Confessions and Geometry! A Small Medium and a Rogue at Large!

(From the same campaign as this anime love triangle nonsense:

An in-game week or two later, the mage (now revealed to specifically be a medium) and the rogue drank away their frustrations after fighting a demonic ogre destroying the city walls. A brief heart-to-heart leads to a quick kiss before embarrassment and gentlemanliness respectively take over for both of them. Eventually, after an evening fighting a village full of were-spiders (and a night of the medium and elf princess snuggling in their sleep), they find the time the next morning to hash things out when they’re not drunk or pissed off at the last combat…)

Rogue: “I had a couple of questions about that night…”

Medium: “…Okay?”

Rogue: “Well… How do you feel about me?”

Medium: “(SHIT!) Uh! I-I… I don’t know exactly… But… I wouldn’t mind finding out?”

Rogue: “Well, what a wonderful coincidence! Seems I feel the same way.”

Medium: “Oh! Great! …W-what happens now?”

Rogue: “…Tell you what. If you don’t like this, just… smack me.”

(A gentle kiss turns into a bear hug from the medium)

Rogue: “Ooh, no smacks. That’s good!”

Medium: “I… I have to tell you something.”

Rogue: “Alright, I’m all ears.”

Medium (whispering): “I also have had feelings about [Princess] and I don’t know what exactly I’m going to do about anything.”

Rogue: “Oh, is that all? Well, that just means we have a lot of options figure out.”

Medium: “Wait, what? Options?”

Rogue: “Sure! Let me just…” (Scribbles down the diagrams from this webpage in his journal and starts explaining them to her: )

Medium: (Absolutely lost in thought over this new information)

Rogue: “See, by my count, you have 13 different ways of going about this! …Hmm, wait. Make that 14.”

Rogue: (Makes a new triangle diagram, with no arrows between ‘A’, ‘B’, or 'C’.)

Rogue: “In this scenario, A does not end up in a romantic relationship with B or C, but B and C will still be A’s best friends, and fight by her side like always. This is the worst case scenario, and I call it that loosely, because it’s not really that bad at all. No matter what you choose, I’ll still be there, shanking motherfuckers who are trying to shank you. I promise.”

(It is at this point that the medium literally jumps our rogue with tears in her eyes. It is also at this point that we realize she’s wearing heavier armor than the rogue, and he wouldn’t be able to support her weight and remain standing.)

Medium: “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

Rogue (Wheezing): “It’s okay! My spine broke my fall!”

(The rogue got up, tore out the page of his journal, crumpled it up, and threw it at the eavesdropping paladin, who then started trying to decipher the meaning of all the little triangles. We cap off our glimpse into this sickeningly adorable anime bullshit by saying: To those who commented about polyamory in the last submission, we’re way ahead of you.)

anonymous asked:

Puns? I got puns. I got pick-up lines too. This may be cheesy, but I think you're grate. If you were a pastry, you'd be a cinnamon roll. I Cayennen't stop thinking about you. You must be a hot bun, cause you've been /cross/ing my mind all day. Did the Archies write a song about you? Cause, sugar, sugar, you are my candy girl. Do you like rock and roll? Cause I wanna pour some sugar on you. Is your dad Professor Utonium? Cause you're clearly made from sugar, spice and everything nice. 1/2

> 2/2 I heard you like Chat Noir, and must I say, you’re the chat’s meow. Don’t worry Purrincess, I’ll always be here to save you. - Knight in Sterling Armor Anon
[Dull thunk as my head hits my schoolbag]

heyitsbee34  asked:

How would they guys plus saero and Diana react to seeing mc in a bikini for her first time(I know it's a little perv but aren't we all sometimes

These two are similar enough, so I’ll be lumping them together!

James: The morning after, as you greet him in the kitchen, James notices right away that all you’re wearing is your underwear and his button up shirt from the day before. He tries not to let your choice of clothing get to him, but he can not deny the fact that your lack of clothing was arousing. In fact, he makes sure to whisper this fact into your ear, voice low and husky.

Erik: It’s obvious that Erik is staring when you walk into the room with just a towel wrapped around your body, but it wasn’t your fault you’d forgotten to bring your clothes into the bathroom. You don’t need to be looking at him to know he’s appreciating the view of extra skin; he’s making sure to tell you exactly what he’s thinking, flirting remarks meeting your ears.

Sam: What you were wearing was honestly the plainest bikini you could’ve bought — solid colors with very minimal fanciness in the straps — but that didn’t stop Sam from throwing his shirt at you the minute you walked out in it. He tries to avert his eyes, but they keep wandering back to your exposed midriff and it only makes the red on his face a deeper shade every time.

Matthew: A grin breaks out onto his face when he sees you walk into the kitchen wearing a crop top and shorts. Matthew teases you for a minute, saying your outfit wasn’t exactly the most appropriate for cooking in the kitchen. You almost don’t expect him to be so smooth when he goes on to say the two of you could cook something up in the bedroom instead.

Damien: At first glance, it almost seems like seeing you in only a thinly made nightgown has no affect on Damien; he treats you almost exactly the same as before. In fact, the only real difference that you notice — and it takes you a while to notice — is that his eyes seem to linger on your newly exposed skin for just a tad longer than usual. He can’t help but imagine caressing every inch of you.

