“I am a horrible son. I wish I had been aborted. I destroy everything I touch. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I didn’t deserve them. They were wonderful people. It’s not their fault or the fault of any person, organization, or television show. My head just doesn’t work right. God damn these VOICES inside my head. I want to die. I want to be gone. But I have to kill people. I don’t know why. I am so sorry! Why did God do this to me. I have never been happy. I wish I was happy. I wish I made my mother proud. I am nothing! I tried so hard to find happiness. But you know me I hate everything. I have no other choice. What have I become? I am so sorry.” - From a journal found in Kip Kinkel’s bedroom
One day, Loukaitis told a classmate: “Some people don’t deserve to live; some people should just die or be killed.” When the girl later argued with him over answers on a worksheet, Loukaitis exploded in anger, telling her, “Do you think you deserve to live?” It was a question he had begun to ask many students before the shootings.