members as a sign of gratitude. He was obviously very emotionally shaken up (he was choking on his tears for goodness sake) and so his thoughts must have been in a huge mess but seeing as how he hugged them as if it were the natural thing to do just shows that it is the natural thing for him to do. Only a Fe-dom would think about thanking everyone individually so that no one got their feelings hurt and felt excluded even in a time like that.

Jimin- ESFP

“My aim is frankly to be the first. This has many meanings but i want to get the first place in music program and i also want to get really important award at some award ceremony.” (Se-Ni)

Jimin was one of the easiest for me to type. I did think he had Fe for a while because he is just so thoughtful and the members described him as being the one who listens to all their problems the best which didn’t really strike me as an ESFP trait (no offense to all the ESFPs out there). 

He’s always living in the moment whether it’s on or off stage. He has a good sense of aesthetic taste which is why he’s so good at picking his clothes and knowing what would look good with what (Se-Ni). He tends to be alert to what’s going on around him and thus he’s so good at performing. On camera you can always see him making random hand motions and making exaggerated facial expressions which is a common habit of ESxPs. He also uses his whole body to describe how he’s feeling.

He went through a lot of hardships because he was the last one to be added to BTS but you wouldn’t notice it ever, because of his Fi. His emotions are kept quiet but you can tell they play a large part in how he makes his decisions. He shows his affections readily especially when it’s physical. He makes his likes and dislikes less noticeable than Jin because as an extrovert his first instinct is to keep harmony with those around him but when he does he becomes extremely stubborn. 

He loves to be the center of attention (that’s why he tries so hard on stage and unintentionally steals the other members spotlight even when it’s not his turn). He says that he has a desire to constantly be moving around and he hates being bored. 


"I have a motto that came from my father: “What is that that’s so important.” It has a lot of meaning. I have moments where I’m tired, annoyed, and don’t want to do things. But whenever I think of these words, those things become nothing. If you endure through it, good things will come your way. My father ingrained this into my head so whenever I’m at hardship, I think of these words so I hope we never forget this.” (Ne-Si)

V is friendly, self-centered (not in a bad way), independent, and eccentric–typical ENTP traits. Honestly, his 4D personality gives it away despite how “mysterious” people say he is. ;)

His Ne is so obvious that you can literally see it in his eyes. They’re always shifting from place to place as if sorting through all of the multiple things going on his head. He also gets off-topic in interviews pretty fast like in one interview he was asked about composing and he ended his answer with something about how Rap Monster should just write notes on his hands.  He’s an inventor of new ideas to the extent that Suga has said that V comes up with really good ideas that equal out his quirkiness.

Suga once said that “he’s immature and isn’t able to become serious. It seems like he doesn’t care what others think,” and this really made me think of Ti. Since Fe is a tertiary function in ENTPs, and because he’s so young, it can be hard to adjust to other people’s feelings. But he find it super easy to make friends with people (especially with his father Daehyun), and often mentions how he has a  lot of friends because he isn’t picky or judgmental and people are drawn to hat about him (a typical ENTP trait).  He has this extra childishness that comes with being young and that’s why his Ti isn’t that prominent unless you really devour everything he says like I did. 

Some other things that helped me included how he said that it’s super hard for him to cry even when he’s deeply moved. He’s not afraid to do embarrassing things and he seems really out of it most of the time. 

Jungkook- ISFJ

“Looking back at my audition, I was shy and i had no self confidence. I couldn’t control my feelings properly. I had a chance to stay in the US for a month before the debut. So many things changed. I gained confidence. Also i was awakened to expressing my feelings or dancing.” (Si)

Jungkook was a little harder for me to type and that was mostly because he’s so shy and all his talk about how he doesn’t care about what others think of him (we’ll see how much of that is true…)

He’s described as being kind, innocent, and bad at expressing his feelings. He’s also super bad at refusing requests. I definitely think that he has Fe rather than Te but it’s harder to notice because of how withdrawn he is. Hes always said how uncomfortable he is speaking in front of people and in interviews so that is definitely an indicator that his Fe isn’t as developed as it should be because he is so closed off. But his manners are still first class like how he he’s aware of social norms. I can definitely relate to how his Fe doesn’t immediately show. Whenever I’m put in the spot or in a social situation, sometimes it’s extremely hard for me to unconsciously use my Fe but rather I have to remind myself to or else I become too closed off.

