second resort

tumblr april fools day

2014: tumblr pro. advertised as something sleek, professional, life changing. disorientating video that ended with a top hat anti-climactically falling down on your head. initially it did not register in my mind as a joke and i was scared.

2015: the weird photocopier assistant cartoon. followed you down your dash and was annoying/obtrusive. you had the option to tell him to go away but he’d come back a few seconds later. everyone resorted to adblock

2016: reptile elections. topical, somewhat intrusive but i’ll give it a pass because it was funny and enjoyably engaging. i stand with mop and wretched tooth was corrupt.

2017: horse friend. shits itself everywhere and will die if you don’t pick it up. brings back the same anxieties that tamagotchis gave me but it’s small and easily minimised, has no sound and is generally polite and un-intrusive. could do with better horse names. also maybe not dieing every 2 minutes

The saddest truth that I have come to learn is that I was never your first, nor second, but last resort.
— 

-Sadly, I was willing to settle for second

-m.t.t.

anonymous asked:

If you have time (omg I'm sorry but this prompt in my head forever) It's 3am and they are in a community kitchen in college and one is making brownies.

Percy had just wanted to get a glass of water.

When he enters the communal kitchen, blearily rubbing sleep out of his eyes, he realises what had woken him up in the first place. One of his roommates is standing with her back to him at the countertop, cracking eggs into a large mixing bowl. The kitchen looks devastated. Shared by six people, it never looks pristine, but right now a bomb could have gone off for the state it’s in.

“Um,” he says, still disorientated from the light and noise and explosion aftermath.

She turns and swears quietly. “Sorry, I thought I was being quiet.”

She was not, but Percy won’t begrudge her that. Partially because he’s a little bit in love with her (alright, mostly, but that’s not important right now), partially because he knows he’s woken her up at least half a dozen times since they moved into the dorms three months ago.

“S’alright. Just gettin some water.”

Annabeth smiles. “Alright.”

Percy opens the mug cupboard and after several seconds of staring at its contents and coming to terms with the fact that they don’t own any glasses not made of plastic, he grabs a mug with Walt Whitman’s face on it and fills it with water from the faucet. Instead of taking it back to his room with him, he leans back against the sink and watches Annabeth squint at her phone as she holds it three inches from her face.

“You alright there?” he asks.

She doesn’t look away from her phone. “My glasses are somewhere deep within my bag and I have neither the energy or determination to find them.”

“Okay.”

She looks at him. “Do you want to read this recipe for me or keep delivering these brilliant insights?”

He shrugs. “I feel like I could manage both.”

Annabeth hands her phone over with a roll of her eyes. Percy puts down his glass of water and shoves some of the debris aside so that he can sit on the counter top. Then he takes Annabeth’s phone and reads the title of the page.

“You need to google a recipe for brownies?”

“Alright, Martha Stewart. Just tell me what to do to make this delicious.”

Keep reading

“Well I have a _____ friend and they don’t care if I _____” is literally never a valid argument and the second you resort to it I know you’re full of shit

Markiplier Ego Headcanons: Mayor Damien

IMPORTANT NOTE:
Okay, so @endlcss-possibilities and I had been talking about these since “Who Killed Markiplier - Chapter 2″, and these formed before the canon came to light, but damn it I love what we made and I don’t want it to die, so welcome to the beginnings of an AU.

For frame of reference, Dark is an entirely separate character from Damien, and in my head, both exist in different parallels where in one timeline WKM happened, and in another, it did not. Enjoy!


-Damien is an angel. No, not metaphorically, but an actual, literal to life angel. And not just any old kind, but an archangel to boot. His position as Mayor is no accident and he uses it as a means to be able to watch over everyone without being placed under scrutiny. 

-He can hide his wings, but unnatural shadows such as from lightning or UV light will show them, not physically, but as a part of his cast shadow. The sun doesn’t do diddly, so he’s free to walk around as a human, unlike Dark who could get caught for having no shadow.

-Also they’re soft. Very very soft. And glow with whatever the cast light is (i.e. silver in the moonlight, golden in the sun). It’s almost ethereal.

-The cane he carries serves two purposes. First and foremost, it’s his archangel sword in disguise. Woe be to you if you actually manage to piss him off because he’s not afraid to use it (though generally as a last resort). Second, he will, every now and again, use it as an actual cane since he’s used to walking with a little more weight hanging off his back. It’s posh, and casual posture correction.

