screw numbers!!!!

The Alex Foundation Dictionary

Ever wonder what it’s like to communicate with a parrot like Alex? Some labels we use with Griffin and Athena are the same as the English words, but a few are quite different!


“Tickle”

A request for preening


“Corknut”

Almond

This label was coined by Alex, who seemed to think that an almond in the shell looked like a cork but tasted like a cashew, or “nut.”


“Banerry”

Apple

This label was coined by Alex and is thought to be a mix of banana and cherry, two fruits he already knew.

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Noctis: Ignis, are you sure these pocket lights will be enough for the journey? What if we spend days in the same cave? Isn’t their energy going to run out?
Ignis: Worry not, Noct. I made sure to get this precise brand because their battery is like Gladio.
Noctis: Like Gladio?
Ignis: …
Ignis: It can last ten times more than the average.

Team Voltron as things my math teacher has said
  • Shiro: look, it's been a long day - yeah it's only third period but - which was does a comma go
  • Keith: Ah yes, this, this is where we're gonna screw up
  • Hunk: The number one math curse word (student: what's the word?) I can't tell you, it's a curse word.
  • Pidge: Yknow?? you're probably not even paying attention, and I can't blame you.
  • Lance: It's spirit week, anything goes (dabs at the kid in a shark costume)
  • Coran: This graph is wiggity wack, you guys
  • Allura: Is x zero? Is it really zero? Are you 100% positive that it's zero???
  • bonus// Lance: I love watching the short people try to jump and reach the pass, c'mon guys it's not that high up (grabs it with eASE bc she's hecking tALL)

Hogwarts headcanon time:

Everyone seems to think that all the hidden corridors and moving staircases are intentional, because the founders were a bit insane (which is true). But what if most of it wasn’t intentional? What if it’s the cumulative result of generations of young witches and wizards learning magic and all the stray magic floating about?

Like, what if that one stair poor Neville keeps getting stuck in was the result of someone trying to pull a prank on their friend in 1824 and no one could figure out a counter curse? Or the moving staircases were the result of too many jinxes and missed spells and no one really knows why they move or when they started (but Hermione did find the first recorded instance of a moving staircase in 1532 in Hogwarts, a History)

I feel like all those quirks in the castle are much more the result of the school just being so saturated with magic and mischief that it’ll never be a remotely normal building again.

[037.] almost in reach


i never truly touched you
—a thing i regretted—
as much as i wanted to,
i told lies and half-truths
that somehow came to pass;
i never kissed you rough enough
never bit your nipple hard enough on that
bright sunny day in the grass.

i let you believe in my dishonesty
—a thing i regretted—
but i was too fragile
for the shatter of glass.

perhaps we both thought
too much of others,
perhaps we talked less than we should;
i let you cry on my shoulder
i let you believe i’d do less
than i supposed that i could.

back then, there was time,
back then there was place;
i was both foolish
—a thing i regretted—
and wrong and afraid.

i touched nothing
—a shadow, a ghost.

when i saw you again
—a thing i regretted—
we expected no change or
truce;
i don’t know why i
clung to cold mortal hopes
of declaiming, addressing,
grasping, retaining,
regaining the use

of things i don’t have.

you are almost in reach,
mine who is not mine,
as near
as a caged bird
who flies to the sun in
the smallest of dreams
and almost in reach
i think you will stay,
for you were never
my lover, it seems.

- almost in reach // zia // k. r. cole // ziacoro.tumblr.com

Doctors are babies!!!

More of a fuck-associate rather than boss or customer.

