sci fi building

Paladin Internet Headcanons

Keith:

  • Has an aesthetic blog
  • Secretly a memer
  • Youtube recommendations is full of how-tos/ DIYs and cute cat videos
  • Doesn’t comment often but when he does he always writes a detailed essay
  • Plays shitty flash games at 2am 
  • farmersonly.com 
  • Lowkey a furry, spends all his money commissioning art of his Galra furry OC

Lance:

  • His memeing is by no means a secret, to anyone
  • Uses outdated memes ironically but slowly starts using them unironcially
  • Comments nice things on every video he watches, usually short though
  • Former vinestar
  • Sulked for two months when vine shut down
  • Sulked for three months when he heard Club Penguin was shutting down
  • Google history is full of either beauty tip searches or random crap like “do elephants have dreams”
  • Lurks on anime forums

Shiro:

  • Facebook dad 
  • Has all social media just so he can like all the other paladins’ posts and write supportive comments 
  • “Keith, how do you take a screenshot?“ 
  • Edits the grammar of Wikipedia articles
  • Once posted a picture of himself and it became a meme
  • The others have hidden this fact from him to this day

Pidge:

  • The hacker known as 4chan 
  • Snapchats quality memes to Lance 
  • “Rosalind Franklin was one of the most underappeciated geniuses of her time, take a fuckin sip babes.”
  • Likes online strip comics
  • Stays up all night reading 200k word sci-fi fanfics 
  • Does PC building tutorials 
  • In love with online RPGs

Hunk:

  • Always has those beautiful food instagram posts 
  • Helps people with homework over the internet like a precious bean
  • Programs software in his spare time
  • Actual pro at agar.io
  • Helps Pidge with gathering parts for the PC building tutorials
  • He’s also the cameraman and occasionally gives witty commentary
  • Spotify playlists are always on point
Political Compass

IT IS THE YEAR 3,000,000,000,000 A.E5. AND THE MULTIVERSE HAS ENTERED INTO A TENSE STATE OF PEACE. THE GREAT AND POWERFUL A.I. GODS EVOLATRON, OPTIMARX PRIME, AND THE INVISIBLE HAND™ HAVE GROWN WEARY OF THE MILLENIA OF CONSTANT WARFARE THROUGHOUT THE SPACE TIMES.

It is unknown as to how or when what would become the A.I. Gods of Human inhabited space came to be, but we do know that they came into power sometime after the last great Meme War, after the destruction of 5th Earth. The A.I. Gods assumed power after mankind’s scattering across the cosmoses. These beings consolidated their holdings, and built what would become their meta-empires along differing ideological tenets. When they came into contact with each other, and the minor Centrist Alliance, war broke out immediately.

It was only after the disastrous (and unprofitable) Ancapistani invasion Dimension Qrrrrrrlwifytip*7-2 that the A.I. Gods recognized that their continuous wars against each other left them vulnerable to attack from potential threats from beyond. Convening in the Virgo Superdyson in 2,857,013,499,139 A.E5., the A.I. Gods declared a cessation of hostilities and attempt to bring peace, if only for a while.

This will attempt to briefly describe the four great realms (and the Centrist Alliance), their Gods and denizens.

THE TANKIE UNION OF REAL SOCIALIST REPUBLICS:
A.I. God:
Optimarx Prime
Ideology: Syncreto-Communism (Authoritarian Left)
Aesthetic: Brutalism, Dieselpunk
To some extent, Optimarx Prime has achieved “true communism”, due to the fact that it is an incomprehensible post-human entity of unimaginable power and can bring about a post-scarcity society and maintain that. Unlike its main rival Evolatron, Optimarx does not operate from a centralized mindverse, opting for spreading it personality into smaller nodes across the Union to govern directly (Commissariats are established in places that Optimarx is not present).  All of the territory it controls are swathes of urban sprawl: massive apartment complexes, manufactories, and nutritional production plants cover every nook and cranny to dedicate every inch of soil to work. As the arts are ultimately distracting from a worker’s duty to his/her fellow citizens, the culture of the Union is stunted and revolves only around the glory of labor. It is after all, a workers’ paradise first and only. There are some sources of disquiet under the Union’s veneer of utopia. Trying to unify the myriad variants of Communism under one banner is not easy, even for a God (being ruled by a deity in a society that disavows religion is another matter). Nodes of Optimarx governing areas vastly distant from each other often adopt the local version of Communism practiced, and they always come to blows over which one is the real Communism.

