seducing spirits

Mark Me Down as Scared and Horny

Context: My character has a powerful necklace that they keep hidden under their shirt and several scarves. I’d tell you what it does, but my party members might read this. It was warm and muggy one day and everyone began shedding their outer layers (except for the orc brawler, who is only ever wearing pants). I take off two of my three scarves, but leave the last.

Dwarf (NPC): This might seem like a weird question, but… Why are you always wearing those scarves?

Me: I just like scarves.

Me: *total bluff check = 23*

Dwarf: That’s alright. I just don’t want you to overheat.

Orc: Yeah. You’re going to roast.

Me: Perhaps.

Orc: You’re okay with that? Is your scarf obsession really worth it?

Me: I’m sentimental.

Orc: Seriously, what the fuck.

Elf: Just leave him alone! He’s a sensitive young man!

Orc (heavy sarcasm): Well, excuse me if I don’t shed a tear.

Elf: Besides, even if it is something, we’re all allowed to have secrets.

Me (ooc): He gives you a thankful smile.

DM: Which begs the question: What is he hiding from you?

Orc (whispering to the Elf): I just don’t trust him! There’s something sketchy about him.

*everyone succeeds their perception of that exchange but me*

Me (accidentally interrupting): Look. You have every right to travel in the nude, but some of us value our modesty.

Orc (ooc): I want to roll to intimidate.

DM: The massive half orc takes a step towards you and glares down.

Elf (ooc): With his muscular bare chest. Naked by your standards. Nipples fully erect.

*everyone at the table loses it*

Me (ooc): You know what? I’m not even going to roll. I’m intimidated.

DM: He almost makes you question your sexuality.

Sis (ooc): ROLL TO SEDUCE.

Me (ooc): LENA, NO.

Orc: *actually fucking rolls = 15*

DM: You’re not sure if you’re scared or aroused.

Like 3 people in unison: Both.

  • Sun in the 8th: Illuminates the spirit
  • Moon in the 8th: Hides with ghosts
  • Mercury in the 8th: Calls the spirits
  • Venus in the 8th: Falls in love with a ghost
  • Mars in the 8th: Provokes the spirit
  • Jupiter in the 8th: Celebrates the spirit
  • Saturn in the 8th: Haunted by ghosts
  • Uranus in the 8th: Plays with ghosts
  • Neptune in the 8th: Wants to become a ghost
  • Pluto in the 8th: Seduces the spirit

We’re introducing a first-time player and his Cleric to our established campaign. The Bard is a notorious flirt, and has just met the Cleric. 

Bard: I roll to seduce him [rolls a nat 20]

DM: [sighs] the two of you go behind that nearby tree. [glares at the Bard]

Bard: And?

DM: Nope, not doing it. Fade to black, imagine it. 

Bard (OOC): oh, come on! 

Me (OOC): Live a little! 

Druid (OOC): Where’s your sense of adventure? 

DM: FINE. Roll ‘foreplay’

Much snorting and giggling ensues

Bard: [rolls an 18]

DM: [visibly losing faith in the universe] roll ‘stamina’

Bard: [rolls a 3]

Cleric: I just start crying

anonymous asked:

Do you know of any stories of the First Witch? I saw a retelling of a Slavic myth involving tricking the god of magic, Veles, into revealing his secrets. I wondered if you know of any other First Witch myths from other places?

Great question! First it is important to note that specifically witchcraft vs. shamanism, sorcery and divining is mostly a medieval phenomenon, so the origin stories are usually traceable to the medieval period or later.

1) The Vangelo (the portion of the Aradia: the Gospel of The Witches that was provided to Charles Leland by his fortune teller informant Madellena of a Tuscan witch traditions folklore (what is now seen by folklorists as an example of atypical folklore–so this lore was not widespread and may have been isolated to a small region). Tells of Diana (the moon) eclipsing Lucifer (the sun) and conceiving a savior Aradia during the oppressive medieval period to save the peasantry from the horrendous abuse of the feudal and corrupt religious governments. Created by these animist gods the moon and sun, Aradia’s mother charged her with teaching the peasantry poisoning and magic for a subversive and magical peasants revolution. Now most of us believe the first sorcerers and witches would certainly predate the medieval period, but perhaps this particular cult of magical peasants rebellion did not. And if witchcraft is defined as the church seems to be as a pervasive magical cult of resistance, well perhaps this tale does make sense despite obvious solitary sorceresses like Medea predating Aradia by a long time.