So i’ve been at this eye glass place for about three months, where we offer eye exams with the purchase of two glasses. I’m the technician in the pre test room, basically the person who gets the information the doctor needs and blows air into your eye. I also have to try to sell you extra tests that lets the doctors see if you have eye diseases we normally can’t see. It can be an extra $20 or $15.
Now, again, i’m relatively new but i’ve quickly climbed up the ranks cause i’m so good at selling extra tests cause i’ve been in customer service for three years and am a natural flirt. I’ve broken the sales goal of my store three times in the time i’ve been here. My boss loves me. One of the doctors however…
We have two doctors. One is super fast and just wants to be done as quick as he can. The other likes to take his time if he can but always tries to rush me. He always leaves passive aggressive notes on what others are doing wrong, especially me, but will be kind to our faces.
Well, this one doctor has decided that I’ve been going too slow with patients (i take like 5-10 minutes depending, i’m not at all slow) so he’s been taking charts out of MY queue to see them without pretesting. So, not only are they not in the system, we don’t have measurements on them, and i’m losing sales. It’s been screwing up my numbers so i’m gonna look bad. not only that, the customers have a higher chance of having the wrong script cause we didn’t pretest them.
So the doctor is being vindictive and wrong and not only that!!! He had called corporate on the other doctor who had been doing it a few months before i. came!!!!!!! I’m so livid I almost cried. He’s not even my boss, my boss is also his boss he just has a degree.

anonymous asked:

yo where should I start with Squirrel Girl stuff? it's super great, and I figure since I found a good place to read comics I ain't really got an excuse to not anymore

Just start at issue #1! I mean. the first issue #1. IT’S COMPLICATED anyway there are five collected volumes of The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl and if you start with Volume One you’re good. There are comics with Doreen before that, but they’re not super vital to the current run, like, at all. You basically need ZERO COMICS KNOWLEDGE WHATSOEVER except maybe some vague understanding of who the avengers are and who deadpool is and why deadpool would have collectible trading cards. Squirrel Girl is pretty self-contained, aside from the one crossover with Howard the Duck which was included in Volume 3, so you don’t really have to care about BIG EARTH-SHATTERING EVENTS and whatnot. all the big earth-shattering event did was screw up the numbering so there’s two first issues for some reason even though it’s the same series.

despite that it is. the most friendly comic of all time in terms of starting and keeping up with it and i love it. @w@

THERE’S A SALE ON COLLECTIONS ON COMIXOLOGY RIGHT NOW AND ISSUE #1 IS FREE so there is no excuse for anyone reading this to not get the first issue at least and support girls of squirrels

5 More Things That Never Happened to Stephanie Brown

Part two of 5 things that never happened to Stephanie.

1. The Even Number Robins
When the doors of her cell blow down and a guy in a red helmet comes in guns blaring, mouth swearing, the first thought that pops up in Steph’s mind isn’t cool entrance or even damn, this guy’s ripped.

She’s not thinking any coherent thought actually, just that she’s never coming back to Japan.

But those thoughts kind of disappeared when the guy stepped in front of her and snorts, “Who the fuck are you?”

And so, the even numbered screw up robins meet.

Her last regret before she dies is that she’s eaten less than a thousand waffles her entire life.

She likes to think she snorts back something smart but to be honest, she’s a little out of it so maybe her account is a little skewed up.

But the basics are there and that’s what matters.

Then he takes her somewhere and gets her healed and tells her to enjoy the couch, he’s taking the bed.

Who says chivalry is dead?

And years later, when she’s calling him, warbling a heeeeeey Jacion and he’s picking up with a sigh and a grunt and plea to have her extracted from his life, she knows that they’ve really formed a bond.

2. Harmony
Stephanie remembers when she had a voice.

When she would skip around and laugh and joke and words would fall from her lips like water drops and all gone all gone.

Stephanie remembers when her father took them all away.

Stephanie remembers the fear, Stephanie remembers the smell of beer, Stephanie remembers the jeers.

Stephanie remembers when she had harmony.

Stephanie remembers mute mute mute.

Stephanie remembers ugly and clashing and anger and warring emotions and then.

Stephanie remembers the blue eyed boy who brought so much light into her life, who made her smile like no other, who helped her find harmony again.

When Stephanie finally steps up onto the stage to play her piano piece, her eyes only see Tim.

And when she allows her fingers to gently rest upon the keys and create a flowing melody, she remembers Tim gently encouraging her to keep playing.

When she’s done and breathing heavily and smiling with absolute delight and applause is ringing all around her–

She only sees Tim.

