-You have to be up by 7 am tomorrow morning. You set your alarm for 5:55. You wake up at 4 am because your kidneys are screaming for release, and by the time your head hits the pillow again your alarm is buzzing. It’s 6:55. You could have sworn you set it for 5:55. You panic. It doesn’t matter. Your first class doesn’t start until 9.
-Your literature class has twenty-five students. You raise your hand often in that class. Only four other people ever raise their hand. Somehow, everyone else has found a way to remain silent for the entirety of the semester. You don’t know the sound of the girl’s voice who sits to your left. There is no girl who sits to your left. You are the only one of two students sitting in the front row. You are an island in a class of silent eyes.
-It is possible that your upstairs neighbors are actually sumo wrestlers, or perhaps professional clog dancers. You’ll never know. The RA on duty has never been around in time to check. The upstairs neighbors remain faceless. But never noiseless.
-Everyone’s schedule is so busy that every time you make plans with friends they ask to take a raincheck for next week. Next week never comes. It is always this week. “Next week” is just an empty promise.
-A student whose age you could never guess walks down the street on his way to class. He wears a t-shirt and worn leather sandals. It is thirty degrees outside. You don’t question it. No one does.
-It is raining today. Classes are not real. No one speaks of happy things. You all wonder when the sun will shine again. If it will shine again.
-There is a new building under construction this semester. There is always a new building under construction. You have never been in a single new building. You plan to take a look in one of them at some point. Something tells you you never will.
This is how your life slowly fades to grey. You drive to school or work in the morning when it’s still dark, not paying attention to the sun that creeps onto the horizon, touching the sky with its soft fingertips, turning it from pink to blue because you’re too worried about what this day will bring. There’s this girl that asks you a million questions and you wonder why she can’t give you some space. But you refuse to see that she doesn’t leave your side because she admires you and wishes she was a bit more like you. There’s the boy that holds the door open for you and picks up the pen you dropped but you only roll his eyes at him, not in the mood for anyone’s company. There are nagging doubts scratching your mind’s surface, voices screaming inside your head and you hear them, ignoring the gentle words from people around you. From your friends. From your family. You brush off your best friend’s advice, knowing she’s been here all your life so why could she be gone tomorrow? Truth is: everything we know and everything we take for granted could be gone within the blink of an eye. Everything we saw today can be different by tomorrow. Erased, vanished, like it was never there in the first place, or it could’ve left footprints, scattered remains to remind us of what we have lost. So darling, if I can give you some advice: please don’t take anything for granted, ever. Don’t stop being grateful. And don’t, please don’t stop seeing and appreciating the different shades and colours that make our life what it is, the midnight blue of sadness, the fiery red of love, the deep green of hope and the bright yellow of happiness.
Here you go, first one of the year! Hope you guys enjoy it, let me know what you think xx
There’s a quietness in the room that’s disturbing after all
the noise and movement from the night before - you and Harry had come back from
Cheshire after spending two weeks with his family for the holidays.
There was chatter and noise all around during those festive
days and even though you had skipped a trip to the pub with his hometown
friends, allowing him some time for himself and his pals, you had spent the
best part of the night in a fierce game of Scrabble with Gemma and Anne, while
Robin observed the three of you screaming your heads off about points and game
rules you knew nothing about.
Now, back in London post an agitated New Year’s Eve night
and after spending the night in your own bed, in the silence of yours and Harry’s
place, you realize how much you’ve missed the silence and the calm of your
home. Not that you didn’t have fun, you had plenty of that, but being able to
snuggle into your boyfriend’s body and not worry about his mother barging in on
the two of you is, in fact, a relief.
Your skin is sensitive from the cold and sleep is slipping
away, the slightest brush of the covers is enough to make you stir, so, when
Harry’s hands brush against your back and your bottom, to fit one of his legs
between yours, that’s enough to bring you to consciousness.
“Harr- let me sleep!” You mumble, tucking your
face into the crook of his neck and locking your leg around his hip, cuddling
in as close as you can manage in your sleep induced stupor.
“Jus’ want a morning cuddle, ’s that so bad?” He
croaks, voice rough and scratchy from sleep, his warm hand pressing to your
lower back to bring you closer, if that was even possible.
“It is when you didn’t let me sleep with all your
snoring…” You gripe, arm lifting
up to wrap around his neck, your fingers burying into his soft hair.
“Oi! ‘S not nice!” He prostests, fingers digging into your
skin to pull you closer.
