screwin' around

OneShot Kid!Gear

Mmmm OneShots a real good game

Breakin the 4th wall and stuff man

and you literally only have one shot


Kid!Gear belongs to @underloadhell

Taking Care Of You

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Y/N L/N (Reader)

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Summary: After finding Dean in a awkward situation, the Reader finds out that taking care of him isn’t quite so bad.

Word Count: 2kish

Warnings: Light Cursing, Fluff

Author’s Note: Heyy guys! This is my entry for @babypieandwhiskey‘s “Cam’s Darndest Things Writing Challenge”! I had the prompt: “Let go of my boob!” I hope you guys like it! *hides face* Feedback is definitely welcomed!!



The first thing that came to mind was: “Holy fricken hell!” There was no way that this actually happened. I mean, I’d heard countless stories of it occurring but to actually witness it with my own two eyes?

“This is insane,” I muttered as I stared at Dean’s bed, my eyes wide with shock. I looked up at Sam, his expression matching mine. “This is insane, right?”

Sam nodded, his brows knitting together as he fought hard to concentrate and analyze the situation at hand.

A small noise came from Dean’s bed and we both whipped our heads to it, our eyes wary. This was absolutely ludicrous.

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anonymous asked:

#10 daryl x jesus? <33

things you said that made me feel like shit


“Man, screw you.” Daryl snapped, getting out of the bed. 

“No,” Paul bit back, following him out. He grabbed his pants and pulled them on, glaring at Daryl who was getting dressed much faster than him. “Don’t you dare walk out that door.” he threatened. 

“Or what?” Daryl asked, whipping around, putting on his shirt angrily. “What’re you gonna do Jesus–”

“Oh, now I’m Jesus?” Paul asked, grabbing his shirt from the floor and putting it on. “An hour ago I was Paul.”

“An hour ago you weren’t being such a prick!” Daryl shouted. Paul could tell he clearly didn’t care about who heard from the trailers next to them. Daryl never seemed to care very much about those things anyhow. 

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college roomates au
  • dirk: John snores like a chainsaw being started by the incredible gripping power of the ass cheeks of a giant with chronic flatulence. Imagine that directly in your ear all night. I can't even start on the drool--
  • jane: Wait, Dirk, are you two sleeping together?
  • dirk:
  • *flashback to dirk and john screwin around in their dorm after getting stoned off janes pot brownies*
  • dirk: I found one of Rose's spellbooks and I bet we could summon a ghost with it.
  • john: dude, i love ghosts! let's do it, i really want to see a ghost up close and personal.
  • dirk: This is the best idea we've ever done.
  • *cut to a writhing mass of darkness on dirks bed, screeching at the horror of being birthed into a new world in a tone that can only be heard to the summoners*
  • john: MAYBE THIS WAS A BAD IDEA?
  • dirk: NO, I'VE GOT THIS, HELP ME PICK IT UP WE'LL THROW IT OUTSIDE AND BURN IT.
  • john: I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA BUT I ALSO THINK I SAID THAT LAST TIME.
  • dirk: S'GOOD, BRO, LET'S JUST DO THIS.
  • *cut to them resting on the edge of johns bed, tired and coming way the hell down*
  • john: you can sleep with me in my bed, dude.
  • dirk, a Gay: .....Okay.
  • john: i know its kind of tight, but it's cool with me if you snuggle--i mean, um--it's okay if we're really close?
  • dirk: Yea, okay...
  • *john is facing him while they lie in bed and doesnt seem to have any intention of turning around, leaving them face to face, close enough to feel each others breath*
  • *end of flashback*
  • dirk: Yea, he's my boyfriend now.
Now a lot of strange stories have come out of Vietnam,
But sure none as bizarre as the tale of old Charlie Papasan.
It was way back in sixty-eight, not long after Tet,
Near some lush rice paddies, that me and Charlie met.
 
They sent us out to recon a hill called three-O-four,
But little did we suspect just what lay in store.
You see, that hill was empty except for one dead tree,
But hunkered down behind it was one toothless old VC.
 
Attired in black pajamas, not a hair left on his head,
This old Charlie Papasan already looked half dead.
He had a single shot rifle, it was dated nineteen and ten.
He’d fought the French and then the Japs and then the French again.
 