(Years late she’ll sit him down and start playing, placing all her emotions into the song until Tim hugs her and repeats her message back to her ten times over and she leans up and he leans down and she learns another form of harmony.

IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou)

3. Beware the Spoiler
Batgirl was hers. But with her legs out of commission, Batgirl is a distant spot in the horizon.

It’s time to move on. It’s time for a new name.

She’s always liked Spoiler.

Years later when she’s ruthlessly hacking into Jason’s phone and Tim’s games and Dick’s laptop and Lex Luthor’s company, she gets a grim feel of delight as countless of people are stumped by the Spoiler.

4. Meet the Family
“Are you nervous?” Tim asks her gently, as he guided her up the stairs.

“I’m about to meet my boyfriend’s family, who just happen to be one of the richest families in the world, and could buy my family without blinking an eye. No. I am not nervous. In fact, I am the epitome of not nervous,” Steph rambled, apprehensive. She knew she shouldn’t have gone for the shy boy sitting in the corner, reading.

Tim just laughs and guides her gently in and she pretends that she’s not clinging onto Tim’s hand like a lifeline.

Years later, when she screaming after Damian and chasing after Jason to get her phone back, she wonders how she could have ever been scared of them.

(And when Tim finally kneels on one knee and pulls out a ring, the only answer bursting from her lips is yes yes always.)

5. Hope Shines Bright
Stephanie Brown is a dignified ambassador of the Blue Lantern Corp. She does not get angry with a little upstart named Damian makes fun of her chest, she does not throw a car at Sinestro Corp Bruce when he angers her, and her heart does not skip a beat when Green Lantern Tim Drake smiles at her.

(But damn his eyes are so blue and his muscles are just-)

She does not blush when Tim presents her with a flower, she does not get distracted by his mouth when he’s talking, and she does not feel warm inside when he wraps her up in his arms after pulling her out of the way from a life threatening hit.

She does not feel ecstatic when she and Tim are partnered up, her heart does not speed up whenever he tenderly dresses her wounds, she does not feel warm fuzzies remembering that she makes him stronger.

Stephanie is in denial and very much in love.

Hey You!

Yes you, over there! What do you know about diabetes?
No, it’s not being fat, and it’s actually more complicated than not eating sugar.
Well, since it seems most people don’t know that much about it, for World Diabetes Day, we’re gonna do a quick crash course.

There are two kinds of diabetes: Type 1 (formerly known as ‘Juvenile Diabetes’) and Type 2.

Type 2 is the more commonly known type. This can come about from flooding your body with more sugar than it can process. While many type 2 diabetics do have larger body types, they are not the only ones. Even if you are burning off the calories that you eat, your body still has to process the sugar you feed it, and while it you can’t get diabetes by eating healthy foods, nearly everything has sugar in it- bread, sauces, and even fruits and veggies all have sugar.

Type 1 is by far the lesser known of the two, for all that it is fairly common. No one knows exactly what contributes to Type 1, though there are many factors that are suspected to have a hand in it. Type 1 Diabetes is an irreversible autoimmune disease where your body’s immune system recognizes your body’s beta cells as foreign entities and destroys them. Beta cells are found in the pancreas and are responsible for producing insulin to break down sugar.

As of yet, there are no proven cures for Diabetes.

Type 2 Diabetics sometimes can technically ignore their Diabetes without fatal consequences. However, this can lead to serious health issues, including loss of nerve function in the feet (hence all those commercials you see on tv), irritability, and general unhealthiness. Type 1 Diabetics cannot.

Living with Diabetes is manageable, but some days it can be tough. Some of the realities kinda suck. To list a few:
- giving yourself a shot every time you eat or else wearing a pump
- managing your numbers every day
- screwing up your numbers can mean anything from feeling dizzy to death depending on the situation
- needing to carry insulin and a kit everywhere
- needing to know the nutritional facts of everything you eat, or at least be able to make an accurate guess

So, in order to help your friends with Diabetes, here are some things you can do to help them out (A/N: many of these are geared more towards Type 1):
- do not tell them that they cannot eat sugar. Especially if they are full grown. They know their bodies and their limits, and it is insulting to insinuate otherwise. (Besides which, this is inherently untrue, otherwise they would all die as everything has sugar of some kind. Diabetics just need to dose themselves with insulin to eat it.)

