So we’ll live,
And pray, and sing, and tell old tales, and laugh
At gilded butterflies, and hear poor rogues
Talk of court news; and we’ll talk with them too-
Who loses and who wins; who’s in, who’s out-
And take upon ’s the mystery of things,
As if we were God’s spies; and we’ll wear out,
In a wall’d prison, packs and sects of great ones
That ebb and flow by th’ moon.
—  King Lear, Act V, Scene 3
All My Pretty Selves, Chapter 5/Scene 3

Scene 3 : The Big Birthday Party

That was it, that was the moment, Nineteen told herself while driving along the alley to the high-school where she would take the public transportation with Sixteen. She would drop her by her house before leaving her, to avoid talking with her mother (or at the very least, this younger version of her mother), and also, before going back to her appartment, where she would be left with nothing but herself, waiting until her birthday to know if her younger self changed her mind about her suicide or not. Just in case, she wrote multiple letters to her friends and family to explain her situation, without actually talking about her theory of the two Paola-selves, her Sixteen and Nineteen, being in a sort-of conspiration to kill her by creating a paradox in time by having a relationship with her in the past, and then dump her, creating even more suffering, leading, then, to the suicide of the teenager. Speaking of which, the younger self had stopped talking for now, and she was just waiting to go back in her hated, oh so hated, house with her so hated family who, according to her, was there « just to piss her off all the time since she was little ». When she thought about it, the older self realised that at the time, she didn’t know she was being abused by her family since the beginning, since her mother had decided to marry that man who, then, became her step-dad, and the figure of authority over the two only women in the house.

« I’ll leave you there, then, Clara-19 said at the bus stop in front of the house. I hope that this little trip made you think about your decision, and that you will act in consequence. On the other hand, I just wanted to tell you that my farewell letters are ready, just in case… just in case I would… you know, be obliterated. I just wanted to show you that it isn’t really nice to have a imminent deadline just above my head.

By the way, I had a little question… If I had planned to commit suicide on our birthday, which is what I had always planned since the beginning, to avoid my older selves recieving the letter since the police would have been informed too late anyway, or most of the time, like they do, they aren’t even bothered to send one to avoid the unnecessary stress to the older selves… How, on Earth, could you get the letter, with all the details, telling that I committed suicide, while I actually had not done it yet ?

I don’t know… I guess the police was kind of kind with us ? », was the snark answer from Nineteen. « Just kidding, the government wouldn’t let us get away with that, in my opinion… Seriously, this is a mystery that I can’t solve. But at the very least, we’re lucky to have them save our asses, because otherwise, I would have never been told, and I would have been obliterated without having a say on it. And that’s the same about all the selves that are older than you, Sixteen, please remember that. You may have not seen them, but I’ve talked to them. And we all agree on one fact : that you should think twice before doing something so irrevocable.

I will, alright ? I will think about it. But here’s mom, I think I should go by now. Have a very nice birthday party once you’re there, while I will probably eat a piece of cake alone in my room, because the art teacher will be the only one thinking about it…

I remember that, and yes, when I was your age, I had cried all night long… Anyway. Goodbye, Sixteen. Have a nice day, week… whatever. Be safe, that’s the most important thing of all, am I right ? »

While the youngest self barely waved goodbye before being yelled at by her own mother when she came back home, Clara-19 decided to go all the way back to take back her car before going back to her appartment. Once she got there, her cats weren’t there, because the neighbour was taking care of them. She decided to have a little meal before picking them up, and then, check out if her magnificent (well, she wasn’t really in the mood anymore, but she had to do it, just to have a last night of fun, if Clara-16 decided to still commit suicide) party, thrown at the Palaza, was still going well. After all, she had started preparing this six months ago, to have all the reservations done and the invitations sent all over the country to all her friends and loved ones (not her family, but also some colleagues and so on). Thanks to Sally’s help, she could also order the food, the drinks, a DJ with some good music, the most perfect lighting she had ever seen, and so on. Now, the only thing she had to do was… well, wait. She checked out the websites she had kept for herself, and found out that everything was just doing perfectly fine. After that, she decided to turn on the T.V., go on Netflix, and do a binge of her favourite movies and T.V. shows before her birthday, since it could be the very last day of her life.

