scout knife

So I went to a wedding reception and we were helping clean up, and some guy asked if anyone had scissors. No one did, so the groomsmen started pulling out their car keys and seeing who had the sharpest key but then I just walked over and pulled my leatherman out of my purse and handed it to the guy, and let me tell you, it was the greatest moment of my career seeing the impressed looks on everyone’s faces.

(So like me, right? Haha, Jk… I know knife defense and amateur tomahawk throwing. I’m not exactly a helpless girl ;))

Scout: The Civilian wants to punch him. Just because she doesn’t have any weapons, or she doesn’t fight, doesnt mean she has to be treated like a fragile little girl… it also doesn’t mean she needs to be flirted with. Every. Single. Day. Seriously Scout, chill.
Demoman: Probably flirts a little in the beginning, but will back off if they don’t show any interest. He’s going to be eager if she can hold her liquor, so brace for the impact of drinking contests. Demo will probably also be one of the mercs that will show off his skills around the lady, trying to out-best the other mercs.
Heavy: Doesn’t connect well with the Civilian, mainly keeps his distance. No offense to her, but he really doesn’t see the point in her being here. That doesn’t mean he’s not civil, he’ll make small talk, and attempt to get to know Civilian for the sake of their jobs, but they won’t be BFF’s, unless they find something they can really connect with.
Soldier: Defenseless citizen?! Not on his watch!!! Civilian always becomes a typical damsel in distress in his eyes, and MAN does it get old. Soldier will often throw the poor girl over his soldier at the sign of a single disturbance, insisting the he must ‘rescue’ the lady from the deadly looking Daddy Long Leg spider on the counter! ‘Soldier, please put me down…’ ‘Negatory, ma'am! Your tiny ankles are delicate and will break upon the slightest contact on this Commy made floor!’ ‘…Soldier, this is CARPET. I won’t break anything if I stand on it!’ ‘I’M NOT RISKING IT!’
Engineer: Probably one of the most normal ones, he’s generally very friendly, although he too has his doubts on why Civilian is here in the first place. Engie becomes a little more closed off when it comes to work, and is a bit irritated knowing Civilian can’t use any weapons to defend herself, but off-hours, he can be friendly face to see around the base.
Pyro: VERY protective, holy shit. If they are in charge of guarding Civilian, NO ONE is getting past him, usually because they make a ridiculously huge ring of fire around them. (although if any enemies come from over their head, Civilian is screwed.)  Very friendly, usually latches on to Civilian and tags around with them in their off-hours.
Sniper: Like Heavy, he’s polite for the sake of teamwork, but he doesn’t hide his criticism that well. They are on a BATTLEFIELD, why the bloody hell doesn’t this girl have a weapon?! Yes, Sniper will help defend her, but he’s going to be irritated while doing so, grumbling under his breath. He could’ve gotten those headshots, had Civilian picked up and bloody shotgun and defended herself. Off-hours, he won’t go out of his way to hang out with them, but he’ll at least acknowledge them and keep the peace.
Medic: New blood? Excellent. Seemingly friendly, he has plenty of questions regarding the Civilian, although, don’t go alone into his lab. Just don’t. Other than that, he’s pretty chill, a bit dismissive during Battle times, but other then that, he’s generally ok, just don’t go by yourself into his lab. Don’t.
Spy: Don’t bother him, and you’ll be fine. He sees CIvilian as an ‘unnecessary liability’ and has said so directly to her face. That’s actually how Spy first greeted her. The less they interact, the better. He doesn’t hide his criticisms at all, and will take any and every opportunity to mock the Civilian to her face. Unless she suddenly turns out to have some worth, they won’t be friends anytime soon.

The Right Note

For @itsallavengers, happy birthday darling! Sorry I’m late, but I hope this makes up for my tardiness 💖


The first one was in the photo-frame.

Tony was never the nostalgic type, no matter what everybody said, but he did have two photographs on his bedside table. One was the candid shot taken by the shawarma shop owner in 2012, after the first battle the team had won. It was no art and nothing close to the portraits that stood out on magazine covers; half of them looked dead on their feet and Thor’s mouth was open on a bite that showed more than some could digest. It was a study in a disaster’s aftermath and a capture of life amidst ruins but it had been the first photograph of them together.

There were a million others in the database or the internet but none came close to this one where six heroes were just people; nothing more and probably a lot less.

