schtupping

shit tier - shakespeare was a very prolific man who wrote all those plays/sonnets and shit and then died

ok tier - shakespeare wrote all those plays but was gay as fuck which explains his unnatural energy in inventing theater (also clairvoyant, knew broadway would exist)

good tier - shakespeare wrote some of the plays and sonnets but had a prolific body of ghostwriters many of whom were women

god tier - the same as shit tier but instead of dying he accidentally fell into a time portal and ended up in about 1995. invented the bop-it. still out there going to broadway plays. currently schtupping sondheim up the ass so right

Descendants Theory

Okay, so follow me on this one.

This is Jane. She is the mousy, shy, well-meaning daughter of Fairy Godmother from Cinderella. 

HOWEVER. In Descendants, the kids are named (in an alliterative fashion) after their parents (e.g., Maleficent’s daughter Mal, Belle’s son Ben, Dopey’s son Doug). You may be asking yourself where did the name Jane come from? 

I believe it must be from the father’s side, so who would the father be? What J-character did the Fairy Godmother schtup? WHO IS JANE’S FATHER?

IT’S TOTALLY JAQ JAQ. And before you say, “Ew, Kelsey. Beastiality is only okay in Beauty and the Beast,” remember that he was turned into a human…

CASE CLOSED. BRING IN THE DANCING MICE. 

Trindel Wedding Headcanons

Someone else posted their Trindel wedding headcanons and I thought I’d share my own. There is some debate in Fandom over whether Trindel’s wedding took place in 1979 or 1980, but I’ve chosen to place it in 1979 since May 27th 1980 was a Tuesday and who gets married on a Tuesday night?

  • Mendel and Trina get married in the little courtyard in Trina’s building (I’ve always imagined Trina to be living in a first floor apartment since she mentions letting a dog out, although she could just be letting the dog out to go shit in the hallway) and have the reception in the apartment since there aren’t a ton of guests.
  • Mendel invites his parents (his aunts and uncles live mostly out of town or have passed away— that’s a headcanon I’ll save for another post), his four sisters and their children and significant others. Trina invites her parents, her sister, her brother-in-law, and her niece. Mendel feels bad that he invited so many more people than Trina did, but Trina doesn’t really care. Jason is allowed to invite two guests. He invites a friend from his school’s chess club but the friend isn’t allowed to go because it’s a school night. He also invites Whizzer. Trina feels a little weird about that because he and Marvin still have drama, but Jason points out that Marvin’s not going to the wedding so Trina lets Jason invite him.
  • Trina plans to just get married in her nicest dress since she isn’t having a big showy wedding that would require a big showy dress, and she obviously doesn’t want to wear her first wedding gown. She decides to wear her mother’s old wedding gown even though it’s a little too short for her and has been in a bag in her mother’s closet since 1942. Trina’s mother is delighted, and Trina looks great in the dress.
  • Mendel, in turn, borrows a tux from his own father since the last tux he wore was in the Great Weisenbachfeld Bar Mitzvah Fiasco of February 1958 (in which Mendel’s youngest sister Frances, then only about six months old, loudly passed gas throughout the entire service and everyone thought it was Mendel). Mendel’s father is not tall, but he’s taller than Mendel, and the tux is baggy. Mendel is mortified but Trina doesn’t care.
  • Only two of Mendel’s sisters end up showing up to the wedding (the younger ones). Naomi has a bazillion kids and doesn’t feel like wrangling them all onto the train, and Helen is one of those people who moved to the East Side and won’t go crosstown even for her own brother’s wedding. Deborah and Frances show up two hours early and hog the bathroom putting on inappropriate amounts of makeup (they’re 28 and 22 respectively in 1979). Jason goes into the bathroom for a last minute pee five minutes before the wedding and nearly chokes to death on his new step-aunts’ hairspray fumes. Needless to say, Deborah and Frances are EXTREMELY prepared for the 1980s.
  • Their “something old” is Trina’s wedding dress, their “something new” is their wedding officiant (the first female rabbi to be ordained in North America), their “something borrowed” is Mendel’s tux, and the official wedding yarmulkes are the “something blue.”
  • Trina’s niece has horrendous allergies to practically every flower on the planet so instead of flowers decorating the chuppah, Trina borrows Christmas lights from the neighbors.
  • Jason and Whizzer make the cake. Jason thinks he has it under control because he watches Trina bake all the time, and he kicks Whizzer out until it’s decorating time. What they have is an absolutely GORGEOUS cake that tastes like lukewarm garbage. The second Jason’s out of the house, Mendel disposes of the cake by tossing it in a dumpster near Riverside Park. Jason is none-the-wiser until a few days later when he sees a raccoon smearing itself with an oddly-familiar shade of frosting.
  • The rabbi is a Chaplain at Lenox Hill Hospital who Helen met during her husband’s appendectomy. Unlike Helen, however, Rabbi Sally IS willing to travel to the West Side.
  • Because Naomi and Helen (the only siblings of Mendel’s who have kids) don’t attend, Mendel and Trina are left high-and-dry in regards to the ring bearer and flower girl. Jason and Allison (Trina’s niece) pinch-hit, but they both feel way too old to be doing it despite the fact that neither of them have hit their teens and Jason won’t even be eleven until the summer.
  • Trina is neither Mendel’s first girlfriend nor his first sexual experience but she is his first serious long-term partner. Mendel’s parents adore her and they practically hold Mendel hostage over the phone for two hours the day before the wedding imploring him not to fuck it up. Mendel’s mother is less harsh than his father on this issue, but she practically gives him an aneurysm with the TMI on how to please a woman. After the phone call, Mendel prays for the first time since his bar mitzvah, imploring God to never let him hear his mother say the word “climax” again.
  • Trina and Mendel both get the giggles during their vows and make out for an uncomfortably long time after they are pronounced husband and wife. Trina gives a long-winded speech at the reception about how helpful Mendel has been with Jason, how wonderful it is to become part of his family, and how it all turned out for the best that they only had ten guests because that’s not enough people to lift them up on chairs and dance. Whizzer jokes that it will happen some day (spoiler alert: nope)
  • After the ceremony and reception, Trina’s family heads back to Westchester. Whizzer offers to let Jason stay with him overnight so that Mendel and Trina can have some alone time, but Whizzer lives too far from Jason’s school and has had a lot of champagne and Trina is concerned Whizzer won’t wake up in time to get Jason ready. Mendel’s parents decide to walk him to Marvin’s place and get cookies on the way because Jason feels rotten about ruining the cake. Mendel’s dad gives Jason “the talk” on the way there and Jason can’t look at Mendel for a week afterwards.
  • Mendel and Trina do not consummate their marriage on their wedding night because Mendel’s so overwhelmed with emotion (they’re happy tears, but still) and Trina feels weird about “schtupping” an openly sobbing man. They do enjoy a lovely cuddle though.
  • Trina’s mother and Mendel’s mother form an alliance at the wedding and take turns harassing their children for the next two years about the prospect of future grandchildren (despite the fact that Trina’s mother already has two and Mendel’s mother has a bazillion). They eventually get their wish in January 1982 with the birth of Elizabeth Taylor Weisenbachfeld (named after Whizzer’s favorite actress, and nicknamed “Whizzie” for short), after which they move uptown to a larger apartment in Marvin’s building, and the birth of Caroline Charlotte “CC” Weisenbachfeld and Marina Cordelia “Marnie” Weisenbachfeld in September 1983. Marnie is named after Marvin, who passes in the spring of 1983. I’ve always headcanoned Trina to be a few months along during “Holding To The Ground” as she contemplates bringing another life into an increasingly damaged world.
four schools of taz talk
  • 1: taako isn't going to die
  • 2: taako is going to die but he's schtupping the grim reaper so it's fine
  • 3: taako is going to die, oh fuck
  • 4: (writing the word "trembling" in their 20k fic) there's a new episode tomorrow?
Beyond the Ether- Chapter 5