I guess old Charlie`d `bout had enough, having seen a lot in his days,
And like most old goats, he was kinda set in his ways.
So on that hill he sat above his paddy field.
Surrounded by our unit, he still refused to yield.
So we called him on the bullhorn: yelled, “Papasan, come on down,
We don`t want to hurt you, so don`t be screwin’ around.”
 
Then out of the barrel of his rifle, came old Papasan’s reply,
And we all sucked some mud as he let his bullets fly.
He answered us with a shot, the first one of the day,
But it was not to be the last, as we scrambled out of the way.
 
Now this went on for hours as we kept our faces to the ground.
We couldn’t even return fire as Papasan shot his rounds.
Our squad leader crawled to the phone and asked what he should do:
He reported we were under fire, had bit off more than we could chew.
 
HQ called back on the horn, said the word was “No Abort”
Our gung-ho looey said, “Can Do”, and called for air support.
So they sent in the flyboys to napalm that old VC
And they dropped tons of firecrackers targeting that old tree.
 
We waited for the smoke to clear and when it finally did,
There was old Charlie Papasan; still behind that stump he hid.
So they called in Special Forces, the Rangers, and Berets,
But old Charlie Papasan kept them pinned down for days.
 
Then they tried offshore bombardment from every ship in the fleet
But all their shells missed Papasan by at least a hundred feet.
Then they sent for gunships and they came a spittin’ flame
But Papasan behind his tree just took more careful aim.
 
We watched in stunned disbelief as each Huey bit the dust
Brought down by old Papasan and his rifle lined with rust.
Finally our old Sarge just couldn’t take no more.
I saw him crawl off through the brush, and wondered what the hell for.
 
Then in a minute he was back and I knew where he’d had to go.
‘Cause here came Sarge a-leading Papasan’s water buffalo.
Sarge had out his .45 pointed at the dumb critter’s head.
He yelled, “Papasan, come on down, or your goddamn cow is dead!”
 
Now Sarge he`d done two tours; he was wise to the ways of the bush.
He knew Papasan would hurt no cow, if shove ever came to push.
So a thousand armed Americans encircling that hill and tree
All held their breath as one and sat waiting there to see.
 
Finally that ancient rifle came rolling down that hill.
Hands high, out came Papasan yelling, “NO KILL, NO KILL!”
Well, what happened to old Papasan, I guess you’d like to know,
Did we shoot the tough old bastard or did we let him go.
 
Well, we all looked at Sarge and this is what he`d done:
He traded Charlie that buffalo for that rusted out old gun.
So that old man just walked away with his water buffalo
Back to his lush rice paddies where you reap just what you sow.
 
And as I turned to look at Sarge I saw a sad look on his face.
He looked down at that rifle and said, “I’ll never understand this place.
—  “The Ballad of Charlie Papasan,” author unknown.
Practically Difficult — Pete Dunne

Note: This imagine is short, and it sucks. Don’t worry, I’m gonna do my best to write the second one. And, I apologize, I don’t write smuts. Angst and Fluff will do.


I’m gonna tag @wwesmutdonedirtcheap since she loves Pete, and she’s one of the coolest writers.


Anyways, this is my first Pete Dunne imagine. Hope you guys love it.


Originally posted by oflanternhill


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jealous

adj.  fiercely protective of one’s rights or possessions.

word count: 1199

warnings: swearing


You couldn’t help but stare as her beautiful blonde hair danced in the breeze. Her eyes never left Daryl’s face, and the smirk on her lips never ceased. You knew Andrea had a thing with Shane, but by the looks of it, she had gotten bored and hoped to move onto Daryl. Too damn bad he was yours, and you weren’t one to share men. You eyed her outfit, a low cutting top that more than likely gave Daryl a full view down. You narrowed your eyes and looked back down at your meal. You’d barely touched it, the rice and potatoes just not seeming all to appealing to you this evening.