It sat in a simple frame of silver beside the other photograph, the one where Rhodey and Pepper stood flanking a tired but faking Tony in 2008, a few hours after a disastrous press conference where Tony had announced himself as Iron Man. It had been taken by an SI staff’s son, and was mildly blurry in tge edges. Happy was out of focus at the back, like he had blended into the background but was still present. It wasn’t a candid shot, there was too much of weariness and tension to invoke candour, but it was the first step of his family becoming a team.

It was quite symbolic that he had them right next to the one where a team went on to become a family.

He blinked twice at the post-it stuck onto the frame of the Avengers photograph and reached out to peel it off.

“J, who’s handiwork is this?” he asked as he sat up, the warmth of sleep lifting off him while he read the note.

“It would be Doctor Banner, sir,” JARVIS replied, a hint of amusement shining through his tone.

“Did Bruce creep on me in my sleep?” Tony laughed, feeling the paper in his hand, the neon green shade stark against his skin.

“I believe he didn’t have any malevolent intentions, sir,” JARVIS paused in consideration, “And he did close his eyes when he came, something that caused him a stubbed toe. If it helps, he also asked me to inform you of the apology written behind the note.”

Tony dutifully turned the note around and snorted at the large scrawl of an apology with a badly drawn Hulk smiley. He turned it back around and read the note again.

The first element of childhood

The last bond of life

Pick one of both and come out

To avoid a big green strife

(Clint can’t rhyme and this is all his fault)

“First element,” Tony mused and slipped out of the bed, eyeing the room, “First element of childhood? If Bruce intended it and Clint rhymed it, then it’s something to do with science. First element…hydrogen?”

Tony walked around a bit and paused when he came across the stand beside the TV. There was a bunch of colourful balloons stuck to it, all Avengers themed.

“J, are these hydrogen balloons?” Tony stifled a laugh but rubbed a hand across the grumpy Hulk one.

“It would seem so, sir”

Tony peered at all of them and carefully peeled out the string of the Hulk balloon, leaving the others stuck to the stand.

“What’s the second clue?” he muttered to himself and eyed the drawer beside the stand, his balloon clutched in one hand, “Last bond of life. Life. Last bond could be philosophical but -

"Bond. It’s definitely chemistry,” Tony mused and searched the area, coming to a stop when he found something wedged underneath the table. He frowned at it, a basket for hoops and then it struck him.

“J, is this supposed to look like a bond of oxygen?” he chuckled and eyed the shape of a smiley that resembled :O

“I don’t claim to understand some human jokes, sir,” JARVIS replied in a droll voice and Tony shook his head with a grin.

“Such a nerd,” he huffed fondly before picking it up and walking out of his room, curious to know the next part of this adventure.

The next note was more of a scroll, hanging from an arrow.

“Subtle, Clint,” Tony picked it out from the shield shaped clock in the hallway and read it over.

The only best friend worth having

The only food worth storing

Eat one and skip the other

If you make me rhyme more, I’ll yell, you mother-

(He wrote this before coffee. Just ignore the last one.)

The part within parentheses was definitely Natasha’s handwriting and Tony smirked as he imagined her smacking Clint before snatching the scroll from him.

“Best friend,” Tony hummed thoughtfully to himself and looked at the mantle below the clock. A small dog’s toy sat on it, big dark eyes and soft fur. Tony shifted his balloon to one hand and picked up the toy with the other, grinning at the hangdog expression of it.

“Dumbass,” he said with a fond chuckle before walking towards the kitchen to check for the next clue. He placed his bounty on the kitchen table to open the fridge and let out a guffaw at the sight.

The entire fridge was filled with pizza and Tony chortled as he picked out a box with a small double cheese pizza in it.

“Alright, agreed I guess,” he shook his head and looked around for the next clue.

The third note was easy, placed on the coffee pot.

One resembles your humour

The other was once your ego

Accept them as we have you

And the past maybe we’ll forego

He sighed with a small smile at Natasha’s neat cursive and eyed the kitchen.

“Now where would our Widow hide her stuff?” he asked himself and began opening the drawers. He found a blunt Scouts’ pocket knife in the cutlery section and snorted at it. He was rifling through the cereal cupboard when a file fell out.