-He’s an empath who’s super in tune with his own emotions and everyone’s around him. Unlike Dark who is basically a bottle of rage and lust for power, Damien has genuine emotions for everything and everyone around him, and he’s absolutely not afraid to express it.

-100% a manipulator, but not in the way you’re thinking. Where Dark will use his influence to gain power and will use people until they have nothing left, Damien uses his as a means of gaining his own following of people who are willing to do his bidding. He is the benevolent king and people love him, which is beneficial not only to his position, but also as a means of protection.

-Both he and William are like bizarro versions of Dark and Wilford, where William is the dark, and Damien is the light. 

-The more Damien uses his power, the more his form starts to break apart. A la Howl’s Moving Castle, Damien’s hands sprout feathers and claws, while small soft feathers sprout along his cheeks. When it gets to be too much, his form starts to crack, much like Dark’s does, but instead of shadows leaking out, Damien’s show pure blinding light like a lit magnesium strip. It’s also very, very hot and will absolutely burn you.

-While Dark’s true form - and heck, even when just his shell cracks - is very difficult to look at, Damien’s true form will straight blind you unless you are a being akin to Wilford or Dark. 

-He also exudes an aura much like Dark does, however, instead of manifesting as dread and sharp ringing, Damien’s gives peace and sounds like wind-chimes in a gentle breeze. It’s hypnotic, lulling, and makes the target malleable to his control. 

-Also like Dark, he is very concerned with his appearance and prone to unconscious preening, such a suit straightening or adjusting his cuffs and collar.

-And also, because he is hiding in a human shell too, he’s prone to stretching his neck or rolling his shoulders because hiding his wings tends to be uncomfortable, and even makes him agitated after long periods of time. When asked if he’s alright he explains it away as a back injury when he was younger. 

concept: an archie comic where Veronica gets frustrated that Archie always uses Betty as his second choice/last resort but Betty still goes out with him anyway, and meanwhile Betty always feels jealous when she sees Archie on dates with Veronica but when Betty’s the one on dates with Archie she doesn’t feel any better

they’re separately ruminating over their respective dilemmas when they realize, at the same time in different places, that they’re in love with each other. Betty’s actually jealous of Archie, not jealous of Veronica, because Betty wants to be the one on dates with Veronica and Veronica is mad that Archie treats Betty like shit because Veronica knows she’d treat Betty right

and as soon as they realize, they run to each other and meet up and end up confessing their love to each other at the same time and then dissolve into giggles when they realize they’re so in sync they confessed at the same time. and then goddamn, i dunno, Archie and Reggie walk past and see them laughing and Archie goes “it sure is nice to see those two getting along!” and then Betty and Veronica kiss each other and Reggie’s like “seems like they get along even better without you around!”

anyways please hire me to write the beronica arc of riverdale, thanks

#13 Silent Communication

A/N: I would like to thank all of you for the lovely feedback on the last part. I’m glad you enjoyed the softer side of Voight.

I would like to thank @justkillingtimewhileiwait for helping me kicking around ideas for this. I hope you guys like it.

Prompt 13: Silent communication - They never needed to speak in order to know what the other one was thinking or feeling.

Word count: 1,224

Keep reading

i met these two girls on my second day in the resort and we’ve been hanging out the whole time I’ve been here, and earlier i like disappeared for like half an hour, and when I came back, they went “so any new sebastian stan content?” - I’ve known them literally 10 days and they didn’t know who he was 11 days ago i have no words for myself

6

thats gay, my dude,

Hunters and Happily Ever Afters

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Trigger Warnings: SPN canon violence, self-doubt, kissing, SLIGHT smut, implied smut, swearing

Word Count: 2435

A/N: This was written for Jen’s Disney Challenge AKA @deanjensengirlmaggie. The movie I chose was Sleeping Beauty. This didn’t really turn out how I originally planned but I think it turned out OK, not great but fine I guess. As always feedback is welcomed and if you want to be added to my tag list let me know. BTW Happy Birthday Jen. Oh, and just ignore the crappy little intro to smut at the end. It’s awful I know. That was my first attempt at something sexual so please be gentle. Enjoy! Also please ignore any mistakes I did my own editing and did a crappy job as im tired as hell

Summary: When you and the guys go after a witch in Anaheim with a Disney fetish you get caught in the crossfire. With you under a sleeping curse and the guys having only 72 hours to track down and kill the witch for the cure to work, will they be able to make it in time to save you? More importantly, will Dean’s true love’s kiss work to wake you up? 

