secret diary of a fat admirer

Save a Dog’s Life

I just saw this floating around and thought I best copy it here because it’s important:

foods dangerous to dogs:

  1. avocadoes
  2. alcohol
  3. raw bread dough
  4. caffeine
  5. chocolate
  6. grapes and raisins
  7. onions and garlic
  8. macadamia nuts
  9. raw salmon
  10. xylitol (artificial sweeteners)

if you have a dog or like dogs generally please reblog this

PS. Sorry this is a copy-paste job rather than a reblog or repost. Long story; don’t ask.

Secret admirer

What a lame title isn’t it? Anyway, this is a short one-shot fic, not very original but full of fluff and dedicated to my little angel llexis ♥

The wonderful people who wished to be tagged: 14000romancesallimidori ; alyssaloca ; angiepttanglophileyoungblood ; areyousad8118 ; becauseyouarestrong ; bitchy-broken ; borntosik ; celestev31 ; ducky17 ; facephase ; fantasticab ; flxwxry ; hewittgolightly ; i-dream-of-emus; ililypop ; kneekeyta ; kristicallahan ; lethallylauren ; llexis ; milllott ; milymargot; mirandasmadeofstone ; mmfdftw ; murderyoursoul ; myfinnnelsonpls ; ninjarunningzico; tinakegg ; twlokigoose ; voodoomarie ; wandering-soul-7

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Why Fat Admirers Like Fat Chicks (And Why Men Who Are Surprised By It Are Fucking Idiots)

So, a group of pathetic manchildren have apparently been holding a protracted (and, more importantly, utterly fucking stupid) debate over why some skinnier guys (like myself) find fat chicks attractive. I’m not going to repeat any of their comments, because they’re derogatory and awful, both towards fat women and to FAs.

Since it’s apparently such a mystery to these clueless glory holes, I thought I had better take a minute to explain why Fat Admirers (again, like myself) are physically attracted to fat women: it’s because, as physical characteristics go, fat is really fucking sexy. It’s really as simple as that.

Have you ever watched the cute little jiggle of a plus-size lass’s belly when she laughs? Or felt the softness of her thighs and hips press against you when she leans against you on the couch? Or enjoyed the full weight of her voluptuous body when she embraces you? Because if you have, then shouldn’t need me to explain why those experiences (and more like them) are so indescribably precious.

Fat Admirers like fat women because we enjoy things to the full: we like richness of texture and size. We appreciate the delicious, opulent lusciousness of a fat woman’s physique (or of a fat man’s physique, for Female FAs and gay Chubby Chasers).

The point I’d like to make to the men who ridicule FAs and fat women is this: just because you small-cocked sexual minnows can’t handle the pleasures of a fuller-figured partner, there’s no need to be twats about it. The fact that you lot can’t understand on even the most theoretical level that the fatter form can hold delights for some people is nothing to be proud of. If you can’t shed your ignorance, at least be ashamed enough to fucking hide it.

The Dangers of Dating a Feeder

As a feeder, I feel obliged to warn you about some of the potential dangers involved in dating us (and by “obliged to warn you” I mean “my lover suggested this topic and I haven’t got much else on this evening”). Better brace yourself for some bullet-points, motherfuckers, because that’s what’s heading your way! These are the Perils of Dating a Feeder

  • You may find you have more cute chub than before.
  • You are likely to find chocolates and other delectable snacks turning up in unexpected places like friendly, fattening landmines. That sentence got away from me a bit.
  • Clothes that fitted recently may suddenly appear too small. Be advised that the solution to this problem is new clothes, not some kind of pudge-reduction. It is definitely the clothes that are at fault.
  • You may discover new delicacies you had previously been unaware of. And by “discover” I mean “get to eat massive quantities of”.
  • You may get really used to getting belly-rubs on demand.
  • Your feeder will probably use your stomach as a pillow at least once.
  • There’s a possibility that you will discover the treachery innate in flimsy furniture and too-narrow beds.
  • You may experience an exponential rise in sexiness.

As you can see, dating a feeder is a risky business. Please make sure in yourself that you’re ready for all the extra cuteness before entering into such a relationship.

Just What Are the Goals of Fat Acceptance?