Diminuel’s Pagan God Verse

AO3

“Sam?” Dean steps toward his brother, breaking away from Castiel, “What are you doing in this realm? How did you find me?”

“You are my brother, I can always find you.” Sam answers. He smirks at Dean and, for a moment, Castiel can catch a resemblance between the two. It only lasts for a moment though; Sam is a head taller than Dean and, while Dean is a broad man himself, he is dwarfed by his brother.

“Did he say his brother?” Balthazar squawks. Castiel shushes him.

“Why are you here?” Dean asks again. His voice is cold and clipped, as if Dean is more peeved by Sam’s presence that actually angry. Sam moves forward, quick strides on long legs.

“You must return to the realm,” he answers, “It is your daughter.” Castiel eyebrows shoot up in confusion.

“Daughter? You have a kid?” Dean gives Castiel a pleading look. His mouth hangs open like he’s about to give an explanation when Sam continues talking.

“There has been an insurgency. She has collected an army out of her realm and is going after ours.” Dean’s face turns to stone and he exhales heavily, “Hobb has rallied some support, but you are the only one who can stop her.” Dean looks away and drags a hand over his face.

“We must go,” he says, grabbing Sam’s shoulder and pulling him down the row.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

i was wondering about why fitz reacted so strongly when he found out mellie and andrew were a thing? like wouldn't he be happy that mellie would stop being annoying and he could be with olivia??

Hi! I loved that Mellitz argument from 315. Truly, I did. Hmmm, I think your view of it is indicative of a perspective that disregards Fitz as a whole person, and one who has a set of complicated feelings and undeniable history with both Mellie and Andrew. Here’s a brief list:

1. Fitz called Andrew his ‘brother’ (311), someone he trusted and felt safe around. Imagine finding out that it was your ‘brother’ who was schtupping your wife right under your nose. You brought him on as your VP–after just being betrayed by your previous VP and another man you thought was your bestie–Jake, who ended up sleeping with your lover (Olivia). 

2. Karen caught Mellie with ‘uncle’ Andrew, and she was visibly upset. In fact, she told Fitz about it! Fitz was pissed that his child was exposed to a sexual act between two irresponsible adults in his own fucking house. So Andrew got a punch in the face for that. 

3. Fitz was in the middle of a stressful campaign. Frankly, it was a very inconvenient thing he did not need. After suffering betrayals right and left, he was probably also pissed that he was going “fix” yet another problem. 

