screw this kid

I found the comment where Mortis (sorta) answered somebody asking if the Queen and Batter were supposed to be surrogate parents.

I’m not sure precisely what the Batter and Queen were created for, but somehow the idea of them being intended to be parents for Hugo somehow makes it all even WORSE imo, like

Can you imagine fucking up so badly in making some replacement family members that one leaves you unattended basically all the time and the other straight-up murders you??  Yeesh.


❛ I mean, call me crazy but I think we’re in Freddy vs. Jason territory here. ❜ 
❛ It’s like the killer is combining these two legends into one brand new murder spree. ❜ 
❛ I was expecting crazy Ralph from Friday the 13th so nope. ❜
❛ I’m barely responsible for myself.  ❜
❛ I thought you said this was going to be a mansion.  ❜
❛ I know my mansions, this is really more of a bungalow. ❜
❛ We’re trying to lure the killer and you show up.  ❜
❛ I’m sorry, this is a pretty classic “don’t let him in” situation, right? ❜
❛ I guess I didn’t think of you as the hospital visit type. ❜
❛ You know the whole, horrible, embarrassing story. ❜
❛ You broke my heart! I loved you, okay, and you broke my heart. ❜  
❛ That’s a pretty outdated way of thinking. ❜
❛ Virgin? Seriously? Where did you learn to do that? ❜
❛ It’s a terrible movie, but one hell of a sex scene. ❜
❛ See this is why people think you’re creepy. ❜
❛ Do you think I’m creepy? ❜
❛ I’m sorry, this isn’t the right place. ❜  
❛ This is the stupidest, most insane thing ever. ❜
❛ The only thing scary here is this dress. ❜
❛ I’m not a stranger, okay, I’m just strange. ❜
❛ That’s never gone bad for anyone in a movie ever. ❜
❛ First shut up, second, it’s just a study session.  ❜
❛ I get that you’re scared, but I understood. ❜  
❛ We all have our ways of coping.  ❜
❛ The kid screwed me over and skipped town. ❜
❛ This is my life. Not some stupid campaign. ❜
❛ You mean looking out for my boobs? ❜
❛ Are you flirting with me? ❜
❛ Thank God because this drink is undrinkable. ❜
❛ If one of us gets hurt, we all get hurt.  ❜
❛ Second chances are rare. Don’t waste them. ❜
❛ I’m making a knife stick. ❜
❛ I need, like, a Men in Black brain wipe. ❜
❛ Is that a pig? God, I’m never eating bacon again. ❜
❛ I’m the only one who knows how to reset the router. ❜
❛ Well we don’t want you getting arrested.  ❜
❛ If I can’t trust you, I can’t be with you. ❜
❛ Aww, you wanna come in the hot tub with me? ❜
❛ The weak are outed and then eaten. ❜
❛ It’s the time honored enforcement of the food chain. ❜
❛ Considering my ex-beau might be a mass murderer, who am I to criticize? ❜
❛ Love the colors, but the spots? Too much. ❜
❛ I can’t believe you two came here without me.  ❜
❛ Hey, we could team up: Bi-curious and the Virgin.  ❜
❛ I was gonna be the Babadook, but then my mom made this cape. ❜
❛ What? No, you love taco Tuesday. ❜
❛ So, pretty much everybody’s a suspect, including us.  ❜
❛ I think this is the beginning of a beautiful mutual tolerance.  ❜
❛ Cue creepy murder music. I knew I was missing something. ❜  
❛ You’re not going to die! Tonight, we change the ending.  ❜
❛ Oh, crap. I’m gonna die. ❜
❛ Actually, we could all use a minute. ❜
❛ Hey, um, thanks for saving my life. ❜
❛ Boom, but then what? Take a victory lap around the pool? ❜
❛ We know what you’re going through, and we’re here if you need us.  ❜
❛ I’ve never seen him/her with his/her mouth shut before. ❜
❛ Maybe it’s time to dig a little deeper. ❜
❛ Pick one, slay one, console one, then repeat.  ❜
❛ What made him/her start killing people? ❜
❛ Okay, not a lesbian, not discussing it. ❜
❛ You root for them, you love them, so when they are brutally murdered, it hurts. ❜  
❛ You have to care if the team wins the big game. ❜
❛ You have to care if the smart, pretty girl forgives the dumb jock. ❜
❛ You can’t do slasher moves as a TV series. ❜
❛ You wanna feel the sting of this sexually-confused Atheist’s foot up your butt? ❜  
❛ Hey, hey! I made you microwave popcorn, remember?  ❜
❛ I know you want the truth. So, let’s find it. ❜
❛ A yearbook? That’s not so weird. ❜
❛ That’s the world’s saddest crime fighting duo. ❜
❛ No, I’d rather channel my anguish into something productive. ❜  
❛ Did you just try to tase my man parts? ❜
❛ There are not enough happy face emojis in the world to express how much I needed that. ❜ 