2) Lilith-variously understood as a demon, serpent, and first woman-Lilith has revealed herself overtime in many contradicting forms today showing herself as a goddess and patron of feminism. However, one of the expressions of Lilith in Hebrew tradition was as a otherworldly mother of wild animals and spirits. She is said to have been created from clay and gods breath and in his image, but when she saw herself as equal to Adam, demanding sexual and dominionative parity, she was banished to rule the wild animal kingdom in exile. Adam was provided Eve made instead of in god’s image instead from his rib and therefore supposedly his. Perhaps she got her revenge on the form of a female serpent that shared a little resistance, freedom and knowledge fruit with Eve and maybe even mothered or partnered with Cain. As a patron of wilderness, wisdom, sexuality and heresy, this semi-human presentation of Lilith dates back medieval Kabbalah texts. Prior she was more of a bird succubus demon.

3) Another apocryphal story of the first witch cult is that the sons of god or watchers/gregori which could be angels or other spiritual beings or an elder race of man, descended from above (the sky or the mountains) and fell for the amazing women of the tribe and found fit to teach them magic (dying fabric, cosmetics like make up and scented oils, and metallurgy for making tools, weapons, armor, and jewelry.) Although, I don’t find this tale as convincing as a witch tale-it’s more of a skill and culture tale, because it doesn’t include things we associate with witches like spells, shape changing and spirit-flight and wildness–but rather the opposite.

4) My main witchcraft influences are Gaelic. And while there is not a particular first witch story, it is pretty clear that priestesses/druidesses of sorcery, sexuality and storm goddesses are the predecessors of fairy women, fairy doctors and that were later made illegal as “witches” in English. The first recorded witch trial was in Ireland in 1325 of Alice Kyteler. Considered one of the first witch trials in Europe and the first recorded to indicate an incubus familiar lover for the witch. Her trial includes many elements of folk magic like black rooster sacrifices at Crossroads. Alice was condemned but escaped, her servant was executed. So witchcraft was believed to be conferred by demons or fairies and so I imagine the happening of any particular otherworldly conference of witchcraft from an otherworldly being to a witch could be extrapolated to explain how the first happened. A fairy who fell in love with a person taught them magical ways. For all intents and purposes fairies, elder ancestors, and even the sons of god are indistinguishable when it comes down to it–so when one or more of these beings be it Lilith, a Watcher, a fairy or an ancestral spirit seduces a human and teaches them magic it results the same: in witchcraft.

These tales that I am familiar with vary quite a lot from the Slavic story you shared. In that the first witch stole magic rather than a spiritual being illicitly teaching it to them or a witch messiah provided by a witch goddess. I find that quite interesting. My friend Gordana had shared this tale with me before, but I hadn’t thought oh yeah, that’s different. But it is. Pretty cool.

Followers, for anymore cool first witch tales?

anonymous asked:

I don't know if you've done it before but do you happen to know any myths about asexuals ?

Wow, it’s such an interesting question!

The thing is, myths have usually a simple narration. They don’t delve into the psychological details. There are a lot of myths with celibate heroes. Are they asexual? I can’t remember seeing a character when we can be sure. But it’s very easy to see.

So, I will try and tell a few myth characters who are celibate and could very well be asexual.