(X)

4. The biggest issue was really about the extent of Mellie’s lies. This is a woman who told her husband 15 years ago that she was no longer a sexual person, but there she was being sexual with the man they had both known for the entirety of those 15 years. He jumped to logical conclusions about the extent of their sexual involvement. 

5. After 10 YEARS of being deprived of the reasonable expectation of physical intimacy in a marriage (not the same as ‘sexual entitlement’), he compromises his integrity and selfishly goes after what he’d been missing all his life. He repeatedly flagellates himself with guilt for not being a ‘better’ and ‘honorable’ (208) man to his wife. And there she was (he wrongly concluded), a sexual person after all. 

I laid out a more extensive argument, with real life analogies, in this post from last summer:  #MonologueMonday: No Love Allowed: Fitzgerald Grant and Audience Sympathy (#Scandal 315)

anonymous asked:

Do you think if masami dated longer they would be have that boring relationship? Will they have gotten bored of each other sooner or later? Broken up altogether? In the long run I think asami will want to be with someone she can connect with after that initial spark or attracion she might have had with mako wears off. I mean yeah they might have liked each other but for relationships to last their must be that deep bond and connection that makes two people stay together no matter what.

I think that relationship was set to implode. Makorra clearly had a less-stable dynamic, so I think we saw why that self-destructed the way it did. For Masami, they were “stable,” but as you were getting at, “tepid.” In absence of Korra driving a wedge, I guess Mako wouldn’t have begun treating Asami like garbage (literally…I just rewatched through 1x11 and it’s fucking painful), but she’s someone who thrives on forming deep and meaningful connections. Mako, by Asami’s own assertion, is not in touch with his own feelings. I think she would have gotten frustrated pretty quickly, and there wasn’t even much sexual chemistry to fall back on like Makorra had.

Anon #2: Sorry fellow korrasami shippers but curiousity got the best of me. Just a slightly intense qquestion. How intimate do you think asami and mako got while they were dating or even masami 2.0 B2? I mean we saw them being sweet and kissing a lot but just how intimate they got? I got the impression that asami is slightly liberated or instensly affectionate. Also, what kind of intimate relationship do you think korrasami will have in their first few months? I get the feeling korra will be shyly cute.

Anon #3: B/c it’s been brought up in fic lately: I feel like Makorra is more likely to have been intimate than Masami. Masami had cutesy physical affection but they seemed pretty lukewarm & passionless, & they were together for what seemed Iike a few weeks before things went south. Makorra argued a lot & there were crazy things going on, but they had passion & I love yous & probably more time together. Just as possible that neither pairings did, which I think is the best option b/c both are meh.

Ah, it’s the fics that are to blame for these? :P

By the nature of Korra being on Nick, this is simply one area we don’t have much insight into, nor is it one where what is depicted on screen necessarily needs to be taken literally (like how Korra and Asami holding hands was symbolic of their relationship’s beginning but that’s not to say the two didn’t kiss at or before the wedding).

I certainly have my own head-canons about this that I’m happy to share. As I argued in my Masami meta, there is something about the Asami/Mako dynamic that makes me wonder if Asami was still trying to figure out her own feelings and sexual preferences. But this isn’t necessarily indicative of how intimate their relationship was. People experiment. And in the case of both Makorra and Masami, we’re talking about 17 and 18 year old’s in a relationship together, ages ripe for sexytimes.

Anyway, just because of how quick Masami blew up (plus the fucking rebellion they had to deal with…and after 1x07 they were living in separate quarters on Air Temple Island), I don’t headcanon them as having had sex, though I do think they kinked around a bunch. I’m assuming given the ease in which Asami saunters into Mako’s apartment and how they make out during Masami 2.0 they did bang, though they were never officially back together, so it would have been a bit of an emotionally detached experience for both of them (which is fine). I’m going to assume Makorra did the do.

And of course, if Korrasami didn’t get it on before or immediately following the wedding, then they were schtupping from the get-go on that vacation (but I’ve talked about this a lot before). 

These are just my headcanons, and when it comes to any kind of eroticism in LoK, I think whatever makes you happiest is always the best call. We just really can’t extrapolate what was depicted to this realm, so no sense in arguing it. Read the fics that are most pleasing to you ;)

Scandal Review: The Last Supper, Episode 408...

ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

What the fuck was that mess? Who the hell wrote this episode? FIRE THEM, FIRE THEM NOW AND NEVER LET THEM LOOSE ON MY SHOW AGAIN!!!!!

Seriously, how did we go from last week’s perfection to the mess that I just watched?

It’s official, too much Jake ruins the show.

____________________________________________________

The above was my original reaction to this week’s Scandal, straight after I watched it.

But, I decided to calm down and watch it again, to see if it was as bad as I thought it was.

It wasn’t quite that bad, but honestly, it wasn’t great. There were a few interesting reveals and developments, but yeah, on the whole, it was definitely lacking. The writers were doing so well too. Allen Heinberg, take your ass back to whence you came. You suck.

PSA - The following review is full of cuss words. Sorry. Well, actually I’m not. Sorry that is.

