seancat

So afraid
To open your eyes
You know too well
That which awaits you
Something undefined
There in the halflight
The demon without
The demon inside
To plague and torment you
Feeling so sure
Feeling so uncertain
Something is wrong
Everyone’s gone
You have been left behind
Everyone left the demon inside

Do you still hear the laughter
So hard to describe
And never forget
Faces that haunt you
Awake or asleep
I know you can’t tell
Unable to sleep
Unable to fight
Unwilling to wake
To open your eyes
Face your oppressor
Sill you go on
Convinced it will end

Can you remember
A day when it was not
Not like this
Unsure of yourself
Unsure of your thoughts
Unable to know
Of what you think is right or wrong
Still you go on
Convinced it will end
But someone pushes
A blade through your mind
There on the edge
No one will find you
So hearing them laugh
No light at the end for you

Why is everything wrong
Here I am
Here I am
With these words
Trying to say
Something I can’t
Something I can’t tell you
Nothing is wrong
The demons they have left you
You were not left behind
You were not left behind
So open your eyes
So open your eyes
Unable to sleep
Unable to fight
Unwilling to wake
Please open your eyes
Here I stand
Unable to tell you
I’m trying to say
Nothing is wrong
Please open your eyes
Nothing is wrong
You were not left behind

(lyrics- VNV Nation art credit: Lizardlicks)

Find it in you, raise your eyes
Look beyond the place you stand
Towards the furthest reaches
And to the smallest of things
The sound you are hearing
Is the symphony of what we are
Revelation will not come
With heart and mind closed and divided

No need of sun to light the way
Across the ages, we have reigned as we endured
Through the storm fronts we will ever surely pass
To stand as never ending light

Throw away the mantle
Awake from your uncertain hesitation
No way to describe or equate the feeling
No end to what is at your command
A million thoughts run through you
Concentric circles, ever greater
But you have always known
That this is not all there is
To your questions there’ll be answers

Let there be, let there always be
Never ending light

 

(Art Space and Time by theicarustheory- personal commission of solcat and mrseans)

(lyrics- Perpetual by VNV Nation)

I don’t want some super make believe version of you that only includes some parts and ignores others. I want you - for who you are. Silly and funny and cute and dark and smart and jumbly and dealing with PTSD and social anxiety and internet savvy and into a webcomic I still can’t quite understand and and and…. all the parts ;P All that together makes you, well… you :)

When I have a full blown panic attack/flashback episode and my moirail stays up with me all night talking to me from 1200 miles away and then dedicates our song (Nova) during a live set he is DJing the next night, I have no words for how loved I feel and how much I am glad to have him in my life.

Always and forever kitty. Moirails until the end of space and time.

youtube
So afraid
To open your eyes
You know too well
That which awaits you
Something undefined
There in the halflight
The demon without
The demon inside
To plague and torment you
Feeling so sure
Feeling so uncertain
Something is wrong
Everyone’s gone
You have been left behind
Everyone left the demon inside

Do you still hear the laughter
So hard to describe
And never forget
Faces that haunt you
Awake or asleep
I know you can’t tell
Unable to sleep
Unable to fight
Unwilling to wake
To open your eyes
Face your oppressor
Sill you go on
Convinced it will end

Can you remember
A day when it was not
Not like this
Unsure of yourself
Unsure of your thoughts
Unable to know
Of what you think is right or wrong
Still you go on
Convinced it will end
But someone pushes
A blade through your mind
There on the edge
No one will find you
So hearing them laugh
No light at the end for you

Why is everything wrong
Here I am
Here I am
With these words
Trying to say
Something I can’t
Something I can’t tell you
Nothing is wrong
The demons they have left you
You were not left behind
You were not left behind
So open your eyes
So open your eyes
Unable to sleep
Unable to fight
Unwilling to wake
Please open your eyes
Here I stand
Unable to tell you
I’m trying to say
Nothing is wrong
Please open your eyes
Nothing is wrong
You were not left behind
youtube

It’s colder than before
The seasons took all they had come for
Now winter dances here
It seems so fitting don’t you think?
To dress the ground in white and grey

It’s so quiet I can hear
My thoughts touching every second
That I spent waiting for you
Circumstances affords me
No second chance to tell you
How much I’ve missed you

My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don’t ask me why I’m here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember

We were once young and blessed with wings
No heights could keep us from their reach
No sacred place we did not soar
Still, greater things burned within us
I don’t regret the choices that I’ve made
I know you feel the same

My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can’t forget what we claimed as ours

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don’t ask me why I’m here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember

My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can’t forget what we claimed as ours

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits