see how much my life has improved!

don’t be afraid to distance yourself from everyone + everything and recoup. sort out your thoughts. listen to your heart. breathe. read a book. write about how much your life has sucked - then write about how much you can’t wait to see the positive changes. relearn yourself. accept all the hurt you’ve been through. forgive anyone and everyone who’s hurt you. even if that means doing it within, and never physically or verbally reaching out. let go. & rejuvenate. take a step away from the chaos, and find peace. within.
—  Reyna Biddy

anonymous asked:

You may not want to publish this one but l wanna share what l think about the reason why Johnny reduced Jack to a total drunk loser. We all know he was going through some major shitshow during the filming regarding his personal life so l think he played Jack like that cuz he, himself, was feeling like that. Obv he was not in good place mentally l feel like he lost it and he lost Jack too. l can't even get angry it is just very sad.

I absolutely want to publish this one anon, because I completely agree with you! It’s really hard to find the balance between giving Johnny his appropriate share of the blame while also keeping in mind the personal circumstances that led him to these choices. 

These lovely ladies killed it in their replies to the previous post:

@princesspenelopenerfherder said:

I think considering when they were filming that johnny was at a pretty low point himself has a lot to do with it. Whether it was the relationship with Amber or just some kind of mid life crisis he was not the typical JD. For the last 4 years he’s put on a concert where I work and that year they were filming he was in pretty rough shape. Not that it excuses it mind you, but if they were to film it now I wonder if his approach would not be different

@trickstercaptain​ said:

I feel like, somewhere down the line, he got attached to this weird idea that jack has no arc and just completely forgot about the nuances in the way trilogy jack is written (which isn’t helped by the fact that he doesn’t watch his movies). combine that with his personal difficulties at the time and the hell that was potc5 production for him while in oz, and I expect all he wanted to do was use jack as a comic escape from everything else in his life :/

That’s why it makes me so sad that the punchline of the movie is Jack being so down in the gutter, because ultimately I feel it’s not Jack we’re supposed to be laughing at, but Johnny. He truly went through some terrible shit during that time and of course it was bound to reflect upon his portrayal of Jack. Maybe portraying Jack the way he did was even cathartic for him, in those days.

I too wonder if he would approach things differently now, considering that he seems to be climbing his way back to the top so nicely, I mean he’s been looking amazing lately —not just physically, although he does look he shook off 15 years, like how?? he could play CotBP Jack again and I’d still buy him being in his very late 30s— but in general! he just has this aura that he’s doing so much better, he seems healthier and more collected.

I’m so happy for him! It fills my soul with joy to see him like this! And I hope from the bottom of my heart that he continues improving and living a happy and successful life!

But there is very selfish part of me that can’t help being really bitter towards life and circumstances (not Johnny, though) that the shooting of the movie just HAD to happen during his darker days and that it had to reflect so poorly on such a beloved character.

[please do not repost this anywhere else! thank you!; links are ok]

i came back to check on my tumblr after a while and i was honestly very surprised to find that i have over a hundred asks – not to mention that i had also received emails on my gmail account. every single message was a message of encouragement and kindness, and i was very surprised by the fact that so many people stood by me and my art ♥ your support is overwhelming and i would like to say that i appreciate it all so much; i don’t know what i would do without it! ♥

+story under the cut!

Keep reading


I just realised… I’ve reached 1000 followers… I literally dived back onto my laptop when I realised this just so that I could write this!

So… 1000 followers is a huge milestone for me. Tomorrow (8th June) is exactly six months since I made my AO3 account. In this time, I have posted over 40 fanfictions, mostly for Mystic Messenger.

I’ve been through a huge rollercoaster ride in these past six months, dealing with a horrible stepmother who shut my dad off from me for a while, getting engaged to and marrying my wonderful husband Tobias, going through serious bouts of depression, and just a few weeks ago… my pregnancy and miscarriage. And those of you who have stuck with me through all of this… It means the absolute world to me.

Also… I feel that my writing has seriously become my reason for existence through the support and encouragement I have been given. I mean, I barely just scraped my GCSEs, before dropping out of school just as I started Year 12 and my A Levels. I honestly felt pointless and a burden until I discovered the joy of writing for people. I was a social outcast with anxiety and depression, who literally only played video games.