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The Sam Winchester Starters Pack;

Mix of angst, fluff, crack, etc. Also to match the Dean post cause I was tired of not seeing one for Sammy 

❝I have a confession to make, I was the on that called them and told them I was a Hollywood producer.❞
❝All right. Just remember you started it.❞
❝ If you pull that string one more time, I’m gonna kill you. ❞
❝ Man, I think I’m allergic to our soap or somethin’. ❞
❝ I guess the cops don’t want any more kids screwin’ around in there. ❞
❝ You smell like a toilet. ❞
❝Jerk. ❞
❝ No, not normal. Safe. ❞
❝ You gotta calm down. ❞
❝ Should I honk? ❞
❝ What? No one. Nothing. ❞
❝ Skin mags! ❞
❝ No way he fits up in one piece. ❞
❝ After 3 hours, I have found no reason why anything supernatural will be going on here. ❞
❝ I lost my shoe. ❞
❝Bite me. ❞
❝ Since when have we ever done anything smart? ❞
❝ We have guns and we’ll find you. ❞
❝ …Maybe that’s what Heaven is: you relive your greatest hits. ❞
❝Oh…Oh, yeah. They gave me…everything! It’s…It’s…spectacu…ulack…❞
❝ It’s okay. Safe room. ❞
❝ So your saying… you’ll be my… Jiminy Cricket. ❞
❝ It’s ok, I’ve had time to adjust. ❞
❝ Wow, that… sounded really creepy coming outta your mouth. ❞
❝ Is it a kinky thing?❞
❝ You can recite every Clint Eastwood movie ever made, line-for-line. ❞
❝ Licorice is disgusting.  ❞
❝I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I hope you’re watching cartoon smut.❞
❝ Not fifty times in a row. ❞
❝ You saying a Transformer wrote that? ❞
❝ I don’t remember driving here. ❞
❝ No, no, how can know that for sure? ❞
❝ What time did I lay down? ❞
❝ Huh. This place must be in some kind of, like, Bermuda Triangle. ❞
❝ Look at you. You’ve still got that look. You’re shaky. You’re on edge. ❞
❝ You did try to kill his mother. ❞
❝ That’s your third unanswered voicemail. You ever think… maybe he’s just not that into you? ❞
❝ Oh, they grow up so fast. Don’t they? ❞
❝ Hey. It’s over. He’s dead. ❞
❝ Drop the blade. ❞
❝ It’s because seven ate nine. ❞
❝ One battle at a time, you know? ❞
❝ And then I’m gonna get drunk. ❞
❝ Because you’re a dickwad. ❞

xthexandmanx  asked:

“ tell me i have nothing to worry about ”

“Just what exactly are you trying to say, Xander? That you don’t trust me? Think I’m what? Screwin’ around behind your back or somethin’?!”

The look she gave him was cold, but it was masking how she really felt. Hurt. She was living with him for fuck’s sake! Did he assume she was simply using him for a better zip code or a steady lay? 

Like she needed him for that!

Faith took a step back, not trusting herself to be any nearer to him in that moment. “If you’ve got something you wanna ask me… Something you want to say, I suggest you grow a set and just do it. Otherwise, I’ll pack up my shit and be gone in the hour.”

@xthexandmanx

The Better One

Request: imagine of reader being with daryl and merely being a jealous dick tries to separe them
________________________________________

*Merle’s P.O.V*

All I could say was that Daryl was an absolute disgrace to the Dixon family. All I ever did was try to steer his dumbass in the right direction, but he never wanted to listen to his big brother.

I spit my chew into the grass and crossed my arms as I watched him teach his new little girlfriend how to shoot his crossbow.

I felt my eyes squint and my skin become hot. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around why she went for him over me. It was clear that I was better.

I watched her hold it up to her eye and aim. She hit her target and when she did she flashed that pretty little smile up to Daryl, who in my opinion didn’t deserve to see it.

*Your P.O.V.*

“I think I might be a better shot that you.” I laughed shoving Daryl.

“No doubt there.” His mouth turned up into a slight smirk.

“Well, I’ll see you for dinner.” I said nodding and headed towards Lori and Andrea to help with the laundry.

We carried small talk as we scrubbed the stained blood out of the clothing and wrung them out.

“I’ll go hang these ones up!” I said taking the basket full of damp clothes.

I was on my way back up to the main part of camp when I heard my name being called.

“Y/N!”

I turned to see it wasn’t the Dixon I would have hoped it to be.

“Hi Merle, what’s up?” I asked shifting the basket to the other side of my hip.

“Nothin’ just comin’ to talk to ya.” He said getting closer to me causing me to step back. Merle terrified me without even trying. “What’s a matter doll face? Ya don’t wanna see Merle?” He laughed and stepped closer yet again.

“Uh, no, it’s just that I was uhm, trying to hang these up.” I said as I felt my back hit against the tree.

“They can wait.” He said grabbing the basket from my hands causing me to jump. He threw the basket down by my feet and put one hand above me.