It just occurred to me that, despite being a long-time advocate for it, I’ve never tried to break down the Fat Acceptance Movement into it’s component aims and parts. Over the years, I’ve mostly talked about the goals and sectors of the Fat Acceptance Movement largely in passing, on route to making a wider point. Which might be fine for people who are already very familiar with the Movement and just want to read me dissecting some major issue or laying into an opponent like a lobbed trowel (please ignore that simile- it was terrible). However, it’s not terribly helpful for people who are new to the Movement, and once upon a time (before I got distracted by writing blogs on completely unrelated subjects, such as videogames and the enduring sex appeal of Brian Cox) I was something of a gateway drug for Fat Acceptance. Let’s see if I can’t reprise that role by actually explaining what it hopes to achieve. I should stress that this break-down is really just the view from where I’m standing in the Movement, and is in no way objective or comprehensive. I’m a Fat Admirer, not an actual Fat Person, so my interpretation is obviously going to have a bit of outsider perspective sticking to it like oven grease to a pizza (and the terrible similes just keep coming!)

1. Addressing Under-representation and Mistreatment
This is undoubtedly the most important goal of Fat Acceptance. Fat folk get a raw deal in western society: they’re under-represented or misrepresented in the media. They’re made to feel unworthy by a corporately-engineered diet culture that deliberately cultivates insecurities in order to sell false “solutions” to them. They often receive subpar medical attention because doctors live in the same warped culture and therefore tend to assume that any problems a fat person has must be a result of their weight (even when that blatantly isn’t the case). They even have a harder time getting employed or promoted in some cases. Oh, and every self-righteous trolling gobshite on the web and in their immediate vicinity bombards them with thinly-veiled insults and faux-concern. Basically, the main goal of Fat Acceptance is to put a stop to all that nonsense because it’s psychologically damaging, physically dangerous and- quite frankly- it’s just not cricket.

2. Encouraging Self Acceptance
Another key function of Fat Acceptance is helping fat people feel comfortable in their bodies despite being surrounded by a toxic, fat-hating culture. While Fat Acceptance has made some steps in the direction of changing the culture to be more, well, accepting of fat people, a total sea-change isn’t something that happens overnight. In the meantime, the Movement aims to encourage fat people as individuals to accept their own bodies and abandon the self-hatred that the fat-hate culture has tried to instill in them. Fat Acceptance is about major societal change, but it’s also about individual healing. And, yes, I could have put that in a less poncy way, but I’m in a poncy sort of mood so I didn’t.

3. Promoting Fat Sexuality
This is usually a pretty vestigial part of the FA Movement and there are individuals within said Movement who’d deny it’s even Fat Acceptance at all. However, I don’t believe these individuals represent the majority of the Movement. More importantly, it’s important to note that whether or not it’s kept at a distance, fat sexuality has always been an important concept related to (and often within) Fat Acceptance. Promoting the idea that Fat People are not only acceptable but can also be beautiful, attractive and desirable helps to change the way society views fat people. It can also help some folks realise that they don’t have to change their bodies to be truly loved or romantically desired. That’s pretty important on an individual level, even if it isn’t as high a priority as abolishing weight-based discrimination and mistreatment.

Now, I’m not an expert: I may have missed something out or failed to explain something adequately. However, I have been knocking around with the Fat Acceptance Movement for many years now, so I’d like to think that you can take this as a broadly reliable guide to the Movement’s overall aims and areas of action. Having delivered it, I must now depart to eat pretzels and play Fallout 4. Goodnight one and all.

Fat Acceptance and the Problem with Going Mainstream

Fat Acceptance is slowly breaking through into the mainstream. Very freakin’ slowly. And obviously, it’s emergence into the collective consciousness and general Zeitgeist is a good thing. Every so often, you’ll see articles on it explicitly, and sometimes you’ll see celebrities (from a range that encompasses both the legitimately talented and the completely banal, just so there’s something for everyone) talking about not wanting to have to constantly diet for their work to be taken seriously or the lack of respect accorded to plus-size folk. Great. Hooray for that progress.

However, there is something that concerns me- and I’m not the first person to have commented on this- about Fat Acceptance’s move onto more mainstream platforms, and that’s the dilution of the message.

You see, ‘hard’ Fat Acceptance- the actual political discussions of it you see in the grass-roots community- primarily have to do with the way discrimination operates against Fat People in society as a whole. It’s about lack of representation; it’s about the language that surrounds fat in popular culture and in media and that way its calculated to dehumanise fat people; it’s about complex issues like the widespread failure of the medical profession to treat fat people’s illnesses properly because its cheaper and easier to assume that every problem they have is caused by their weight; it’s about the aggression and personal attacks faced by fat folk on a daily basis and it’s about all the changes that need to be implemented to start fixing these problems. However, the same is not true of the form of the FA Movement that’s started to pierce into the mainstream.