In Greek Myth:

  • Hestia, goddess of the hearth, is very much celibate. No romance is known for her, no sexual encounter (which is quite rare for Greek Gods). She’s known for being the sister of some of the most important gods, and for her cult
  • There are two other Greek goddesses known for refusing men’s company and being eternally virgins: Artemis and Athena. Of course, the concept of “virginity” being what it is, some people would argue they were actually lesbians. 
  • For Athena, she could have been in love with Pallas, a young nymph she accidentally killed. But friendship, or romantic asexual love works too.
  • Artemis is well-known for having a lot of nymph friends and expecting total chastity from them. She also seems rather sex-repulsed. Here again, it doesn’t preclude romantic asexual lesbian relationship.
  • @lifeisyetfair noticed that Hippolytus, Theseus’s son, refused relationships with women and was devout to Artemis. So it’s not only a goddess thing. :-)

It gets more complicated with religions - and the associated myths - which value celibacy a lot. A lots of mythical saints are totally celibate, but when nothing is told about potential temptations, it doesn’t say whether they were actually asexual or just very devoted.

  • Here is an article (in French, I don’t know if you read French) about some saints who married but did not consummate their marriage (with the wife consenting, or even being very much in favor)
  • And of course there is Jesus. Not everyone will agree about it, but I mean, it’s a really plausible interpretation.
  • The Buddhism has similar positivity towards celibacy, and a lot of celibate heroes and divinities. One of my favorite is Kuan-Yin, goddess of compassion.

Another type of myth where I read asexuality and aromanticism very easily is the one of the girl who doesn’t want to marry. She’s expected to, but refuses, and it’s not a story about her changing her mind.

  • One of my favorites is the origin story of the Iuvet people (in French again, sorry). A girl is abandoned by her father because she refuses to marry. She’s expected to die, but she survives, thinking she’s a bad girl. She travels, and manages to create humans, and a village without ever bearing children, only with magic. At the end, she takes revenge on her father, and the story insists that what she created was actually good.
  • Sedna, the Inuit goddess of the sea, was a human woman once, and one of these girl who didn’t want to marry. In some stories, she’s seduced by a spirit, but in most of them, it’s a forced marriage by her father. Anyway, she escapes him, but as he tries to stop her she falls into the cold ocean, and her father cuts her hands. She becomes a lone and powerful goddess. (Some legends give her a girlfriend, but I think they’re modern ones)
  • In some versions of the myth, Mulan is one of those girls and actually refuses the emperor’s son (and not for another man).

But I hope I’m wrong. Does someone know myths that more explicitly express asexuality?

Legendary Creatures [B]

From Wikipedia, See the Full Alphabet HERE


The Atomic Dog: George Clinton is hustler, preacher, poet, and pimp of the congregation of funky bloods whose doos are always laid, whose rhythms are always mashing and whose stage rags range from sci-fi to birthday suits. Splib hustlers and hip ofays, it’s funk time again.

Where it all began is a barbershop in Plainfield, New Jersey, back in the early ‘60s. Before he was cutting vinyl, George Clinton was cutting hair; before he got involved with the recording process, my man was chemically processing hair-mixing down wave, curl, and conk jobs for all the slick splib hustlers that ran the streets of Plainfield. We know now that this cat had a lot more on his mind than snipping naps and knotting up doo-rags for the rest of his natural born life.

Along with a couple other barbers and a few high school chums, Clinton organized a doo-wop group named Parliament. Modeling themselves after groups like the Temptations and the Four Tops, they gigged around until Clinton one day got the bold idea to head for Detroit and try to bogart his way into a Motown recording deal. So Clinton and crew wind up in '65 with a minor hit, “I Wanna Testify,” on Motown subsidiary Revilot. For whatever reason, Berry Gordy decided he had enough male vocal combos in his stable, and Parliament languished on the label until Clinton decided to strike out on his own. Problem was, Motown owned the name Parliament, and so Funkadelic was born–out of desperation, the Parliament back-up band, and Clinton’s warped notion of fusing the hippie counterculture with parodies of black pop, pimp, and prayer culture.