So, the days went by, the couple of days before her birthday, and when the final day of her countdown arrived, she woke up at five a.m., not being able to sleep anymore. She put on some clothes, and wanted to go outside a little bit, but she gave up quickly after, just to go back to her bedroom, and lie in bed, with no other intention than stay there and do nothing. Maybe that was the way to cope with such a bad news to know that she might die during the evening : by shutting everything down and do nothing. Is this the way cancer patients do when they learn the bad news ? she asked herself while changing her position to make herself more comfortable. Anyway, it’s five p.m. now, maybe I should go check everything myself before the guests arrive. She took her car, went to the Palaza. As usual, everything was still o.k., and she had nothing to worry about. If not for her younger self telling her that she would commit suicide on that day, Clara-19 could be living a fairytale dream of having such a big birthday, just for her, on her birthday. But at this exact moment, knowing that maybe, maybe, her younger self was already dead in her house, she just wanted to throw up.

The guests started arriving at six thirty, Sally being of course the first one, as she was always early for her best friend. Once again, she tried to reassure her about the obliteration and all the things that were making her really worried, but that didn’t really help anymore. Two hours, Nineteen thought when she realised that it was already six fourty. Two hours and we’ll see what happens. Once all the guests arrived and were sitting down, or chatting in some corner in the room, it was already ten past seven. One hour and a half, better tell them now before I forget… I mean, I could die tonight. I wouldn’t want them to freak out if I suddenly disappeared, and I don’t want Sally to explain everything in  my place. She then decided to take a microphone, and went on the stage where the music would be thrown from after their little snack-eating. She asked for her guests’ attention, and then, the silence was all across the room.

« So… good evening, I hope that you’re enjoying the little party, she said with a trembling voice. Alright. First of all, thanks to all of you, for being here, for giving me such amazing presents, and for reminding me that I am very well supported by all of you guys, so thanks a bunch. However… there’s a little secret that I kept away from you for quite a while. I mean, just a couple of weeks, but that’s a pretty heavy secret, so bare with me tonight, thanks. (Some whispers were heard across the crowd in front of her, and some people were already trying to guess what she was about to say. Clara waited until the whispers stopped to continue her speech normally.) At the party where I was for my movie, two weeks ago, I recieved a letter. My younger self, Clara-16, is, or already did, commit suicide. Tonight, at eight fourty precisely, I may be obliterated. Disappear, in some way, if you remember your Time and Space Dynamics lessons. It’s just a possibility. I don’t know if it will happen or not. Maybe this will be just a wrong alert and everything is going to be fine. But, just in case I don’t survive tonight, I just wanted to tell you… Thank you so much for your support, and I’ll see you during all the evening, at my table, for any questions. Thanks for your attention, the party may continue. Have fun and enjoy yourselves, because I wouldn’t be here without you, so… this is a little – or big – thank you to you all. Thanks again. »

When she dropped the mike and went out of the stage, Sally complimented her because of the courage she had shown to tell the truth, no matter how harsh it was, to confess her current situation, even if it meant that people would have their moods taken down for the evening. People came by her table while she was eating, and tried to comfort her as much as her best friend, but they didn’t manage to do anything. Slowly but surely, the evening was going on. Seven fourty. One hour, the teenager thought once again while watching Sally dance with a couple of friends of hers. Now, her eyes were fixed on the clock, awaiting for the moment of truth, when she would finally know if she would survive… or not.