Tony stilled when he read the file. It was a familiar one, the same he had gotten from Fury in 2010, when he had been rejected for the Avengers Initiative. There was one minor change and Tony swallowed hard as he read it.

Iron Man recommended, Tony Stark not recommended needed

“Goddammit Nat,” he whispered and swallowed again before breathing out slowly.

“Would you like to continue, sir?” JARVIS asked quietly and Tony nodded.

“Let’s do this,” he said and picked up the articles he had collected before walking out of the kitchen.

The fourth note was painted on a… flag.

“I’m surprised he didn’t inscribe it on stone,” Tony rolled his eyes fondly as he read Thor’s note.

The first ride of a warrior is mighty

The first wound much remembered

One more step towards your prize

One puzzle and all your questions shall be answered.

“If he’s kept some Asgardian horse hidden here, I swear,” Tony sighed but was hiding a smile as he began searching for Thor’s objects.

The first one was smack dab in the living room of the floor and Tony doubled over laughing.

“Where…where did he get a frickin chariot?!” Tony laughed as he looked at the small chariot in the middle of his floor, with a flag of red and gold fluttering atop it. He wiped tears from his eyes and kept chuckling as he searched for the next item and found it in a bottle on the coffee table.

“Asgardian salve,” Tony commented with an appreciative tone as he eyed the gold potion before placing it back, “Bruce is going to go nuts.”

“Ready for your last one, sir?” JARVIS asked and Tony patted the chariot once before nodding.

“Where’s Steve’s note?”

“For that you must go to the library,” JARVIS instructed and Tony felt curious but excited to see what his husband’s note would be.

When Tony entered the cozy library, he froze at the sight in front of him.

Steve was sitting in front of the piano, a small smile on his face and fingers poised on the keys. Before Tony could find his voice, his husband began playing a tune that unfurled memories of a cherished past.

Try to remember the kind of September
When life was slow and oh, so mellow.
Try to remember the kind of September
When grass was green and grain so yellow.
Try to remember the kind of September
When you were a young and callow fellow,
Try to remember and if you remember then follow.

If Tony shut his eyes he could visualize his mother playing the same tune ages ago, blonde hair and nimble fingers. People had always called Tony a slice of Howard; from his choices to his looks, he had outshined and shadowed the man through many walks. It had become a silent string to Tony’s life and he had long since accepted it as part of his legacy. It was a twinge against his breastbone but Tony had long since given his heart, in pieces and parts to people he had loved. It didn’t matter anymore.

What people didn’t know though, was that Steve was a reminder of his mother. The kindness and love, the sadness and solitude, the need for a family and the uncertainty around it - Steve was a Maria who lived; who stayed with Tony despite life and defeating death.

The last bridge of music faded and Tony smiled as Steve looked up, the same azure eyes that had sworn love to him a decade ago, now shining with a knowing affection. Tony had learnt over time to appreciate affection over love. Love was an ever-present pull in his life and Tony had become a better man for it but affection, that was the comfort of everyday. Of trust and mistakes, casual and effective in its reassurance. It was home and Tony always flew the skies knowing he would come back to it.

“Happy birthday,” Steve smiled and Tony pushed off from the wall he was leaning against, walking into the room and placing his things on the coffee table before going towards the man who had captured his heart-strings long ago.

“Very happy indeed,” he murmured and leaned down to kiss the lips that wished him goodnight after any kind of day.

“Stop the saliva exchange for a minute,” a voice called out and Tony rolled his eyes as he leaned back a fraction, turning his head to see his team, his original team, standing in the room.

“Whatever, Birdbrain,” Tony grinned and Clint shot him a thumbs-up before gesturing to a banner above them.

“Happy birthday, Tony,” Bruce called out as Tony read the banner with a laugh.

You completed a half century! Good job, now try getting to a Steve!

“Already got a Steve,” Tony winked and Thor laughed as Natasha rolled her eyes before walking over.

“It was Bucky’s idea,” she informed before wrapping him in a hug, “Before you ask, the others will be joining for the lunch Pepper is organizing later.”

“They saw it fit to let us wish you first,” Thor agreed and hugged Tony when Natasha let go.

“Can’t ignore the Original status,” Clint remarked and slapped Tony’s back with a grin.

“What was with the gifts?” Tony asked, turning to face Steve with a smile.