It’s early and the room is chilly, the light from the
morning slipping through the cracks of your bedroom window, letting you know
there’s a new day. You and Harry are both on your sides, clinging to each other
as if your life depends on it and you sigh contently – you’re both home at last
and you’re ready to spend the next few days between the sheets, but for now,
you just want to get back to sleep.
Even though your body is asking for it, it seems your brain
is not ready to go back to resting just yet. It’s been minutes of silence and
just feeling each other close, but you’ve become painfully aware of the smell
of Harry’s skin, the soap and sweat mixed with his perfume enough to make you
burrow closer and inhale deeply against his neck.
“What’s that, love?” He asks and you can hear the
smile on his voice when you kiss the spot right under his ear.
“You smell good…” Sighing, you squeeze him,
nails digging into his scalp when you try and pull yourself closer to him in a
painfully tight embrace. Your hips roll forward, your core rubbing softly
against his thigh that’s tucked tight against your center. Your breath gets
caught in your throat at the sensation. You know it’s ridiculous to feel so
much from such a small rub, but it’s been so long… just over two weeks, actually,
since the both of you had ben intimate.
Steve caught you before you hit the ground, his face fading in and out as you tried to fight the darkness. You felt your head swim as you screamed at yourself for having been so careless. How could you? It was supposed to have been a one night thing, a way to get rid of the sexual frustration. Friends helping other friends out.
By now, Steve had scooped you up in his arms and was moving you towards your bed, gently laying you down. He placed a pillow under your head and stroked your cheek.
You could hear him calling out to you, but his voice sounded far away, almost an echo. You vaguely knew he was right there, your eyes trained on him, but it was if you were in a deep tunnel and Steve was at the far end of it, away from your reach.
“If there are any moments of great joy or great pain in your life, in which you have turned to any of my songs, I consider that to be the highest compliment, so thank you for including me. I think that life moves at a different pace for someone who is heartbroken, or someone who is lonely, or when you’re taking all of your insecurities that your head is cooking up and screaming into your ears. I think time moves slower. I think people need music a little bit more. Um, and I think that, in those moments, it’s important to remind yourself of a few things. And if there’s just a few things you remember from tonight, please remember these things. You are not the opinion of someone who doesn’t know you. You are not damaged goods or tarnished if you’ve made a few mistakes in your life. And you are not going nowhere just because you haven’t gotten where you want to go yet. Let me tell you a few things that you are. You are someone who is wiser, stronger, smarter, better because you made mistakes and learned from them. That’s what you are. And, more importantly, you are someone who is dealing with whatever you’re dealing with right now, but instead of letting those things define you, instead of wallowing in those things, you decided to get dressed up, go to Staples Center, and have the best time ever with me tonight. This is a song I wrote in London with a wonderful, incredible artist named Imogen Heap about… about that moment when you realise that walking through a bunch of rainstorms and continuing to keep on going doesn’t make you damaged. It actually makes you clean.”
What happens when the reader arrives at the sancuntary after Negan has taken her with him after the line-up?
Because I am following the shows storyline I wrote parts to the other episodes as well that are connected BUT they are all written the way that you can read them separate from each other! :)
part 1 is about the final scene of season 6 part 2 is about the first episode of season 7
(Well, unfortunately there was no Negan in this episode but this third part is for what happens in the meantime so that its no problem to stay true to the storyline that will await us in the next episode.)
“We’re there soon, Sweetheart”, you heard Negan amused say. You were still sitting in the car that should bring you to the sanctuary. And you still heard their screams in your head. They just wouldn’t stop. In this horrible night, the man that had killed two parts of your family, had taken you with him because he thought you had a better use than just working for him like the others. And exactly that man had his arm resting around your body, his hand on your waist while you were nothing else than disgusted by him. By what he did last night. And by what you thought he was else capable of doing. Your head were full of thoughts, full of fear and full of grief. You worried about your brother Daryl. Was he already at the Sanctuary? And if yes, what would they do to him? Before your thoughts and questions could torture you even more you saw how you were entering the sanctuary. “Welcome to your fucking new home, Sweetheart”, said Negan chuckling. That would never be your home. You would never accept this place as your home. Your home was Alexandria no matter what happened. And some day you would return. At least that was what you wished for.
You snuggled your head into the soft collar of your leather jacket. It had been a gift of Daryl. He had found it on a run while you were still living in the prison and since then it was your favorite piece of clothing. Somehow it made you feel comfortable and safe.