“Now come on, give ‘Ol Merle a smooch why don’t ya.”

“No, get away from me.” I said shoving him in the chest.

“You listen me, you’re gonna do as I say.” He said grabbing me wrist and yanking me back towards him.

“STOP!” I yelled, but was instantly silenced by his lips. I refused to kiss back, I beat against his chest until he removed himself from me.

“See, that wasn’t so bad.” He chuckled.

I shot my knee up into his groin and stepped on his foot. He doubled over in pain and cursed at me.

“You’re gonna pay for that.” He whined.

“Not as much as you will.” I spat back at him.

I swiftly picked up the basket and made my way back to hang the clothes like I was supposed to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I found it a bit strange that Daryl didn’t take the seat next to me as we crowded around the fire for dinner. Usually we sat together every night.

It was even more strange when I looked up at him and he glared at me and looked away.

I ate in silence while others around me spoke about their day. I waited until dinner was over and most were in their tents to go speak with Daryl.

I wasn’t sure if I should tell him what happened between Merle and I only because Daryl and I weren’t technically a thing.

“Hey.” I greeted him as he sat outside of his tent sharpening his arrows.

He didn’t say anything at all, he didn’t even look up.

“Are you okay?” I asked as I got down to eye level.

“Just fine.” He mumbled as he began picking his arrows up.

“Where are you going?” I asked grabbing his arm.

“Why do care? Shouldn’t you be worried about what Merle’s doin’?” Daryl spat back at me and walked away.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I questioned as I got up following him.

“He told me you two were screwin’ around!” He raised his voice and turned away to mumble “Cheated on me with my own damn brother.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t necessarily think that being forced into something and being disrespected was the same thing as 'screwin around’ I also wasn’t aware that we were actually together.” I rolled my eyes and when I walked past him I made sure to hit his shoulder with mine.

“What are ya talkin’ bout bein’ forced into somethin’ and disrespected?” He grabbed my shoulder and spun me back around.

“The part where I was backed up into a tree and he forced his lips on me. I’m sure he didn’t tell you that part did he?” I said as ripped away from Daryl’s reach.

“I’m gonna kill that motherfucker.” Daryl said turning dark.

“No, I took care of it, that’s why he’s mad.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“What did you do?”

“Kneed him in the balls and stepped on his foot. I hope he pisses blood for the next two weeks.”

“That’s ma girl.” Daryl chuckled.

“Yeah, I wasn’t really aware of that.” I laughed as I awkwardly scratched my arm.

“I mean, you don’t have to be it was just..”

Before Daryl could finish I cut him off with a kiss. “I do.” I smiled up at him.

“Good.” Daryl said and placed a kiss on my forehead.

___________________________________________

Thank you so much for reading! Sorry I’m taking forever, but school is nearly finished so I’ll definitely be shooting these out quicker! As always, let me know how I did and thanks for sticking around!

Fic: It All Started With a Missing Ring...

A Chris Evans One-shot

Summary: Chris gets photographed without his wedding ring on. Here’s the conversation between Chris and Nat during the aftermath
Characters: Chris Evans, Natalia Evans (OFC)
Warnings: Language
Word Count: 1,282
Dedication: @evanssaysrawr requested this prompt a lifetime ago. Sorry for the long ass delay, sweetie. Please, forgive me!
Note: It’s late. I should be sleeping. But it’s been a tough week and I needed to write something to cheer me up. Crazy Natris usually does the trick. Thanks for dealing with MY crazy and not sending any threatening messages for going MIA periodically. Also, muchas gracias for reading. :)

************************************************************************


It All Started With a Missing Ring…


“What. Did. You. Do.”

When Chris answered his wife’s call, Natalia’s accusing bark didn’t pose a single threat to him. Why? Because this occurred on a weekly basis when he was away on set, and it usually had something to do with crap he had shipped to the house. Like Mickey bedsheets for the expensive, orthopedic dog bed he ordered for Tommy. And a weird-shaped dildo that came with attached Christmas bells for Natalia. (She later named them Chris-mas bells, for obvious reasons.)

“Ah, you gotta be more specific,” Chris shot back, propping his feet up on the table in his trailer.

“The paps have like a gazillion shots of you from this week without your ring on, and now there are fuckin’ rumors swimming around that we’re gettin’ divorced!”

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