It’s Time to Settle Your ‘Sleep Debt.’ Here’s How: Sleep loss, researchers contend, works kind of like credit. Skip a few hours of sleep, and you’ll be all right, so long as you pay back the “debt” in a timely manner. But when sleepless nights stretch on for weeks, or months, your sleep debt starts to accumulate, and it takes longer to catch up on those missed hours. If this sounds like you, it’s time to make a plan to pay up.It’s Time to Settle Your ‘Sleep Debt.’ Here’s How.

Full story at Science of Us @scienceofus @newyorkmagazine

feather-pauldrons and also howlingdark if you wanted to look at this mess too (I AGREED WITH UR REPLY BTW)

here is the book itself:

here is an interview with the author that has some good points and some that are just. uh???:

and here are some reviews from goodreads, which are hilariously polarized:

clinton is still kind of right ~ in america law leads feelings ands entiments

if not for 1st amendment people would not have affection for free speech

if not for policies about racism people would not have affection for racial equality….

iz also true with women’s equality, things like sexual harrassment and other things

until people know it is wrong and punshable they will go on doing it,….. nto that punishment is adequate…. but….. drawing a line is part of directing the traffic on the road too…. that is why lawgivers always respected, not just edicts of the hegemon but real laws that everyone can always follow…

that’s how USA works….. if you start to hear whttever people saying all that matters is the human heart, run away… 

it’s that kind of feeling that leads to revanchism, rape, not to mention things like hatred of the weak and poor, divorcing old women for younger ones, and eveyr sort of self-serving pleasure-seeking decision-process…..

Teenagers Are Happier Than Their Parents Think

The teenage years are known for many things, but happiness is not usually one of them. And yet some new research, published online this week in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, has some good news for parents worried about their adolescents, who suddenly seem incapable of communicating unless it’s via Snapchat — teens are probably happier than their parents believe them to be.

Why You Should Make a Very Precise Offer When You’re Negotiating

If you’re like me, you hate negotiating. I dislike confrontation, and I fear making presumptuous requests or imposing on people. I sometimes walk away from negotiations with the queasy feeling that I’ve taken advantage of my negotiation partner — or that they’ve gotten the better of me. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Striking a deal should improve the lives of both parties, and in the process it can even strengthen the relationship between them. We negotiate all the time — when buying car, asking for a raise, or planning a vacation with a loved one (I’ll go with you to the museum if we can head to the beach afterward) — so improving one’s skills and comfort with deal-making can be a wise investment.

Adam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer, business-school professors at Columbia and Wharton, respectively, have done extensive research on negotiation tactics and the psychology behind them. Many of their experiments involve negotiation games in which participants role-play as a buyer and seller or a job candidate and employer and earn points for extracting better offers in terms of prices, salaries, and benefits.

In their insightful new book, Friend and Foe: When to Cooperate, When to Compete, and How to Succeed at Both, they offer the fruits of the research from their labs and others’, covering not only Negotiating 101, but also the tricky subjects of power, rivalry, gender, name-calling, trust, deception, and apologizing.

Here are 11 pieces of advice from their book that can help make anyone a better negotiator.

Meet Face-to-Face — Usually

Meeting with someone in person strengthens the relationship and increases trust. But it’s only helpful when an interaction is at least partially cooperative, or still up for grabs. When two individuals feel strongly competitive, an in-person meeting tends to only heighten their feelings of animosity toward each other. In those cases, email might be better.

Be a Mimic, Online and (Sometimes) Off

Mirroring another person’s body language (but not in an obvious, creepy way) makes you appear more cooperative and trustworthy. In the authors’ research, using subtle mimicry helps both parties reach a better dealduring negotiations, but especially the mimicker. Other research shows that copying another person’s writing style during an email negotiationalso works. Emoticons are okay if the other person uses them, too. ;-)

Understand the Difference Between Perspective-Taking and Empathy

Trying to understand what other people are thinking helps you propose solutions they’re more likely to accept. You can creatively craft deals that meet both parties’ interests. The authors have found that when experimental participants are explicitly told to use perspective-taking during a negotiation, they expand the pie and get themselves a larger slice of it. Contrast this with empathy, however, which means actually feelingthe other person’s emotions — when you focus on empathizing with your counterpart, it makes you more likely to give in too much.


I know what I just said. But although you shouldn’t empathize too much, you shouldn’t keep your heart completely cold either. In a competitive interaction, perspective-taking can make negotiations break down, because you’re anticipating aggression and you preempt it with your own. A touch of empathy can help soften the relationship.

Make the First Offer

Most research says that it pays to make the first offer. This is because of the anchoring effect: When people make an estimation — say, for how much something is worth — they’re unconsciously drawn toward whatever number is put in front of them. If you make a large request, you anchor the negotiation around that point. Moving first can backfire, however, if you don’t know where your negotiation partner stands: You might undersell yourself. If you’re in the dark, the authors recommend asking a lot of questions to suss out what exactly the other party wants and how much they want it. Then make the first offer.

Related Stories

A Harvard Professor Explains How Women Can Negotiate Better

A Simple Way to Bump Up Your Next Salary

Make Your Offer Ambitious

Sometimes getting something is as simple as asking for it. Many people fear being too aggressive with their offers and causing offense or scuttling a deal. But the authors have found that most people are actually too timid. Making an ambitious offer — as long as it’s not laughable — sets a high anchor, and it also gives you lots of room to negotiate: Having space to offer concessions makes you seem cooperative. It also allows the other party to save face by feeling as though they drove a hard bargain.

Make Your Offer Precise

Precise offers seem better informed and act as heavier anchors. Asking $20,000 for a used car seems somewhat arbitrary — maybe you’d sell for $18,000. But $19,780 seems harder to push around.

Provide Options

When there are multiple components to an offer — say, salary, vacation days, and stock options — make two offers that are different but of the same value to you. This strategy lets you make stronger offers while coming across as flexible and cooperative. The authors have found that the technique secures better deals for the people making the offers, and also those choosing between them.

Be a Mama Bear

Proactive men are called assertive, while the same behavior in women is called abrasive. Women can experience backlash for pushing as hard as their male counterparts. But if they advocate on behalf of others — let’s say their department or family — research shows they negotiate just as hard as men, and they avoid the backlash. In fact, women are expected to be tough when they advocate for others. Are gender biases fair? No. Canacknowledging them and playing to them get you a better deal? Yes.

Ask for Advice

If you’re not sure how to handle a negotiation, ask someone you admire for help. Don’t worry about looking stupid. The authors have found that unless your question is really obvious, asking for advice (on any topic) actually makes you seem more competent, because your source sees that you smartly recognize his or her savvy. You can also circumvent a negotiation altogether by asking the other party — say, a service rep — for advice on how to solve your problem. Suddenly that person becomes your advocate rather than your adversary.

Don’t Look Too Happy

Suppose you just got everything you wanted out of a deal. You really pulled one over on the other guy, didn’t you? Well, don’t smile too broadly. Research shows that displays of joy make the other party feel as though they’ve gotten a bad deal by not pushing hard enough. Keep that excitement contained and everyone will be better off.