Between 1968 and 1975, you opened up a Funkadelic record and you couldn’t guess what was coming next — a straight-faced take on the Fifth Dimension, like “Can You Get to That,” or a heavy-metal hydrogen bomb test like “Super Stupid.” And go figure Cosmic Slop, where the title track, about a welfare mother who pimps for the devil, is followed by a country-swing ditty, “No Compute (Spit Don’t Make Babies),” about a hard dick on the prowl who raps like a poolhall version of Jimi Hendrix and waxes philosophic the morning after about being turned out by a transvestite. If that’s not enough there’s “March to the Witch’s Castle.” A fairyland goof? Nope, a holy-roller preacher’s benediction for soldiers returning from Vietnam—and maybe the only song of the period that embraced the Vets as wounded mortals rather than as babykillers.

Get the picture? If so, you’re doing better than the mass record-buying public of the period, black and white. Because in the main, Funkadelic was too wacky for the souled-out splibs and too black for the spazz whiteys who believed hard rock only came in caucasoid and got nothing to do with bloods getting happy feet besides.

Then Clinton struck the mama lode with 1975’s Mothership Connection. This one was the turning point, alright. Not only did it give Clinton his first gold album and launch P-Funk as damn near a musical genre in its own right, but most important, it provided the impetus for the Mothership tour, which in turn begat the Funkentelechy vs. the Placebo Syndrome “flashlight” tour, which begat the Clones of Dr Funkenstein tour, which gave rise to the One Nation under a Groove anti-tour–all barnstorming black guerrilla theater extravaganzas that between roughly 1977 and 1980 made P-Funk seem a cross between the old Apollo and the circus.

Having written off Clinton as a has-been in 1981, few expected the success he found upon the release of 1983’s Atomic Dog. Those few who weren’t surprised weren’t just diehards, they were folk who knew that if nothing else, George Clinton was a longtime survivor of the vicissitudes of the American music business. George Clinton is as cagey a ringmaster and self-promoter as P.T. Barnum, as charming a stage ham as Fats Waller, as charismatic a bandleader as Duke Ellington, as hardworking a showman as anybody else this side of James Brown.

Listen to Clinton’s lyrics and you find him playing plenty roles: hustler, preacher, poet, pimp, professor, psychoanalyst, student of politics and sexual manners, carny barker, soulman, swingmeister, bebopper, doo-wopper, druggy, subliminal seducer, free spirit. And the band he leads is the best rock band in America.

Like some folk live for Sunday morning prayer meeting, I live for the gestalt achieved by these virtuosi. And for the image of Clinton—his living death-head’s grin spreading across his Nubian mug like the stitchings on the Frankenstein monster’s neck, teeth strung cadaverously from jawbone to jawbone, his limbs and torso madly whipping the crowd’s emotions until they’re all feeling the funk as much to the fullness as he is. Ain’t nobody got fans that know as much about pure musical possession as funkateers, unless we talking disciples of vodun, juju, or hoodoo. We are a tribe unto ourselves, y'all, with our own language, lore, rites of passage, and articles of faith. One nation under a groove.

If George’s rap is the positive side of P-Funk, the down side is what you’ll find in the margins from the mouths of the men who’ve propped up Clinton’s thang for lo these many years and are now crying the blues of unpaid-for dues, misspent youths, and sacrificed creative muses. You’re gonna ask yourself why, if this cat seems so righteous, has he treated these bloods so badly, and why, even more outrageously, they keep hanging in for more abuse. Ahh, but I told you we’re talking church here, family even, as well as coldblooded business. And as much as George took from these guys he gave back. And dem’s da facts. Now, here’s the funkies.

So I’m typically a player however I’m an aspiring author and decided to give GMing a chance. It should be noted that my players are incredibly experienced players who I have played with for 2+ years. I start them in a small tavern and everything progresses quite well and they are on their way to fight a lich (their characters are all 18+ at this point and I nerfed the lich just a bit). A few critical fails on their parts and critical hits on the liches part later and they are at an almost total party wipe leaving only the bard and the fighter left standing out of five people. And this proceeds to happen…

Female bard: can i seduce him

DM(me deciding to humor her): You can certainly try

Female bard: hey (picking up one of the various bones littering the floor) if you stop trying to kill us I have something you can “bone”

DM (face palming): sure make your role

Female bard: *Nat 20*

DM: The lich is so moved by your pick up line he decided to marry you instead of killing you

Fighter: can I be the maid of honor?