“Which room does she get?”, you heard the guy say that drove the car. You had heard how Negan called him Simon and he was exactly the guy, who had also tortured the man when the saviors were trying to stop you from getting to Hilltop with the RV. “The free room next to mine”, said Negan smirking, while you saw Simon laughing. ”Not the one of your wives?”, asked Simon. Wives? Did this man own a damn harem or what?! What the fucking hell was wrong with him?! ”Hell no Simon. She’s too good for that, you think I want her to fucking deprave?! Nah, she’s gonna be something fucking special”, said Negan with this weird undertone, so that you didn’t even want to know what he meant with special. “Should I..” “Nah, Simon. I’ll bring her to her room”, interrupted Negan his right hand man while he winked at you. “We’re gonna grow real fucking close”, he whispered in your ear while you felt your blood freeze. The car stopped and Negan pulled you out with him while you realized how weak your legs still were. Negan grabbed you by your waist as you entered the Sanctuary, The light in the floors was dimmed and cold, which made you feel even more uncomfortable. But the light matched the picture you had of Negan, so cold as it was. At the end of the floor you saw people that immediately knelt as they saw Negan. What the heck was that again? You saw Negan smirking as he saw the reaction of his followers as he pushed your body against his. The floor became a little bit nicer as he stopped before a door. It opened and you could see inside. It was light-flooded because of a window at the end of it and had a double bed inside. You couldn’t see more than that yet. “Well Sweetheart, unfortunately I have a whole lot of fucking stuff to do, but don’t worry my whole fucking evening is reserved for you only”, he said chuckling as you stepped inside the room. ”We’re gonna have so much fun, Sweetheart”, he said capturing you again with his intense glance, as he smirked once more. Then he left, still chuckling with his bat over his shoulder that had Glenns and Abrahams blood on it. You let yourself fall on the bed and looked around you. Cozy would be exaggerated but it could’ve been worse.
Your room in Alexandria was the coziest room you ever slept and lived in. It had this huge bed with uncountable pillows on it and the softest blanket you had ever slept in. A thing like a bed, a simple bed that kept you warm and comfortable while sleeping had become something extreme luxurious and unrealistic before you came to Alexandria. Of course you knew that it was nowhere safe. You also always kept a knife under your pillow, just in case. But no matter what, Alexandria was a home to you where you might have been not completely save but at least it gave you the opportunity to rest. It gave you the opportunity to heal your wounds, the mental and physical ones. And only one night had ripped them all open and had given you new ones.
Your glance fell on a door, where you assumed a bathroom behind. You walked over, opened it and looked in a small room that had a shower, a sink with a mirror, a window and a toilet in it. You decided to take a shower, maybe that would help to clear your head and at least get a little rid of the thoughts that tried to overwhelm you again and again.
The water pelted down on you but your head just kept pounding. A day ago everything were normal, everything were okay and everyone were alive. It all seemed so unreal, so unbelievable. You had gone through a lot since this whole thing started, but the last night could compete with all of it. The pictures of their smashed heads and your mentally destroyed friends just wouldn’t disappear, you felt your breath become heavier again and your heart pumped faster and louder. Your head felt like it would explode any second. You stopped the shower, quite contrary to what you were used to, the shower didn’t help this time, the loud down pelting water just made it worse. You put your clothes back on and as you came into the bedroom again, you saw a basket with apples stand on a small table. For now you couldn’t eat a thing, but at least you had something if your hunger came back.
You laid down on the bed and looked out of the window that was pointing to the woods. The trees behind the window swung slightly in the wind and somehow they began to calm you down. You knew that you had to keep on fighting. Thats also what Abraham and Glenn would want. It was not in your nature to just give up and you also wouldn’t this time.
You jolted up as you heard heavy steps on the floor. For the last hours you just laid on the bed, looking outside the window, fighting your thoughts, thinking about your friends and your brother and watching how the bright sunlight turned into the dimmed dusk light. But now you were standing straight trying to prepare for something you couldnt prepare for.
The door hit open and you directly saw into Negans grinning face. He had bloods splatters on his cheek and you didn’t want to know if it was walker or human blood. As he saw your shocked glance his grin became wider and he walked closer to you letting the bloody Lucille down on the ground. You knew that this was going to happen, you knew it from the very beginning. But you had forced yourself to not think about it. Your problem was definitely not that he was unattractive, if you had to be honest he was actually really good-looking, but that didn’t change a thing on how disgusting you found him.
With every step he came closer your heart beated faster and your breath got heavier. He stood finally before you and pulled you closer against his body, taking your chin with one hand and before you could even look at him he pressed his lips on yours. Before he could continue kissing you, you pulled shocked away and bumped into the wall behind you. Shaking his head chuckling he came closer again. “Sweetheart, you’re making it fucking difficult for me and we haven’t even started yet”, he said with a big grin on his lips. He didn’t seem aggressive but you didn’t know how fast that could change. And that scared you. His intense glance captured you again and you couldn’t let go of it.