Originally posted by jessestar10

Keep reading

elio x oliver brief analysis

warning: spoilers for the novel ahead

“All of these hours were strained by fear, as if fear were a brooding specter…I didn’t know what I was afraid of, nor why I worried so much, nor why this thing that could so easily cause panic felt like hope sometimes and, like hope in the darkest moments, brought such joy, unreal joy, joy with a noose tied around it. The thud my heart gave when I saw him unannounced both terrified and thrilled me. I was afraid when he showed up, afraid when he failed to, afraid when he looked at me, more frightened yet when he didn’t.”

This, I think, is the most apt quote for why their relationship ends, at least novel-wise (I haven’t watched the film). Elio is afraid. Afraid of loving Oliver, because it is an idea so unknown to him. His father may approve, but this is still a culturally foreign concept to him, and the idea of embarking on this sort of mysterious journey can feel quite terrifying. At the same time, he’s afraid of losing Oliver, because this is someone he is very much in love with.

There is, of course, the unavoidable point that reality keeps blurring with fantasy, and at times one may be tempted to conclude that Elio prefers fantasy to reality, that he prefers to fantasize over Oliver rather than actually be with Oliver. For example,

“Did I want him to act? Or would I prefer a lifetime of longing”

“If I could have him like this in my dreams every night of my life, I’d stake my entire life on dreams and be done with the rest.”

However, I feel that Elio is at best ambivalent about fantasy vs reality. And in any case, all this stems from his knowledge that their love is inevitably brief and doomed, hence the comfort he takes in the possibility of a second resort, of retreating into the fantasy world of an eternal romance. If Elio does prefer fantasy to reality, he does not prefer it because it allows him to idealize Oliver and put the man on a pedestal. If he does prefer fantasy, it is because he fears the way that letting their relationship fully blossom in reality is like embarking into uncharted territory.

There is also the theory that Elio and Oliver freely choose to preserve their summer romance as an intensely emotional dreamy highlight in their lives, to not let the mundanity of “real life” destroy it by extending their relationship, and that they are at peace with this. That’s a comforting theory, but I can’t bring myself to be convinced of it. The regret at the end is just too palpable such that it is heartbreaking.

“And we’ll want to call it envy, because to call it regret would break our hearts.”

“Some, for fear of taking any turns, find themselves leading the wrong life all life long.”

Elio does express that having had Oliver for a summer is better than to have “never felt anything” at all. But it does feel to me that he does regret not overcoming his fear and at least trying to stay with Oliver for longer, in reality and not just in pained dreams.

Just my 2 cents but I think you get by now that this is such a sweet but sad story someone please end me and give me rest.

Mission: Anniversary


Summary: Greg and you work together at Scotland Yard. Months later you start dating. Finally your first anniversary came and you planned the day, but not all goes according to the plans.

Request:  Please do 13 and 25 with Lestrade x reader. Where they are maybe at an undercover “mission” or something like that and have to hide but that’s the only thing they know to do (well to make out obviously). Or maybe the reader gets drunk and says that. But I’m leaving it to you on what to do. Love your writings btw  

- Annonymous

Prompts: “Shut up and kiss me.”

                  “Do it for me.”

Pairing: Greg Lestrade x Reader

Title: ‘Mission: Anniversary

Content: Fluff

Warning: Mild swearing

Word count: 1.122

A/N: First Lestrade one-shot. I really didn’t know how to start this, but eventually I just let my imagination flow. Hope you like it.

*gif not mine


Since you and Greg began dating Scotland Yard was not the same. Working by his side and giving him a second opinion, before resorting to Sherlock, was your daily routine. Also, you enjoyed your talks in his office in his spare time. They involved jokes, laughs, a couple of kind yet quick kisses but nothing that could get you in problems.

However, it was the day. It was your anniversary and you both decided to take your day off after doing some paperwork. You had plans, which you’ve planned a couple of weeks ago.

“So, you booked reservations in the fancy restaurant secretly?” You said excited as you sat on the edge of his desk.

“Oh, yeah. I mean, I had to surprise you in some way,” he said as you looked at you with a grin on his face. “I mean, you know…”

You stood up and headed to him and tenderly kiss him. “Thank you,” you muttered and looked at him right in the eyes.

“Well, that’s what a boyfriend should, isn’t it?” he said as he got closer to you and you lightly chuckled.

“You’re such a romantic,” you said and got a little bit closer to him with your eyes fixed on his.

You both wanted to passionately kiss but when you were about to do it someone entered the room.

“Sir, we have just received a call from the freak,” Sally Donovan informed Greg as you glared at her. “I’m sorry, but it’s important,” she said.

