scout pyro sniper

Fic 458: S’mores

A little camping inspired Heavy/Pyro (marshmallow) fluff. 

It had been a long day for them all. Sniper, Scout, Heavy, Engineer, and Pyro had set out that morning in Sniper’s camper van, destination Lonesome Gulch National Park, for one full week of the beauty of nature. With Sniper behind the wheel and forgoing a map, they’d long since left the main road and wound up in the middle of nowhere.

As it turned out, Nowhere was a lovely little site that Sniper had scouted out the season before nestled just uphill from a small river and under a small thatch of trees that kept away the worst of the New Mexico sun. They’d pitched tents and set up camp, with Sniper taking the lead in making sure that any food not kept in the camper was well away from any of the local wildlife and Scout.

They’d spent the day doing all of the usual types of camping type things; hiking, swimming, fending off a cougar, and finally setting up a campfire and settling in for the night.

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Ms. Pauling Visits the Mercs #1
  • Pauling: Doc... Why is Scout foaming in the mouth and on the floor?
  • Dr. Hans Ludwig: Misha shot him with a horse-tranquilizer.
  • Misha: He cried many nights over being turned down by you, Miss Pauling.
  • Dr. Hans Ludwig: Ja, und remember when he tried to order a robot that looked similar to Miss Pauling only to be refused by the robot. Then we had to kill the robot?
  • Misha: Da, do you remember-
  • Pauling: I think he's dead...
  • Dr. Hans Ludwig: Ja ja ja... His clone should be receiving the organic data of his life in a few moments, and should be exiting those doors in 3...2...1.
  • Jeremy Deluca: *Walks out of RED HQ's respawn room* Hey guys... Do you remember what happened? All I can remember is being shot by Heavy and- HOLY CRAP IS THAT MISS PAULING! UM UM UM UM UM MM
  • Misha: *Shoots him in the neck with Horse-Tranquilizer* See? He keeps doing this- this- this muttering like unsure baby-man.
  • Pauling: OH MY GOD!
  • Misha: Do not worry Ms. Pauling, just go home, we will retrieve intelligence and let you enjoy vacation.







Look at the boy. Look at him! Cute face with the little buck teeth and small skinny arms that are good for hugs and pats and everything. He run fast! He talk fast! He smile good! He tries his best at everything and I want a self esteem as big as his. Look at that good boy! He’s a happy boy! So pure and full of wonder!!


A good man! Strong! Powerful! Caring! He loves racoons and teleports bread. Very patriotic but loves his friends because they’re a team. He loves his team! He loves his family! He loves America!! He can neck snap bears!! Strong man very caring and goofy but also powerful!!!!


He is a pure child! Doesn’t want to hurt anybody but it’s not his fault. He doesn’t know what he’s doing; just wanna help!! He makes warm fires! Always happy. Always a good boy in my heart. Look! He has!! A poof!!! He wants to stay warm and he is a good warm boy inside. Good child!!



LOOK. He happy!! He pure!! Albeit drunk a few times, he’s still a good guy at heart! Would give you a hug if you’re sad! Energetic and understanding plus wants you to have a good day all day everyday!!!! A good good man! Can turn his entire body into an alcohol converter and very smart. Made his own bombs!! Smart!!! Lookie!!! He will get his job back! He will be with his friends! He will be with his family and he loves his family!!! A good man!!


He has! A good heart! Loves family! Loves friend! What if someone hurt friend?? HE CRUSH LIKE LEETLE BABY because he loves them!! Strong and kind. Gives Sandvich to those that are hurt. Respects others! Smart!! A good man!!! Doesn’t understand petty game when you can just smash everything and win like that. Good!! He finds other ways to win a game instead of just one that is efficient!! A good and smart man!!!!


A good man! Very patient and soft. Hard worker! Very patient! Smart man and knows how to build things!! Soft!!! Reads stories to make Pyro happy. A good man at heart! Short and cute too!!! Lookie him!!! He has his goggles up!! He is reading a story nice and soft!! I want him to read me cute child stories before bed!!! Nice man!!!!!



He is!! A man!! Of science!! Smart and does experiments; very curious indeed. Baboon babies! He smile! He smart! He trick satan!! He frees friends from sin. He hold baby! He has family! He saves Sniper!!! A good man! A science man!! Looks evil but is really good inside!! Has feelings; pls don’t hurt them. He loves his birds!!


HE HAS!! GOOD BODY!! He got shot but lived because he’s the most dangerous man on the island!!! A true sniper; takes the shot. He saves friends! He saves family! Nice hair; nice scars!!! Can headshot good and has respect. A professional!!! 


Always! Looking! Good! Can disguise. Can lie. Can seduce. He taught his son how to date!! A good man! Can hide quickly and loves children. Loves children!!! A good man at heart and good actor. Best actor!!