What I Hated 

1. Captain Dullard

My hate for Jake this episode was off the charts. Man, he is one petty motherfucker. I hate him so much I could cry. Shonda, why are you doing this to us? Please for the love of all that is holy, somebody put a bullet in Jake’s head or let him discover a cult somewhere in Europe and check himself into a commune or something. Anything. Please Scott Foley, find another show to ruin with your mediocre self.

1A.   This infernal fucking triangle.

I hate this triangle so freaking much, it does nothing but diminish Olivia, I hate that the writers can’t just let her choose her damned self and ignore the bickering between Fitz and Jake Dullard. Every time we’re forced to watch this triangle, it totally takes away from the show. Shonda girl, stop. You were doing great, just stop.

2. “When you refer to me it’ll be as Captain Ballard, is that understood?”

Who the fuck do you think you are?? You literally have no job, you have no home, and your salty ass is busy air-drying for the world to see. 

3.   Jake’s habit of trying to measure his dick against Fitz’s by constantly kissing and telling. 

3A.   “You and me, we stand in the sun”

You guys know that I love Olivia Pope, however, for the second time since this show began, I found myself wanting to slap some sense into her.

Can we please retire that worn out phrase now? Can we be done with all references in the sun, and standing in it?  Lest we forget, the sun can also give you cancer.

4. The bomb going off in Andrew’s car.

I think he orchestrated that bomb himself. You noticed that there was no confirmation from West Angola of their involvement? Maybe he set it up to get sympathy from The Big Haired One?

All of this drama and action, and yet Andrew stays being the second most boring character on Scandal.

5. Jake is family?

Since when? Liv, he’s the guy who you screw when things get hard with Fitz, this dude is not your family. Huck is your family, Abby is your family, Jake is a freaking human vibrator! Ugh.

6. “I will be here for you long after these boys reveal themselves to be who they really are”

I didn’t hate this quote per se, but I’ve had enough of Rowan’s fucking never-ending monologues in general.  I do think Rowan’s talking about Jake here though. I think that Jake is still very much under his control, no matter how much he blathers on about killing him.

7. Mellie bursting in and showing way too much concern for Andrew while medical staffers were still in the room.

Ladies and gentleman, this is the smartest person in any room, the genius political strategist. 

8. Andrew and Mellie having sex.

Check out Bellamy’s ‘I’m-not-overacting-at-all, honest’ sex face:

Nice Bra Mellie…

Seriously, it was as dull as it was back in season 3. Remember this breast grab that somehow missed its target entirely?

Lololol. 

Anyway, let’s continue…

9. David Rosen being brought in.

You knew things weren’t going to work out when that happened.

10. “When this is over, you and me at Camp David”

Dude, how about expediting that divorce huh? There’s a time and a freaking place Fitz. Sheesh. Of course my exasperation with his bad sense of timing didn’t stop me from rewinding that scene. For reasons.

11.   “Clients are plenty, friends are few.”

Cyrus forgetting how often he shivs Olivia in the back when it suits him. Let him burn Liv.

12. “Do you have a work related request for me?”

Huck, you need to mind your fucking tone.

13. “I have set people up in exactly the same way, I exploited their lust”

Yes Cyrus, and your husband ended up being killed because of your shenanigans.

14. “I’ve compromised my integrity”

Hold up, who the fuck is Cyrus talking about here, because I sure as hell know it ain’t himself! #Deluded.com

15. “You’re getting me out of here right?”

Jake stays feeling insecure that his penis isn’t big enough to make Olivia choose him over Fitz.

16. The borderline rapey Cyrus/Michael sex scene.

I have no words. No words.

17. Huck taking Javi on a stakeout.

Seriously?  Who didn’t know that that situation wasn’t going to end well?

18. The adolescent bickering between Fitz and The Dull One.

If I was Olivia, I’d have left them to it, and gone for a facial or something.

19.  Javi seeing his dad violently kill a man. Ugh.

19.  Rowan winning. Again. Ugh. 

What I liked

1. Olivia and Fitz being on the same side.

I liked that Jake sat alone at the other side of the table in the bunker. Jake deserves to be alone. Alone looks good on him. Being forcibly removed from my show would look good on him too. 

2. Jake being left in Supermax to twist in the wind, while Olivia and Fitz gladiate.

God I hate him so much.

3. Fitz being the bigger man all episode, while Jake spewed childish shit, and threw his toys out of his crib.

Please somebody shoot Jake Dullard in the head.

4. The scene between Olivia and LizzieBear.

There’s something about watching two (mostly) intelligent woman have a conversational dueling battle. There was equal shade being thrown around and I was here for it. (Unlike when the writers get Olivia and The Big Haired One in a room)

By the way, have you noticed that Portia’s abandoned the southern accent? Lmao. Good call, because it was TERRIBLE.

4A.   “I know you don’t like me.”

Hahahahaha! I nearly died laughing when Olivia didn’t bother to politely refute Lizzie’s claim.

5.   Cyrus begging Olivia for help.

I’m always here for Cyrus with his tails between his legs

6.   “Kiss me Olivia, you know you want to.”

I was here for this little bit of power play from Fitz. He doesn’t do it very often with Liv, but I liked it. That smirk at the end of the scene was er…heartwarming. Lol.

7.   “Do not call me unless you’re in the hospital”

I like this Olivia. A lot.

8.   “I’m the president, who the hell are you.