As he came again so close to you that not even a paper could fit between you, you had the urge to take a step back but you couldn’t. The wall was directly behind you and there was no possibility for you to escape. You hated to have that kind of feeling and you felt panic coming up in you. Your breath became even heavier as Negan took your head in his both hands. “Please don’t hurt me”, you blustered out with a slightly whimphering voice. You hadn’t your voice under control anymore, you were trembling and you were afraid about what would happen in the next minutes. “Listen Sweetheart, I’m neither gonna hurt nor rape you. Who do you fucking think I am?!”, he asked loud raising his eyebrows. Someone that laughs while he bashes peoples heads, was what you thought. You couldn’t get a word out of your mouth. Your glance went over to the bat that was laying on the floor leaving it blood daubed. “I’m gonna treat you like the lady you fucking are. You’ll fucking enjoy it”, he said grinning. If you would do it, came through your head, maybe you’d lower the risk that he would hurt another one of your friends or your brother. And if you wouldn’t… who knew if his anger against them would rise. And having one more of them hurt was the last thing you wanted. “Alright..”, you stuttered quietly. He smirked brighter before he began kissing you rough again. Before you realized what else he was doing you found yourself laying in the bed, Negan hovering smirking above you.
What the heck were you doing? Everything about this were absurd, that couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be real that you were sleeping with the man that killed two of your friends just several hours ago. Why was this world so fucked up?
As the feeling of some kind of pleasure came up in you, you tried to fight it back immediately. You shouldn’t feel joy or pleasure sleeping with him. It should feel everything else than joyful.
What happened here were so wrong and you began to feel even disgusted by yourself.
He finally rolled off of you, laid down next to you breathing heavy and pulling you closer to him before you heard his breath becoming really calm and slow. You looked at him. He was asleep.
As soon as you were sure that he was sleeping deep enough you freed yourself from his arm and moved your body slightly away from him.
You didn’t need him that close know.
Slowly you began to doze off.
Blood. Everywhere was blood. Screams made your head pound. Your own scream echoed through the dark as you saw your friends on the ground. Their lifeless bodies that were surrounded by their blood. Not just Glenn and Abraham were laying there. No. All of them. Your heart cramped together. The urge to gag was unbearable. And your breath was uncontrollable. You were a sobbing mess as you fell on your knees next to your brothers corpse. The screams in your head became louder and louder mixed with a dark laugh. You wanted to escape this nightmare but you couldn’t.
You didn’t know how long you were trapped in this nightmare but at some point it stopped and you got drawn in your sleep again and the screams vanished.
When you woke up you found yourself laying in Negans arms. He had somehow grabbed you while you were sleeping and now you were facing his chest that went calm up and down as he breathed.
How peaceful even someone who kills people with a baseball bat could seem when he was simply sleeping. You remembered the last night. You couldn’t deny that you had felt pleasure, as much as you wanted to. If it would at least lower the risk that someone important to you would get hurt you could live with that. You tried to create some space between your two bodies as you heard Negan drowsy chuckling. You froze immediately. “Oh Sweetheart, you should appreciate that a little more”,you heard him say chuckling as he pulled you closer. You should what?
“You should have seen yourself. Sobbing like you did over the two fucking pricks. Had a nightmare you poor thing, huh?”, you heard him chuckle.
You just muttered a quiet “Yes”. “That was fucking intense! And you know what? As soon as you laid in my arms you fucking stopped”, He called out obviously amused. He raised your chin so you had to look at him. “Seems like you like me more than you show”, he said chuckling.
You glared at him which made him chuckle even more. “Sooner or later you won’t get enough of me", he said grinning with his deep voice while he kept staring into your eyes. His glance wandered to your throat and your collar bones. You were about a hundred percent sure that he had left hickeys there, because it seemed like he was admiring his work right now. You didn’t want them on your body, they disgusted you. You didn’t need something that kept reminding you about what you had done with him. He licked over his bottom lip and switched between looking into your eyes that were filled with hatred and his work. “Well Sweetheart, I guess I’ll have to freshen that up before we visit Alexandria”, he said smirking.
There was a woman sitting next to me. I knew her, yet she was a stranger to me. I couldn’t talk to her. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Instead I stared at the blinding white screen of my phone, ignoring the tiny letters trying to speak to me. I stared at it, willing the fiery tears that were burning through my eyes to go back into my head and stay there. My heart was beating so loud I could feel it in my toes. And with every deafening ‘thud’ my head screamed at her- Your husband is leaving you.