Pop Folk Bands & their Weirdly Specific Moods

The Lumineers: quitting your job, packing everything into a beat up suitcase and hopping on a train, eating leaves and wearing sundresses that the light shines through, meeting kind strangers who let you sleep on their floor and give you organic arabica coffee and stories of lost love

Iron & Wine: being drawn into the woods to help in the birthing of a baby deer at midnight while a bearded man in flannel weeps quietly over your shoulder, clutching a love-worn bible

Hozier: giving in, sinking into the soft peat at the water’s edge, becoming intimately acquainted with the scratching, burrowing creatures and blooming mushrooms - becoming a forest spirit and seducing foolhardy travelers under the darkness of your canopy

Bon Iver: wading into a gentle stream and floating down, watching the leafy curtains pass lazily by above you while you are lulled to sleep by the current and the scent of hyacinths… you dream of the comforting silence of a snowstorm

Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros: dancing down Highway 1, wearing mismatched orange-y clothing, your only possessions a tambourine and an ostrich

Mumford & Sons: you are a horse

The Mechanics of the Language of Love

The last sequence is Holy Robots is ‘Mirrors’. And that starts with a short ‘Reflection’. Here we see a woman in a pink dress, kissing her own image. She has a “big fish” body. She has a certain “weight”. Who am I? I look in the mirror and wonder. I long to understand the beauty of that face in reflection. I adore it. It is the sign of beauty to me. Not because I am Narcissistic in general, but because, at an early age, I was charmed, seduced, captured by the spirit of the mirror. The mirror knows you, and you can’t know what it knows, no matter how hard you stare. Mirror me.


Kirsten Fell - written, naturally, in condensation on a bathroom mirror

Psychic: “Well, I wanted to talk to you because your friend told me you were single… right before shoving a knife against my neck and calling me an assassin and then she figured out I wasn’t one and sent me to talk to you!”
Prince (Incognito) “Wait, you came out to see me cuz I’m single…?”
Psychic: “That’s the first thing you decided to say? …but yeah. Kinda dreamy too, BUT let’s talk about your friend almost killing me before we start flirting at all!”

A Bite Of The Pomegranate

King of the Dead

Lord of Riches

A sailor of the Styx

Master of Cerberus amongst other titles. 

In Rome he is Pluto in Egypt he is Seth, but here he is simply Hades.

His realm is far greater than most believe, the quantity and physical size is undetectable for it is too great to even possibly estimate. In a way it is plenty of company with the souls drifting and the nymphs and smaller deities are his neighbors, he has bedded a-many of the seducing young spirits like Leuce, Gorgya, Orphne, the Lampades and so on.

But he needs solid company, someone to rule the Underworld by his side and bed him, someone to give him legitimate children and someone whom is an equal like he.

Which brings this to present day in the fields of Greece wealthy flowers, grass, and honeyed nature. Frollicking in a picturesque dance with his nieces and nymphs of the above ground was someone most…some beauty most alluring and prepossessing in all aspects.

His nebulous eyes captured her sun-lit skin, porcelain and pearlescent in the light of Selene but in the reflection of Helios it was warm and rosy. Her lips shaped like a peach but rouger than one fit perfectly on her divine face. 

A nose pert and not too noticeable, it was subtle and shy like her gentle nature. Her robes of lilacs and dusky pinks complimented her petite yet comely figure, such child bearing hips deserved his immediate attention.

And such hair, oh her ribbon, her river of deep sienna ripples streamed pass her dainty shoulders down her tantalizing back and met her titillating round, elfin backside.

The dread King had fallen in love with the little goddess of harvest. And he realized he wasn’t the only one, his nephews Hermes and Apollo had attempted to woo and entice her but had failed for her mother his aggravatingly protective sister Demeter did not intend on sharing her daughter.

She wanted to keep the beauty and kind nature of Kore hidden and away from the Olympians, she’d never willingly give up her precious treasure.