Hahaha! Shaaaade!

9.   The reveal that Andrew’s been and still is schtupping Lizzie.

I couldn’t work out whether he’s actually been playing Mellie, or if he’s playing Lizzie.

I already suspected that Andrew was shadier than we’d been lead to believe (Hey, this is Shondaland people), but I’m not sure what his end game is? Mellie or the presidency? Or both?

People were so willing to believe that he chose the vice presidency over Mellie for her sake, but I think he’s eyeing Fitz’s presidency, and there was never any danger of him giving up shit for Mellie.  Olivia did tell him that Mellie is a "Run with the big dogs kinda gal”.

Although, in true Scandal fashion, it might turn out that he was doing all this for Mellie, and that he has a warped idea that she could be his first lady if he could just get rid of Fitz. That should work out well for him. 

Anyhoo, so does this mean that Andrew is the one having Olivia watched? If so, why, and who for? For himself, or for somebody else? Soo many questions…

10.   “Keeping a discreet distance because I’m having an affair”

Now, did he mean Mellie or Lizzie?

11.   Elizabeth North, Dan Kubiak, Jeremy Wilmslow, Andrew Nichols connection.

This intrigued me, but I’m too tired to try to even figure out where the writers are going with this.

12.   “The pages, they’re all blank”

David stays losing. Sorry bro. Maybe next time.

13.   The music was on point this episode, between Bad Girls and 'You Got Me Working Day And Night’, I literally got my life.

14.   Liv’s White/cream coat. I want. Desperately.

Predictions

1.   “Because you want to be the one holding the trophy at the end of the game”.

I think Jake’s salty ass was childish enough to scupper their plans so that Fitz wouldn’t get any perceived glory.

I think Jake told Rowan. When Rowan talked about “these men revealing who they are to you” I think he was thinking of Jake. Jake was programmed to fall in love with Olivia, so he can be programmed to do just about anything else. Nothing else would make sense. 

Which probably means that Shonda will go the other way and somehow have Fitz be the one who tells Rowan. That would be insane, but this is Scandal, sooo…

“You wanted to stand in the sun, in the bright white light”

Yep, I think Rowan is talking about Jake. Jake is the turncoat, because otherwise, how does Rowan know these things?  How does he know that Jake begged Olivia to save him?

2.   I think Andrew was the one who told LizzieBear to involve Mellie in their shenanigans. I think he’s on board with her actively trying make Fitz’s life difficult, politically.

Anyhoo, this episode really let down all the good work that came before, especially last week’s stellar episode. Let’s hope that Allan whatshisface quietly goes away.  

By the way, where the hell was Abby this week?  

Because it was such a crappy episode, here are some Claire and Jamie and Fitz and Olivia gifs to cheer us all up. Well, those of us who still think that Olitz belong together anyway…

Get it Jamie!!

You too Fitz!

The thirst is real.

Surfbort. Lol

youtube

This will always be a favorite of mine.

Scandal Review:   You Can't Take Command, Episode 4x22

I promised I’d write a Scandal finale review so here I am.

It’s funny how going into an episode of a show with your expectations at Ground Zero can often allow you to enjoy said show. This was my experience with Scandal last night.  Not that there weren’t issues and huge plot holes, because by God they were there, but everything else was sufficiently ok enough for me to not care as much about them as I would have had some major things not gone down with this episode.


Anyway, let’s go.


What I Hated


1.  Jake. Always Jake. 

That will never change.


I’d love to think that he’s gone from the show, but we all know that Shonda loves him too much to write him out . I just hope that next season they pair him up with somebody else and keep him out of OPA business so I can continue to fast-forward all his scenes.  Here’s an idea, why not pair him up with Mellie? Listen, this is Scandal, it doesn’t have to make sense.


2.  The fact that the majority of the stuff that happened on the episode wouldn’t bear up to close scrutiny.



3.  Somehow Huck on his own can kill sixteen people on a bus, but he couldn’t find Command and just fucking slit his throat?



4.  Rowan: “You’ll go down, your husband will go down. It will be a bloodbath.



Mellie not telling Fitz the moment Rowan threatened her with blackmail was the worst decision ever.  I thought they were a partnership? A team? Fitz confided in her when Olivia was taken, why couldn’t she be honest and have enough common sense to do the same with Fitz?


5.  Fitz’s reason for finally throwing Mellie out.


I need to understand better what was going on here. Was he mad because he thought that Mellie had changed only to have evidence that she was just as conniving and as self-serving as she ever was?


Was he mad because those 16 jurors died because of Mellie?  If so, Dude you sent your country to war for one woman. The families of those soldiers will still be grieving.


If I’m honest, the only explanation that even comes close to being organic would be the discovery that this partnership that he thought he was building with Mellie was merely a figment of his imagination brought on by guilt. I’d like to believe that had Mellie actually gone to him and talked to him about Rowan’s blackmail, he’d have been fine. I’d like to think that he sent Mellie packing because she simply couldn’t be trusted to not undermine him at every turn. That I would buy. What I got, left me scratching my head, while I was happy that Mellie was finally being given her marching orders, the disjointed-ness was what I struggled with.


6.  The show seemingly forgetting that Big Jerry told Mellie about Remington about night he raped her, so her ignorance when it was mentioned was a tad ridiculous.