He’s reluctant in being put on the spot like when J-Hope was trying to have a conversation with him in English, you could tell how he was alarmed and totally not prepared. 

He answers questions based on his past experiences relating to the matter at hand (Si). The actions he takes reflect what he’s done in the past depending on what has and hasn’t worked for him. For example when he’s reading he thinks “If I read, then I’ll become better at speaking then I am now, right?” He often mentions how he’s changed compared to his trainee days. The words he lives by are that passion is imperative in order to grow and that passion is fueled by accumulated experiences. 

You know what messes me up most about kingdom hearts? How you get to know each character, see what they believe, learn what they hold most dear, and experience their bond to other characters just long enough for the writers to get you emotionally attached to them before ripping out your heart and running it over and over again with a bulldozer. If it’s not bad enough, with every game they get better at doing it so I’m sure when kingdom hearts 3 finally comes out, I’m gonna be an emotional wreck.

I know I’m getting emotional inside when just seeing a usual sad scene in a movie makes me cry, seeing a child cry touches my heart, seeing someone’s heart get emotionally pierced loses my mind, seeing someone loses his mind makes me think how messed up my mind is but seeing myself above everything else, contradicts the self I have now.. I’m not expressing myself anymore. I don’t explode nor bleed the stuffs that I’m feeling inside and as this cycle goes, I realize that I screw up… For some unknown reason, I screw this up.
Cancer decides to watch Tokyo Ghoul...
  • Cancer: Hey Capricorn, I'm going to watch Tokyo Ghoul have you seen it? Gemini said It's really good.
  • Capricorn: ...
  • Capricorn: Yeah I've seen it.
  • Cancer: Oh nice! BUT DON'T GIVE SPOILERS OK?
  • Capricorn: Well, I don't care. I have a lot of stuff to take care of anyway.
  • Cancer: That's... Kinda rude you know?
  • Capricorn: I'll order pizza for you.
  • Cancer: Omg you're the best I love you so much an-
  • Capricorn: You should probably start watching.
  • Cancer: Oh right! *puts on headphones*
  • Capricorn: *calls Gemini*
  • Gemini: *picks up the phone* Sup, Cappy! Or should I say Capricorn-on-the-cob~
  • Capricorn: Cut out the bullshit and tell me why the the fuck did you tell Cancer to watch Tokyo Ghoul.
  • Gemini: Oooh, a little savage aren't we? Relax, I just wanted to see how much she'll cry when Hide di-
  • Capricorn: First of all, Hide did NOT die. He's sleeping. And secondly, you are a fucking irresponsible bastard who messes with peoples lives without thinking about the consequences. Get your shit together or I'll have to do it for you. Now never. NEVER. Tell Cancer to do something emotionally draining again or I'll have to end up slicing your tongue and stitching your lips together using your hair. Got it?
  • Gemini: Yikes! Have you been spending too much time with Scorpio lately? Besides when did you start caring for her anyway? Didn't you say that she was annoying, moody and manipulative earlier?? You're like polar opposites as well. Hehee so you DO have emotions don't you~?
  • Capricorn: I will make you drink bleach if you keep on talking.
  • Gemini: Awww how cuuute, Miss Caps Lock is tryna look badass and tough to hide her inner marshmallow~
  • Capricorn: *hears loud crying from the other room*
  • Gemini: Lol there she goes...
  • Capricorn: Asshole.
  • Capricorn: *hungs up*
  • Gemini: I am a total match-maker. Case closed.

Summary: Not everyone is what they seem. That’s especially true for Hayato’s little sister.

Notes: Blame @sentochoryu for this. Shinokira (sorta) one-shot kidfic for the masses. The same fic, now proofread.

She’d been acting strangely for several days. Being quiet at meals was nothing new, but her general behavior had changed. Normally, she would pipe up on the occasions she had something to add, listen to what he and mother said, and take her time eating. Now, she barely said anything, didn’t seem to listen, and got out as fast as she could. She didn’t leave the house aside from school and spent the bulk of her time in her room.

Their mother was obviously worried, yet clearly didn’t know what to do about it. He was worried as well. He was worried that his younger sister was getting bullied or feeling especially self-conscious. She wasn’t exactly an average eight-year-old. Even adults could have trouble understanding obsessive behaviors and odd hobbies. Children? Children could be downright cruel when one of their own went against the norm.