Which is exactly why he must…take her… 

Confessions and Geometry! A Small Medium and a Rogue at Large!

(From the same campaign as this anime love triangle nonsense:

An in-game week or two later, the mage (now revealed to specifically be a medium) and the rogue drank away their frustrations after fighting a demonic ogre destroying the city walls. A brief heart-to-heart leads to a quick kiss before embarrassment and gentlemanliness respectively take over for both of them. Eventually, after an evening fighting a village full of were-spiders (and a night of the medium and elf princess snuggling in their sleep), they find the time the next morning to hash things out when they’re not drunk or pissed off at the last combat…)

Rogue: “I had a couple of questions about that night…”

Medium: “…Okay?”

Rogue: “Well… How do you feel about me?”

Medium: “(SHIT!) Uh! I-I… I don’t know exactly… But… I wouldn’t mind finding out?”

Rogue: “Well, what a wonderful coincidence! Seems I feel the same way.”

Medium: “Oh! Great! …W-what happens now?”

Rogue: “…Tell you what. If you don’t like this, just… smack me.”

(A gentle kiss turns into a bear hug from the medium)

Rogue: “Ooh, no smacks. That’s good!”

Medium: “I… I have to tell you something.”

Rogue: “Alright, I’m all ears.”

Medium (whispering): “I also have had feelings about [Princess] and I don’t know what exactly I’m going to do about anything.”

Rogue: “Oh, is that all? Well, that just means we have a lot of options figure out.”

Medium: “Wait, what? Options?”

Rogue: “Sure! Let me just…” (Scribbles down the diagrams from this webpage in his journal and starts explaining them to her: )

Medium: (Absolutely lost in thought over this new information)

Rogue: “See, by my count, you have 13 different ways of going about this! …Hmm, wait. Make that 14.”

Rogue: (Makes a new triangle diagram, with no arrows between ‘A’, ‘B’, or 'C’.)

Rogue: “In this scenario, A does not end up in a romantic relationship with B or C, but B and C will still be A’s best friends, and fight by her side like always. This is the worst case scenario, and I call it that loosely, because it’s not really that bad at all. No matter what you choose, I’ll still be there, shanking motherfuckers who are trying to shank you. I promise.”

(It is at this point that the medium literally jumps our rogue with tears in her eyes. It is also at this point that we realize she’s wearing heavier armor than the rogue, and he wouldn’t be able to support her weight and remain standing.)

Medium: “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

Rogue (Wheezing): “It’s okay! My spine broke my fall!”

(The rogue got up, tore out the page of his journal, crumpled it up, and threw it at the eavesdropping paladin, who then started trying to decipher the meaning of all the little triangles. We cap off our glimpse into this sickeningly adorable anime bullshit by saying: To those who commented about polyamory in the last submission, we’re way ahead of you.)

 We were investigating a unknown and powerful source of wild magic in a Library, that was causing all other kinds of magic to run amok. This was unfortunate, as I play a Wizard named Theia

Theia: I cast Grease

DM: Okay. Everyone else make perception checks

*they all fail, apart from the Ranger*

DM: Theia is suddenly gone. Jaik (Ranger), you can see a vague outline where she once stood

Jaik: I reach out at feel the air

DM: You feel the fabric of her robe

Jaik, Chaotic Neutral and a huge flirt: I give a cheeky grope

Theia, a Colossal Lesbian who is on a quest to find her GF: Can I use my bonus action to slap him?

(she missed)


Context: So at the beginning of every campaign we had to pick one of the seven sins and seven virtues for our character to flesh them out. Our human paladin Fabian’s sin was lust. Though he flirted with every character, his fascination was mostly fixated on MY character, Maeven (half-elf rogue).

Fabian(OOC): Hey, sis (the DM; his player and the DM were siblings)

DM: What?

Fabian(OOC): Is it a free move to ask out Maeven?

Me(OOC): No. Roll a d20 and add your shitty charisma modifier.

The DM went along with it. He failed pretty much every time.