My dear friend, Aubrey Lee passed away on April 14, 2017. She committed suicide by swallowing 3,200 milligrams of Tylenol.
I knew Aubrey for a very long time, and we became friends in second grade. Through out Elementary school through high school, she was bullied, relentlessly. When she was in eighth grade, she survived sexual assault, and was harassed by her peers for telling them. She always acted strong and indifferent, but I could tell it was already killing her inside. Despite her struggles and trauma, she always protected me from my tormentors and gave her unconditional support to me through out my adolescence. She was always there for me and more, through any situation, she was there. She was brilliant. There were days were we be talking and hanging out, and she would just tell me the most incredible things. I was always strastruck by what she was thinking, it was truly brilliant. She was brave, brilliant, clever, ineffably strong, silly, funny, attentive, beautiful, motherly, and loyal.
But she was sad. She was so, so sad. She was angry by how she’s was treated, she was afraid of the challenges she would face tomorrow, and most of all, I think she was disappointed. She wanted more out of life than dealing with bullies and trauma. She deserved so much more. She wanted to be a model, a guitarist in a band, and a mechanical engineer along with so many other things. It felt like every week she wanted to be something new, and she was bursting with passion and hope. She was so bright, but they kept bringing her down and down. Until that Friday finally broke her, and God, I would give anything to have prevented all of this. Every night I stay awake, paralyzed with shock and depression, and wishing so hard that I could’ve killed myself and all my luck and success would’ve transferred to her. But I can’t change that now.
Aubrey was the owner of a blog called “adult-stims”. She wanted to start the blog to change the stigma surrounding more “dark” stims. Aubrey had a lot of opinions, and I love that she fearlessly posted them. She was probably the most open-minded person I know, and even the most controversial things she said had me thinking twice. Unfortunately, because of Tumblr’s culture, she got slammed for a lot of her thoughts. She meant no harm. I wish people would’ve spoke less and listened more to her. But they didn’t. And now she’s gone.
Aubrey loved music, and was learning to play the guitar. I remember hanging out with her at her room, and we laughed as she desperately tried to play that shiny bass like she wanted to. Aubrey liked art and nature, animals, goth style, cultural studies, engineering, working, traveling, horror, and learning. God, she was always learning.
In honor of her memory, my blog will be turned red, her favorite color, and all stimboards and original content will be postponed. Rest in Peace, Aubrey Lee. You put the stars in the sky, and the gears in my mind. I hope you live forever among the stars.