Just dropped by to say that I really love your blog!
Kyoya: Why hello there, welcome to the Host Cl-
Tamaki: HELLO PRINCESS! So glad you could join us! And of course you enjoy it here, who wouldn’t? Men, it’s time to pull out the big guns for this honored guest! A guest as honored as this princess requires a change of scenery and some snacks!
Haruhi: Woah, fancy tuna! Where did all this come from? Honey: Well, the Host Club’s holding a dance tonight, and since you want to try it so bad- Hikaru: We went out and stole a bunch! Kyouya: I went back and paid for it. Tamaki: The whole thing was my idea. Kaoru: It was everyone’s idea.
Tamaki: *standing prominently and nobly on a soap box* Host Club, I am proud to announce that we have reached 1000 guests!!!!
Twins: AWWWW YEAH BOYS WE DID IT WE ARE FAMOUS WE ARE AWESOME AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tamaki: QUIET!!!! I’m not finished yet! *ahem* In order to celebrate, I’ve had a wonderful idea!!! We are to have our very own Ouran matsuri festival!!!**
Kyoya: uh… Tamaki? Our budget doesn’t cover…
Tamaki: I SAID QUIET!!!! Sorry Mother, but rules must be followed!!!
Kyoya: But insurance only covers…
Tamaki: *glaring at everyone* Everyone must participate and wear traditional clothing. Haruhi! You will be the princess of the festival and wear a yukata!** Daddy really wants to see his baby girl all dressed up!
Haruhi: Oh no…
*one week later at the matsuri*
Honey: That’s right ladies, step right up!!! First one to beat Takashi in a Kendo battle wins a hot date with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome! *massive herd of girls crowd around for a battle with the man of the hour*
Kaoru: Look at those chumps…
Hikaru: Yeah. Honey senpai is doing cake decorations at 5:00, Mori senpai is doing this ridiculous bid, Kyoya senpai is having a contest to see who can recite the most digits of pi, and Tamaki is just sitting around on a throne pretending to be kingly!!!
Kaoru: BORING!!!! Nothing beats this old classic….
Hitachiin: That’s right girls, the “Which One is Hikaru? Game” is an all-time favorite!!!! Guess correctly and your name will have a chance to win a free wardrobe haul featuring Hitachiin originals!!!!
Hikaru: *distractedly* Hey, where’s Haruhi?
Haruhi: Dad, NO!!! I don’t want to wear the yukata!!! I have to be at the matsuri as a boy, not as a girl!!!! I have to run the book club booth!!!
Ranka: Haruhi, sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but nobody wants to go to a book club booth during a matsuri!!! They all want to see you dressed up so pretty so you can be the matsuri princess! Isn’t that better??? Oh, and I almost forgot! That little Ootori boy said that whichever host has the most clients at his booth gets to begin the dancing festivities with you!!!
Haruhi: He did what?!?!
Tamaki: Alright ladies, it’s almost time to begin the dancing portion of tonight’s matsuri!!! And for the special twist, the host with the most successful festivities booth wins!! Honey senpai - the winner’s name, please?
Honey: Uh… Tamaki? Who was supposed to count all of that?
Tamaki: Wait, nobody tallied the results? *gulp* Hehe, well, I guess we’ll play rock, paper, scissors then, won’t we?
Kyoya: Nonsense, Tamaki. I’ll take it upon myself to begin the dancing with Haruhi. The Ootori family is known for our skillful dance steps.
Hikaru: No way, Mr. Sentient Calculator, I’m gonna dance with Haruhi. She’d prefer dancing with a man with personality.
Tamaki: Excuse me, men, but as the King I believe it’s only expected that I open the dance party. Now if you’ll excuse me…
*Hikaru and Kyoya begin badgering Tamaki about his unreasonableness. The other hosts soon follow. Soon a Host melee begins*
Haruhi: Stupid guys, why’d they have to put me in this yukata anyway? I CAN’T POSSIBLY DANCE IN THIS!!! *belly grumbles* Ugh. Now I’m hungry. I wish I had… *sniffs the air* FANCY TUNA!!!! *proceeds to eat with wild abandon*
You know what I just did? I walked out that door, saw a couple of students and I was about to start bad mouthing you behind your back but I stopped myself because my father taught me that a man who talks behind somebody's back is a coward.
Well, I actually appreciate that.
Good. 'Cause I'm gonna tell you directly to your face.
No, you don't have to.
No, I don't like you. I think you're a fake prefect. The sound of your piss hitting the urinal? It sounds feminine. If we were in the wild, I would attack you. Even if you weren't in my food chain, I would go out of my way to attack you. If I was a lion and you were a tuna I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you! And then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend.
Okay, first off, a lion swimming in the ocean? Lions don't like water. If you'd placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that'd make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot waves. I'm assuming it's off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full-grown, 800-pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends? You lose that battle. You lose that battle nine times out of ten. And guess what? You've wandered into our school of tuna and now we have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated.
And we've said, "You know what? Lion taste good. Let's go get some more lion." We've developed a system to establish a beachhead and aggressively hunt you and your family. And we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring.
How you gonna do that?
We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. It's not gonna be days at a time, but an hour, hour 45, no problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get more oxygen, and then stalk you. You just lost your own game. You're outgunned and outmanned.
Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? Nope.
*throws hot coffee on Randy's shirt, walks away*
I’m awful at these but I was tagged by the fabulous @cait-p so there’s a first time for everything!
Birth place: Reading
Current time: 9:21pm
Drink you last had: Coffee (I think?)
Easiest person to talk to: My cat, let’s be fair
Favourite song: Bigger on the Inside- Amanda Palmer
Grossest memory: I fell up the stairs on my first day at a new school and got tuna mayonnaise over myself, it absolutely stank and I cried for a solid three hours
Horror yes or horror no?: It depends, I get scared way too easily
Jealous of people: Not usually
Killed someone: Why is that even a question? (But I’ve killed a great deal of characters if that’s any use)
Love at first sight or should I walk by again: Who knows?
Middle name: Anne
Number of siblings: None (sort of)
One wish: Happiness (and cats)
Person you called last: Probably my mama
Question you’re always asked: Why would you say that?
Reason to smile: 🐱
Song you last sang: Oh no… (Born to Rule- The 4 Georges)
Time you woke up: Just after 7
Underwear colour: These never fail to make me uncomfortable, black
Vacation: Anywhere tbh
Worst habit: Online stalking?
Favourite food: Houmous ngl
Zodiac sign: Capricorn