All My Pretty Selves, Chapter 4/Scene 3

Scene 3 : A Very Long Roadtrip

While they were driving all the way to Los Angeles, the two girls started talking to each other, to keep the conversation going, and to avoid being bored. They discussed many topics, especially about their hobbies and passions, dreams and needs, worries and expectations, and so on. Nineteen finally ended up talking about her own worries about the obliteration and how afraid she was, knowing that if Sixteen committed suicide, she would disappear from the face of the Earth… forever. All of her success, her achievements, her creations, would be erased completely and entirely. Everyone she helped would forget her help. Some of the people that were saved by her wouldn’t be saved anymore, which would lead to many suicides. After all, the impact she had on this planet, little or big, wouldn’t mean anything anymore, since she wouldn’t be able to do them anymore. At the very least, she could thank the government for telling her when a younger self commits suicide : it’s in the policy of the State, and also a formal law, to send formal letters to older selves when a death from a younger one happens, and it’s not natural. Then, they can tell their friends for them not to freak out when they disappear, at the exact time when their birthday rings, and make the most of their lives before they go. Letters to write will be kept, even if people won’t remember who made them ; technically, they are illegal, except for a last will to the family, friends and loved ones. The rest is erased by the government to avoid a paradox where people would watch something from a person who is supposed to be… well, dead. So, her work wouldn’t be erased by her own death, but simply because : one, no one would remember it and even if they discovered it again, they wouldn’t recognise the person who did it and they would let it go anyway, if they aren’t being chased by the government for having watched something illegal. Clara’s movie would be deleted : if her friends tried to save it, they would be arrested by the Bureau of Time Affairs and sent to jail, if not obliterated completely from the surface of the planet. All of her hard work and dedication would be erased because of the obliteration caused by her younger self’s suicide. That was the speech Clara-19 said while driving the car.

Once she finished it, Clara-16 didn’t say anything for a while. Then, she tried to answer with her own arguments, but she wasn’t in the mood to repeat them all anymore, so she just gave up and tried to distract herself from the very deep silence reigning in the car now that they had stopped talking and that the radio had been turned off so that the older self’s explanations remain clear in the other one.

« You know… let me tell you what’s going to happen to you if you just decide to hold on, even for a while. At the age of seventeen, you’ll leave the house, with your high-school diploma, all-A’s and all of that jazz. You’ll go to university, where you meet Sally. She’ll become your best friend. You’ll start Going To March, your comedy duo. You’ll come out as bisexual quite soon after that. Your channel will be incredibly popular, with one million subscribers in under two years. Your first movie, All The Pretty Secrets, will also be very popular and awarded. You’ll gain friends in your job field, and elsewhere. You will meet celebrities, interview them, prank them all. You will live in appartments that are very classy, something you would never believe by now. You will go to therapy. Your depression, slowly but surely, will decrease, and soon, will only be a memory of the past. You will be happier than you’ve ever been in your life. If I told Clara-5 what she would be in the future, she would look at me with her puppy eyes, and say : ’Really ? But that’s wonderful !’ and just leave. I know this is hard to believe for you, and that you want to leave, but… suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. »

Once she finished talking about what would happen if she had decided to survive, Nineteen took a deep breath and decided to go faster now that there was a little bit less trafic. They were still far away from Los Angeles, so they decided to stop for a while to rest a little and have a snack before leaving again.

« You know… Sixteen ended up saying. I wanted to tell you something. Actually… it’s not that I want to stop meeting my older selves, it’s just that… You’re much older than me, and you’re the closest self I’ve ever met by now. Twenty-Four seems so far away from me… and let’s not talk about Twenty-Nine, the one we are about to meet. I just… I can’t project myself in the future like this. I can’t see the end of the tunnel. The only thing I can see for now is the depression I’m having, that’s consuming me from the inside, and even when you’re talking about this very bright future that I’m promised to have, I just don’t seem to see it clearly. That’s it, really. »

Silence went back in the corner of the bar where they were, having some cookies and a hot chocolate, even if it was in the beginning of the summer. The older self finally understood what was going on in her other self’s mind, and then, she realised that she should have known it, since she was an older version of the one she was having in front of her at the moment. After a couple of minutes, Clara-19 decided to answer this by giving the speech she should have given herself when she was at that point in her life, about overcoming depression and such.