And now… I feel like I’ve gained so much. Friends, a purpose, a hobby, and a support line.

Honestly though, I never expected to get this far with my writing. My very first fic… It was a V x MC fic, despite the fact that I decided my username was SaeranLover. I still like reading through it ever so often too, I’m so happy with how it turned out. But… Ah, my favourite fic which I have ever written is Companions. It was, and still is, my most popular AO3 fic! And I’m currently in the process of re-writing it, so that I can see the improvement in my writing.

Lol, what I’m writing probably doesn’t make too much sense, but stick with me for a few more minutes.

I love all of the support I’ve been given so far, honestly… It has led me to start writing my own fics! I may possibly attempt to see if I can publish things later on in my life, but honestly, I probably will keep writing for free, just because I love writing as a hobby, rather than a job. I fear it would feel like a pain to do if it became my job.

Okay, lol, essay time over.

Now, I want to give a little shoutout to my friends and those who have supported me through the past few months~ I’m so, so, so sorry if I forget anyone!

@fantasyimmortal, @unknown-saeranchoi, @sachuuki, @mc-and-elise, @olivineonyx, @gossamerflamedancer… I really can’t seem to be able to shake my brain enough to think of any more, I’m so sorry!

Plus my back is really hurting. Lol.

So… I just want to give a final thank you to my husband, my friends, fans, supporters, and the Mystic Messenger fandom in general!

I love you all so much!!!

Last night as I watched the final dance number one last time before bed I had a sudden realization about myself and my connection to this show and this fandom. The lyrics speaking to me in a way that seemed to sum up my experience here. I was actually already planning on making a post sharing it but after the news today that Emma Swan’s story is really, and truly coming to an end (on screen at least) I feel the need to share even more. 

I was in Afghanistan when OUAT started airing and so much of what the show means to me is tied-up in what my life became post-deployment and post-Army.  I binged the first episodes in a tiny plywood room off a jump drive my sister had sent me full of downloaded TV. It captured me from the beginning and never let me go. It was with me on my travels as I scribbled down fanfic in notebooks or caught a showing of “Tallahassee” in Egypt on a night when I felt terribly alone. It stirred my imagination and my passion for it had me creating a blog and jumping into online fandom–a new and exhilarating experience for me. 

In many ways OUAT was an escape, something to disappear into because I hated so many things about myself and my own life. I was depressed, lost, unhealthy and unable to truly see it let alone handle it. I got on Tumblr and here I lived instead of the real world because I couldn’t be in the real world anymore. Here I found friends and a community and learned a lot about mental health and things began to get better. I can’t tell you how desperately I needed OUAT and this fandom and how much my life has improved because of them. 

The friends I have made here have been life changing on a variety of levels. I have learned from you, laughed with you, cried with you, and flailed with you. I have shared parts of myself I can’t with others and gotten love and acceptance back. Through you I have been inspired to be better and I have found the strength and courage to follow a dream. The connection I feel with all of you is powerful and I know it will extend beyond the finale. I will be 80 years old sitting in my rocking chair and someone will offer me pancakes and I will giggle because this show, this ship, and this fandom will always be a part of me.

I’m not going anywhere. I will be here for the finale, for the release of the S6 DVDs, for the fanfic, for the fanart, for all the amazing CSBB fic that is being written, and all the fanfic yet to be imagined. I will be here for anything Colin does and probably most of the cast too. I will be here to comment on your ts posts, to flail with you in new fandoms (even if I don’t join them), and gush over the good old days. I will be here because this is my community and this is where I belong. 

Here is a list of apps that help me in my daily life, from productivity to fun, I hope you will find this useful!

P.S: they’re all free!

♡ Study, concentration, productivity:

> Brain Focus: Like the pomodoro method? This app is for you! Beautiful and simple, you can edit the timer settings (for longer/shorter study or break). See statistics and graphic and check on your studying routine 

> Forest: You can set a timer and it will plant a tree and block almost every other function on your phone. When the timer ends the tree is grown and you can cultivate your forest, but if you give up before the timer ends, the tree will die :(

> Sleep Better: Sets healthy sleep patterns based on your day (calm, stressful, phys. activities…)

> NeuroNation: Exercise your memory concentration, and logic thinking with these activities!