- do not harass them about their kits. Yes, it looks like they are taking drugs. Yes, they’ve heard that joke about a million times. No, it is not funny or okay to inform teachers that they are taking drugs. That is discrimination and bullying, and nobody needs that.

- if somebody close to you has Diabetes, ask them to teach you how and when to use their glucagon pen just in case. Also, keep hard candies, juice boxes, or other fast-release sugar sources on hand.

- give them the recipes of the food you make them. This will make their lives so much easier. Homemade food is nearly impossible to measure accurately, especially without at least an ingredients list.

- provide protein (i.e. cheese, beef) with meals, as it is one of the few things Diabetics can eat without dosing (though, if it’s drowned in sauce, this is no longer true)

- give them prep time if you want to plan trips. Lantus (long term insulin used for sleeping) needs a fridge. Insulin kits and snacks must be packed.

- do not pull on their pumps. Pumps are attached to the body like IVs- under the skin. This hurts.

- be generally accepting of their dietary needs and do not get frustrated when accommodating them. Remember, this is their life every day, a bit of inconvenience for their sake can go a long way.

- do not call them fat, or shame them for their Diabetes.

- DO NOT provide people who ask for diet soda with regular soda.
This is not a joke.
I don’t care how you feel about dieting, Diabetes is often not a visible thing, and while diet soda is okay to drink without dosing, regular soda will throw your numbers out of whack in a dangerous way.

(Feel free to add more helpful tips to this post)

Asexuals make my life better

Before I get started, let me make one thing clear: as an allosexual person, I know the asexual movement does not exist for me. I know the impact it has on my life is not it’s primary goal and I am in no way implying that making my life better should become a primary goal. Ok, got that? Let’s go:

Asexuals make my life better. They really honestly do. Reason number 1: The right of ‘no’. Because in a world full of ‘consent is sexy’ and ‘enthusiastic consent!’, asexuals are the only ones truly, without ‘but’ and ‘sometimes’ calling for the right to say “NO. Not now. Not ever. There is no communication workshop that we can do to change this, I am never going to consent to having sex with you”.  And in doing so, they are creating a world where I have more space to say no. 

Asexuals make my life better. Reason number 2: The right of ‘not this’. I don’t like penetration. I just don’t find it interesting in any form. I know many other people who don’t like oral, or hand jobs, or getting naked, or kissing. All of us face the problem that most of our partners see sex as a ‘package deal’ that is at some point going to involve kissing and nakedness and hand jobs and penetration and oral. If not the first time, then probably at screw number 5, right? Except, it won’t. I’m not going to be into penetration at screw number 5. Asexuals are challenging that package deal. They are challenging that there is any act that is just a standard part of an intimate relationship. And in doing so, they are creating a world where I have more space to assert my boundaries.

Asexuals make my life better. Reason number 3: The right of different lives. Asexuals, and aromantics especially, challenge the idea that forming a life long romantic relationship with one person is an important goal in life for everyone. I never want a life-long romantic relationship with one person and again, I’m not alone in this. Asexuals are creating a world where there is space for that choice. They are challenging the idea that that is abnormal (amatonormativity). And in doing so, they are creating a world where I have more space to chose what kind of relationships I want. 

Asexuals make my life better. Reason number 4: A world without cishetnormativity and misogyny. Let me quote theasexualanarchist on this one:

Of course amatonormativity and misogyny work together, even when it appears otherwise. On one hand, our society obviously prefers a specific type of relationship - monogamous, long-term, with an emphasis on concerted sexual and romantic activity - while either neglecting or straight-up dissuading individuals from pursuing other relationship forms (see the myth that “men and women can’t ever be friends because sex”). And on the other hand, you’ve got this concept just sort of hanging out that cishet men and boys are entitled to a sexual or romantic relationship with a woman because “chivalry” or some equally bullshit expression of misogyny, and when some dudes do end up conforming to amatonormative relationships and others are “stuck in the friend zone,” i.e., not participating in the same preferred relationship performance, the latter lash out in just the shittiest ways. This is why we gotta be talking about abolishing amatonormativity alongside cishetpatriarchy. They feed into each other.
(source)