“Well,” Steve shared a look with the others over Tony’s shoulder before pulling him into his arms, “What do you give the man who has everything?”

“Probably something he didn’t have before,” Bruce commented and Tony got it. He got it with a sharp realization that pushed him to bury his face in Steve’s chest for a minute.

They had given him a childhood, their versions of a childhood. Simple things, simple memories, and simple pleasures that Tony had never had when he had dabbled with engines and robots to impress someone who didn’t see him well. Bruce remembering a childhood with balloons and basketball, Clint equating friendship to a dog and a pizza, Natasha growing up with pocket knives and constantly relearning impressions, Thor bringing a part of his home, and Steve. Steve bringing a part of Tony that he had seen in a memory. Bringing him the missing note to begin a new year.

“Very happy indeed,” Tony repeated and breathed out as he began a birthday with a family he had made and one that accepted him.

The right note of life.

A miserable girl she always was, with no one paying her any heed,
She’d search for someone to listen to her, yet she found no one.
Even in her family and friends, nobody would wanna do with her, any deed,
Reclining to herself, she’d spent the night waiting for the sun.
Darkness terrified her, her demons got stronger with the passage of time,
Feeding on her like a parasite, she grew weaker.
She wanted to run away, to where, she didn’t know, didn’t even have a dime,
Abandoned she felt, every moment of her life, in her own home, future never looked bleaker.
Looking herself in the mirror, why does nobody like me,
Is it my face, my body, what is it with which I’m laden.
She stripped off her clothes and stared at her reflection, wanting to flee,
The marks were still there, where she was beaten.
Started scratching at her skin in her fury upon herself,
Tried to reach for the little scout knife on the shelf,
Knowing the exact place where he had kept it himself,
Scars turned scarlet on her skin where the blade sunk itself.
In pain, she found a sense of imacable relief,
Staring at her belly, she thought she’d get a piercing.
She was overcome with grief,
In her mind, demons had been slicing.
Middle of the night, without a care, out on the road,
Reaching the tattoo artist, on foot, sighing.
Need to cover these scars, on her back the ink flowed,
Piercing on her belly button, in the mirror she was eyeing.
Didn’t wanna go back home, instead sat on the corner,
Smoking a puff, staring at the night.
A caravan passing by, saw the girl, took her as a foreigner,
Abduction took place, grabbing her in the absence of light.
- DG

Written for @inkstay September words prompt #3: bellybutton, abandon, abduction

anonymous asked:

it's me again, a person who asked about the beats' works. thank you for answering my question! and yes, i'm a fan of kyd. i'm really into lucien, his relationship with david and especially david's murder, so it would be great if you gave me a detailed explanation!

wooo yes!!!! ok SO all the books i mentioned have a version of the murder story except, of course, jack & allen’s letters (which were all written long after). i’ll go in the order i read them and describe how close they are to kyd/what you should expect from each!!

and the hippos were boiled in their tanks (by burroughs & kerouac): unlike kyd, the characters are not in school, they just get by day to day bar-hopping and trying to get themselves shipped out. phillip (lucien) kills al (david) with a hatchet instead of a boy scout knife. the book ends soon after the murder, so most of the reading you’ll be doing is just the events leading up to it (which are still super entertaining, i love this book!).

vanity of duluoz (by jack kerouac): the claude chapters (aka lucien chapters) are pretty accurate to real life & similar to the events of kyd; they give a wonderful depiction of lucien in his school days (one of my favorites!) and a lot of great insight into the lucien/david relationship. there’s some really funny stuff that goes down with jack and the other inmates once he’s incarcerated as an accessory, so that’s a bonus.

the book of martyrdom & artifice (by allen ginsberg): allen’s infamous “bloodsong” is from this book, which is a collection of all of allen’s early writings from his journals and includes his time at school when he met lucien and the rest of the beat crew. there’s lots of interesting stuff about lucien and the murder as they happen (all dated!) and then you can actually read allen’s fictionalized account of the murder (which of course he never witnessed, so what he wrote is his own highly romanticized and gay as hell wishful-thinking version). this is the piece he turned in as his thesis in kyd, that was rejected for being “smutty” (he mentions that in the book). there’s more stuff in there too, but i haven’t gotten through it all yet (it’s a very big book!). really good for kyd fans, i think, especially those interested in what allen thought of lu!