♡ Games that help while distract:

> 1010!: A new view on Tetris. Try to fit the block and create vertical/horizontal lines without filling all the screen

> Kami: Fold out coloured paper to fill the screen in as few moves as possible (first levels are free, then you have to buy)

> Flow: Connect the dots to fill the whole screen (many levels, you will not get bored!)

> Two Dots: By far my favourite, connect the dots to meet the goals. Pretty simple, adorable and addictive!

♡ Stress relief and health:

> Calm: Helps you meditate to achieve a better life. Has soothing sounds and landscapes. Great for exams week!

> Stop, Breathe and Think: Mental health is important too! This app does wonders for you well-being. Has many types of meditations like to improve gratitude, dealing with anxiety, kindness and much more!

> Hydro Coach: Input your daily habits and it will calculate how much water you need. It reminds you hourly and you can see graphics and achievements

> Clue: For the ladies! A simple menstrual calendar that tells you when your next menstruation, PMS and fertile period is. You can input your mood and symptoms for a more accurate forecast. ALSO! Has looots of information about symptoms, sex, STD’s and much more

That was all! Hope you guys enjoy it!

I have some very smart friends. And sometimes, the way they speak or otherwise express themselves is just so… Elegant. Clear. Precise. And not only that, some of them think in a way that is so out-of-the-box that I have to do a mental double-take.

My writing skills ought to be above average given my work as an editor and the immense practice in writing I’ve accumulated over 7 years of this blog. But sometimes it’s the people you would not expect who are the best writers or speakers out there. It surprises you. It also humbles you when you are on a pretty direct quest to improve that skill and see someone so natural at it.

Some part of this has to be imposter syndrome. Because occasionally I look back at old posts and think, “Wow, did I really write that? That was good!” But most of all… I am trying to train myself not to compare. Not to reflect too much on whether something I write is bad or good (unless it’s necessary). Trying to stop trying.

I’ve spent much too much of my life trying to be impressive. And I realize that, despite how much I’ve improved as far as not flaunting that fact (i.e., not being a condescending bitch), I know it probably still shows. But it’s a deep psychological issue that is going to take a lot of time to repair. I’ve only been here 22.75 years. I spent at least 10 of them being a pretentious asshole (which is ultimately due to bad childhood experiences that pushed me to feel like I always had to prove myself and establish myself as better). It’s not going to be resolved in only 5 years. Maybe not even 10.

I recognize in certain younger students that same pattern. At first, I would be off-put by it. Which is ironic considering that was me at one point. I was probably making people just as off-put. But instead, now I simply try to understand. Unless that person is being extremely rude or is otherwise out of line, I am able to recognize it yet put it aside. Because I know that, deep down, it is a personal problem. They’re not bad people.

And I hope others can view my minor slips in that light, too.


I’m so proud to call you my friend- it’s been 2 years now and we’ve talked almost every day since the day we met. I feel lucky that I met you when I did because you’ve made every day just a little brighter. You’re a fantastic friend and absolutely the best person to rant to about G/t. Your art is wonderful and I cherish everything you draw (even when we randomly draw dicks and send them to each other at ungodly hours of the night). Your style has improved so much over the past two years and it’s CRAZY to see just how good you’ve gotten. You’re a delight to have in my life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Happy birthday, you nerd. I love ya <3

One Year of Sugaring

Today marks my first year of dipping in the sugar bowl, my first POT date and earning my first $1k. It has been such an empowering, eye-opening journey for me. 

Note : THE SUGAR LIFE ISN’T AS GLAMOROUS AS IT SEEMS. So much hard work and failed experiences that has put me where I am today.

My very first POT date, I was all dressed up (at least that’s what I thought I did, back then. It’s something I’d wear on a normal day now) and headed to a restaurant in a 5-star hotel. I was so nervous, so worried about how people would perceive me, how I should act (never been to any place fancy, prior. Dining etiquette wasn’t the best.) and if I was good enough. Everything went well, I ended up earning a couple more thousands during his trip here, but it didn’t last long.