7.  Maya Pope being released


Initially I was really happy that Maya was back, I assumed that she’d be the one to save her child,  but that conversation with Olivia happened, and I discovered that the mother-daughter bonding that I was hoping for was a pointless dream. Shonda wasn’t going to give Olivia at least one parent who wasn’t a total assbag.


8.  The Human Vibrator casually mentioning that B613 was responsible for a school shooting to distract the public from what the administration were doing.

Say what?


9.  The fact that Lizzie  is now Chief of Staff. 


In what world would that ever happen? Doesn’t Fitz know that she was schtupping Andrew? That she was trying to bring him down?  That she pretty much has no loyalty to him?



10. The fact that Rowan went specifically to Mellie to ask for those list of Grand Juror names:


Especially when they were all on the same bus anyway so their names were irrelevant? Command sees all, and is all powerful yet somehow he needed little ole Mellie to get those names for him? What the fuck? And without David? Really?


11.  Jake offering to run away with Olivia again.


What a douche. Running solves nothing you idiot.


What I Liked


1.  Rowan taking Mellie’s hand and Mellie looking like she’d just been slimed.


Hilarious.


2.  Rowan: “Ask me what I need

Rowan showing pictures of Mellie and Andrew getting it on was the best. The look on her face when she discovered that Rowan had some righteous dirt on her?

Remember this boob grab that totally missed the mark?




3.  Damascus Bainbridge?



Rowan really has a God complex.


4.  Rowan:  "Does it interest you?
Mellie:  ”It does.


This made me laugh out loud.


5.  Fitz being supportive of Mellie


Still love that he’s no longer being a douchebag to her, even if she deserves it.


6.  Mellie: ”I am the First Lady of the United States..
Rowan: “That’s not going to work on me so don’t  bother, ask me what I need.


Lols.


7.  David:  “State your name for the record.”
THV:  “Jake Ballard”
David:  ”Is that your given name?“
THV:  ”No



Did anybody else peep that Jake isn’t his real name? Just me then? Oh well…


8.  Fitz:  ”Do you think I’ll make a good president?
Olivia:  ”I think you’ll make a great president.


Loved the Olitz flashbacks. Olitz when they weren’t a toxic mess was everything.


9.  Olivia:  ”We have one goal, to bring down B613 and to bring down my father. To do what is right. So you tell the truth. The whole truth. No matter what happens, no matter who gets hurt.“



10.  "Fitz. "If it weren’t for you, Susan would never have made it to the Oval Office. I blame you for Susan by the way.”
Olivia: “Susan is a national treasure”
Fitz:  "Susan’s a muppet.“
Olivia: *Laughs*   "She’s amazing”
Fitz: “No seriously, you picked a good one. You always do.”



I love whenever Fitz recognizes how brilliant Olivia is.


11.  Fitz:  “What’s wrong?”
Olivia:  "I just wanted to say hello. And good luck with Mellie’s election. And  congratulations on the Brandon Bill. That’s….That is the man I voted for. I’m proud of you.“
Fitz: "Liv, I’m grateful. Thank you.”
Olivia: “Goodbye Fitz.”

I’m not gonna lie when I heard this conversation, I became way more optimistic about how the show was going to end. I’ve watched Shonda’s shows enough to know that if an OTP is miserable in the first few moments of the show, they’re going to be in a better place by the end of it, and vice versa.


12.  Huck;  "Liv, something happened.


I know I wasn’t the only person who was dreading who was dead. When Liv was shaking at the crime scene, I thought  it might have been Quinn, then David came out and puked, and I was pretty happy to realize that the slaughtered people were the jurors, and not anybody significant. It was obviously not going to be THV, so I was happy that Shonda didn’t kill anybody else off.


13.  Lizzie:  ”That list of names, it was those jurors, they’re all dead.“.
Mellie:  "STOP TALKING!”


That right there was justification for Lizzie selling Mellie out to Fitz later. let Mellie be Mellie, she can’t do anything right.


14.  David.  "While I live for justice, I don’t want to die for it.


Pussy.



15.  Mellie rushing around like a headless chicken in a blind panic.



Yep, she’ll make a great senator. Always so much grace under fire.


16.  Mellie:  ”Cyrus. I killed those grand jurors.

Oh Mellie, you are such a dumbass.


17.  Olivia: ”I’m so angry that I’m vibrating. I can feel it in my bones.“
Jake:  "Ok…”
Olivia: “Don’t hug me! I’m sick of being comforted. I’m sick of fighting and losing. I’m sick of him being in my way. I am not his victim. I am not his child. And right now? Right now I don’t want to gladiate for everyone else. I want this. I want this. This is mine, Jake. I want what’s mine. I’m owed! And watch me take it! And then, for once in his life, he’s the scared kid and I’m command and he’s got nothing, no one. He’s trapped because you can’t take Command, right?”
Jake: “Right.”

I love how passionate Liv was here. She was so over it.


18.  Maya:  "I’m living out the rest of my days in this cell, you call that winning?

Lol.


19.  Olivia;”It’s always about you isn’t it?… Did your father and I never tell you that you were special enough when you were little? Did we not give you enough hugs?“

Mama Pope stays being almost as bad as her husband. Girl, the two of you abandoned your child when she was twelve years old, you don’t get to remonstrate her for being flawed now.


