I’ll be sharing all of the nerd factor winners here on tumblr in the next few days, but I want to begin with Ruby Day, a nerdfighter whose sea shanty/breakup song “A Little Seasick” is just straight up brilliant.

She had like 200 YouTube subscribes this morning. Let us increase that number.

Sirius Black and Motion Sickness: A Headcanon

Inspired by a thought from asiriusandaremus that Sirius gets motion sick on everything from boats to the moving staircases at Hogwarts.

  • Little eleven-year-old Sirius getting slightly nauseated on the train ride to Hogwarts the first time, but hiding it while he makes friends with the bold, pure-blooded first-years he’s always been around, proudly sharing everything they’ve been told about the best house, Slytherin
  • Little Sirius getting so excited that they’re going to get to see the castle the scenic way, and staking out Hagrid’s boat so he’ll get the very best view
  • But before they even get close to the castle, he’s curled in a ball on the damp floor of the boat wailing
  • When they reach shore, he has to be escorted to Madame Pomfrey by a very unamused Filch while the others are taken to the Great Hall
  • His eyes nearly pop out of his head as he gets to see (and puke on) more of the castle than any of the others from the train
  • And Madame Pomfrey kindly fills him in on how sorting works
  • Meanwhile, it doesn’t take McGonagall long to reach the B’s, and Black is nowhere, and she is furious like “Where in Merlin’s pancreas is that boy? He’s going to be just  as much trouble as his cousins, Bellatrix and Andromeda…”
  • And Hagrid shuffles over to whisper where the boy went, and knocks over the stool and two first-years on accident
  • A few minutes later, Sirius enters the hall and hears they’re already on P, and he’s so afraid he’s messed everything up that he just takes off toward the front of the hall with tunnel vision on the hat, because he doesn’t want to be even more late than he already is
  • And he’s less than three feet away when he realizes that someone is actually wearing the hat, but he can’t slow down in time and they go tumbling
  • Meek Sirius who was the butt of Mrs. Black’s harsh judgement for eleven years is so afraid he messed everything up
  • But then the other boy sits up, glasses all askew, and says, “that was brilliant!” with a wild grin.
  • And McGonagall has to try to maintain order but everyone’s laughing
  • Potter gets sorted into Gryffindor and Sirius is so upset because he wanted to introduce him to his Slytherin friends from the train, but a few moments later, he himself is stumbling in shock toward the red and gold table
  • He sees the boy with the glasses wave at him and slides into the seat next to him, across from a thin sickly (but very sharp and lively-looking) brunette that James had befrended on the train
  • And Sirius looks wistfully for a moment at the Slytherin table with his friends from the train, but he realizes one of them is missing, the portly blond with the wittiest humor
  • He turns his head and sees the boy sitting a few seats away, and chucks a roll at him, beckoning. and Peter gratefully slides down so Sirius can introduce him to James and Remus

Flash forward…

  • In his second year, James makes the quiddich team as Seeker, and Sirius is SO jealous because he loves the sport but he can’t sit on a broom for five seconds without turning green
  • And the year after, when Regulus makes the team, the younger ceaselessly teases his brother about it, driving them farther apart
  • In his fourth year, Sirius finds a motorbike with a sidecar and fixes it, and realizes the combination of solid machinery and constant wind allows his stomach to tolerate the movement, and he’s so excited
  • James teases him for being earthbound, so he charms the bike to fly, and practices every night for two weeks until he can manage to not get sick on it
  • And he has to get rid of the sidecar, because in those two weeks it collected so much vomit
  • Sirius always flooing or apparating to avoid nausea, but getting so jealous of the other marauders’ trips
  • Then he discovers that when he’s in dog form, Padfoot isn’t bothered by the motion, and from then on happily hanging his head out the window when the gang travels
  • Remus suggesting a fishing trip, and Sirius as Padfoot happily curls in the bottom of the boat, periodically diving into the water, trying (and failing) to catch fish
  • Sirius quietly transforming when the Hogwarts Express trip starts to get to him, and the marauders pile their cloaks on top of him so no one can tell

Flash forward…

  • Sirius on the boat to Azkaban and he can’t transform because they’d see, and the dementors bring out the worst of his seasickness, and soon he’s emptied his stomach but he can’t stop retching
  • Sirius finally deciding to escape, and keeping track of when the new shipments of prisoners arrive, and timing his escape for when there’ll be a boat, and it’s so hard to anticipate because he knows he has to cross a whole sea before he’s free
  • Sirius sneaking onto a boat as Padfoot, undetected by the dementors, and to keep his spirits up, he closes his eyes and convinces himself that he’s in the fishing boat with Remus

Flash forward…

  • Sirius escaping from Hogwarts on Buckbeak’s back, and he has to squeeze his eyes shut and pretend really hard that he’s on a motorbike, because if he pukes on the hippogriff’s feather’s, he’s dead
  • Sirius in Grimmauld Place, lying in bed and almost wishing he were nauseated right now, because at least that would mean he’s going somewhere
  • Sirius trying to reconnect with Remus, but they don’t really know how to talk to each other anymore
  • And finally Remus suggests a fishing trip
  • So they go fishing, and Padfoot falls asleep on Remus’s feet, happier than he can ever remember being.