Sugaring has definitely opened my eyes to how shit men can be, cheating on their wives and being a total asshat, how manipulative they can be, fuck with you and treat you like dirt. It has taught me to be more aware of the type of people around me, the type of men there are and how to call them out on their bullshit. After months of studying successful SB’s & researching on expected mannerisms & “to-do’s”, I was so empowered by the fellow sugar sisters to be upfront and spot bullshit before it gets dumped all over you. I now no longer tolerate any kind of terrible treatment men try to give to me, and I am not afraid of dropping them when I deem fit. 

Sugaring has also taught me some social skills - how to make people happy and how to change a sour situation into something sweet. All of which I think would be applicable as I grow older and get into the working world. It has taught me how to act in public, how to act in FaNcY restaurants and most importantly, manners. Man, sometimes my vanilla friends really embarrass me when we’re out. I’m no longer that immature little girl I used to be who didn’t know how to act and didn’t have much tact. (That rhyming tho.)

Being a SB has also given me a HUGE confidence boost. I used to be so insecure about my body, thinking that I was too fat, too ugly and whatever societal standards I didn’t meet. I was too afraid to “dress up” (my old version), thinking that I’d be judged for it - but who cares! Everyone judges each other, it’s about heading out and OWNING whatever you’ve been given. Those curves, those hips, that angular face. Posture, the way you talk and the way you walk are huge confidence level giveaways, and people can tell when someone is confident in their own skin. Something about being confident in a society that keeps trying to put you down is extremely sexy. You appeal to men & women and they’re more likely to treat you better. Seeing how these men would fawn over me let me know that I’m much sexier, prettier and hotter than I thought I was. I’d strut in heels and turn heads, and have gotten much more attention than I would’ve if it wasn’t for sugaring. 

Looks are rather important, and I’ve learned how to dress up (in my “early” days, I once wore a pair of flimsy sandals to a date) and how to dress for occasion. All of which are important for when you are older and have events to attend! I’ve found a style which suits my body type, and clothes that flaunt my curves. Without the re$ource$, I wouldn’t have been able to go shopping without worrying about a budget, wouldn’t have been able to experiment with different clothes. 

It has also taught me that in order to get what I want, I have to ask. Men honestly can’t really read your minds, even though you’re throwing obvious signals their way. You’ve got to ask them if you want something - shopping, money, restaurants, gifts. It’s so applicable to vanilla life! If you don’t ask for it, the answer will always be no. I’ve gotten braver, more able to throw my fears away and stand up for myself. 

Looking back, I’ve changed SO MUCH as a person. I’m a much more confident woman who knows how to dress & act properly in public, one who knows how to please people and gets what she wants. Insults from men doesn’t faze me, and I’m not rushing to kiss their ass with a worry that if I don’t, they’ll lose interest in me. I’ve realized how much value pussy has and what power we, as women, have. I’m so glad that I started sugaring, and I don’t see myself stopping until I become a trophy wife. It has improved my quality of life and made me so much happier because of the financial stability. Though, I’m still learning how to be at ease with other SB’s successes and not feel so competitive, jealous & bitter about it. I’ll get there.

Here’s to another year of sugaring!

havght  asked:


ok, so i could like write paragraphs abt you, so im gonna try to keep this somewhat short. 

DANI!!! you have honest to god become one of the most important ppl i’ve met on here. when i started to turn that corner to becoming more positive, you were the reason i wanted to do it. it just seemed…. so much better? and even tho i am a hella pessimistic person by nature i decided to just fuck it and try it out anyway. and holy shit? it has helped me so much. it has improved at least one part of my life and i cant thank you enough for that bc without you talking abt how much better it was, i would’ve never done it.