Thud. Your husband is going to leave you.
Thud. Your husband thinks you hate him.
Thud. You probably do hate him.
Thud. Your husband is leaving you.
Dad is leaving you, mom.
I’ve always seen life like a series of doors. Sometimes you get to choose the door you go through, and sometimes you don’t get that choice. But you still have to walk through it. So either you can go through kicking and screaming or walk through with your head held high.
The first couple steps down the staircase were uneasy, your beaten body leaned against the railing for support. In the back of your head, you could still hear their screaming.
You were so deep in your thoughts, you hadn’t realized Sam took your duffel bag from your fingers, carrying it himself.
“Once you sit, I’ll stitch you up.” He offered. You nodded, feet finally hitting the wooden floor.
“You can’t go back in there!” Dean shouted, reaching for your arm to pull you back.
The father had run back into the flames, trying to get to his son.
“I can’t leave them!” You wriggled out of his grip and your heels began to hit dirt as you followed the man into the flames. The door slapped against its’ frame, nearly knocking you off the front porch. Wind whipped around your shoulders, causing the blaze to fly higher than it should have.
“Y/N!” Large hands wrapped around your waist before you could enter the home.
“No! No!” You kicked at Sam’s figure as he dragged you further and further from the burning house. “It’s my fault!” You shouted, still trying to free yourself from his arms.
In seconds, Dean was by his side and began helping him place you into the car.
“Sam, please.” Tears began to drop down your cheeks, “I didn’t know. I didn’t know.”
His hand brushed over your head. “It’s ok. No one knew.”
Your ass hit the chair harder than you would have liked. While Dean went to take a shower, Sam was scouring the bunker for a first aid kit.
“Damn.” You whispered to yourself. You looked at your arms, the once clean skin was now littered in purple bruises. Cuts and scrapes were drawn across your knuckles.
“That should’ve been me.” Sam said once he entered the room; his eyes were glued to the blood caking around your shoulder.
“No.” You stated, “I was impulsive.”
He got onto one knee and began to open the plastic box. A bandage popped out as he did.
Without another word, you carefully peeled off your shirt, exposing the gash that rested on your shoulder.
“Bite down.” He placed a towel in your mouth. You winced, knowing what was coming.
Sam tried, he really did, but you could feel every thread he pulled through your skin. No matter how much alcohol he poured on it, you swore it burned more each time.
“Trade?” You asked once he finished.
“Your chest.” You pointed at the cut running along his front.
He sighed and closed the alcohol bottle, “It’s deep, but not enough for stitches.”
You nodded and picked up your shirt.
“Thanks.” You gave him a half-hearted smile. He began to wipe down your blood from the chair.
Before you could make it to the hallway, he called out your name.
“It wasn’t your fault, you know. Fire is the only way to kill a changeling and we knew the risks. But…for you to run into a burning house, that wasn’t an option, Y/N. It wouldn’t have saved anyone.” His voice was soft as he spoke.
You took in a shaky breath, “How do you know?”
“The house blew up, Y/N. You would have been right in the middle of that explosion.” Sam began to walk towards you.
He squeezed your hands in his own. “Go get some sleep.”
“Yeah.” You nodded and slipped your fingers out of his.
Within ten minutes you found yourself in the shower, hot rivulets of water streaming down your aching back. You watched as the water began to tint red, spinning down the drain in crimson ribbons. You wiped down your body with a towel, careful to avoid Sam’s handy-work on your skin. Quickly, you slipped into a t-shirt and padded your way down the hallway.
Dean’s door was shut, but as you passed it you heard light snoring. When you reached Sam’s room, you saw the door was open a crack.
“Sam?” You whispered, pushing the door open. “Are you sleeping?”
“No.” He replied, and you heard the sheets rustle. “What’s wrong?”
You furrowed your brows, “Why do you assume something is wrong?”
“How often do you come to my bedroom at 3 AM?” Sam asked, looking at his clock.
You shrugged and brought your damp hair to one side.
“I’m scared to sleep.” You said the truth. “I don’t-”
He interrupted you. “Come sit.”
You sat pretzel legged on his bed, refusing to break the silence. You listened to his even breathing, something about it began to calm you.
After a couple minutes, you dropped your head onto a pillow. “Can I stay?”
He responded by pulling the blanket over you.
“No one knew there was still someone in the house.” He whispered once he realized you still weren’t asleep.
