science nerds

Top things heard in Chemistry class

“Bitch please, you bond more readily than fluorine”
“I think you’ll find I sexually identify as the periodic table”
“Did you just assume my oxidation state?!”
“Honey if you were any more unreactive you’d be a noble gas”
“Wow, fluorine really is a slut”
“So dative covalent bonding is basically atomic double penetration right?”
“Yo, imagine a bath bomb made of pure caesium”
“What’s a commercial use of sodium chloride?” “It’s literally salt, you can- you know what, never mind, you’re white”
“I think you’ll find my enthalpy change is infinite”
“Guys what’s the Avocado constant again?”
“You know that acid is highly corrosive, you probably shouldn’t sit there with it pretty much in your lap”
“You know, our friendship is stronger than a hydrogen-fluorine covalent bond”
“I would literally pay you to set me on fire and calculate my enthalpy of combustion”
“Forget Hess cycles, you’re a fucking mess cycle”

I googled science pick-up lines and I was not disappointed
  • You’re so hot, you denature my proteins. 
  • Do you have 11 protons? ‘Cause you’re Sodium fine!  
  • You make my anoxic sediments want to increase their redox potential. 
  • I’m more attracted to you than F is attracted to an electron. 
  • We fit together like the sticky ends of recombinant DNA. 
  • You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power. 
  • If I were a neurotransmitter, I would be dopamine so I could activate your reward pathway. 
  • According to the second law of thermodynamics, you’re supposed to share your hotness with me. 
  • How about me and you go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
  • I wish I were Adenine because then I could get paired with U.
  • If you were C6, and I were H12, all we would need is the air we breathe to be sweeter than sugar.
  • I want to stick to u like glue-cose.
  • You must be the one for me, since my selectively permeable membrane let you through. 

can you imagine how hyped bucky would be about those 7 new planets tho??? I mean here he is, 70 years in the future, still alive and kicking and by some miracle steve’s there right with him after all this time? and yeah, sure there are superheroes that can fly now, all sorts of crazy shit he can’t wrap his head around but tell him NASA has just found 7 new planets orbiting a nearby star, possibly with water and signs of life and he completely loses his shit, eyes lighting up all excited like a kid on Christmas morning and he cannot stop talking about it for a good few weeks because hello, habitable planets? and he’s so damn happy because I told you I’d take you to the future stevie, didn’t I?