besides all that, i fucking Love seeing you on my dash every day bc i know im in for some Quality content. whether it’s supergirl or wynonna earp or orphan black or the mcelroys (just like bart!) i know it’s gonna be something i like bc we deadass seem to share so many similar interests? (if i had the right video game systems i’m sure i’d like the same games you like). i also love how every morning when i wake up, i get a notification that you sent me a snapchat. not only that but you are such a kind hearted amazing human being? like whenever im down i know you’re there if i need you, or a pic of a dog, and while we dont talk constantly, i still love every conversation we have.

anyway, i love you and you have a really special place in my heart, i hope you know that

mutuals send me a ❤️ & i’ll compliment you


Let’s talk about how ever since I changed my life and started this new health and fitness lifestyle my skin has improved so much. I still struggle to drink enough water but it’s just amazing how much what we eat impacts or skin. I never thought I would be the girl who could go out without putting on concealer or foundation or some sort of cover. I still have acne scars but I’m trying to embrace them and just see them as part of what makes me me. I need to also add for the first time in my life I have a consistent skin care regimen. In the past I had not been as consistent but I believe this constinecy combined with drinking more water and just eating good good food is what’s improved my skin. Sometimes ill have a meal and my skin will completely flare up so I know for sure food plays a huge part. I’m hoping to be able to take a food intolerance test to see what foods my body dislikes.

“Quand il fait beau...”

On Thursday, we took a trip to Versailles to learn about the history of the château and the jardins on site. Originally built as a hunting lodge, the property of Versailles changed into an enormous château for Louis XIV to live during his reign. He called himself le Roi-Soleil, taking on the embelem of the sun because the sun gives life to all things and parallels with Apollo, the god of peace and the arts. As we learned in one of our readings from Seven Ages of Pairs, Louis XIV was a patron of the arts and helped to build and improve the theatre. Suns were everywhere in this château, and it was amazing to see how much detail really went into them. 

My favorite part of the trip has to be the gardens and water features. Seeing the fountains running made the trip that much more special, and the beauty of it all was captivating. A few of us took a boat ride on the pond that seemed to be in the shape of a cross. As a collective group, I think it is safe to say the boat ride was the most “majestic” part of our trip. C’était formidable! 

anonymous asked:

hey, hope this is isn't too out of the blue or anything, but I've been following you for a while now and it's really cool to see how much your art has grown and it's really inspired me to work harder at improving my own, so thank you for being and inspiration! have a lovely day!

I’ve never in my life gotten a message like this…. This is so great honestly you have no idea. It makes me feel empowered and meaningful. Thank you so much. This made my day, week, basically my whole month. I can’t believe it.

who are you

Alex Morgan.

Seeing everyone disrespect one of my all time favourite footballers just because she’s gone to see what playing overseas might be like is ridiculous. People saying things like they’re happy that she won’t be back for USWNT stuff, you’re absolutely dense. Not only do flights exist, but the USWNT needs Alex. If you don’t agree about her skill, whatever, but her general presence is needed because every little girl wants to grow up and be like Alex Morgan. The USWNT and USSoccer are driven by money. She brings in a hefty amount of money. People saying that they’re angry that Alex is turning her back on the NWSL and trying to grow the sport in Orlando, she’s literally just gone for a visit. She’s going to see how things are there. Nothing is set in stone. And, even if it is, who the fuck are you to dictate what she has to do? Grow up. Not everything can be done the way you want it to be done. It’s a lot of pressure to be the face of women’s football, be the face of the NWSL, and also be one of the lead women in the fight against US Soccer. Maybe, she’s going to see how it could help her improve her game or take on a new challenge? We don’t know. But, we have to respect. My own take on this is that I love Alex so much. She’s impacted my life in such a way. She’s always, along with the USWNT, always encouraged me to be proud of myself as a woman. Their work ethic, their passion, just them, it’s amazing how much they’ve inspired me. And, Alex has always resonated with me because I feel like I can relate to her, in such small, weird ways that I know only matter to me. Back to what matters… Would I be sad if she didn’t return to Orlando Pride for the NWSL? Yes. Would I be sad enough to stop stanning her? No. Would I be an idiot and send her tweets telling her that she’s a snake, that she’s not good enough for the USWNT, or that she should leave her husband? Or whatever else people have been saying? No. Just please respect each and every player, even if they do things you might not like. It’s their life, not yours. And, Alex is an incredible player, to me. You may disagree, and you’re entitled to that opinion. I may think it’s wrong, but I’m not here to battle based off of my beliefs on whether Alex is a good player or not. I’m here to tell everyone to take their head out of their own asses. Stop feeling entitled. You saying that you’re glad that the USWNT might not call her back as often excites you? Guess what, almost certainly untrue and frankly quite rude. Alex has dedicated her life to this sport. She could read you hating on her, and she’s a person, too. This could most definitely hurt her feelings. Have you thought about that? Calling her a snake? Definitely hurts her feelings because she’s done a lot for the NWSL since being handed the pressure of being the face for the league at a young age as a young player. I hate being rude, and I don’t like confrontation, but I love Alex Morgan. And, I can’t handle it when people talk bad about things and people I love. It hurts me. Reading all this hate towards her almost brought tears. I know she’ll never know of this, but God, I love her. And, I just want the best for her. Regardless of what that could entail. I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone at all. I’m just heated and I love Alex. I just don’t want people to start attacking her. Please just respect each and every person. Alex Morgan is a person and deserves respect. Stop hating on others. Even, if they are someone who might not read your nasty tweets to them. Good luck, Alex. With each and every endeavour life may take you on. I love you so much. Thank you for being a role model.