This more mainstream 'Fat Acceptance Lite’ is more about personal empowerment. Which is great- but not terribly helpful in a vacuum. Sure, people can say “I’m fat and that’s okay!” and the celebs in magazines can swear off dieting and what-have-you… and that’s all fantastic. No, really, it is. The problem is that reality, as it’s lived by most fat people, is far too hostile for personal empowerment alone to fix the problems they face. Being empowered won’t stop every other fuckwit in their lives telling them they should be on a diet; it won’t magically mean the media starts representing them properly; it won’t prevent medical bias and misdiagnosis or stop wanky airlines from trying to charge them for the little extra space they might take up on a flight (no, really: that’s a thing that happens). It won’t fix the thousands of tiny humiliations fat people have to endure on a day-to-day basis.

Being empowered is great: it’s the first step to achieving social change, because it means you know you’re in the right and can fight back against discrimination and bias. However, it is only a first step, and the publicly acceptable face of Fat Acceptance rarely goes beyond that first step. And that’s a problem, because it puts the weight of progress exclusively on the attitudes of fat people- it makes it about them adapting to a hostile world rather than about a concerted effort to make the world less hostile for everyone.

It’s a step in the right direction, but all of us involved in Fat Acceptance have a duty to remember that that’s all it is and to keep pushing for more.

Sci-Fi Needs More Fat People

The media as a whole isn’t really big on big people, but there seems to be a particular dearth in the world of Science Fiction. Of course, it could just be that I notice it more in sci-fi than elsewhere because I basically regard as “my” genre- it’s what I’m most into and it’s the genre I’m writing my current novel.

So, with my obvious bias declared, let’s talk about how Sci-Fi needs more chubby characters in its main cast.

I was watching Sunshine the other day, which is a pretty fucking brilliant sci-fi-flick all things considered. However, it is typical of a fair amount of sci-fi in that it has a fairly extensive cast, all of whom have significant character roles and who represent a variety of ethnic, gender and social backgrounds, all pulling together to overcome a common threat (that’s also a recurring theme in a lot of science fiction). And yet, they’ve still only got one body type between them.

You could argue in the particular case of Sunshine, that the reason every single character is fairly slim athletically-built is that they all have to be trained astronauts to do their job… except that 1) They don’t: the spaceship they’re bound to is clearly advanced enough to support untrained humans while most of the roles on the ship belong to scientists and mathematicians who aren’t really expected to take part in the physical aspect of the mission and 2) the same thing happens in practically every other sci-fi film with an otherwise diverse cast, including (to pull an example at random from my arse) Pandorum where the survivors of an interstellar transporting fuck-up are just random engineers and civvies.

I can accept a lack of total, cross-spectrum representation in flicks where there’s a very tight focus on a single, central character, because there we’re experiencing the world through the eyes a single individual and representation within the framework of film anchored to one viewpoint is always going to be secondary concern to getting the central presence right. Nobody cares what the representation’s like in Dredd, for example, ‘cause we all just turned up to see Dredd and his unfortunate habit of setting fire to criminals while wearing a cool helmet.

However, in sci-fi films- and games come to that (I’m looking at you Mass Effect trilogy)- that actively strive to have a diverse cast in every other respect, it seems weird to leave out something as easy as different body-types.

I suppose it’s symptomatic of the film industry’s attitude to body-types not idealised in the popular culture that it never occurs to them to include it while making the effort to be diverse that you would include something as simple as different body-types. Even when fatter folk do show up in science fiction, it’s usually treated as a joke.

What I’m saying is that there’s a fundamental problem with the way the film industry treats the human body as something it can just white-wash into a particular mould for its flicks as oppose to something that needs to be treated as varied and manifold, with some acknowledgement of that fact give in any work that aspires to be taken seriously. I just happened to express that through the medium of blathering about sci-fi.

Before I go, I would like to add an adendum to all this: namely that Sci-Fi books, are actually pretty good at body-type representation. It’s in the movie and TV show branch of the genre that the problem crops up. Why this should be probably has to do with the fact that a book is personal endeavor created by a human being with a sense of the world around them whereas a film- even the best film- passes through countless corporate filters before it’s allowed anywhere near screens, and that means that a lot of common-sense bits of let-include-this obviousness get filtered out in favour of whatever will look best on the promotional material.

On which cheery note, g'night, motherfuckers!

No: Being Fat is NOT an Addiction, you Fatphobic Fucking Morons

OK, so some fucking moron just compared fat people to alcoholics and drug addicts. They’re one of these dozy cock-heads who’d rather make fat folk diet endlessly than just admit that there’s a problem with the way they’re treated in society, and that whole “fat people are like drug addicts” things was one of their arguments.

