I feel like when Stiles comes back the first thing Scott’s going to do is crush him in a bear hug, then push him in the shoulder and be like “Due… you and Lydia!” and he’s going to smile all cheekily and say “See Scottie I told you the ten year plan would work.” All while Lyida is in ear shot smiling really hard shaking her head.
On one level, Stiles knew that Scott was just trying to be a good friend. He cared about Stiles’ social life and wanted to spend more time together.
On basically every other level however, Stiles knew that shoehorning him in as a last-minute addition to a couples-only dinner party was about the biggest bro violation Scott could ever commit.
It’s not like Stiles could really blame him. Individually, most of the people at this table were all right. But as couples? A nightmare. It was like there was some strange switch that flipped in their brains when married couples came together. Suddenly all that mattered was whose wedding was the most expensive and how rewarding it is to trade sleep for a tiny, ugly human that only knows how to cry, sleep, and shit.
And, of course, how to peer pressure the last remaining single person in the room into adopting their clearly superior lifestyle.
The thing that married people didn’t understand about singledom is that being alone wasn’t a state that Stiles needed to be saved from. In fact, it was a state he’d much rather have been in, instead of sandwiched between what appeared to be the world’s smuggest gathering of people and their patronizing concern for his sad, lonely life.
He knew the drill by now, and it was all he could do to grin and bear it through the usual third degree.
“So? Any ladies in the picture?” No, not a single one. Not to mention, wow, heteronormative much?
“Well you better act fast. Most of the good ones have already been snapped up. You’re not going to be young forever, you know.” No, really? Shit. Thanks for the reminder, Greenberg.
Or his particular favorite:
“Tell me, why is it that so many men your age can’t hold down a serious relationship?”
It was like none of them had ever been single before, the way they were all treating him like some sort of adorable but pathetic zoo animal. Like each and every one of them emerged from the womb with a ring on their finger and a bowling pin shoved up their ass. He wanted to take them all and throttle them. He wanted to scream, Don’t act like you’re above this. This time last year you were sitting on my couch in your underwear eating rice krispies out of the box, Jackson! Don’t think I’ve forgotten!
Then again, everyone knows what happens to zoo animals who go rogue on the people come to gawk at them. And why give them more of a reason to look down on him?
Or maybe more accurately, why give Hale more of a reason to look down on him? It’s not like he didn’t have all the ammo he’d ever need and more.
Stiles let his eyes slide over to where Hale was sitting, looking way better than he had any right to. Hale had never, ever, in Stiles’ memory looked flustered or uncomfortable in public. No, unbearably sexy was, sadly, a better descriptor. He was always perfectly stubbly and muscly under heinous sweaters that somehow still looked good on him, usually with a gorgeous girlfriend on his arm or some relative poking around and begging for a story from the bottomless well shared experiences he and Hale had joint custody over, all of them featuring Stiles making an extraordinary ass of himself.
By the time the rallying cry of didn’t you used to run around naked in Hale’s backyard made its way around the table, Stiles felt he was perfectly justified in calling an Uber and making a fucking break for it.
And, of course, leave it to Hale to come between Stiles and his last steps towards sweet freedom.
“I liked your report the other day,” Hale said. Well, grunted really. And with a face that made it seem like he was personally offended by every word that escaped him. Stiles had seen more willing expressions on people getting root canals.
“On the Beacon Hills Fire Department,” Hale elaborated just as painfully.
Stiles suppressed a wince. That piece. His journalistic debut, and he’d fucked it up royally by crashing ass-first into his cameraman just as the fire chief received a congressional medal of honor for his services. Every other news station had gotten the shot of the fire chief shaking the congressman’s hand. Theirs had gotten a shot of Stiles’ lucky Spiderman briefs. There were already gifs of it. Plural.
And thank you, Hale, for bringing that up.
Which, you know what? Fuck that.
“Is this all part of some master plan?” Stiles snapped, letting all the annoyance he’d been biting back tonight leach into his tone. “I mean, you seem to go out of your way to be there every time I fuck up and make a fool of myself. And I have to wonder if it’s on purpose. If you just want to make sure I feel like a complete idiot each and every time I see you. Which, if so? You really don’t have to bother.”
Hale’s eyebrows slammed together, making him look kind of constipated. “Stiles, I…”
“I’m sorry, if…” Hale’s frown deepened, then he continued. “I don’t think you’re an idiot
Well, I mean, there are… some situations that seem to happen to you more often than anyone else. You trip over things a lot, and you do let whatever mean thing’s in your head pop out of your mouth without thinking it through, and that Chippendales thing– that sort of thing happens a lot more than normal with you…”
“Really, dude?” Stiles was compelled to interrupt. Because seriously.
“Right.” Hale grimaced. “Well. The thing is, I know that when I met you I was rude. I didn’t give you a chance. And I think, maybe despite everything, I like you. Very much.”
Stiles rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure. Just not the asshole tendencies, the awkwardness, and the sarcasm, right?”
Hale shook his head, then fixed Stiles with a look that had his heart thundering for reasons he was unwilling to examine.
“No, Stiles. I like you very much. Just the way you are.”
I would like everyone to take a moment to appreciate the fact that Magento, having kidnapped Scott and a civilian and just threatened the entire world a minute ago, decided to stop and inquire about Scott’s love life. Like, he seems really into it. Like, he stopped in the middle of his evil rant and everything. I think he’s a shipper. I feel really bad that Jean died and ruined his OTP like that.
scott conant looks like the guy you barely know who says “what, i don’t get a hug?” scott conant looks like the dude who has the metaphorical fedora and listens to you complain abt your man and tries to convince you to break up w/ him because he could treat you better. scott conant looks like the guy who texts you “u up?” at 2:36 in the morning. scott conant looks like the guy who makes a vague facebook status about you when you are a decent person and don’t tell him how creepy he is and keep him in “the friend zone” even when you could have wiped the floor with his ass for being so fucking nasty and borderline stalkerish the way he obsesses over you. scott conant looks like the dude who wears a “make america great again” cap unironically and thinks he wins an argument when you don’t reply immediately. scott conant looks like he still makes rage comic memes and says things like “kek” and “u mad bro”. scott conant looks like that guy
As attorney general for a state that is one the nation’s biggest oil, natural gas and grain producers, Pruitt has been at the forefront of lawsuits challenging EPA regulations on carbon emissions and water pollution, and he is expected to lead the effort to erase much of President Barack Obama’s environmental agenda. Pruitt has also faced accusations that he’s unusually close to energy producers, including a 2014 New York Times story reporting that he and other Republican attorneys general had formed an “unprecedented, secretive alliance” with the industry.
Anti-fracking folks who refused to vote for Hillary:
“Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They
have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason.
And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her she was the
only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the