« Well, you know what ? It’s okay to be depressed. People must have told you, and I clearly remember that, that being depressed isn’t a real thing, that you should get over it, or simply, that you should try not to be depressed. Bullshit. Mental illnesses are as important as physical ones. Imagine if people who lost a limb, who are having the flu, stomach aches of headaches, were told the same thing. It would be stupid, am I right ? Well, it’s the same thing for your depression. I know that your family isn’t really helping at the moment, but you know what ? Next year, you’ll be out of this. You’ll live on your own, you’ll see, that will change your point of view and you’ll see much happier than right now. Thanks to your little jobs, you’ll pay your own therapy, that will make you feel better about yourself. You’ll see, problems will be solved, one way or another… »

Sixteen looked up again, and stared at her older self. She had this feeling that Nineteen wouldn’t give up, even if she had to destroy mountains to get her in the right direction. She finished her cookie, drank her hot chocolate, and then, left to go back in the car that was going to Los Angeles. They stopped again to take dinner, not far away from their final destination : they arrived late in the evening, but earlier than what the younger self had predicted, knowing about the trafic she was used to when she takes the bus in the morning and in the evening to go to high-school, the « place of hell » as she described it. They arrived in a very nice hotel, not far away from Clara-29’s house in the outskirts. Clara-16 even ended up telling her older self that she would need a goddamn load of money to get a house in this area of the country. Clara-19, however, wasn’t really surprised : if her channel, movies, and general life was going as strong as she was predicting, she would be quite rich soon. And it had been confirmed by Clara-24, who had compared her income to her younger self’s one, and had found out the quite big increase of her salary, thanks to YouTube and all her other works in the film industry.

And while Nineteen was already sleeping in her bed in their hotel room, Sixteen stared at her for a while, before looking outside the window. Then, she starting thinking about her decision of committing suicide. She was clearly getting some help, and she liked it very much. Just like she was saying during the dinner, she just had to get some help. She just had to ask for it. Just like a wounded person, or an ill one, goes to the doctor and gets a diagnosis and a prescription to feel better and finally, having a better health, and even better, getting completely cured from their issues to get back a normal life. And for the first time since she had met her older self on the Internet, and then, in the park where they had their first talk, she was feeling just a little better. It wasn’t the best way to get her out of depression, but having some motivation to make her dreams come true and have a better life than what she was having at the moment. She decided to cling on to this hope, no matter how fragile it was, and then, went to bed, trying to keep these positive thoughts in her mind. Because, after all, her older self had told her when she paid in advance for her stay at the hotel, which was she was about to do every evening as long as they were staying there, life is an ever-changing situation. People change, situations change. You will change, for the better, I hope, just like me. Problems will be solved when the solutions is found. Because nothing ever remains the same ; it keeps improving… or it is destoyed. Now, what will be your choice ? Your destiny is in your hands now, Sixteen. Use it wisely. You will only have one shot at life, give yourself your best chance, do you understand that ? In her mind, the teenager nodded in approval, before falling asleep, hoping to have an even brighter future in front of Twenty-Nine.

The contractions are getting much more frequent and much more intense to the point that she finally gave in & had to ask for the pain meds through the IV…the amount of pain a woman can withstand to give birth is insane really. She hasn’t been allowed to eat anything, so in turn I haven’t had anything to eat because how jacked would that be for me to be full and comfortable while she’s suffering right?…so apparently we still have a ways to go…hours…could be tomorrow, who knows? It’s all worth it.

All My Pretty Selves, Chapter 3/Scene 3

Scene 3 : A Visit From The Bureau

On the next morning, when the two Clara-selves woke up and prepared themselves for their departure for Los Angeles, where they would meet Clara-29, they recieved a call from the reception telling them that the Bureau of Time Affairs was on their way to meet them, and thus, they were not allowed to leave the hotel before they would have talked with them about whatever thing they wanted to tell the two girls. Worried about getting arrested and having a forced obliteration, Nineteen started going back and forth in their room, while her younger self was sitting on her bed, not saying anything. For her, an obliteration would be the same as dying from suicide, so she didn’t really mind about this happening to her. The oldest self still asked for breakfast, even if they were not that hungry and not especially in the mood to eat with some government agents on their backs.

