Marcus is in
their room, standing at the window, looking across the miles to Arkadia, and
Abby. It’s funny how you can go so long without someone, function your whole
life without the smell of them on your pillow, the taste of them on your lips. They
had nine days together. Late nights and early mornings uncovering the secrets
of body and soul, and now she’s gone an ache pervades him more painful than any
physical wound. For a man so self-contained, so used to being alone, it’s
startling how lost he feels, how deeply he wants her, needs her.
Without You Part Two - 4x03
finally gets to rest amongst the chaos at Arkadia, allows herself a moment of
indulgence. She feels guilty because throughout it all she’s been thinking
about Marcus. Memories of the last few days coming to the fore at inopportune times,
smiling at the knowledge only intimacy brings. How his eyes darken when he
enters her; the powerful flex of his muscles, the pleasure he takes in her. Mouth
soft, beard scratchy, fingers gentle, teasing. Heart full. Years of holding
back from each other, staying aloof, and now there were no secrets, no part of each
other they didn’t know.
on the left is a victoria secret model, and on the right is me. there was a time, i would have put these pictures side by side, and used it as a “goal” to get to. i actually went into a victoria secret shop once, about a year ago, with my friend, and whilst she was trying something on in the changing room, and i was waiting, i was trying to hold back the tears, they just started running down my face, and i was desperately wiping them away before anyone saw. it was all too much in there, all them what i deemed as “perfect” girls plastered all over the walls, and my mind was racing with “why don’t i look like them” “why can’t i achieve that” “i’ll never be like them” and looking back, i feel so saddened that i ever felt like that. (my friend didn’t know, so it obviously wasn’t her fault that it happened, she was just shopping in there, bless her❤️) but now, today, i don’t envy those girls, NOT ONE LITTLE BIT. i’ve read up about their diets, and some days they have detoxing where they literally eat just vegetables, and like hours before the show they aren’t allowed liquid, like hello?? we need to drink?? it’s just crazy. it’s their choice and i completely understand that, but i’m just saying that there was a time i would have admired how strict they are with themselves, but today is so different. i want to enjoy food, i’ve rid my life of diets, i’ve found self love, and i want to eat cake and ice cream, when i want cake and ice cream, like chocolate?? who doesn’t love chocolate?? i just don’t envy their bodies or their lifestyles anymore, and that’s just a GLO UP for me. YOU DONT NEED TO LOOK LIKE THOSE GIRLS. YOU NEED TO LOOK LIKE YOU. YOU YOU YOU. whatever body shape, or size you are, that’s perfect, and that’s what makes you YOU.