Diana: Her eyes are immediately on you when you walk in wearing a tight top and a miniskirt. The smirk that plays on Diana’s lips is both teasing and mischievous as she walks to your side, sliding her arm around your waist and getting a good feel of the fabric clinging to your body. She makes sure her hands are no stranger to the curve of your backside.

Saero: As you go to remove your shirt, you notice Saero move to turn away from you. A light blush, barely there if you hadn’t looked hard, made its way to his cheeks when you mentioned it was okay for him to see you topless. At your words, he turns back and tries to act casual, but that’s hard to do when you go to remove your bra right after.

Our party—a bard, a fighter, and a ranger—were on a one-off side quest to deliver a letter to somebody. He wasn’t at his house (learned after breaking in, to the DM’s dismay), so we found out the general area he was in and went there, confusion in our wake and a spring in our steps. I, the bard, had decided that I would funnel every ounce of skill I possessed into charisma, and at level 5 had a +6 modifier. I had been using that power at every opportunity that arose. We wander through the foothills full of caves, looking for this guy, when our fighter rolls a nat 20 perception trying to look for any signs of life.

DM: You—okay, so. Yeah. With that, you actually notice about fifty feet away that a particular cluster of bushes is rustling just slightly, but not with the breeze.

Fighter: Oh. Cool. “Hey guys, I think there are some folks in those bushes over there.”

Me: “Cool beans! HELLOOOOOOO, MY DUDES!”

DM: There’s a few seconds of silence before four guys come slowly forward from the bushes. They look pretty rough and tough, and uh—

Ranger: Can I roll perception? Uh… that’s a 15.

DM: You deduce that they’re probably bandits or something. They’re walking forward and one of the guys says, “Who are you little pests, and what’re ya doing in these here foothills of ours?”

Me: “We’re just hanging out, traveling, and actually it seems like a good time to break for breakfast if you lovely gents would like to join us! I can brew us up some chamomile, I have like a thousand mushrooms I got earlier—”

Fighter: “I got that chicken, too, and jerky.”

Me: “Oh hell yeah, we’re gonna chow down if y'all want in on that action.”

DM: That’s, uh… that’s persuasion, advantage because you’re offering them food and seem too dumb to be dangerous.

Me: Thanks man. Uh… 14 total.

DM: *head in his hands* I just—okay, they join you for breakfast I guess. And yet again you avoid a fight I planned for you. One of the dudes breaks out some eggs from somewhere.

Ranger: What’re their names?

DM: Uh, uh, they—it’s got. There’s Bablo, Sanchez, Kent, and uh. Eskabar.

Me: Cool. I roll to flirt with them.

DM: ………<i>all of them???</i> I mean… sure?? I guess??

Me: Hells yeah. Rolling.

Proceeds to roll: 16, 19, and <i>two natural 20s</i>.

DM: *head on the table* Like. You—you make your fellow party members super uncomfortable. You are piled under boys, it’s kinda gross but super chill for you. Kent wasn’t super into the whole group thing before, but now he would straight up die for you. He’s learning a lot about himself today.

Me: I’m gonna write those names down for later. Can I put “a boys harem” in my items list?

A lil context: our party (of around 5) had been captured by drow and abandoned a small island inhabited by humans, goblins, and orcs. We decided to approach the orcs to see if they would aid us in taking out the drow and get off the island. I play a female half-elf paladin, while my friend plays her twin brother. Our campaign has been run using milestone levelling, rather than XP for story reasons. 

Orc Leader: by our custom to gain our loyalty, you must compete to show your physical prowess! 

(DM tells us to roll Athletics or Performance to see which of us will be picked for the trial) 

Me: rolls nat20 Athletics

Twin: rolls nat20 performance

Orc Leader: you! The small double-elf persons! You shall compete in our physical challenge!

Twin: *leaning into the orc’s space* what kind of physical challenge, big boy? Surely we can bend the rules a little.  

Me: I wink flirtatiously.

DM: Make a persuasion roll, with advantage because of your sister 

Twin: rolls nat19

DM: Seriously? *rolls a nat1 for the orc’s saving throw* oh come on! 

Orc Leader: (nervously) Crekkar accepts your challenge!

DM: And so you both take Crekkar to his tent and show your …physical prowess. *rolls dice* You both tire him out easily while you remain almost unaffected. The orcs appreciate your strength and endurance and are now your allies. 

Me (ooc): *jokes* level up!

DM: … actually. I had planned for the milestone to be after you conquered the orc camp, either by killing them or proving yourself in combat. So, yeah. The entire party is now level 3. 

Monk: I can’t believe I can now catch arrows because the twins are sluts 

One of our players had to leave the game permanently, so our GM tried to decide the fate of their character.

GM: So Priscilla has fallen in love with one of the prostitutes in town and has elected to stay behind.

Player 1: Is it a guy or a girl?

GM: *rolls die* Guy.

Player 2: Aw man, how boring!

Entire table: *grumbles about heteronormativity*

GM: Okay you know what? Fine! *pulls out several dice*

GM: Priscilla is now dating *rolls die* 3 people. They are *rolls more dice* a cis guy, a trans guy, and a nonbinary person. *rolls more dice* Two of them are prostitutes. *rolls more dice* It’s the cis guy and the trans guy. Are you all happy now?

Entire table: Yeah that works for us.