Originally posted by this-is-soccer

anonymous asked:

I haven't finished a full drawing in almost a year because I am so slow and bad at drawing. I'm a young adult and I've been drawing seriously since I was 14, but it seems like I make no progress at all. Everyone I follow is either already a fantastic artist or improving extremely rapidly, even people so many years younger than me. Every time I try to draw even just a little doodle, it looks so bad no matter what I do, I get so angry and quit. I've been like this for a year. I tried everything.

Hi anon! I’m really sorry to hear about your predicament! I really appreciate you coming to us for advice, I hope I can help you in some way<3

 Here’s some pieces of advice I can offer. A lot of these are subjective, they might not all work for you, but I hope at least one will be helpful!!

  1. In all my years of studying art, I’ve never seen anyone get worse. I mean, granted this is based on personal experience. But I’ve never seen anyone get worse after applying themselves, even if they only improve a little bit. You can never get worse, you always get better.
  2. Speed comes with practice. I know its frustrating to not be able to draw as fast as others, but speed comes with practice and understanding. We’ve all been here
  3. You say you’ve been drawing seriously since you were 14. What does this entail? Are you studying anatomy? Are you doing life drawings? Are you observing the world around you, or just trying to draw based on the knowledge you have? Are you taking classes / putting yourself in an environment where you can be critiqued by your peers? I can honestly say that the speed of my improvement has skyrocketed since being in college, simply because of the people I surround myself with and the people I’m able to learn from. Critique helps me so so so much, it’s opens a wealth of insight to allow me to see my own flaws, and also understand how to make my art better. Seek out places like /r/artcrit on reddit (I always boost this sub because I frequent it  when I have the time, and it’s always proved to be a very constructive space, that has always been welcoming to first time posters!) 
  4. Never look in the other lane! This is a tidbit a teacher of mine always says to his students, something very much easier said than done. It takes practice, but use your fellow artists as inspiration to boost you up, not something to tear you down. 
  5. TRY TO LOVE YOUR ART! I say try, because I know how hard this is. If you can’t love it now, FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT! It took me many years, but faking my confidence in my art worked wonders for me. I’m not the best, but I love my work and most of all, I love what it does for me. I started making work that made me happy, and that helped me fall in love with my work as an artist.
  6. TRY NOT TO QUIT! I know, again, very very hard. Even if you hate something, don’t scribble it out, don’t tear it up, try not to fall into anger and despair over it. Look at this piece and see what you’ve done differently that you like, look at what you’ve done that you do like. 
  7. Look at your favorite artists! What are they doing that you like? 
  8. TRACE!!!! I know this one sounds bad, but tracing  can be fundamental to learning. Don’t post tracing online, but use it as a stepping stool. Personally, I suggest Using it to learn from photos!
  9. Try different mediums! Experiment with painting, ink, colored pencils, etc. I found traditional painting helped further my digital painting quite a bit. :) 

I hope some of these are helpful for you! A lot of these worked for me personally, so my viewpoint might be a little biased. If anyone else has advice for anon, please reblog this ask and add your own!!