At least Maya gave her some interesting information at the end of that conversation.


20.  Cyrus not giving two fucks about Mellie’s predicament.


He’s still salty as hell about her running for senator.


21.  Mellie:  ”He knows what we did to Sally’s husband.


Oh yeah, hey Mellie, you already had blood on your hands seeing as your scheming with Cyrus got that poor man kilt.


22.  Cyrus: "Shhhh…don’t tell Fitz.”



This is where Mellie went wrong. Listening to Cyrus is usually always a mistake.


22.  Olivia going to the CIA with the B613 files.



Girl……


23.  Olivia:  "School shooting in Cherry Hill, New Jersey.“
The Human Vibrator:  distraction for the media when B613 blew up the presidential palace in Kenya.”



Really though?


24.  Lizzie:  “If there’s anything that I can do for you, I mean it anything, I’ll do it…you need to tell me everything.”

Mellie stays being the dumbest rock in the box. I can’t believe she told the woman who she shared a dick with her deepest darkest secrets before going to her husband.


25.  Cyrus:  "Honey, I’m gonna call you honey because I can’t remember your first name and I don’t care. Honey, you want to be reasonable about this.“



Cyrus is literally the worst.


26.  Olivia being arrested.



What the fuck?


27.  The human vibrator being arrested.




Happy dancing!


28.  Fitz’s great speech about Mellie.



I appreciate the effort this man is putting into trying to be a better man, but none of that shit he said about Mellie was even remotely true.


29.  Cyrus threatening to harm Abby.



Please die. Not really, but I really hate you.



30.  Cyrus: ”When you know someone’s pressure point, you can make them do just about anything.



Cyrus, you never had to try that hard with David sweetie, he has a yellow streak running all the way down his back.


31. David trying to get Olivia and the Human Vibrator to retract their statements even though he was the one who started this freaking court case in the first place.



32.  Cyrus:  ”I can’t have a soul, because if I had one, if never accomplish a thing.“


Ugh.


33.  Rowan calling Olivia to brag about beating her again.



I’m wondering why Rowan didn’t have Maya killed?


34.  Rowan: ”Rowan is dead, but Eli Pope, well now I’m just an old, innocent, doddering paleontologist, who works for the Smithsonian. No one is looking at me, no one is searching for me. No one would even think to wonder what I’m up to. I am free, and for that baby, Daddy thanks you.“

God I hate this character.


I wish he’d been killed.


35.  Announcer:  ”Your new junior senator, Mellie Grant"



This is still one of the most absurd story lines on the show this season.


36.  Lizzie telling Fitz what Mellie did.




She’s a wicked, wicked woman, but it serves Mellie right for being so fucking stupid.


37.  Lizzie’s smirk.



I’m not even mad.


38.  Police officer:  “Elijah Pope?”
Rowan: “Yes.”
Police officer: “You’re under arrest.”
Rowan: “Let me tell you about the terrible mistake you about to make–”
Officer:  "You know what Chief, I hear this story about five times a day, go ahead and cuff him"



39.  Olivia: “Rowan did that, Command, did that, he had power, but you? How did you describe yourself? an old, innocent, doddering paleontologist, who works for the Smithsonian. You were right. We couldn’t take Command, but we can take Eli Pope.”


Yessssss!  Rowan screaming in the jail was everything. Everything.


40.  Quinn:  “Why are you working with Rowan?”
Huck: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Quinn:  "Yes you do. Those bodies in the morgue, I know your work, I’d know it anywhere, that was you.“




41.  Quinn:  “I will shoot you, I will shoot you like the animal you are. You wanna test me?”


A bit harsh Quinn but point taken.

By the way, I loved this entire scene between Huckleberry Quinn. Such great acting between the two of them.


42.  Fitz:  "You think I’d let you be president after what you did?“
Mellie: "What I did? Fitz…”
Fitz:  "I know about the jurors.“



Oops.


43.  Fitz: ”We’re not a team. You don’t even know what you did wrong. You don’t even know why it was wrong.
Mellie:  "I was wrong to take care of us.“
Fitz:  "Get out. Pack your bags and get out of my house.


Lol. Man this reeks of all kinds of hypocrisy, but guess what, I don’t have two fucks to give about Mellie, because she should have been marched out of the White House in season two. She’s done her share of shit, but people stay forgiving her for all her bad deeds, because she was raped.


44.  Cyrus: “What’s going on. She knew about the jurors?



Cyrus stays trying to look out for number one.


45.  Fitz:  "Cyrus. Mellie came to you, I know that. You went to the CIA I know that too. You arrested Olivia, you released Maya, you worked with the man who killed my son. I know everything, so don’t lie to me.
Cyrus:  "Sir..“
Fitz:  "Do not lie to me. And do not tell me that you were trying to protect me.”
Cyrus: “Sir, please”
Fitz: “You’re fired.”




Say what? Oh my God, first Rowan ends up in jail for embezzling, now Fitz has finally fired that monster, Cyrus? At this point, I was pretty much in seventh heaven.
I love that Fitz finally gathered his presidential balls, and was strong. About time too.