Yes, he worried for his little sister, but there was another, treacherous little part of him that was worried about his little sister. It was that same part of him that had been whispering distrust ever since she was born in the Spring of 2000. A baby girl born with blonde hair that didn’t fit her mother or fa- Kosaku Kawajiri. A child born to a newly widowed woman who had barely acknowledged her husband until a short time ago. There was no way she could be anything but what she was.

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So, I’ve had a bit of a rough couple of weeks. You know what that means I need to feel better? Fluff and feels and porn. And that is what I goddamned made sure I got and now I do feel better. Here, read them with me and you too shall feel better!

Build Walls for Miles Around by Lise, thor/loki, truth spell, 5k

Amora and Loki’s brief flirtations tend to end poorly. This time it’s ended poorly for Loki. And he’s really, really not happy about what she’s making him do.

The Cradle of the Storm by mysticmjolnir [ mobile ver. ], thor/loki, NSFW, fluff, 1.7k

Thor carries his brother directly to the healing rooms, and then refuses to leave until Eir threatens to summon the Queen.

Here is The Deepest Secret Nobody Knows by milky_haven, thor/loki, nsfw, inception fic (sort of), mind travel, 6.3k

Thor travels into Loki’s subconscious mind to seek his downfall. But what he finds is Loki’s deepest desire.

You Will Be Aware of an Absence, Growing Beside You Like a Tree by stella_bella, thor/loki + other asgardians, nsfw, somewhat dub-con elements, 7.9k

After the disastrous attack on New York City, Loki is brought home to Asgard and imprisoned, awaiting judgment by the Allfather. Thor visits, of course. AU after the events of The Avengers.

Waiting for the Moon to Rise by cavaleira, thor/loki, NSFW, jotunn!loki, intersex!loki, king!thor, prostitution/brothel au, 45.6k

As the newly crowned king of Asgard, Thor’s life is filled with stress as he as he navigates political intrigue and struggles to figure out what kind of king he wants to be. Desperately in need of a night of relaxation, he finds himself at a brothel he used to frequent in his youth. It’s there that Thor spends an evening in the arms of beautiful courtesan named Loki, and his whole world changes in ways he never could have imagined.

Envy (Is Unnecessary) by Lise, thor/loki + steve/loki + thor/loki/steve, NSFW, 3.9k

The threesome gets a little Thor/Steve. Loki gets a little concerned. Everyone gets some, one way or another.

Up All Night by The Cat & The Hiddle [ mobile ver. ], thor/loki, nsfw, past pregnant!loki, thorki parents, fluff, 1.1k

Thor arrives home on Asgard to find Loki up all night with a cranky baby.

Asguard Legal by Princesszellie, thor/loki, human au, lawyers au, fluff, 1.9k

Loki is a junior lawyer and assistant for the Senior Partner at a prestigious firm, Thor is the playboy son of said Senior Partner. When the ‘heir to the throne’ becomes bewitched with his father’s beautiful secretary things at Laufey, Odinson & Aseir could get interesting.

Haze by Misaya, thor/loki, NSFW, sick fic, references to pregant!loki, 3.3k

Loki didn’t stay in the dining hall to have his favourite raspberry jam and cream cake, and Thor is 100% sure that he’s about to become a father. Of course, Thor’s been wrong before. Loads of times. Even with 100% certainty. But Loki is oh so sensitive during pregnancy, so how could he be anything but? Sickfic, fever sex, etc etc.

Press Any Key to Continue by Misaya, thor/loki + background clint/natasha + avengers + other asgardians, NSFW, fluff, orgasm denial, sex toys, 4.4k

Natasha shows Thor the world of sex toys and assures him Loki will like it, even going so far as to give him a demonstration with Clint. Loki does like it. He likes it a lot, even if his brother is an absolutely horrid tease.

1,000 by Misaya, thor/loki + other asgardians, NSFW, jotunn!loki, intersex!loki, some fem!loki, crossdressing, 5.3k

For Loki and Thor’s millennial anniversary, the Jotunheimr royal court comes to visit. Laufey is unperturbed by Loki’s choice of gender, Odin is willing to give the frost giants the benefit of the doubt, and Loki wears a corset. Because Darcy said it would be good. And Darcy was right, as it turns out.

something about this coffee… by deconsecrators [ mobile ver. ], thor/loki, nsfw, human au, folger’s coffee commercial au, ~1k

Loki shrugs. “You’re my present this year.”