headcanons about p5tag’s eating habits because this is the shit i think about

  • Outside of morning curry courtesy of Sojiro, Akira doesn’t tend to eat breakfast.  He sleeps until he absolutely has to get up and get dressed for school.  If he’s hungry enough, though, he’ll stop for something quick from one of the food stalls at the station.
  • For the first few months at Leblanc, he’s really really nervous about so much as touching the kitchen outside of helping Sojiro with work, which results in him spending quite a bit of money on take-out and snacks he can keep in the attic.
  • He eats lunch from the school cafeteria which, uh, kinda sucks because the food isn’t all that great, and for the first few weeks the lunchladies were nervous around him because even they knew about the rumors somehow.
  • Sojiro notices pretty quickly that Akira isn’t eating right.  He tries his best not to worry, but one day he hears Akira’s stomach growl as soon as Akira comes home, and from then on Sojiro’s like “screw it I’m feeding this kid more often.”
  • It starts off pretty slow, with Sojiro occasionally leaving “leftovers” for Akira’s dinner and once in a blue moon making sandwiches for Akira’s lunch.
  • By the end of summer vacation though he’s cares way too much about this kid to keep his aloof demeanor in check
  • akira cries a lil when one sunday he comes downstairs and sojiro tells him that he doesn’t have to worry about lunch anymore b/c sojiro is gonna take care of it
  • sojiro is straight-up preparing a whole week of different bentos for akira
  • don’t ask why sojiro has so many different bento boxes
  • i love this dad

alright so I got this great story about one of my cats, meg

meg is an orange and white butterball who is better suited to rolling around and sleeping than she is catching bugs or chasing toys (she still does those things, she’s just not good at them). she has short little stub legs and a tiny head and a round belly. she has trouble getting onto the couch, or chairs, or anywhere higher than a foot.

our living room is currently being renovated. half is being done at a time, so all the furniture is currently shoved into the other half. to make it fit, things have been carefully packed. the tv is on top of the desk, and one of the couches is turned sideways. 

the side of this couch, which is now the top, is about eye level with me, so about 5 feet up. yesterday morning I come downstairs to find meg, a gravity challenged slug, sitting on top of this couch, five feet in the air. mom says she didn’t put her up there, and that she was just in the kitchen not long ago having breakfast. there’s nothing nearby that she could have jumped from, and she’s really not a good jumper anyway. 

we finally conclude that she probably climbed on approximately eight different items to make her way around and up to the top of the couch. this would have required a lot of planning, and we didn’t really think she was capable of that, but hell, we had no other explanations.

(maybe aliens. we didn’t rule out aliens.)

today I’m sitting in the living room. meg comes in. I watch her. she goes to the couch. she looks like she’s about to scratch it (which is one of their favourite pasttimes, and it shows.)

she digs her claws in and scales that couch like a goddamn spider cat. she climbed up five feet using nothing but her tiny claws to heave her round little body up there.

I nearly died laughing. I called my parents immediately and they almost died. I told my sister and she didn’t believe it.

but I know the truth. and the truth was beautiful.

sometimes i think about young joseph kavinsky with his wide eyes and his chubby cheek and his not yet hollow gaze

how when he smiled it was beaming and genuine and dimpled, half of his teeth missing

he probably tried to crawl into his mama’s lap with uncoordinated hands and blew burbling kisses at his papa

and then i think about when that stopped

i think about k at 10 with a fat lip and a father who thinks he stares at the boys on the block too keenly

i think about k at 12 with a crooked nose and a distant mother, smoking stolen weed until he feels less awake

i think about k at 15 in a room with a girl he sees as nothing but a warm body, naked and cold and trying not to hate himself

and i think about k at 17 confusing obsession and lust for more than it is, making all the wrong choices and saying all the wrong things and finally just deciding that he can’t go on

because the thing is, who actually ever thought to ask if he was okay? or to really look past their own prejudices or all the bullshit he built up around himself?

k was hurting for a very long time, he was just a screwed up kid who made a lot of mistakes and didn’t have a great grasp on interpersonal relationships

i just think, it must have been pretty lonely being a dreamer who only ever had nightmares

has anyone talked about how dangerous pixel is? and how tbh he, not sportacus, is the biggest threat to robbie? bc robbie hates sportacus’s lifestyle, sure, but sport never does anything that directly causes robbie harm. pixel, on the other hand, controls robbie with those remote-controlled shoes (after very menacingly saying “goodbye, robbie”), and literally deletes him when he’s inside pixel’s computer?? not to mention in “remote control” where he creates a device that can fully control anyone, and uses it on his friends??? feel free to add examples bc i know there’s more, but in sum, pixel is powerful