46.  “The Human Vibrator:  This is where the ride ends.
Olivia: “What?”
THV:  "My mission is complete.“
Olivia:  "Your mission?”
THV:  "B613 is gone. Command is in jail. I have delivered you home safe and sound. My mission is complete. And it has been my pleasure. Take care, Liv.“



Yes go, go! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.


47.  THV: They asked me to look out for you, both of them. Your father the bad guy, and the president, the good guy. They both asked me to keep you safe, they both made you my mission, and I went over the line on both accounts.
I’m in love with you. And if I’m telling the whole truth, no matter who gets hurt, it goes like this, I am in love with you, but you are in live with him.
Olivia:  *Radio silence*
TVH:  "You are owed Olivia. You want what’s yours? Go and take it.


Man, I was internally screaming at this point because I knew that there’d be an Olake blood bath come the end of the episode. And I was here for it.


48.  Mellie finally being ushered out of the White House wearing her green for jealousy fifties ensemble.



If I had any fucks to give about Mellie,I’m may have felt sorry for her, but I don’t so I was all:



49.  Cyrus handing in his access badges.




I live!


50.  Fitz going to Liv’s house and finding that she wasn’t there.



For a moment I wondered if she’d decided to abscond to parts unknown again, then I was reminded now well that worked out for her last time and knew that the writers were terrible, but they wouldn’t repeat that mess again.


51.  Fitz walking along the corridors of power all alone.


I didn’t feel emotional. I didn’t dammit.

When he went out into the balcony, I’m not gonna lie, I was expecting for him to get shot. What can I say, I have trust issues when it comes to Shondaland.


52.  Olivia: “Nice view



Woah.  Firstly, how the fuck did she get so far into the president’s private residence, then I remembered that I was watching Scandal so discarded that question.  I was just way too dumbstruck to actually give a fuck how she got there. Hell I wasn’t even distracted by the worst green screen ever.

53.  Olivia:  "Hi.“
Fitz:  "Hi”



I’m not gonna get sucked in, I’m not gonna get sucked in, I’m not gonna… Oh who gives a fuck, I’ve been totally sucked in and it hurts so good at this point.

54.  Fitz:  "You’re here.“
Liv:  "I’m here. Charlotte is very helpful and informative.”


God bless Charlotte and her unprofessional ass.


55.  Fitz:  "What happens now?“
Olivia:  "Whatever we want.”



And just like that, my crusty, nearly dead,  Olitz shipper heart bounced back to life.


Now Olakers will have the entire summer to be mad, and I can’t lie, I’m here for it. Olitzers have had to deal with Shonda’s fuckery for four years. Let them feel the delights of her screwing them over for once.



Random Observations


1.  Just like with Scott Foley, I thought the decision to make Portia a series regular was head scratching. Like, what has she brought to the show? She’s been pretty ornamental all season, so Shonda decides to make her a regular? This is literally Scott Foley being promoted all over again. Oh well, we’ll see how useful her character is next year. Thank God Fitz at least has Susan on his side.


2.  Where has Cyrus’ husband Michael been?


3.  I said at the beginning of season four that Shonda has a habit of writing the opposite of whatever she does in the premiere, in the finale, and that trend continued with this finale.  We started the season with Olivia looking rather bohemian on an island being fingered by Jake. We end with her in Fitz’s arms. The season started with Mellie and Fitz in misery on the balcony, we end with an ecstatic Liv and Fitz on the balcony.


4.  At the beginning of the season, Olitz were barely speaking to each other, we ended with them looking forward to a future together. Some great parallels there.


5.  Here Comes The Sun was such a wonderful song to end on, the irony wasn’t lost on me, however the sun was always about Olitz (see episode 3x13), never the crackship.


Predictions


My only prediction is that Shonda loves to build things only to tear them apart, so I’m fully expecting that Olivia and Fitz will be back to being a mess within the first three episodes of season 5.


Here’s what I want for season five

Fitz and Olivia actually working shit out together. Please God, no more back and forth.

B613 needs to be dead and buried.

A bitter presidential divorce. Come on Shonda, there’s lots of drama to be had out of this story line. We’ve all waited long enough.

Mellie finally becoming the vengeful bitch she should have always been.

Quinn shoots Huck and puts him out of our misery.

Cyrus and Mellie working together against the White House.

Jake dies in a horrible car accident.


I think that’s about all I want for season 5, I guess we’ll see in the fall what Shonda decides to do.


So yes, I will be back for more Shonda fuckery next season, but I have a feeling I’ll be way less patient.

Let’s hope that Olivia nor Fitz will be looking back in season five.

Here are some lovely GIFs of Olitz in the season four finale.


anonymous asked:

My mind is in the gutter (hence I'm anon with this one). On the ET video, with two truths and a lie, when he's teasing her by speaking German, he asks her something that sounds suspiciously like "Ya vanna schtup?" and she starts to answer and seems to realize what he's said and can't continue. Am I wrong? Can someone "translate" his silly German?

Bahahahaha…..canon.

That’s all I hear now.  And he did have the shit eating grin he gets when he has been naughty.  lol

https://www.facebook.com/EntertainmentTonight/videos/10154079553031180/

p.s.  I love that you brought your gutter question to me.