« Can I tell you something ? the youngest self asked suddenly.

Go ahead, tell me… Is there something wrong ?

Well, I’m tired of going around and seeing my future selves. I mean, this is great to know how my life is going to be, but… this doesn’t really help. Paola still broke up with me, I am still depressed, and I am not convinced of anything. I’m just… so hopeless. I feel defeated already. I don’t know what else to say, sorry. »

Clara-19, exhausted by the amount of emotions she had gotten recently, just sat back on her bed, and tried to calm down, but now, it was impossible. She started crying, not because of the possibility of an obliteration, but because no matter what she did, she would always get the same answer from Sixteen : no, I’m not convinced by that, I will still commit suicide. As if wasn’t really important to her anymore.

« Okay, then, since we have time to waste while waiting for the cops, we can have a proper chat, the oldest self admitted while opening a pack of cookies. Alright, it seems that our timeline has been changed, since I don’t remember having a relationship with Paola in the past. What happened to you, Sixteen ?

Well, you know… I fell in love with her, I thought she loved me back, but she was manipulating her feelings to destroy me, because she knew that I would be broken beyond repair. And she was right, I mean, look at me : I am a wreck. I know I should know better, but this… trip-thing doesn’t really help. I mean, maybe there will be something in my life that will make me re-consider it, but… I’m just too tired to keep going. I want to stop all of this. Right now. See, even you forget sometimes, about your older selves. »

And that’s when Nineteen realised what may be going on in her life : she remembered Paola-19, her warning about her life about to change, and how she was informed of her younger self’s suicide just half an hour later. Maybe… Paola had decided to changer her timeline in the first place, to destroy her younger self, knowing how little and vulnerable she was at the lowest point of her life, when she was…

« Sixteen. God, I’m so stupid ! Why didn’t I see this before ? URGH ! Sixteen, how could Paola-16, who never tried to have a relationship with me in my timeline, suddenly had the idea to do it with you ? All of this without an illegal action in the first place ?

That’s impossible, unless she got some information about you… wait, what do you mean, Nineteen ? Did Paola herself create a paradox in the first place ?

That’s what I’m thinking, my dear younger self, was the reply from the oldest girl. Alright, that’s what we could do : tell the government agents what we believe happened to us, and then, maybe, they will see if this is correct. And if they find proof of Paola-19 being in a conversation with Paola-16 and plotting to change our timeline, and then, we’ll be okay ! You’ll be able to go back to your normal life, and me as well. Paola will be obliterated, and we’ll be saved !

The thing is, how do we convince government agents, that are supposed to be omniscient about Time Affairs, to believe a theory that you just made up in your mind ? I mean, loads of people get their timeline changed, every day. My life experience won’t probably be the same as yours. Don’t you remember that ? First lesson of Time and Space Dynamics ? Even if all the selves from a single person are living at the same time on Earth…

They aren’t allowed to live together, to communicate, as they will probably will have different experiences, and very often as well, they won’t have the same life. However, changes between selves don’t affect the other ones…

Except for death. », the youngest concluded while shaking her head. « As you said, when a self dies, the older ones are obliterated, and the youngest ones, destined to die at the same age as the youngest one to die.

That’s why I am trying to convince you not to commit suicide, Sixteen, but you won’t hear me… You could just follow the steps written by the older ones. I mean, a lot of people do this, not because they cheated or contacted an older self, but just because… it was their fate, that’s all. Usually, different selves have the same job as their older counter-parts, unless their life is changed by an exterior motive. Do you understand this ? »

Once they finished their little discussion, they started waiting again, until the government made their presence known with some black cars in fon the hotel where they were staying, and two men going outside of a van accompanying them. After they introduced themselves to the reception, they were escorted to the girls’ room, where they knocked at the door before opening them and introducing themselves to the Clara-selves.