I want to destroy cisnormativity and heteronormativity. I want to destroy misogyny. But without the destruction of amatonormativity and allonormativity, some of the roots of these things are going to stay in our culture. Asexuals are destroying forms of normativity that feed into forms of normativity that I want to destroy. And in doing so, they are creating a world where I can dismantle oppressive systems that harm me. 

Asexuals make my life better. But of course that doesn’t make them perfect. The asexual community has it’s problems, to be sure. Most asexual groups are very white, with very little critical thought about how that impacts on their work and how that normalizes racism within their communities. And that’s just one problem. There are more. But I have yet to meet any community that doesn’t have problems of exclusion and intersectional oppression. Working through shit like that is an inevitable part of movement building. 

Also like most movements, the asexual movement has a big segment that is only interested in making a space for their individual identity under capitalism. “An openly asexual CEO or cop? Great! Never mind that they have blood on their hands.” A pretty big segment is not interested in working in solidarity with other movements to end all oppression. As someone who does want to radically alter the world we live in, that makes me sad. It makes me just as sad as seeing liberal trans rights activists trying to intergrate middle class white trans people into an oppressive society to create transgender cops and CEOs. 

But a segment does want to truly alter the world we live in and to them I want to say: THANK YOU. You are essential. Your work is essential to my work. Together, we are bringing down an oppressive system, and that system has deep interconnected roots. You are doing essential work to uproot a part of the giant roots of the system. I can not succesfully pull out all the roots of heteronormativity, cisnormativity and misogyny without you pulling at the roots of amatonormativity and allonormativity. 

Asexuals make my life better. They probably make it better in a few ways that I have not yet considered. By uprooting what are considered normal sexual and romantic needs in our society, they are creating a world in which I have more options to be whatever it is that I want to be tomorrow and they are creating a world in which oppression is easier to uproot altogether. 

Prove It

Originally posted by grungedaddykinks

Originally posted by dceudaily

Summary: You being Rick’s rebellious daughter, you formed a relationship with Negan for a couple months which causes you to get the wrong message from him; believing he’s in love with you. You stop him as he drives back to his sanctuary and threaten him with your father’s pistol to receive closure towards his feelings for you. Negan plays along with you, because to him, it’s a game.

Warnings: Language, vulgarness from Negan himself


(plot similar to the extended version of ss between joker and harley)


“I love you, Negan.” You whispered compassionately as you wrapped your arms around his broad torso in the king sized bed.

An amused chuckle escaped from his lips as he caressed your cheek with sympathy. “Little girl, you don’t know what the hell love is.”



You stood in the middle of the gravel road as the rain dribbled against your smooth skin, dried tear stains rested along the apples of your cheeks.

Why the hell would Negan lead me on like this?, you thought to yourself. That same thought drove you crazy for weeks.

He strung you along for a couple months, slept with you, and gave you the impression as if he was in love with you. He made sure the other saviors would respect you and look after you so you wouldn’t be harmed.

Hell, just the looks he gave you were imbedded with compassion and bliss.

Of course, your father wouldn’t approve of you falling head over heels for the devil himself. He would be furious. You would be a disappointment to the group. But this had nothing to do with Alexandria or it’s people.

All of a sudden your hands shielded your eyes which instantly became sensitive to bright headlights that appeared from ahead.

Your heart rate quickened as you became familiar with the RV in front of you. Negan’s RV.

You pursed your lips angrily as you stood with your legs a part from each other, guarding the entrance from Negan with a hand on your curved hip.

He could bulldoze the hell out of you right now, but you didn’t care.

“You’re not leaving me. You’re not.” You chanted with tears in your eyes as you slung your fists on the hood of the vehicle.

Oh shit, I love when they get clingy after sex,” Negan rolled his eyes to the back of his head in satisfaction of your ballistic antics. 