Why Sabriel is an OTP (Not Just a Ship)

[I was asked by @ultifan616 to help convince @elroymarvelous that Sabriel is real. You definitely asked the wrong/right person, because I took things way too far. This is fucking LONG, I’m warning you.]

Here’s the thing: there’s a very clear difference between a ship and an OTP, and you all know it even if you don’t think about it much. And when I call Sabriel an OTP, I mean OTP. It’s not a casual, ‘they’re cute together’ ship - they ARE, and for some people that’s all there is to it, and that’s okay - but for me there is SO MUCH MORE, so much evidence and analysis that you can put into it if you want to, and it’s such a rewarding thing to ship because the analysis takes effort but there is so much there once you start really thinking about it, and the deeper into it you get, the more it makes sense and the more you realize they’re perfect.

So, without further ado, Sam and Gabriel’s canon relationship development, over time.

Keep reading

I was looking through some old stuff yesterday and I found the first ever chapters for two of my wips: Lifeline and Demon’s Dance.

Lifeline has come such a long way from that first chapter. It’s evolved so much and I’m so proud of where it stands now. It really was my Lifeline at the time I started it, and has been ever sense. It’s my heart and soul.

Demon’s Dance is almost unrecognizable now compared to what it started as. The plot, the cast, it’s all changed. The only thing that remained is the name.

It was interesting to compare my writing style from three different points in my life and see how I’ve improved. Some style things have carried over (although they’re so much better now), so you can still tell it was written by me, even though the quality is so much better now.

A Few Words on Pushing Yourself, the Academic Rat Race, and Self Worth

Some things have happened in the past week that make this post all too necessary.

I believe in academic achievement. I believe in pushing yourself to be the best you can be.

However, I do not believe in pushing yourself beyond the point that is healthy. I do not believe in doing “whatever is necessary” to get an A. I do not believe self worth should be tied to grades. And I do not believe “working through” when you genuinely need help.

I have always said, “Do the hardest things you can handle,” and I mean that. Truly I do. Do what is best for you. Do things that challenge you. But don’t prioritize perceived achievement over your life, health, and happiness.

This is your permission to take an elective over the extra AP science. To drop the club you hate so you can devote more time to the one that gets you out of bed in the morning. To study a few hours less and get a little more sleep. To be proud of the B you worked your butt off for. To say, “This is really hard.”

This is your permission to notice that what you’re doing may be what everyone you know does, but that it is hurting you. This is your permission to ask for help.

I know all of this, and I say all of this, because I needed someone to say that to me.

Keep reading

Growing Out

Words by Emma // Photography by Ann

As of the time that I’m writing this (10:04pm on Wednesday, March the 4th, 2015) I’ve just completed my second ever day at university. I’m sitting here thinking about it all. And it’s scaring the shit out of me. This whole ‘growing up’ thing is absolutely terrifying - I want it to happen so badly and I want to be all grown up and do adult things and pay taxes and cook all of my own meals and take full responsibility for myself, but at the same time I want to be 4 years old again and I want to be carried everywhere and I want to finger paint for hours on end and I want to make a mess and then throw a tantrum and have someone else clean it up for me. I’ve always dreamed of independence, but now that I’m starting to be introduced to it I’m not so sure that it’s what I thought it would be.

I personally think that the phrase ‘growing up’ doesn’t really do justice to the amount of energy it takes to fully transition from a teenager to an adult. You learn so much about yourself, about the society you live in and about the planet we live on along the way. You lose friends, you gain friends, and you begin to see the world from a completely different perspective. You start to question things. Your opinions change. You look back and grow to hate your early teenage self. You start to become a new person.

You don’t grow upwards; you grow outwards. There comes a time when you’re not just plodding through life like the upright trunk of a tree. You grow branches; the beginning of new learning experiences. Along the way, you’ll grow smaller branches simultaneously with the principal - a multi-dimensional learning experience that will eventually leave you feeling enlightened.