Am I too late for NSFW day? by eatingcroutons [ mobile ver. ], thor/loki, NSFW, human au, skating au, ~1k

The guy is an Asshole. With a capital A, and not just because Loki doesn’t know his actual name. He’s a walking hockey stereotype: built like a mountain, square-jawed, blond-haired, perpetually grinning and joking and laughing far louder than necessary.

full details + recs inside!

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My Gut Says No, But Your Flesh Says yes- Chapter 12

Previous Chapters. This is a long chapter so I apologize to those of you scrolling through the app.

I regretted opening my mouth. It was times like these when I wished I could just let things go, but instead I was too persistent. I couldn’t just accept how things were, and because of that I ruined mine and Michael’s night. It started out fine. We found a nice little restaurant near his place. We held hands walking there. We sat down across from each other and made small talk, then it went downhill. It started with a question which was supposed to be harmless.

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starsteemer  asked:

IMPORTANT I dont know what to do! I'm currently in a relationship with a guy I dont like anymore and I want to break up with him but I dont know how! And Im scared of not being in a relationship, but....I HATE him!! I don't know what to do its a mess

… he’s jealous and emotionally unstable and volatile, and EXTREMELY possessive of me! He tries taking me from my friends but I can’t break up with him because we just resolved a conflict and he’s extremely depressed. But I can’t stand him. 

I’m also terrified of not having the stability of a relationship… and when we had a falling out I got really sad seeing other couples. But I don’t like him or the way he acts. He even threatened my friend once! (Sorry on mobile)

You don’t have to stand to be in a possessive relationship, or to have your friends be abused by this person. When a partner is unstable, sometimes you have to weigh what you get out of the relationship vs. the pain it inflicts. That is if the relationship is founded on anything close to resembling “love”, which yours is clearly not. The word is actually closer to “subjugation”. You deserve autonomy, and to see your friends; he’s trying to keep your close because he’s scared he’ll lose you and the stability a relationship confers.

A relationship is like a crystal globe; if clutched it too firmly, it will shatter.

If you detest this person as aggressively as you make it seem, you need to break up with this person or risk being unhappy forever. It doesn’t matter if this person is depressed or not, you have to take care of numero uno first.

  • Make a plan of escape: If you need to disappear for a while after dropping the axe on this clod, see if you can stay with some friends or relatives for a while. Use your judgment for how long you think it’ll  take for things to cool down. You’ll need to block this person on social networks, your phone-lines and set e-mail filters. 
  • Break up from afar or in public: A coffee shop is a great place for break-ups for one very good reason; things can’t blow up without being extremely, embarrassingly public and there being lots of people to intervene if things get messy.

    If you don’t feel safe or comfortable seeing this person, write out your feelings in as exhaustive and unequivocal language as possible and send them via email, Skype or text. Don’t hate, just state the plain truths of their character. Also, don’t drag things onto social networks, either; make no word of it to the world-at-large. If you had a visible FB relationship status, make it private, then change it. Also, if you think you’re in physical danger, just break it off. You don’t need any further explanation.
  • Talk to your family and close friends: Let them know what’s happened with your relationship and tell them that they are not communicate with him -or- disclose your whereabouts. In the event he comes to your door, tell your folks to be ready with some sternly-worded wrath. Let your friends know you may need to stay with them on short notice as well; it may not come to it, but if it does, you’ll not be catching them unawares.
  • Be ready to talk to cops: In the event your ex circumvents your social network blocks, tries to get ahold of you from spoofed numbers or starts stalking you otherwise, have your local police division’s number in your phone and ready to go. It may be messy, but there’s a chance you’ll require a restraining order on this person, but hopefully things won’t come to that.
  • Stand Strong: Being in a relationship for the sake of being in one is not a good reason. If you’re still with this person for the stability, how stable can you be feeling when you have no freedom and feeling as crushed as you are?

Wow, that was longer than I expected, but I hope that gives you some insight how to deal with this oafish lout. There are billions of fish out there in the Great Sea, find one that makes you happy!

- Engineer Dave

Fifty Shades of Grey: Two Thumbs Up (Review)

WARNING: Contains spoilers. Please do not read any further if you have not seen the movie and do not wish to be spoiled by it yet (or if you have not and have no self control, then GO FOR IT!)

