screamity scream


I spent too much of my life 

not knowing how to say 


I was small and ignorant

Thought yes was the only answer

Because when I said 


He said “it’s okay.” 

So I thought


Didn’t matter

I grew up and learned



To drugs, to alcohol

Soon I said yes to those too

To the things I wanted

To say 


To; I said yes

And then 



I repeated 


So many times

I thought my tongue would only 

Ever know that word

And then again

A new one whispered

“It’s okay” 

So again I thought


Didn’t matter

I was screaming it

In my head

In my chest

With my body

With my silence

With my fear

With the cold, icy feeling 

That left me frozen

Unable to say 


Out loud

Because no one ever


I spent so long

Unable to say 


But now I know how

I know I can

And when they say,

“It’s okay”

I can still say,


Now I don’t just

Say it



I scream it until

They hear me

Because once,

They didn’t accept my 


So now I won’t

Accept their yes. 

Their “it’s okay”



It’s not. 

And I am not afraid 

To scream