it going? having a good time? or being lazy (again)? Wish you are doing well
and having fun.
am actually quite tired now…guess I will sleep earlier tonight. Don’t know
why…didn’t do much today. Just surfed on the net this afternoon and then had
a dinner with some friends. Ohh maybe it’s because the period thing…but
luckily this time I haven’t got much pain.
is in fact kinda boring to me now…no school, no work, and not much friends
are free to accompany me as they have to go to work or are finding jobs. Yea I
know being alone could also make and do something fun, but it’s another
feelings when hanging out and staying with friends…and I think you know what
I mean. I guess by this aspect we are quite alike, we want to have privacy and
space for our own, but we also need to spend time with friends. Haha maybe we
are just somehow being selfish and greedy. And I think you know what I mean by
then after the dinner with my friends tonight, I soon realise that it’s quite
impossible to have the same group of people to walk through the whole life…I
mean, friends could forever be friends, but a certain group of friends just
couldn’t be the closest in some stages of life. Like…when I and my friends
are almost all got married, we wouldn’t put as much efforts or caring to each
other as we did before marriage. We would build up our own living circle on our
own, and time for meeting friends would be much less, and the topic for chat
would also be different from what we have today. Those group of friends,
especially for those friends who we met during our childhood or adolescence,
would certainly still be true-heart friends, but they will just not be
the “closest” anymore, at least in the physical term. Well…I cannot
really explain what I meant well in English, but I guess you’d understand and
get what I mean, if you read this.
don’t really know what I would like to have at this stage of life, maybe a just
need and want some new ideas, and some new people and new environment to bring
me out from my own comfort zone and my own box. I desire something new, and
something unfamiliar to change my present situation. Honestly I am so confused
now…and feeling helpless actually. I wonder how much I could gain and how high
I could reach with my own ability. I don’t want to walk in the fixed routine
like others, I want to create my own path. People may think I am weird, or
unrealistic, but who the hell cares. This is my life.
frankly I also dream like other girls…always hope there would be
someone to show me the world, brighten my life and make me smile everyday. haha
to be honest I saw you as the one, just finally it turned out to not a very
nice ending…but never mind, I will find someone like you. (yea listening
to Adele) I didn’t say it out but I
actually so wanted to let you know…you were the whole world to me. You meant
the world to me. It was hurt to hear you say…“the world is bigger than
me”…I know the world is big, and I know there are much more things
waiting for me to discover…I would like to see them, I would like to
experience them, with you. It is funny to see the world, but it is funnier to
see the world with you. Somehow I lost the opportunity…you are missing in my
world now. And memories is all I have now.
oke, I can’t type any longer…tears are filling my eyes. Already sad enough
about losing self-control again of buying two dresses from h&m today. Going
to take a quick shower and sleep. Hou van je.
Is it a crime that I still want you…and wanted you to want me too?