“Doesn’t make me feel less guilty.” You replied.
Somewhere under the sheets his hand found your waist and he gripped it. You placed your hand over his and exhaled. Slowly, you began trailed patterns over his fingertips, memorizing their every curve. And then, for the first time all night, you let out a smile as you pressed your cold feet to his legs and he let slip a: “Holy shit.”
“What?” You asked, a smile painted on your face.
“Are your feet always this cold?”
Unexpectedly, he shifted closer and pressed his frame to your own, his heat penetrating through to you. Feeling secure in his arms, you shut your eyes.
You sat on the couch trying to keep your composure together and hold back your tears. Your father kept switching between news channels hearing the different reports on what was happening. Jerome always tried to prepare you for the day when this would inevitably happen. He had been through this before but it was the first time since the two of you began dating that he was being taken away from you and sent to Arkham. It was supposed to be the perfect date night filled with laughter, love, murder everything the two of you shared storming the police department and wreaking havoc. When the swat teams arrived all became a blur and the only thing you can really get level in your head was Jerome’s voice screaming at you to run. When the police footage showed him shooting the camera you had to look away because you knew what happened next. He was captured.
“Weren’t you there tonight princess?” The Joker said not taking his eyes off the tv.
You wanted to throw yourself into your fathers arms and cry and have him make you feel better like he always did, but that would mean telling him that you did the one thing you were not supposed to do. Fall in love, and especially fall in love with Jerome. You mustered up all the strength you could to respond.
“Did you and your friends see this happen?” he continued.
Friends, what friends? You thought to yourself. It was all a lie you had to keep telling your parents so you could see the only other person you had besides them. You took a deep breath and shook your head to get yourself back to normal. “Nope. Not a thing. We just stole some guns then left. Real shame though, whatever he did I bet it was fun.” you turned to your dad and smiled.
“Oh don’t you start now.” Joker smiled back at his daughter, flattered at her sense of humor but still cautious around the subject. “You stay away from people like Jerome. That goddamn copycat, he thinks he’s the next Joker or something.”
It was just something you couldn’t deny, daughters always date their fathers, it was a stereotype you didn’t mind because it was all you knew. You grew up in a family of clowns so it was only right that you would fall in love with one. You felt your phone vibrating next to you and picked it up to see a number you didn’t recognize, it only meant one thing. You quickly got up and hurried to your room and locked the door. The Joker turned a side eye to his daughter in suspicion.
You answered the phone with your heart racing, “Jerome?”
“Hey there gorgeous, miss me yet?” his malicious voice was the most relieving sound you had heard.
“I miss you like crazy you stupid clown.” you teased at him finally being able to let tears fall from your eyes
“Crazier than usual?” his laughter filled the phone and you felt your heart calm down. “Listen baby I only get one phone call so we gotta plan this out now.” his voice went deep and stern. “If you show up they’ll know who you are, disguise yourself with the stuff and come to arkham as soon as you can. I’m in my usual cell block.”
As he talked you began to gather up all the stuff you had hidden for when this day came.
“They’ll let us talk in the rec room for visitors, then we can play something more fun huh?” he growled into the phone and it made you nostalgic of the way your father growled at your mother. Ever since you were a little girl you wanted a love like like Harley and Joker and now you have found it.
“I’ll be there.” you said
The phone on his end went silent for a moment besides the rustling of keys and patients in the back. You almost hung up because you couldn’t wait to go and see him until you heard the breathing start up again.
“I love you.” he said before the phone clicked and he was gone. Then it was like you were back at the station again. The world stopped and went silent and you froze in place. You knew what you felt and were confident he felt the same, it was just the first time it was said. Just like your father, from a guy like Jerome when those words left his mouth, you knew it was real. You wiped your tears away as a wave of motivation came over you. A knock on the door snapped you fully back into reality.
“Princess” the Joker said through the door and jiggled the knob. You threw the supplies under your bed and ran over to open it. “Why was this door locked” the Joker questioned icy blue eyes staring down at you. “I thought you and I didn’t to that to each other? and why did you run out of the room like that?” When Joker thought something was wrong with his daughter or she was keeping something from him he went neurotic.
“I’m sorry daddy I just got excited, I’m going out with my friends again. New jewelry store we want to mark our territory on.” you giggled as innocently as possible waiting for your father to calm down. He looked you in the eye and slowly backed up.
“All right princess. Be home soon and don’t get caught this time. I wasted all my energy breaking you out of jail last time.” You smiled one last time at him before closing the door.