« Agents Roberts-46 and Solando-46, we’re here for a disturbance in the timeline of… Clara Smith, aged nineteen, who decided, with her sixteen-year-old self, to talk with some other selves, including, at the moment, Clara-14 and Clara-24. Is that right ?

If you say so, was the sharp response from Nineteen. I’m just trying to save myself from my younger self’s suicide. To avoid an obliteration, let’s say.

We believe that a teenager called Paola, had her nineteen-year-old self and sixteen-year-old self plotting to change my older self’s life by having a relationship with me and then dump me to force me to commit suicide. » Sixteen repeated what she had just heard from the other Clara-self blindly, like a robot.

We would know that, we would have been informed of any paradox in your timeline, miss Smith-16, Solando said without even a second thought. Anyway, if you keep messing up with your timeline… » He was now talking both selves while pointing them with a menacing finger. « You will get definitely obliterated, miss Smith. Anyway, have a nice day, and clean all this mess that you’ve made. Go back to your normal lives and let the government do their job, what they are paid for. Goodbye. »

And on those last words, the two agents left the room, leaving the two Clara-selves on their own. After they packed their luggage and put them in the back of Nineteen’s car, the oldest self went to drive the car, her younger self on the passager’s seat, the started driving. And while Sixteen believed that she would get driven back home and given an excuse, like a disease, for not going to the trip with her art teacher, she got really surprised to realise… that her older self was driving in the wrong direction. Towards Los Angeles.

« But wait… aren’t we going to listen to the government’s call to stop messing around with our timeline ? Why are you doing this, Nineteen ?

The government may be omniscient, but sometimes, they are just being very slow, was the answer given by the older self. And I don’t have extra time, unless you promised me not to commit suicide… But apparently, since you are still not convinced, I wll do anything to keep you breathing. I’ve tried all the soft methods, and they don’t work. So, let’s get a little harder, shall we ? »

Clara-19 decided to drive faster, not going above the limit but wanting to get there as soon as possible. After all, if they were being spied on by the government right now, they now had to be faster than ever, not only to respect the deadline imposed by their birthday, but also to avoid the obliteration promised by the agent called Solando. They got in the outskirts of San Francisco, but when they tried to take the freeway, they got stuck in so much trafic that they decided to take some smaller roads, for the moment. It will be faster than get stuck in the middle of stinking cars anyway, the older self told herself when she parked her car next to a bar to get some lunch.

« Take anything you want, Sixteen, she said while taking out money from her wallet. We’re not spending much at the moment, so we’re doing good, but if you want to keep this comfort of life and not reduce your spending in a couple of days, we should hurry up and try to solve this problem as fast as we can.

Alright, I’m going to the counter to take my menu… Are you coming with me ?

I’ll go later, I’m keeping the table for us two for now. » Nineteen answered, and she sat down on a little table made for two.

And while she was waiting for her younger self to come back with her meal to go buy her own, she realised something she hadn’t seen while arriving there. Is this my kindergarten ? she asked herself, before realising that it was actually the case. How did I get there ? Mmmmh… Maybe it’s time to show Sixteen something good

Macbeth: a bad summary

Macbeth: a Bad Summary

Scene 1

Something witchy this way comes.

Scene 2

Enter DUNCAN, MALCOLM, DONALBAIN, LENNOX, with Attendants, meeting a bleeding Sergeant

Duncan: That severely wounded dude looks like the perfect guy to force to wait around and report the situation.

Malcolm: Oh, yeah, top bloke. Stopped my ass getting trapped. Anyway, soldier boy, tell ‘em!

Soldier boy: Macbeth was totes badass; he did some fancy fighting shit. Got a bit of a boner for him.

Duncan: Such a cool cat, that Macbeth.

