secondloves

Second chances. Second loves.

People make a big deal about firsts - First car, first trip, first concert, first dance, etc. Just the first experience of trying anything in general. But I think most of us have a lot to say when it comes to firsts in the case of romance. Your first crush, first relationship, first kiss and that reminiscent sigh of remembrance old folks let out when they recall their first loves. The first time someone falls in love, they accept it with open arms. The first time feels like a dream, where you were untouched, untainted and accepting of all of it with pure innocence and excitement. But you were also naive as the first heart break must have shook you to the core, leaving you to make hasty assumptions and promises to yourself. “There is no such thing as love.” “I will never fall in love again.” “Love is stupid and it’s all fantasy.” I’m sure most of us have either said it or heard our heartbroken friends cry them out in pain.

But then with time, something odd happens. Yes, I will use the word “odd” because there will come a time when you’ll realize that maybe the first had to end. You never thought you’d say it but then you begin to believe in love again. You’ve learned from your first and with that experience, you proceed with life while accepting that this is all just a part of life itself and all it is, is a lesson.

When your first love ends, insecurities are abound. Am I not good enough? Do I have a bad personality? What is wrong with me? Well, here’s to your second loves, who come strolling around the corner unexpectedly, picking up your broken pieces and accepting you with open arms. 

The second time you fall in love, you will compare them to your first. It’s inevitable. But you’ll find more reasons as to why the first didn’t work out in the first place and why you deserve this person so much more. You may come to realize that your second love is so much more funnier and much cooler than your first by far. Your second love might make you think, “Did I really spend two years with that? And cry over the fact that it’s over? What the hell was I even thinking….”

The second time you fall in love, you will suffer from a bout of amnesia. You will not know how to express love the way you used to. But you’ll find a new way to love this new person. Why use the same old ways for someone so much better?

The second time you fall in love, you are so much more sane. Most of your insanity is gone because your mind was not able to handle all these powerful new emotions while dealing with your first. You are calmer. More mature. Much happier.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you will have better sex. Do not quote me on this.

What I’m trying to say is, give some credit to your second loves because they are the ones who made you believe in love again and gave you perspective. The experiences are so much better because you’ll have a second chance to try again and guess what? It is definitely better. You’ll know what to do and what not to do and who knows what it can go on to. 

What your second love teaches you is that you fell in and out of love once and survived, then, you found the ability to fall in love again. So, if and when that second love passes, you’ll know that heartbreak does not destroy; you keep going.

Being in love, or not being in love, does not make your heart beat. Others do not define your ability to give love. You, and only you, do. And that’s a pretty powerful thing.

Cheers to your second loves.