You grabbed the stuff from under your bed and went back to dressing. You threw a blonde wig over your purple dyed hair and adjusted it into place. You kicked off your usual black and purple ensemble and wrapped yourself in a white dress. Finally you hid your face behind huge sunglasses. No one in gotham would recognize the clown princess dressed like this. You took a deep breath before peaking your head out of your bedroom. The coast was clear of your parents and you sneaked to the front door.
“Leaving love you!” you said and raced to the garage as fast as possible. If you were going to really be in disguise the purple lamborghini was off limits. You opened up Frost’s car and got the spare key’s from the glove box were on your way.
Joker slammed his head against the wall watching his daughter drive away through the window of his office, he was already suspicious but the fact she took Frost’s hideous car confirmed something was unusual with her. He knew something was wrong in his gut with his princess and it was driving him more insane than he already was. She had been different for months, paying him less attention, her eyes wandering off into dream land. He wasn’t sure if it was the new friends she said she was going around with or something else, but he didn’t want to admit to himself his worst fear. He saw her eyes captivated every time that red headed bastard was on the news. He just had to make sure that it wasn’t real. He had to follow her and find out what was going on.
Joker pulled out his phone and activated the tracking device that he had put in her phone years ago. It traced the car along a route he knew all too well. A route that only lead to one place in Gotham city. Arkham.
Jerome sat in the main hall seething and tapping his fingers on the metal table. His entire body was tensing up waiting for you to come. He had never felt what he was feeling before. Not when he killed his mother, when he was caught, when he got out for the first time, his mind was always racing and always concocting something. But now he felt nervous, like it was blank, except for you. Time was racing and slowing down at the same night, he kept looking at the hall waiting for you to walk through to the gate, snarling at the guard who turned away from him. Finally his heart sped up so fast he thought he was going to pass out when he saw you walk up. Through the dress and the glasses and the wig, he could still recognize those lips he couldn’t wait to touch.
You walked up more calm than ever when you saw the red hair, your heart fluttered and your goosebumps settled. Arkham was like another home to you after seeing your mother and father here a million times, and now the family tradition was continuing. You gave the guard a fake name and who you were there to see. Before they led Jerome away to meet you in the other room you lowered your glasses to wink and smirk at him.
You were both led into the visitors section and before the door could even close behind you his arms were around your waist. You rested your head on his shoulder as he spun you around and you breathed in his scent. Like a wild animal he smashed his lips against yours not being able to contain himself and you intertwined your fingers in the red locks. You both melted in to each other and it took five bangs on the doors by the guards for you guys to realize you needed to let each other go. Like a small child excited to show someone his toys Jerome grabbed his hand and pulled you over by the window table to sit down.
“Well well baby I was afraid you wouldn’t show up to this big bad scary place.” he smirked at you.
“If I was scared of anything I wouldn’t be dating you would I?” you teased.
Jerome looked around like he was waiting for something to ruin this moment, like he had never felt nervous before he had never felt scared before either. Not since he decided to stand up to his mother. Now he was scared of losing time with you, losing you. You grabbed his hand and touched his jaw to turn his head to face you.
“I hope what you said on the phone wasn’t a joke of yours. I think I’ve had enough jokes for a hundred lifetimes.” you said solemnly to him, signing that you were serious.
Jerome leaned forward an inch from your face and looked at your lips then up to your eyes. “Even I’m not that good of a comedian.” The two of you locked each others glances and got tunnel vision before you joined together for another kiss. Jerome pulled away and his smile spread from ear to ear.
“Now” he said “Let’s talk about getting me out of here.
Before he could finish his thought a rumble shook the building around you. When you looked outside the window you saw the helicopter approaching.
Jerome looked out the window “I thought we agreed to keep this a secret baby?”
‘We should have known better. Get down!” you screamed and you and Jerome dropped to the floor. The bullets rang out and destroyed the windows around you.
The guards tried to pull out their guns and fight back but they were no match for the power that the Joker brought. Jerome crawled over to you and grabbed your waist to pull you off the floor and run when he saw the guards fall. He grabbed the keys off their belt and their gun and unlocked the door to let them out of the room. As you and him ran you ripped off your blonde wig to let your purple locks flow free as Jerome shot each guard that ran towards the two of you. From the helicopter Joker saw his daughter running in the opposite direction. His heart sank down into his stomach, you were supposed to be running int o his arms. His rage took over and he ordered Frost to land the helicopter when no more resistance was headed their way. When it was close to the ground the Joker jumped out and ran through the wreckage they had left into arkham on your path.