Soldier boy: Oh, yeah and also the Norwegians just got reinforcements so good luck with that… um… can I like go now…? I mean, I’m only bleeding a lot here but…

Duncan: Your words are as cool and honourable as your wounds. You can leave.

Exit soldier boy

Enter Ross

Malcolm: Yo, Ross, mah buddy! Sup?

Lennox: Ross, you okay?

Ross: Fucking fuck! Everything went to shit at Fife! The fucking Norwegian king is there! And it’s all that dirty bastard, Cawdor’s, fault. Oh, don’t worry though, we won.

Duncan: Yeaaaahhhh

Ross: And then we asked for a shitload of dollars for our, ahem, general use.

Duncan: Wellp, time to chop off Cawdor’s head. And since we all have a mutual boner for Macbeth he can become thane of Cawdor now.

Scene 3


Witch 1: Some bitch wouldn’t give me fuckin food. I’mma curse that bitch’s husband so hard!

Witches 2&3: We’ll help

Witch 1: Thanks girls. We’re gonna make a storm to fuck with her husband’s boat

Witch 3: Shit! Here comes MickeyB

All: Witches rhyme

We took our time

This poem sucks

I quite like ducks


Enter Macbeth and Banquo

Macbeth: Nice weather, eh mate?

Banquo: How far to Forres? Oh shit man,

Look at those ugly things!

At least I have you to looks at (so kawaii~)

Did she just shush me? Is it even a she?

It’s got more facial hair than me!

God, man, I can’t tell.

Macbeth: Speak! What the fuck are you?

Witches: *all fangirl* MickeyB, thane of Glamis, Cawdor and king hereafter!

Banquo: Hey, how come he gets fangirls? You say he gets to be king? What about me? I want a prophecyyyyyyyy! I wanna be special too!

Witch 1: Lesser than Macbeth, and greater

Witch 2: Well, you’ve got a wonky sort of cross – that’s trials and suffering. But this here could be the sun – that’s happiness. So… you’re going to suffer but you’re going to be happy about it.*
Witch 3: Yeah and somewhere down the line your kids will be king but not you. Soz brah.

Macbeth: Oi, you blithering dicksticks! You have to be lying! I’m thane of Glamis, yeah, but, like, the thane of Cawdor is still alive! And there’s no way I’d be king! Where in those walnut cases you refer to as brains did you come up with this fuckwittery? Tell me!

Witches: Adios, bitches!

*witches vanish*

Banquo: *wise shit*

MickeyB: God fucking damn it! I had questions and those douchebags up and left! Do not leave a bro hanging here.

Banquo: Are we high? Did that really happen? Oh my god.

MickeyB: Your kids are gonna be king…

Banquo: You’re gonna be king…


Banquo: Oh, hey, look! Someone’s here.

Enter Ross and Angus

Ross: Hey lil mama lemme whisper in yo ear. Mickey B is thane of Cawdor, yo! We all had a mutual hard on for you, being a top bloke and all that, so the king picked you to be the new thane!

Banquo: Shit, really?

MickeyB: Haha, real funny, man. Thane of Cawdor is alive though.

Angus: Nah, son. What a dick that guy. He betrayed us so we cut off his head.

Macbeth: *tons of stupid shit the author is too lazy to rewrite + murder plots begin! Fun times, eh?*

 End scene 3

 Updates Tuesdays. Also I am a lazy liar so don’t hold me to my due dates. Check my blog for Romeo and Juliet.

When I did speak of some distressful stroke
That my youth suffered. My story being done
She gave me for my pains a world of sighs.
She swore, in faith, ’twas strange, ’twas passing strange,
‘Twas pitiful, ’twas wondrous pitiful.
She wished she had not heard it, yet she wished
That heaven had made her such a man. She thanked me
And bade me, if I had a friend that loved her,
I should but teach him how to tell my story
And that would woo her. Upon this hint I spake.
She loved me for the dangers I had passed,
And I loved her that she did pity them.
This only is the witchcraft I have used.
—  Othello - Othello. Act 1, Scene 3.