NOTE: This review reflects my opinions and reaction to the film/experience. You can either agree or disagree with my review or not. Please be respectful, as I do the same in return to everyone else and their reviews too.

After what seemed like forever, I finally got to see Fifty Shades of Grey. The snow storm that blew through town and decided to stay awhile almost prevented me from seeing it today, and thankfully I go to. My boyfriend, who I’ve been dating for over five years accompanied me to the film. Trust me, he was very reluctant at first, but he warmed up to it. I do not know many men who willingly want to see this film knowing the context and seeing as it is geared toward the female population. However, my boyfriend was not alone in the theater as there were a few other couples too. I give him credit for going to see it with me and having a open mind. His comments before it began were: “This better have a good score (music),” and “There better be some humor in this.” Needless to say, he laughed more than I did.

But enough about him, lets get down to the nitty gritty. 

Let me disclose that I did see and hear somethings prior to watching the movie. I, myself, do not have a good grasp on control, especially when it comes to this movie/book. It was hard to stay away from all the spoilers and I think I did my best, so the film was pretty much a surprise, besides a few things here and there.

I went into seeing FSOG without any expectations. Seeing as I had read the books, and continue to re-read them, I wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t have my hopes set too high because I did not want to be disappointed. I knew that it wasn’t going to be exactly like the book, and I knew that some things would change. With that being said, I think it made me enjoy the film all the more so. From beginning to end, I thought it was very entertaining, witty, intriguing, and steamy. More so witty than anything. The books had its moments, but the film incorporated more, thanks to Dakota Johnson. She made Ana way more sassy and did it in way that made that made the story more appealing and relatable. Even parts that weren’t necessarily supposed to be funny like Christian saying, “Laters, baby” made me chuckle and only The Fall fans would get the humor of Ana mentioning to Christian that he was the “ultimate serial killer” after purchasing his supplies from Claytons. Ana drunk dialing Christian was awesome in the book, but even better in the movie. “Mr Fancy Pants”. But when it came to funniest moment in the film, it was the negotiation scene. Jamie and Dakota handle it so well. Honestly, who can be serious when discussing such erotic things? I loved the way they approached it adding in humor amongst the intensity of the situation. Ana playing into Christian’s words and then withdrawing from it so quickly leaving him frustrated was great. 

As for the sex, let’s talk about sex baby. With this film/book being centered around sex, I thought it was tastefully done. The camera angles, the choreography, the choice of background music, it was all done with such class and taste that I never once thought that it was graphic. Dare I say, I thought the book was more graphic than the film, (but maybe that’s because E.L. James gives such great detailed scenes that let my imagination run wild.) They did leave out some sex scenes, but I think they blended what they did show together well. Ana losing her virginity to Christian was absolutely beautiful. The way he took care of her, made love to her, and how they filmed it was one of my favorites. Not to mention we got our first glimpse of Jamie’s wonderous bottom in that scene. As for the Red Room, whoa! The way those scenes were cut together were beyond steamy. The toys, Christian’s stare, Ana’s moaning, the thrusting, it was GREAT! I respect Jamie not wanting to show all his goodies in the film, but those few scenes that came close were enough to make me bite my own damn lip. 

Jamie and Dakota did a phenomenal job bringing these characters to life. They were born to play these roles. They brought the right amount of emotion to each of them as their own. When it came to the emotional side of the story, I thought it was brilliant. We got to see the mind games Christian played with Ana leaving her torn, confused, and in tears sometimes. But we also saw how visible it was that he was torn and confused too. Even my boyfriend commented about how he could tell that Christian clearly had some demons in his past and his way of showing it was fucked up, but he also cared for Ana. What I love about this story, and I’m so happy to hear my boyfriend say he noticed this too, is that it isn’t just about the sex. It’s so much more than that. It’s about learning to cope with our internal demons, our past, in ways that may not be necessarily acceptable to everyone. We all deal with pain to extent, and we all go about dealing with it in our own way. In Christian’s case, he finds pleasure and pain by controlling women and becoming a dominant. However, as intimidating, controlling, and sometimes violent as he is, Christian makes sure to go about it in way that is smart. I mean the whole situation is fucked up and we could go on for days about what’s right and wrong, but to sum it up, FSOG is not about sex. Sex just comes with the territory amongst the symbolism and the deeper side of the storyline. 