You and Jerome had reached the front doors you had come in with a trail of bodies behind you. He threw the gun to his side and opened up the door. The alarm went off and the sound was piercing, he tried to yell over it.
“I’m out of bullets and they’ll in more guards. We have to go now!.” Jerome still had a smile on his face and his arm around you. He was happy as could be to be breaking out this time with the girl he loved with him. His smile faded quickly when he realized you weren’t smiling back.
“Jerome.. my dad he…. I can’t just run from him.”
“That’s exactly what we gotta do baby! That clown will kill me for touching you!”
You knew it was true but you tried to fight it any way.
“No I can talk to him I can..”
“That ain’t how it works baby. Now or never.”
You looked back at the blood and smoke behind you and saw the green hair start to approach.
“Jerome, you have to go. You have to run I’ll keep him here.” Jerome felt the tension come back into his body and his eyes turned into an evil glare. He knew it was too good to be true. He let go of you in a swift action and began to run.
In that moment the only thing that mattered was that you realized you had never said that one thing back to him.
“Jerome!” you called out. He turned around slowly not being able to bare looking at you for long. “I love you too!” you called out and the tears you fought earlier that day came rushing back. Jerome felt the insanity and the confidence rush through his blood again and like a snap of the fingers his smile was back.
“I’ll find you” he called back before disappearing into the woods surrounding Arkham.
Suddenly you heard and saw more bullets fire after him and turned around to see your father.
The Joker looked angry and devastated that Jerome got away and started to lunge to go after him but you grabbed his shoulder to stop him and pulled him back to you. You knew he was upset and you were in trouble, but for the first time in your life you couldn’t read his eyes and what he was truly thinking.
The Joker looked at his daughter, relieved that he had gotten to her and that she was back with him. But it killed him inside to think that she had lied to him, gone to see him, and given your heart to someone other than him. He had a million thoughts going through his head and words at the tip of his tongue but he could only three out.
Insomnia isn’t a pretty girl with a messy bun and a cup of coffee in her hand.
Insomnia is being awake at 5 am because your head won’t shut up.
Insomnia is being so tired it feels like passing out, but not being able to close your eyes and fucking sleep.
It’s your head screaming and finding tiny little things to fixate on.
It’s having to take medicine every single night just to get a few hours of sleep.
Insomnia is people not understanding that when you say that you’re tired, you don’t mean “I am so tired, I only got like 6 hours of sleep”, it’s meaning “I am so tired because my head kept me awake, again.”
Insomnia is counting the hours you’ve slept, and being so obsessed with them.
It is feeling your entire body wanting to shut off, but your mind is screaming “Oh but you can’t sleep now, I’m having so much fun tormenting you.“
“See you later!” You said goodbye to your friend and opened the door to your small office, sighing and throwing your jacket on your desk. Only that you didn’t hit the desk, but Kylo Ren himself. You stood still, screamed inside your head and hestitated.“Commander?” You stared at the masked man before you, your throat suddenly dry. “Commander! I’m so so sorry, I didn’t see you!” Quickly, you picked up your jacket. “How can I help you, Sir?”
Kylo Ren said nothing. He was stiff and his fists were clenched and he stared at you. Never had the commander visited you, he never had taken note of your presence before. Not that you weren’t important. You were, you were certain of it, but there was a possibility that Kylo Ren didn’t think you were important enough.
You cursed silently and avoided his gaze, looking everywhere but his face. Then, suddenly, you noticed the little crumpled note in his fist. You frowned. It wasn’t possible, he wouldn’t… your thoughts gave you a headache.
“You’re the one… who left the notes for me, sir?” You asked carefully, your voice quiet, and frowned. For weeks now someone has left little notes on your desk, saying nice things about you. First, the notes had been plain, not interessting enough to mind them, saying how beautiful and clever you were, - the standart- before they turned pretty intense. One of your favourites was a beige note with the words ‘I’ve never seen such a merciless warrior Queen/King on the battlefield before.’ written down. Notes like this followed and aroused your interest.
“Yes.” Kylo Ren’s deep voice pulled you out of your thoughts and in your mind you screamed louder. “I… left the notes.”
“They were nice.” You smiled awkwardly and pointed at his fist. “Uhm, what did you wrote in that one?” Without a word Kylo Ren gave you the little note and you opened it and blinked.
You couldn’t believe that he wrote that. You? Shredded? Not something you hear on an every day basis, but nonetheless, it was imaginativ.
Kylo Ren cleared his throat to get your attention back. “Would you like to go out with me?”
“Like a dinner?”
“On a mission?” He asked and you raised your eyebrow and smiled.