the town & the city (by jack kerouac): the first half depicts jack’s childhood in “the town” and the second part his life in “the city” (new york), so you’ll want to skip to the second part, where you can read another fictionalized version of the murder story in which waldo (david) supposedly commits suicide by jumping off a building. since it’s so far from the truth and not exactly focused on the murder it’s not really the best for accuracy BUT it has one of the most fascinating interpretations of the lucien/david relationship that i’ve read thus far. in this book, waldo lost an arm as a result of a car crash that kenneth (lucien) caused. kenneth ridicules him mercilessly for this disability (which HE caused!!!), yet waldo, of course, only wants kenneth’s company and obsesses over him all the more. veeeery interesting dynamic that calls to mind a lot of implications. the part about them isn’t very long, though.

you’ll be okay (by edie parker): i’d definitely recommend reading this whole book for both entertainment and the accuracy of the story. though most of what’s written about the actual murder incident is about edie’s confusion when she’s brought in for questioning and her worrying with celine over the boys who’re stuck in jail, it has so much good stuff about the whole beat circle you met in kyd and the characters it left out that it’s totally worth it!! it gives you a really great idea of how they all interacted and what actually happened and it’s very mean to david lol (just like the town & the city). lots of fun!!

anyway that’s as far as i’ve gotten. i hope this was helpful! if anyone knows of any other books that include the murder story PLEEEEASE tell me cause i want to read every version out there!!!!

On Kill Your Darlings, and its injustice to Lucien Carr's abuse

This isn’t going to be good or pretty, but I’ve been brooding over this for a few nights now so here’s my attempt to get all my thoughts out:

So I’ve watched the film, twice, and I liked it. I really did. I even rented it again to get my sister to watch it (though Dane DeHaan may or may not have been a big part of that). But there’s so much about this movie that’s, well, shit, to be frank. 

It’s not the movie itself, but that it’s “based” on a true story but in such a skewed way it would have been better to claim it as fiction. 

Here’s what the movie conveniently looks over: Carr met Kammerer when he was only twelve years old (at least, according to Carr’s son. I’ve read other sources claiming he was 14, which in any case is still a far cry from consenting adult). Carr’s father left his family when he was young, 4 or so, and Kammerer was Carr’s Boy Scouts leader and God, if this doesn’t sound like the beginning of the textbook sexual predator case, I don’t know what does. Kammerer then followed him across the country essentially stalking the kid until his death. And the knife Carr used was the fucking Boy Scouts pocket knife. I don’t know why the film decided to gloss over these events. Does making Lucien Carr out to be a repressed homosexual more intellectually riveting than showing the effects of his years of psychological and physical abuse at the hand of an obvious predictor? Sweet Jesus, for a film about the start of a new poetry generation and the human condition they really get hung up on the gay thing.

And the end, with Ginsberg writing, “And the truth is, once, you loved him back” or whatever, well that’s pissed me off  because the film offered no counter argument that hey, maybe Carr didn’t love him but was fucked up because he was a victim of sexual and emotional abuse from the first father figure he had in his life. (if you could hear me in person, this is where I’d practically be yelling)

I almost didn’t realize how fucked up the perspective was until my sister said she felt sorry for Kammerer. And that seems to be a thing I’ve noticed, the film portrays Kammerer in such a sympathetic light that you end up feeling sorry for a pedophile and aggressive stalker. what the fuck?

Just another thing to throw in. The film wants to make Lucien Carr look soley like “the bad guy,” but Ginsberg was once a supporter of the North American Man/Boy Love Association. Can I say what the fuck again?

At the end of all this though, Carr, Ginsberg, Kerouac, and Burroughs all remained good friends throughout their lives. Which the movie totally does not make the slightest attempt to show. (Another note, in the movie it makes Allen out to almost despise Jack Kerouac and his writing did it not? Ginsberg has always said however that Kerouac was his biggest inspiration with his concept of “spontaneous prose.”) 

So in review: I have no idea why they didn’t delve just the slightest bit deeper and add the dichotomy of Allen’s insistence that Carr was just Gay and Mad About It with Carr being conflicted and confused (and again, a little fucked up) because that’s the only form of relationship with another male he’d ever known.


The nightclub scene from AIRPLANE! (’80), and in particular, we love the two “girl scouts” fighting and the knife-in-the-back disco move.