I love the person that I’m growing out to. I’m discovering things about my sexuality that I previously wasn’t open to feeling. I’m so much more confident than I used to be. I know more about my body and how it reacts to certain things. My anxiety has decreased immensely, purely because I’ve learned to organise myself properly so as to avoid certain things that I know stress me out and have a negative impact on my health. I’ve learned that I tend to act impulsively, and that’s not always a positive thing.

You have so much to learn about yourself, regardless of your age. You’re constantly going to learn throughout your life. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes - those are the times that you’ll generally learn the most. Don’t see your mistakes as a failure. See them as an area to improve; try to make light of every situation, no matter how bad it may seem. Take care of yourself. Have a bath every once in a while. Listen to some soothing music, take a nap, immerse yourself in a book. Don’t ever feel as if you have to be somebody, in particular. You don’t have to take a certain career, you don’t have to be somebody that you know you aren’t. Don’t ever feel as if you can’t do something.

There’s always a way.

It may take a while and it may take effort on your behalf but if it’s something that you truly want, it’ll all be worth it in the end. You’ll be okay. It’ll seem at times that you won’t, and times like those can be traumatic and can greatly affect the way you view your future, which can, in turn, affect the way that you live your future. But, you’ll be okay. Growing up is a superlative segment of your life. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes, but there’s always a way out of it. You can make it through the tough times. There are people around you that love you dearly. You have so much you can accomplish in your life, so don’t waste it worrying about things that you shouldn’t be worrying about.

You can do it.

Here’s why “bad art*” blogs are bullshit.

*Art here can mean digital, traditional, sculpture, writing, roleplaying, cosplay, etc. 

On a basic level, it’s bullying. Plain and simple, it is bullying to point out something harmless that someone has done, like make innocuous fanart, and say “HEY LOOK AT THIS LOSER!! LOL THEY SUX!” So that’s level One of this insanity.

Level two: Generally, people who run those blogs are in the fandom(s) whose fans they are bashing. They are literally turning around on their own fandom and bullying their own members out. Any fan who believes a fan needs to “pass”, be it a test or some skill level or some commitment level or any other arbitrary yard stick, is a bully. And a bad fan! Fandoms are about fun, and enjoyment of a work, not yelling at each other. It goes deeper than this, however.

Level three: Generally, people who run these blogs are themselves artists/writers/cosplayers/etc. And, general you here, you sucked. You flat out sucked when you started. Everyone did. Everyone improved. Everyone who continues to practice is improving! My first fanfics for Homestuck, circa 2011, are horrible. But now I have people who message me on the daily about how much they love my writing! But do you remember when you were so fucking proud of that first art? How you published it, reblogged it, showed it off for one or two people saying “hey, nice work”? Remember how that validation made you want to try again, and you got a bit better, and a couple more people were impressed? Instead of allowing them that, and allowing them the space and time to improve, you’re shouting them down and saying “no. Fuck you and fuck off, you dared publish something that wasn’t up to my Perfect Standards™, and therefore you don’t deserve to even try to be proud." 

How can you not see the cruelty in that? What drove you to such a point where your life has deteriorated to hurting young and growing artists on the Internet? 

Healthy, much less sucky alternatives to running a "bad art” blog.

  • Start doing art yourself. Find a mechanical pencil and doodle. Try to make an iron-on transfer shirt. Learn to sew a straight line, if you have a machine and fabric and thread. Write 500 words of your favorite character going to the park.
  • Practice art you already do.
  • Run a blog dedicated to reblogging new and improving artists and giving them praise and constructive, nicely worded, critique. 
  • Sit down with a mug of your favorite drink (protip: mugs make everything tastier) and try to figure out what hurt you enough to want to lash out at others. Even if you can’t fix it, knowing it’s there helps.
  • Take a bath. Baths are just generally a good life choice.
  • Talk to someone. Me, if you want to. Positive human interaction and attention is usually a good thing.

Anyways, this has all been said 10000 times before by 10000 different people, some probably far better worded than I. But it’s important we don’t shut up about it!