The end scene had me holding my breath from the moment Ana confronted Christian at the piano until the elevator doors closed. Jamie and Dakota really shined in this part. I felt disgusted when Christian hit Ana with the belt. You could see how messed up he really was in that moment and how emotionally traumatizing it was for Ana. This part made me cringe when reading it because you saw for the first time who Christian really was when he was in his element, but seeing it acted out was…wow. It was amazing, don’t get me wrong, but it was hard to watch. 

Really I could nit pick this whole film, but I won’t bore you too much more.

The last thing I wanted to touch base on was what the film lacked. Now this is where either you can agree or disagree. What I wished it would have shown more of was Christian’s past, such as Elena and his mother. They briefly addressed the both, but I thought in the book they mentioned it more. What I believe is that they are saving Elena, his horrifying memories, and his past relationships aka submissives for Fifty Shades Darker. They will probably dig deeper in to the heavier part of the story in the next film, well at least I hope they do because this is what I enjoyed most when I read the books. Also, Kate was so much fun in the books with her comments about Christian and her sass. They left a lot of that out and I missed that portion. As for the end scene, Christian had so much more dialogue in the book as Ana left. He pleaded for her more and they didn’t really show that. I know a lot of people who didn’t like the ending, but I thought it was the cliffhanger the movie needed. My boyfriend said he did not expect for it to end the way he did. I think he was expecting a lighter ending and not such a heavy, depressing one. He also didn’t know there are two more books, which I gladly filled him in on.

To wrap this thing up, would I say see FSOG? Yes! Go into with no expectations like I did. It will make the film even better. And whether you go alone, with a friend, or a guy, enjoy yourself. Trust me, if you are a fan of the trilogy, you’ll be wanting Fifty Shades Darker the moment the credits start rolling.

As bad as I’m craving more Richonne scenes, I desperately want more of Carl and Michonne being together. Those two together reminds me of the relationship my nephew and I have and it’s just wonderful.

Also,Carl not crying in front of Negan is cool and all but I don’t want him to be just some tough kid. I want to see that the LVs have emotionally messed him up and instead of bottling it up, he seeks comfort in Michonne. I want hugs, crying on shoulders, and even another scene where he refuses to leave her side and all four of them (Rick, Michonne, Carl, and Judith) spends the whole night in bed together. Showing how even though their sad about what happened, they’re also thankful to still have each other.

Arrow Review – Draw Back Your Bow

It’s no secret that I’ve been a bit listless with my Arrow viewing for a large portion during season 3.  By far, this episode stood out for me because it brought back to the forefront many of the elements I love about this show.  Particularly the original team arrow interpersonal dynamics seem to be what I’m most invested in. Which is possibly why episodes 3x1, 3x5, and now 3x7 have been such a treat. It seems when Arrow focuses on what made it popular to begin with, they can’t lose. I really hope that message continues to be hammered home to the show runners.

So let’s begin…

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I showed my friend a bunch of crying gifs from Supernatural to mess her up because she has only reached Season 2.

Me: This one is the worst. Prepare yourself

Friend: No, I don’t want to see it

Me: Imagine young sam, cute same, with Jessica, with Dean, smiling happy.


Me: Imagine…then look at this

And that is the story of how I emotionally broke my friend.

The Colony Ch 19: In the Still of the Night

thanks as always to satousei13 for this:

read the whole story on or AO3

Chapter 19: In the Still of the Night

In pausing to reconsidering everything about her life, Delphine had sacrificed more than a little sleep to introspection, and she had found that in the small hours of the night, when the world was grey and even sound was velvet in texture, her thoughts made her bold, even if she felt more than a little exposed. Cosima, on the other hand, who had lain awake more nights than she could count considering the limitations of unrequited affection, found these same small hours made her frightened (or was it timid?).  No matter the case, in the obscure tranquility of the predawn hours, Cosima was always keenly aware of her own fragility.  It was the collision of boldness with fragility that caused Cosima to push Delphine away once the shock of her advances had worn off.

                 “Wait. Wait….” Cosima bowed her head, shaking it slightly against the weight of desire. Her body was flooded with endorphins, caught between to very distinct impulses, impulses that had become inextricably connected in her psyche.  On the one hand, her skin flushed and her mind clouded, heady with want for the woman in whose arms, through such unpredictable circumstance, she lay.  On the other hand, an enormous weight sat in the pit of her stomach, triggering a fear so familiar she couldn’t imagine want without it.

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