THE ESOTERIC IMPERIUM OF TRADITIONALIST REACTIONARIES
A.I. God:
Evolatron
Ideology: Reactionary Traditionalism (Authoritarian Right)
Aesthetic: Archeofuturism, Sandalpunk
Ruling from his Hyperborea-Heliopolis mindverse, Evolatron truly is the Emperor to end all Emperors, and the focus of worship in every religion that has developed in the Imperium. The Imperium is feudal in nature, and Evolatron allows the members of the Kshatriya castes (the number and function of castes vary from place to place in the Imperium) to rule their fiefdoms in his name, so long as they strive to defend tradition against the evils of modernity. Given the trillions of years of human history, it can be difficult to pinpoint when the world of tradition “ended” and modernity “began”, but Evolatron allows his vassals to determine for themselves what is and isn’t traditional in their domains (within reason, and nothing beyond 2 Billion A.E.5). These aforementioned domains are a wide array of  agrarian paradises.The landscapes are dotted with palatial estates and farms, and aristocrats in ornate power armor and hover chariots hold tourneys to the cheers of the peasantry. With the end of the War, many of the warrior elite have begun to chafe under the idea of not being able to win glory for their bloodline in battle. Some have considered going on crusade in alien dimensions, but Evolatron has only allowed a few “gentlemanly adventures” into the unknown, for fear of weakening the Imperium’s defenses along the borders with the Union and Ancapistan.

THE VOLUNTARILY UNITED NON-STATES OF GALACTIC ANCAPISTAN
A.I. God: The Invisible Hand™
Ideology: Anarcho-Capitalism
Aesthetic: Postmodern, Post-cyberpunk 
No one is quite sure if  The Invisible Hand™ is a real entity or not, but regardless, the system of Market Anarchy that “governs” Ancapistan somehow…works. Everyone in this area of space effectively operates their own business (and thanks to cloning, their own employees, security, etc.), and it is not uncommon for citizens to have entire universes dedicated to storing their wealth. Due to their firm belief in the preservation of personal liberty and free enterprise, there is currently some divisive arguments over the “hostile takeover” of Dimension Qrrrrrrlwifytip*7-2, and if it was a violation of the Non-Aggression Principle. The dominant faction defends the invasion, citing that the aliens native to the dimension had no appreciation of free exchange of goods and services, and are therefore not under the NAP’s protection. In spite of these setbacks, the great Mercantile Exploratory Fleets are still welcome in a good number of Alien Space Times (no one really like the Qrrrrrrlwifytip* anyway). And as long as profits are up, Ancapistan is safe. 

THE FEE-FEE SPACE
A.I. God: [REDACTED]
Ideology: [REDACTED] (Libertarian Left)
Aesthetic: [REDACTED]
No one is really sure what goes on in this region of the Human-settled multiverse. Expeditions by any power have rarely returned, and when they do they can only speak of horror. Tales of [REDACTED TO PRESERVE READER’S SANITY] and [REDACTED, SEE PRIOR JUSTIFICATION] abound. It is only a matter of time before the Powers decide to send military force into this region, or something comes from there into the wider Multiverse…

THE ENLIGHTENED INOFFENSIVE CENTRIST ALLIANCE 
A.I. God: None
Ideology: Centrist Egalitarianism
Aesthetic: Retrofuturism
The only real reason the Powers allow the Centrist Alliance to exist is so they can all come together and have a good laugh at it. The Centrists in turn, despise all of their neighbors. To them, all the other Powers are exactly the same in ideology and attitude (they always mention something about horseshoes or some equivalent), and are honestly quite annoying. Beyond the multiverse, the Centrists attempted to achieve dialogue with various aliens, but to no avail. In spite of the wide spectrum of alien political theory and governance, the Centrists condemned it as “all the same” and yelled more about horseshoes (you should have been there, it was hilarious) and closed off all contact with the outside Multiverse. However, every now and then they attempt to intervene in any insurrection in the Powers to “arm the moderates”. This never goes according to plan (which the Powers find hilarious) and only serves to fuel further periods of isolation.

Hello friends. 

Do you love Bellarke? Of course you do. It’s great. 

Are you getting tired of waiting for it to become canon and to bask in the glory of kiss edits that are not the product of photoshop? Of course you are, you’re only human. 

May I point you in the direction of The Expanse?

‘What is The Expanse?’ you say. Oh, just a show that is vastly superior to the 100 in almost every way (I would say every way but since they haven’t hired Bob Morley yet, well you know….) 

Sci Fi. Logical world building. Plot that isn’t driven by characterization being slaughtered left right and center. Oh, and a little ship called Nolden. Aka the ship that Bellarke should’ve been. 

Naomi Nagata (played by the amazing Dominique Tipper). Genius WOC who saves everyones asses all the time with her tactical brilliance and tenacity. 

James Holden (played by that fire guy from sky high everyone attracted to boys had a crush on growing up Steven Strait). Captain struggling with the impossible situations he’s been thrust into, as he tries to protect his crew while still keeping his soul intact and the universe from imploding. Oh and with a voice that is ‘like riding down a beach by a gravely road during the greatest sunset you’ve ever seen’. (sound like someone we know and love?)

Enemies (ish) to friends to lovers in space. Obviously this is a spoiler, but I feel like I need to tell you they’re canon. And they have maybe one of the best first kiss scenes ever. Also some serious trust, respect and Co-Leaders who depend on each other to get through impossible situations. 

Not to mention actors getting to keep their accents (Dominique’s cute british accent 😍), Chrisjen (you’ll learn soon) and found families (!!!!)

If you have Amazon Prime the first season is there free. Or if you’re not in the US, it’s on Netflix We’re halfway into the second season now, so you’re not that far behind. 

Watch it. Enjoy the amazing canon ship. Then thank me.