In what fucking universe, oh dearest darling fuckwit, does that make any sort of sense? You know, I suspect that people who believe this bullshit are actually, literally too stupid to reason with, but fuck me sideways with a welding iron if I’m not going to try. You see, cunties, drug and alcohol addiction affect your judgement and ability to fully control your own life and actions through either a deep, debilitating warping of the psyche or through physically altering the neurochemical composition of the organic tissue of your brain. Being fat (as astonishing as this may sound to you hard-of-thinking unclefuckers) does NEITHER OF THESE THINGS.

“Fat” is literally just a body type. Fat people are not victims of some kind of magical, tragical addiction that means you patronising cockwhippets need to save them from themselves by badgering them to lose weight. They’re just ordinary people who happen to be slightly bigger than other people who are deserving of respect and decency and BEING LEFT THE FUCK ALONE BY GROSS CREEPS LIKE YOU.

You can’t justify your hateful attitudes towards fat people by claiming to be some kind of drugs-style outreach worker who only wants to save them from themselves. I hate to break it to you, but that argument can be easily defeated by the mere existence of these things Earth-men call FACTS. That’s just not how being fat works. It just fucking isn’t. It’s not open for discussion. It’s not a matter of opinion or what study you listen to: it’s just blatant, undeniable bollocks with no grounding in either psychology or science.

And even if it were true (and once again, IT ISN’T), your argument would still make literally no fucking sense, since generally attacking drug addicts and alcoholics with insincere messagemongering only makes them hate themselves more and imbeds the addiction further. So even if ‘being fat’ was some kind of an addiction (and just to reiterate again: IT REALLY ISN’T YOU GORMLESS FUCKING SPLEEN), you STILL WOULDN’T BE HELPING!

This whole “fat = addiction” argument doesn’t work on any level. It’s not just that it’s fearmongering fatphobic bullshit that annoys me- though that is a big part of it: it’s also that it makes no logical sense. It’s like if someone came up to me and started insisting that water is dry. While it was fucking raining. It’s just so patently, obviously untrue that I’m even sure why anyone would say it, or where the idea comes from.

Do these idiots maybe mean that ‘junk food’ is an addiction? Even if that is what these fucking dumbarses are driving at it’s still horseshit since the debilitating psychological and neurological effects associated with proper addictions aren’t present in even the most extreme cases of ‘liking chips’. Also, aside from STILL BEING BOLLOCKS, that line of reasoning suggests that ALL fat people are fat because of the kind of food they eat and not because of, say, genetic factors, disabilities that limit mobility or altered metabolic rates.

I don’t know what these fornicating dipshits are getting at: I just wanted to add that last paragraph to cover all my bases.Whatever is going on in these peoples “minds” (and yes, I think the inverted commas are wholly appropriate), it doesn’t stand up to close scrutiny.

Now, I expect this post to attract a backlash from the determinedly thick- the kind of people who get angry when you dare bring basic fucking reality into their world of ill-founded, biased opinions and groundless, self-fellating smugness- but I don’t care. I want to make it clear now that I won’t be responding to it or engaging with it on any level, for the same reason that I wouldn’t waste my time trying to explain to a drunk fuckwit why he can’t walk through walls, no matter how many times he headbutts them. It’s a waste of breath and I have a job to get back to.

MMFD Fanfic Round-Up May 29-June 4

Thanks to idontcareifyoudontbelieveme for compiling most of this week’s Round-Up! I added a couple of fics that didn’t show up in the main tag. As ever, if we’ve missed anything, send us a note and we’ll make it good! Enjoy and see you next week!


* * * * *

bitchy-brokenThe Park Pt. 2 

borntosikLittle by Little Pt. 9

ducky17Marketing for Love

happyfrasersSecret Admirer 

herhipshaverevolutionSister Song 

ililypop​ – A Bumpy Ride Pt. 1Pt. 2 - Pt. 3 - Across the Ocean Pt.7 - Pt. 8

jackiewalsh2013The Tempest and the Diary

kerrv0rting-and-sn0rtingAutumn Leaves Pt. 11

kneekeytaStatus - Still

lametwentysomethingA Picture Worth a Thousand Words

@mirandasmadeofstone – The Daisy Who Wanted to See the Stars

teastaindiaryShout Louder! 

tinakeggThe Centurion

Fat Acceptance, Like Batman, Has No Limits

It’s a point that’s been stated many times and by far more qualified people, but it’s worth repeating (in fact, it’s worth hammering into people’s skulls repeatedly using an actual physical hammer if necessary): Fat Acceptance can’t have limits.