“We could have a quickie right here, but I was just about to screw wife number four so could you move the hell out the way.” He gripped Lucille as he stood in front of you with a smirk plastered on his arrogant face.

Your chest raised up and down as you clenched your jaw. “I have proved I love you. Fucking accept it, Negan! It’s not a sin for you to love me!”

He chuckled loudly in amusement as he shook his head.

“Is it because I’m Rick’s daughter? He doesn’t have to know. Is it the age difference? I’m over eighteen. See, Negan, there’s no problem.” You stated as you placed your hand on his cheek as you stared into his dark eyes.

His charismatic expression was replaced with an angered one. “I don’t give a flying fuck what your daddy o thinks. Obviously I wouldn’t have slept with you if I did. It’s not that, (Y/N). It’s not any of that shit you make up in your head.”

“What is it, Negan? Tell me. I promise I won’t hurt you.” You responded hoarsely as you quickly grabbed his arm as he began to walk off.

He clenched his jaw as his glance met yours. “Maybe it’s because I can’t fucking love anyone. I bash people’s head in with a stupid bat I named after my motherfucking dead wife.”

Your expression softened as you frowned, noticing him with tears in his eyes.

“Negan, I-”

“Go back to your daddy,” He snickered. “I should have killed his ass a long time ago when I bashed that ginger’s dome in and popped that Asian guy’s eyeball out of his skull.”

Rage ran through your body as you retrieved your father’s pistol out of your pocket, aiming it at Negan.

You watched as he smirked with his arms in surrender. “Do it baby girl. Can’t hurt daddy, huh? I’ll miss our fun nights together, and I thought I’d teach you how to properly bash heads in.”

Your bottom lip quivered as you glanced at him in disgust. You couldn’t harm him. He held that against you.

Suddenly, you heard foot steps along the gravel.

Negan, there you are.” Arat responded, out of breath, as she spoke into her walkie talkie to confirm. “ I was trying to- wait.. that bitch has a fucking gun?” She quickly pulled a pistol out, a finger resting along the trigger.

You shut your eyes fearfully, believing you’d be shot. But at this moment, you didn’t care. You suffered through the apocalypse and found out the one you love doesn’t even give a shit.

Negan instantly stepped in front of you as Arat pulled the trigger before you had time to draw yours.

You quickly opened your eyes to see the bullet went half way through Lucille causing you to gasp as you examined the bat.

Shit, what the shit?! You shot Lucille. You could have killed (Y/N)” Negan growled through gritted teeth as Arat stood with her eyes widened and her mouth gapped like a fool.

“Boss, I-I’m sorry I-” She stammered with fright in her eyes.

“No one hurts him. No one.” You stated as you pursed your lips, pulling the trigger causing her to fall to the ground, lifeless, a wound to the head.

Blood droplets splattered along your cheek and you wiped them off, staring at her deasced body with fury in your eyes.

Negan watched you in surprise. He knew that you hated to kill a person. He also knew he stepped in front of you to save your life. Was that love?

You faced him with your head cocked to the side in confusion. “You-you were in front of me when she pulled the trigger. You let her shoot Lucille. You could have died. Why didn’t you just let her kill me?”

He threw Lucille on the ground as he ran towards you. “I don’t care about the damn bat. I care about you. I fucking couldn’t stand the idea of her killing you. There, I love you. I don’t love anyone else. All those wives, I don’t care even a bit. Hell, I thought it was just the sex. Now that I look at you, I know it’s more. That twinkle in your eye you get when you nail a walker right in the skull, because we both know you can’t aim for shit.” You both joined in laughter at his comment.

“The way you cuss at me when you’re furious, because you don’t have a dirty mouth. That’s cute as shit. But most importantly, the way you didn’t give up when I was an asshole. I’ve cared, (Y/N), I always have. I just hate to admit I could love something. As many people as I’ve killed, I didn’t think that shit was possible. But with you, it’s different.”

You smiled as your eyes met his. “I love you too, Negan.” You brushed your lips against his hungrily, feeling his arms wrap around you in protection.