You sighed and looked away. “Well, this is important,” you mumbled.

“Is it really relevant, Sally? It’s our day off.”

“Well, it’s your division and the freak…”

You heavily sighed and turned your gaze at her. “Could you be a little bit more respectful? The man is not a freak, he is decent for your information,” you roared but she scoffed.

“Whatever,” she said and left.

You looked at Greg begging him to stay. “Do you really have to go?” You asked as you pulled back so he could stand up from his chair.

“You know that if I don’t do this I’ll get fired,” he said as he put his coat on and kiss your forehead. “Just give me an hour.”

You looked at him in disbelief. “An hour? Greg, it’s our anniversary!”

“I don’t think that an hour at a crime scene will ruin it,” he assured but you sighed. “Sherlock’s quick, he’ll surely solve this in a second,” he said and you nodded.

“Ok,” you sighed. “Just let me go with you.”

Greg could be kind but he was not stupid. “Look, darling; I need you here. Just stay here. I’ll be back as soon as I can, I promise,” he swore you.

“But…” you bit you lips and looked away. “This was supposed to be…”

“I know. Now, I need you to control the rest of the division, would you do that for me?” he asked you in the wormier way he could do it but you ignored him. “Hey, seriously. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Would you do it for me?

“Right,” you said and rolled your eyes.

“Love you,” he grinned, kissed you on your forehead and walked out the room.

Hours were passing by and your hopes started to vanish. You cursed and blamed Donovan all the afternoon and you couldn’t believe it; it was your day off; it was your anniversary.

Suddenly, one of your colleagues ran towards you.

“Y/N…Y/N…” he rambled breathlessly.

“Ron? What the heck?” You turned around to him confused. “What?”

“Sherlock…Sherlock…”

“Stop rambling, for goodness’s sake!” You ordered, rolling your eyes. “What’s going on?”

Ron handed you his mobile phone without saying a word. You looked at the screen of it and saw it was Sherlock calling.


“Sherlock?” You asked.

“Oh, Y/N. How have you been?” he mocked.

“Go to the point,” you coldly asked.

You could hear him sighing and you were sure that he rolled his eyes too. “Would you mind to come?” he asked and your heart skipped a beat.

“What happened?” you inquired as you put your hand on your chest.

“Geoff is panicking,” he said annoyed and you frowned and didn’t said a word. “He’s tedious and it’s getting really annoying,” he spilled it out and you sighed in relief.

“Can’t you send him back?” you asked him.

“God, no. It’s your boyfriend, do it yourself!”

“Right, I’m on my way,” you told him, hang up the call and quickly took you coat and the keys of the car.


Once in the crime scene you saw Sherlock, John and Greg standing by a body. You got out of your car and walked towards them, it was cold and you were sure it was going to rain.

Before having the chance to say ‘hello’, you heard Sherlock talking with Greg.

“She’s really gonna hate this, Sherlock,” Greg scolded as he looked down to the detective who was looking for clues. “Why did you called her?”

Sherlock shrugged and looked up to him. “Probably because you never let her come.”

Greg scoffed. “No, Sherlock. Why?”

“She’s smarter than you are, George,” he said and got back to work. “Oh, by the way…” he looked up to Greg again and then glanced at you. “She’s here.”

“Wha…wh…what?!” He stammered out loud and turned round to you. “What are you doing here? You were supposed to be waiting for me at Scotland Yard.”

You chuckled. “Well, I’m a member of your division, I can help every now and then.”

“No, you can’t,” he shook his head. “I told you to stay there.”

“I’ve been waiting for three hours, Greg,” you said. “You’ve promised me that you would be back in an hour.”

“Well…ehmm…of course, I have. But Sherlock arrived later,” he pointed at him.

Sherlock looked at him, frowned in disbelief. “Oh, please. Don’t involve me in your relationship problems, Lestrade. I have enough whenever you’re around,” he hissed.

You folded your arms and looked at him. He didn’t know what to say, he ran out of excuses.

“Listen, as soon as this bastard,” he pointed at Sherlock and as reaction the detective sighed in annoyment.

“Oh, stop it. Can’t you see she likes you and she obviously wants to…mmm…kiss you?” Sherlock interrupted him in order to finish this stupid situation and get some silence so he could keep on working. Greg looked at him confused but you got closer and kissed him on his cheek.

“What?”

“Make me a favour. Shut up and kiss me.

You asked with a grin on your face and looking him tenderly in the eyes. He softly kissed you while you smiled.

“Happy anniversary,” he whispered to you and chuckled.