What I mean by this is that if you say you support the rights of fat people- if you’re against the discrimination that is routinely directed against them in popular culture and day-to-day life- then that has to include all fat people. It doesn’t matter if they’re healthy or not, or if they’re larger than some arbitrary weight threshold you’ve pulled out your arse like some sort of rubbish bum-wizard.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Fat Acceptance is about combating the institutional and culture-wide prejudice against people of a certain body type. It’s about reclaiming the bodily autonomy of this group from the social judgment and ridicule that allows a perpetuation of this prejudice. That means that all fat people have to be allowed to live free of judgment, ridicule and self-satisfied moralising about their weight from others. You’re not allowed to say that you support Fat People’s rights only up until a certain weight or up until a certain level of health, because if you still want to set the limits of where fat people should have the same rights as everyone else, that’s you still wanting to have more of a say over fat people’s rights than they have themselves, and guess what basic principle of Fat Acceptance that violates… Bingo! Bodily Autonomy it is! If you got it reading along at home, award yourself a smack in the mouth.

In short, you’re either for Fat Acceptance for all fat people or you’re not. You don’t get to shove arbitrary barriers in at the points of your personal discomfort. If you feel uncomfortable with that: fine. Don’t comment at all, then. The Fat Acceptance Movement welcomes support, of course, but if you’re going to equivocate, it’s best that you just bite your tongue, ‘cause two-faced support is no support at all.

I see a lot of people- not members of the FA Movement, but random wingnuts usually- paying lip-service to their liberal credentials by saying that they support fat people’s rights to do whatever they like with their bodies before saying something like “except the really fat ones!” or “unless it’s unhealthy!”. And these people are not to be trusted. They’re don’t support the cause or care one iota about the people in it: they fundamentally still want to have more of a say over fat folk than fat folk do and as such they’re part of the problem far more than they’ll ever be part of the solution.

I post this for two reasons: to give you all a heads-up to beware this kind of thinking from others and to remind anyone reading not associated with Fat Acceptance not to engage in it yerselves. Partly because it’s wrong, but mostly because I’ll know and I’ve got a large collection of bludgeon-y objects.

Wait? What? There are People in the World Who DON'T Think Fat is Awesome?

Surely I can’t be the only Fat Admirer who gets periodically surprised by the fact that “Fat is Awesome” hasn’t been accepted as a basic axiomatic truth by the whole world. Sometimes I turn on the TV or go to see a film or something and I catch myself thinking “hang on: where the fuck are all the fat chicks that should be in this show?” before I remember that the rest of the world hasn’t worked out how smokin’ hot fat people are yet. It’s a really weird feeling.

Imagine, if you will, waking up in a world where everyone has just collectively decided to ignore a completely random basic fact of life, like- for example- the existence of the colour red. No magazine uses red in its livery; blood in TV shows is digitally painted blue or some other colour in the post-production edit; red-heads are never cast as actors or become celebrities without routinely dying their hair. Even the rosy-red of sunsets is never celebrated in photography. For ages after finding yourself in this world, you’d be continually surprised by the absence in the popular consciousness of something that you know exists and know has many attractive applications (see the point about sunsets). What would be more surprising is that nobody else seems to even notice. Well, the absence of fat people- or, at least, the absence of fat women- in TV, film and other media is a bit like that to me. That popular culture does it’s best to ignore that fat women exist always weirds me out and in of itself, but it’s made even more strange by the fact that fat women don’t just exist: they’re fucking hot.

Actually, you know what? Forget the comparison to waking up in a world where people just try and ignore the colour red when you know its just a thing that happens to exist. It’s more like going to a comic-con and finding that nobody there thinks Cat Woman is attractive. After about half-an-hour, you’d start running up to perfect strangers shouting “SHE’S A FUCKING FILM NOIR-STYLE THIEF WHO DRESSES IN SKIN-TIGHT LATEX AND COMMITS HER CRIMES IN A VARIETY OF PAINSTAKINGLY-ILLUSTRATED EROTIC POSES! DO YOU NOT SEE THE SHEER SEXUAL MAJESTY OF THAT?”

So I guess what I’m saying is that this blog is the equivalent of a lonely nerd yelling at strangers in a bid to convince them that Selina Kyle is sexy.

Joking aside, though: seriously? Does nobody else sometimes feel surprised and weirded out by the fact that the rest of the world doesn’t find fat people attractive. That can’t just be me, can it?