scream trilogy

“the first star wars movie wasn’t political either. neither were empire and jedi.”

  • Imperial officers’ uniforms are basically Space Hugo Boss
  • Totalitarian regime crushes opposition of any sort with overwhelming force
  • Formerly democratic legislative bodies made irrelevant through centralization of power in the Emperor
  • Empire commits genocide in first twenty minutes of movie
  • Rag-tag resistance army comprised of persecuted humans and aliens
  • Stormtroopers. Stormtroopers. Stormtroopers. 

In conclusion, totally not political at all.

Eliot is so amazing and odd, though?? Like?? Literal list of things Eliot Waugh has done

  • Loves making food because it’s a concrete result to his action.  It’s something he made and he can see the direct results of his actions and he finds this really pleasant.  
    • As a result of that, he throws awesome dinner parties for his friends like. a lot. and he’s meticulous about it.
  • Buys either really old Mongolian spellbooks or really old Mongolian erotica?? We just don’t know??
  • When his people are under threat, he starts off like “I’m gonna kill them!” And then amends his own throughts bc no, he doesn’t want to kill them, just “mess them up real good.”  Literally that’s a quote.
  • Thinks of Quentin as the family he needed all along to become who he supposed to be. 
    •  He realized that just bc he doesn’t need his bio family, he can still have people he adores and who adores him and he finds that in Quentin’s friendship!! 
  • .Literally becomes a hero and does a bunch of amazing deeds in hopes that the gods will let him see his best friend again
  • Is a natural savant at magic, but comes out average-good most of the time, bc he’s lazy af.
  • Formats an emergency letter like a telegram in all caps with STOP every other sentence 
    • He 100% did not have to do that and signed the telegram with KISS. 
  • Is p. sure faeries do everything “for the lulz”
  • Adheres very flawlessly and considerately to Fillorian etiquette bc he respects them a lot
  • Quotes Tennyson before grand adventures
  • Says things like “dot in the shark” and “the thick plottens”
  • Survived living with a nasty, homophobic family, cut them off and found new people
  • Thought of bringing something cool back for the Dean of his school when he went to a literal fantasy world
  • Takes care of other people, even when he’s falling apart inside
  • Falls into alcoholism and depression, but also recovers
  • Actually SUPER GOOD AT BATTLE MAGIC when he wants to be
  • Super involved ruler who gives every bit of love his subjects give to him back to them
  • Sobs when his bff is almost gone forever
  • Is a natural leader always
  • just wants to be needed
  • Believes people have a guiding truth that he calls “The point of them”
    • It’s always something rlly flattering
    • Like Josh’s is his big heart
    • Quentin’s is the way he can truly passionately love something in ways most are too jaded to
    • He thinks that when ppl are misunderstood, ppl just don’t get the point of the person a lot of the time
  • Is so cool, the multiverse keeps his life in two volumes
  • IS THE FUCKING BEST
Billy Loomis - Weirdly Attractive Villains #3

This week’s WAV is none other than Skeet Ulrich as Billy Loomis from Scream. 

I’m sure most everybody is familiar with Scream, but I’ll give you a brief summary just in case: 

Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) is a high school student whose small town is shaken by the brutal slaying of two teenagers by a masked figure nearly a year following the murder of her mother. The entire town is placed under curfew as the police search for the killer and Sidney and her friends must avoid being murdered as well. 

That was a horrible summary, but there’s not much I can divulge without giving away major plot points. 

Anyway, onto Billy…

Biting a knife has never been so sexy. 

I’ll start off by saying that I really, really, really love Scream, all of the Scream movies. My sister and I can quote the first film entirely from memory and it drives my mother insane. Those movies are perfect. 

So, why Billy?

Billy Loomis is hot, alright? Jesus Christ, Billy’s adorable. Nobody has ever looked so good covered in blood. He wields a knife with those mysterious eyes and his chiseled jaw and his perfect nose and that brilliant, lovely angsty stare. Seriously - Skeet Ulrich is so goddamn sexy that it hurts me. 

IT PHYSICALLY HURTS ME. 

As if Billy being one sexy motherfucker isn’t enough, he’s also sly. He’s wily and just…absolutely demented. 

Billy’s obsessed with scary movies to the point that he and his buddy Stu Macher plan out the murders to coincide with a scary movie plotline and that’s just crazy; but it’s clever and interesting.

That said, he’s absolutely insane. 

We all go a little mad sometimes. 

Those crazy eyes have it. They’ve got it, babe. 

In line with those crazy eyes, BILLY. FUCKING. LOOMIS. IS. A. VENGEFUL. MOTHER. FUCKER. 

- SPOILERS - 

He kills Sidney’s mother because she slept with Billy’s father and caused his mother to walk out. (Stu helped because why the fuck not?) And then he orchestrates the events of the film to kill Sidney, too.

- END SPOILERS - 

Most people would say this is just a bit excessive. But all I see is loving dedication. (I’m kidding, obviously. Billy’s fucking insane.) 

A lot of psychopaths are charming, and Billy. is. charming. It’s scary how charming he is and I….I just really like that. As bad as it sounds, Billy’s at his sexiest when he’s all dark and gun-toting and knife-to-throat-holding, but that’s a barrel of worms for another day, I think. 

There’s just something about Billy that makes you fall for him. 

Don’t give me that look, I’m funny. 

As if Billy needs anything else, his banter with Stu during the final scene only makes me love him more. I just…yes. I love him. I love Billy Loomis. I’d bang that like a screen door in a hurricane. (And something about Billy’s character tells me he’d like to bang me like a screen door in a hurricane too.) 

He’d probably kill me afterwards, but I’m okay with that. 

Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Loomis. 

Like a screen door in a hurricane.